Can't Cry Hard Enough
by karalynn79
Summary: Journey with Jude dealing with death. Who or what does she turn to, to help her cope.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Everybody!!! I am working hard on the next chapter of You're Still the One, but I had a little inspiration on something else. This is a bit from personal experience. I am rating this M because the topic can get pretty dark. **

Stepping off the plane from Rome was surreal. She hadn't been in Toronto since she left for London. That was nearly three years ago. To her it seemed like a lifetime ago. Her life didn't go in the direction she'd dreamed of. It was like when she left Tommy, her life decided to spiral out of control. First the record label in London wasn't anything like she pictured. All they wanted to do was turn her into a pop star like Britney Spears, not a rock star. She didn't think anything was wrong with Britney Spears, it just wasn't her style. That created a lot of friction at the studio.

When she'd been there a month, Sadie called to tell her Victoria was sick and wanted to see her girls. Even though she'd abandoned her at seventeen, she was still her mother. Jude couldn't say no. It ended up being Cancer. Jude took a leave of absence from the label to help take care of her. She thought about all the time her mother took care of her as a child, and couldn't walk away from her. The London label dropped her not too long after she moved to Rome. Jude actually felt relieved to not have a label tying her down. Her mom was more important. Thanks to Tommy she owned her own music, so royalty checks still came every month.

Now a week after her mom's funeral, she was back in Toronto. Sadie and Stuart convinced her, the best way to grieve was to be with family. She agreed because even though she'd gotten close to Don, he was in no shape to help her cope. So here she was back home. The flight was long and all she wanted to do was sleep for a year.

Walking into the airport, she spotted a man holding a sign that read 'Harrison.' "I'm Jude Harrison." She said to him.

"Mr. Mills sent me to pick you up."

"Let's get my luggage then." She should've known Darius would ambush her as soon as she got home.

"Miss Harrison, is there anywhere you'd like me to take you?" The driver asked loading her bags in the car.

"Please call me Jude. And might as well go to G Major first."

"Okay, Jude."

She couldn't help but replay her last memories of G Major in her mind. It was when she and Tommy were working on her remix album. They had just gotten back together. She'd felt so happy and safe with him. She was having trouble remembering why she let that go.

Darius saw her coming from the security cameras. She didn't look like the same girl he remembered. She looked older and not in a good way. He'd heard from Sadie that their mother's illness had hit Jude hard. Now he could tell be just looking at her. She looked like she hadn't slept in ages.

"Jude, come on in."

"Darius, that was nice of you to send a car for me."

"I wanted you to know G Major is here for you. If there is anything you need just let me know." He walked around in front of his desk.

"Thanks, D, it means a lot."

"The driver is yours for the rest of the day."

She was shocked that he never mentioned business. Maybe he had a heart after all. She stopped by Sadie's office for a few minutes before the driver took her to her new house. She'd purchased it in a nice quiet neighborhood. She'd been through too much to move back in with her dad. She needed her own space. It was a nice two bedroom with a huge back yard. She had a nice spacious kitchen. Over the last few years she'd learned to cook. With Don out of town so much, it was up to her to cook dinner for her mom. She was twenty-one, and she felt like she was forty. It still felt like she was in a dream, and she was ready to wake up.

The first night she didn't know what to do with herself. For so long she'd had someone to take care of, now she was all alone. The silence allowed her to think too much. She missed her mom like crazy. She opened a bottle of wine hoping the alcohol would shut the voices up.

**Please Review and let me know what you think. These chapters will be shorter than my main story. Like I said this is a personal topic for me. I will have updates every week hopefully. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Her dreams seemed so real that she hated waking up every morning. She was always with her mom. They would be shopping or planning something. Sometimes she would be getting married, and other times her mom would be trying to convince her to make music again. One thing was always the same, she was happy. That happiness faded quickly when her eyes opened. She hated the reality she woke up to everyday.

Getting settled back into Toronto was a lot harder than she thought it would be. All her friends had grown up and were in a different stage of life than she was. Jamie was always busy with NBR. Spied and Karma were the parents of the cutest two year old she'd ever seen. Kyle was getting ready to graduate from University. Wally was married and owned a guitar shop. She felt like she was the only one who had nothing going for her. Every time she sat to write, the music just wouldn't come to her. It was like she had permanent writer's block.

Tommy had heard the rumors that she was back. He hadn't seen her yet, and wasn't sure what to do if he did. It had taken him a long time to deal with the reality that she left him. She didn't want the future he had started planning for them. When she'd gotten her record deal in London, Darius had let him out of his contract at G Major. So, after Jude left he finally took his trip to Thailand. At first he wasn't sure if he could do it, but was surprised when he got there. He spent months traveling and experiencing the culture. Everyday he wished Jude was with him, but on his flight home he met someone that took his mind off her. Katie was full of life. She was an artist traveling Asia to do research for an exhibit she was putting together.

After getting home their relationship progressed pretty quickly and they were engaged after a few months. Planning the wedding was their downfall. They never agreed on anything, and Katie ended up calling off the wedding saying he wasn't over Jude.

After a while, he realized she was right. He knew she was living in Rome with her mom, but his pride wouldn't let him go after her. He threw himself into work. Darius was happy to put him back to producing. Music was the only thing that made sense to him again. He was out of town the day she got home, but when he returned it was all he heard about.

"Welcome back." Sadie said from his office door. She knew he was the only one that could really help Jude.

"You, too. I'm sorry about your mom."

"Thanks. At least she's not suffering anymore. I just wanted to tell you that you have a new neighbor."

"What are you talking about?"

"Two houses down from you in the cove." Sadie knew what neighborhood Tommy lived in and suggested a house on his street when Jude was ready to buy a house.

"I noticed lights on when I got home last night."

"She moved in a few days ago."

"How's she doing?"

"She's a mess. She and mom really got close again. We thought mom was going to beat this." Sadie was trying to fight the tears.

Tommy wrapped her in a hug. "It's okay to cry, Sadie. I'll stop in and check on her. Does she know I live on the same street?"

Sadie just shook her head.

"Maybe you should go home. I think you came back to work too soon."

"Work keeps my mind busy."

"Okay. If you need me, you know where I am."

"Thanks, Tommy."

Going home from work, Tommy was nervous. He wasn't sure if her was ready to see Jude again. But he knew she needed somebody, and he couldn't imagine it being anybody but him.

Jude sat flipping through channels. Nothing was on worth watching. Her day had been pretty full. She spent the afternoon with Spied, Karma, and the baby. It helped playing with a two year old. Her dad cooked her an early dinner before he went to his girlfriends for the night. Now she was back home all by herself. She grabbed a beer from the fridge and went to sit on her back patio. Lighting a cigarette she took a deep drag to settle her nerves. Why was this happening to her?

She sat staring at the sky lost in her own world. She barely heard the doorbell when it rang. Who she saw at the door was the last person she expected, but the one person she truly needed.

Tommy took a deep breath. "Hey, Girl. I heard a rumor you were back."

"Tommy." She immediately threw her arms around him.

He just held her as she sobbed into his neck.

**Please Review!!!  
**

**I just wanted to thank everyone for their reviews. This is really personal to me since I lost my mother several years ago. Some days it still feels fresh. I miss her like crazy and I put that emotion into Jude. Jude is going to go through a lot of different emotions dealing with this. She's going to learn a lot about herself. She is not always going to make the right decisions, so she's going to need her friends more than ever. But where exactly does Tommy fit in the picture? That might be the hardest part to figure out.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I own nothing.**

Chapter 3

She didn't know how long she'd been crying when she came to her senses. "I'm sorry." They were still standing in her door way.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." He said sincerely.

"Come on in. How did you know where to find me?" She'd been scared that he wouldn't seek her out, and was terrified to go find him.

"Actually, I live two houses down from here. I noticed someone had moved in when I got home last night. Sadie told me today at G Major it was you."

"Tommy Quincy lives in a subdivision. I never thought I'd see the day."

"It's a nice neighborhood." He didn't want to get into the conversation that he bought the house before Katie called off the wedding.

"Would you like a beer?" She offered. She really didn't want this to be awkward.

"Sure." He sat in the living room and looked around. The house was really nice and homey. He could tell Sadie had done the decorating.

"So, how's G Major?" She asked handing him the beer.

"Pretty much the same. You know D."

She nodded and sat in the chair across from him. "He was really nice and sent a car the day I flew in. I figured he was going to ambush me about recording, but he didn't."

"I was really sorry to hear about your mom."

"Thanks. She was really sick at the end. You know she really shocked me when I got to Rome. She'd followed everything I'd done since she left. She had scrapbooks and a room with my pictures up."

Tommy noticed a light in her eyes when she talked about her mom. They talked a long time. It was mainly just Jude talking about her mom. He didn't mind though. She seemed happy and that was all that mattered. One thing that seemed to bother him was how much she was drinking, but after he had a few it slipped his mind.

"You know it's pretty late. I should get home."

"Okay. You should come by sometime and I'll cook you dinner."

"Jude Harrison cooks?"

"A lot has changed." She shrugged.

"Then I would love to."

She walked him to the door. "Good night." She said and he hugged her and gave her a simple kiss on the forehead.

"Good night."

After he was gone, she sat in the chair he'd sat in. She pulled her knees up to her chest. The chair smelled like him and it made her let go of all the tears she'd been holding in for hours. She wished things were like they use to be and he was there to comfort her. There was no going back though. He'd been engaged since her. She knew he'd moved on. All she needed was to move on too. She couldn't believe Sadie had moved her into his neighborhood.

As soon as Tommy shut his front door, he slid down to the floor. He felt so helpless because she wasn't the Jude her remembered. She'd been through a life-changing ordeal with her mom. She didn't seem like the same strong hardheaded girl she once was. She seemed weak and lonely. He wanted to be the one to pull her out of this, but didn't think she would want him.

"So Sadie, you want to tell me something?" She and Sadie were shopping a few days later.

"About?"

"About my neighbor? You know the one you knew lived there before I bought my house."

"Oh, that one."

"Sadie, don't go playing match maker. We've both moved on."

"Jude, he was your first love. You don't get over it that quick."

"It hasn't been quick. We were together a long time ago. We've both grown up since then. Hell he was almost married only a year after I left. Plus I'm no good for anyone right now. Did you know I haven't slept well in months? I've been taking sleeping pills just to fall asleep."

"I know mom's death was hard on you…"

"No don't act like I'm the only one suffering. She was your mom too."

"I know Jude, but you left everything to take care of her."

"I don't care about that stuff. We got out mom back, why was she taken from us again? What did I do wrong?" She tried her best not to cry. They were in a mall and she didn't want to draw attention.

"You didn't do anything wrong, sweetie. Come on let's get you home."

It had been a few days since Tommy went to see Jude. He was sort of avoiding her. He just didn't know how to act around her anymore. Things had changed so much, and he didn't want to do anything to hurt her anymore than she already was.

It was pretty late when he got home, but he thought he'd walk over, and check on her. He found her in the back yard.

"Tommy, hi."

"Hey. Mind if I join you?"

"Sure. I sit out here every night. I hope that the sounds will drawn out the inner voices."

"Does it work?" He noticed she seemed pretty drunk.

"Not really." She said a grabbed another beer from her cooler. "I went shopping with Sadie today. I can't even go out for an afternoon with my sister with out turning into a fucking blubbering idiot. I just…"

"Jude it takes time."

"I'm sick of time. You know I hated her for leaving me when I was seventeen like she did. But she never hated me; she just needed to live her life. She loved Don, and needed to be with him."

"You never hated her. You were hurt."

"You should see the scrapbooks I told you about sometime. She even tried to sugar coat how bad My Turn was."

"She was your mother; she loved you."

She just sighed. Her nerves had been shot since she got home from shopping. She wanted the pain to go away. It was so intense that sometimes she felt like she couldn't breathe. She lit a cigarette. "I spent everyday with her. I told her I loved her every chance I got. But I'm not sure she really knew."

"You left London and your record deal to be with her. She knew."

"You know London wasn't what I thought it would be. They wanted me to be someone I wasn't. They dropped me when I was on my leave of absence." She'd never wanted him to know that because of the way she left him.

"You know you shouldn't smoke. It's not good for your singing voice; among other things."

"I don't plan to sing again, so it doesn't matter." She said before taking another drag.

Tommy didn't know what to think. Music was her life at one time. Now she was saying she'd basically given up on her career. "What are you going to do then?"

"Wally needs some help at the shop. I know guitars. He said something about me giving lessons a couple days a week, too. At least it's a paycheck."

He nodded and stood up. "I better get going. I have an early day with Karma tomorrow."

"See ya."

He couldn't believe she would give up on singing. He missed her voice. It was one of those things that made Jude; Jude. He knew her mother wouldn't want this for her. He wished he could help her, but she wasn't ready for help.

**There you go. I wanted to thank everyone for your lovely reviews. If you've read my profile you know I've said before that I am older than most Instant Star fans. With that being said, I was 21, just like Jude, when my mom passed. I lost all direction in life and that is what Jude is going through. It took me three years to come to grips with my grieve and still years later I have a hard time with it. Stay tuned to see  
how Jude copes, and if Tommy can figure a way out to help her.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello everyone! I am so glad you all seem to like the fic so far. Thank you all for you wonderful reviews. It means a lot. Keep letting me know what you think. **

Chapter 4

When Jude started work at the guitar shop it helped some. At least she had something to do with her days. She would have an occasional fan come in, and ask why she wasn't recording, but for the most part her days were uneventful. She liked dealing with people. And the guitars really reconnected her to music. Just because she didn't want to sing, didn't mean music wasn't still her passion. It just seemed a little lost on her.

She liked the hours at the shop. She didn't have to get up too early, and it kept her occupied until six or seven every night. It was also fun hanging out with Wally. It reminded her of the old days. She was able to feel like her old self again, but when she would get home the sadness would wash back over her.

Most nights she'd cook a small dinner, and flip through channels until she fell asleep. She didn't want to bother anyone with her feelings. Some nights she'd sit on her back patio staring at the sky. One thing that never changed was she kept her journal with her. Lyrics never came to her, but at least she could write down her thoughts.

Tommy didn't want to smother her, so he didn't go over and check on her much. Sadie would stop by his office every day and ask about Jude. It seemed she wasn't even calling Sadie much either. That worried him. Jude was pulling herself away from the people that could help her.

"So, have you seen her?" Sadie asked one Friday.

"Her lights were out when I got home last night. When was the last time you talked to her?"

"I call a couple nights a week, but she doesn't answer. I stopped by the shop Monday during lunch, and she was giving a lesson."

"Did you know she says she's never singing again?"

"I had a feeling. Tommy I'm worried about her."

"Sadie, she has to deal with this in her own way. You have buried yourself in your work."

"Can you check on her?" Sadie pleaded. She wasn't match making; she just thought Tommy was the only one that could really help her.

"Sure." Tommy wished he had a clue how to help her. He didn't know what she was going through. He'd never had a good relationship with his mother. If she died, he wasn't sure if he'd even be sad.

"So what are your plans for the weekend?" Wally asked her while they were closing.

"No plans."

"Well, Spied and I are going to Kyle's apartment to hang out tonight. Karma, Alley, and Kris are taking a girls weekend with baby Ella. You want to come with us?"

"So just hang out like old times?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds good." Jude really liked the idea of hanging out with her old band. They brought out a side of she'd forgotten existed. She was able to laugh again.

She seemed to be hurrying out the front door when Tommy walked over. "Where's the fire?" He chuckled.

"Oh, hey. No fire. I'm just going with Wally and Spied over to Kyle's. The girls have taken baby Ella for the weekend, so we're all going to hang out."

"Yeah, Karma mentioned something about that." He was a bit bummed because he wanted to hang out a bit, but he was glad she was getting out with her friends. She'd been through a lot with the guys.

"Did you need something?"

"No, I just wanted to say hi. I'm glad you're hanging out with the guys."

She was a bit disappointed that she already had plans. A Friday night at home with Tommy would have been great, but Saturday would work also. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

"I have to be at G Major for a little while, but other than that, I don't really have plans."

"Then why don't you come over and I will finally be able to cook for you."

"Okay. That sounds good."

"Then tomorrow it is." She knew they could never go back, but it didn't mean they couldn't be friends.

Hanging out at Kyle's wasn't exactly what Jude expected it to be. Kyle was in college after all. It was crazy with loud music. "Dude, you came!" Kyle said all excited.

"This is what you do when your girlfriend leaves town? Throw wild parties." She laughed.

"Fiancée actually. We're getting married after graduation. I thought this would be a last hurrah."

"Congratulations, Kyle, that's great."

"Thanks. Grab a beer and have fun." He said before Spied and Wally pulled him off to the make shift stage in the living room.

She sat back and watched her former band having fun. Several times the guys tried to get her to jump up there with them, but didn't. It just wasn't something she could bring herself to do. She could remember when she lived for the stage. Something broke in her when she moved to London. Everything had happened so fast; getting back together with Tommy, getting a new record deal in London, and Tommy purposing. She didn't know what to do. When she found out her mom was sick, she felt like she was being punished. She felt like she was still being punished. Everyone had seemed to find their place in life except her.

She completely lost track of how much she had drank. It seemed to be a pattern with her since she got home. It helped her from focusing on her pain. She knew it was wrong, but couldn't stop. Spied had to help her in the house when he took her home.

"Life sucks, Vin." She slurred.

"It's going to be okay, Jude. We all are here for you."

Tommy couldn't sleep thinking about the next day. Could he and Jude really just be friends? He hoped so because he had to have her in his life. He'd been missing part of himself since she left for London. She'd been such a big part of his life from the minute they meet when she was just a fifteen year old punk kid.

He was sitting in his living room going over some lyrics for one of his artists when there was a knock on his door. "Spied, it's pretty late. What's up?" He knew Spied had been with Jude, and he didn't know what to think of him now being on his door step.

"I just took Jude home; her car is still at my place. I saw your light on and thought maybe you could ride with me, and bring her car home."

"Let me grab my wallet and put some shoes on."

The drive to get the car was very enlightening. Spied told Tommy that he too was worried about Jude. "I know she's been through something horrible. I know she and her mom got really close, but this is not Jude. We tried all night to get her to sing with us, but nope. Use to singing was what she did to get her feelings out. I remember her performing at open mic the night after her mom left her."

"How much did she actually drink tonight?"

"Enough that it took both Wally and me to carry her to the car."

"Vin, I don't know what to do, and even if I did; she wouldn't want my help."

When he got her car home, he used her house key to get in so he could leave her keys in the house. He found her bedroom just to check on her. There were dried tears on her face and she was all disheveled. Clutched in her hands was a picture frame. He carefully removed it not to wake her, and found a picture of the two of them that Sadie took at the pajama party they threw all those years before. That made him wonder if Jude had truly moved on, or was there a sliver of hope for them.

**There you go. This chapter was really a filler. It shows Jude realizing what she is doing to herself, but not not stopping it. And it shows how worried her friends and family are about her. I wish this was the worst, but you know what they say; you have to hit rock bottom before you can get better. Can Tommy stop the bottom form coming, or will Jude continue to spiral out of control?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Everyone's review have been great! Thank you so much. Her is my next chapter. Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 5**  
**

Jude woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, and couldn't remember how she got home. Her keys were on the kitchen table and her car was in her garage. She was sure she didn't drive home. She took some aspirin and crawled back in bed thankful Wally gave her Saturday's off.

A few hours later she woke up frantic. She'd invited Tommy over, and her house was a mess. Plus she hadn't gone to the store lately, so she had nothing to cook. She ran around the house in a panic. She wanted to impress him; make him see that she'd really grown up since they were together.

Tommy got stuck at G Major longer than he had expected. He was having one of those days where everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. Darius made his mood even worse by giving him financial papers to go over before Monday. All he wanted to do was go home and have a drink. Sometimes he wished he had a Monday through Friday; eight to five job.

He saw Jude's car pulling into her drive way when he pulled into his. His mind clouded over with what ifs and what could have been's. Their lives had turned out so different than he wanted them to, but he couldn't focus on that. He needed to focus on the being there for her right now.

She didn't give him a time to come over, so he decided to take a shower and change first. He wanted to be relaxed, not tense from work when he went over to her house. He hoped it would be a good night.

She didn't answer when he knocked, so he tried the knob. "Hello?" He called out.

"In the kitchen."

"Something smells good." He said taking in the smell.

"I hope it tastes as good. I've never made this before. Would you like a glass of wine?"

"Sure." He was shocked that she was drinking, but chose not to mention it.

Dinner was nice. He was impressed with her cooking skills. Three years ago she would have burnt the water she boiled the pasta in. They sat around the kitchen table for a long time just talking about small stuff. He told her about his day, and she told him about working at the guitar shop.

She was so comfortable around him, that she felt like no time had passed since they were together. This was different from the few times he'd stop by since she'd moved home. It was almost like they used to be. Not when they were a couple, but when they were just friends; if they were ever just friends.

"So why did he give you the financial reports? Why not Sadie?"

"He doesn't want to give Sadie too much work."

"Oh." She understood. "How is she doing?"

"Worried about you. She said you haven't been answering her calls."

"I haven't been answering the phone much."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He really wanted her to open up.

She just shook her head. "About a movie?" She asked changing the subject. She didn't want to be sad.

"Sounds good." Tommy could tell she was uncomfortable talking about how she was feeling. He didn't want to push her because he knew if he did, she'd just push him away. He needed to show her he could be a good friend.

They sat and watched the movie. Unknown to the other one, neither really paid attention. They were both preoccupied with thoughts of what could have been and what could be.

When the credits started rolling, Jude got up to get another glass of wine, and brought Tommy back one too. "So, I've been meaning to ask; where's Kwest?"

"He got a job in L.A."

"Really?"

"Yep. I still talk to him every week."

"Does Sadie ever ask about him?"

"Occasionally."

"I never understood why they broke up. Wait; she's not still hooking up with Darius is she? Is that why he's being so easy on her? Ew."

He had to laugh at her. She was so funny when she started rambling. "No, that stopped a long time ago. She told me once that she had no idea what she was thinking with D, but that Kwest was just too intense for her."

"Make sense, I guess. But he's doing good."

"Yeah. Why? What's on your mind?"

"It seems like everyone around me has their life figured out. I mean Spied and Karma have Ella. Jamie has NBR and Zep. Wally's married and happy with the store. Kyle is about to graduate college and getting married. I'm so lost Tommy."

"You'll adjust, I promise. I remember when you used to let your music guide you."

"Yeah look where that got me." She huffed. When she let her music guide her it led her to leaving him. How was that ever a good idea?

"What do you mean?" He really wished she would just be honest with him.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter. You know it's late."

"Yeah, I better get home. Thanks for dinner. It was really great."

"Anytime. And thanks for last night. Spied told me you brought my car home."

He turned to face her after he stepped out of the house. "No thank you needed."

It was like instinct took over, and they both leaned in. Her eyes closed when she felt his breath on her lips. She sighed to herself when his lips kissed her forehead.

"I'll cook for you next time." He said before he was gone.

Jude felt crushed as she cleaned the kitchen. She'd been so sure he was going to kiss her, but he didn't. She needed a cigarette. She knew all of this was her fault. If she hadn't run off when she did, they would be married and she wouldn't feel so lost. Why couldn't her life be simple? She just wanted to be happy again. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

Tommy collapsed on his bed. He had really wanted to kiss her and came really close to it. At the last second he had changed his mind. It wasn't the right time. She had too much she was dealing with to know he wished they could have more. He felt like he could push her over the edge. He wanted to know she wanted it if and when it did happen.

**Please take the time to review. I really think the shape Jude is in they shouldn't rush into anything. It will have to progress. But can they just be friends? We'll have to wait and see. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi Everybody! Here's my next chapter. Remember I own nothing.**

Chapter 6

The guitar shop kept her busy, but some days she didn't want to be around people. She just wanted to sit at home in the dark. The phone was ringing when she got home. She wanted to ignore it, but something told her to answer. "Hello?"

"Hey, Kiddo." It was Don.

"Don, hi." She hadn't talked to him since she left Rome.

"How are you doing?" He'd been worried about her, but figured she would be okay with her family and friends around. When Sadie called him to give him an update of Jude, he knew he needed to call her.

"I've had better days. How are you?"

"I'm getting by. I went back to the firm this week. Are you writing?"

"No. The words just don't seem to be there."

"So, what are you doing with your time?"

She curled up on the couch and filled Don in on what all was going on. She felt connected to her mom by talking to him. She told him about the house, the guitar shop, and Tommy being her neighbor. She completely lost track out time. "Oh wow, I didn't realize how late it had gotten." She said when she looked over at the clock.

"You better get you some dinner and sleep. Don't be a stranger and think about what I said. Your mom would want you to do everything you could to continue your career. She was so proud of you."

"I'm just not ready, and don't know if I will ever be ready."

"Okay. Take care, kiddo."

"Bye Don."

She felt better after talking to him. It made her bad day disappear. She made her dinner and set in to have a quiet night. She didn't want to deal with anyone else for the rest of the night.

Tommy wanted to go see Jude when he got home from G Major, but wasn't sure if he should always just stop in. It had been a few days since their dinner together. He tried calling but she wasn't answering her phone. He walked over and saw her back patio light on. That was where he found her most of the time.

"Hey." He said approaching her.

Jude was in her own little world when she heard his voice and almost jumped out of her skin. "You scared me."

"Sorry. I called but you didn't answer. So I thought I'd walk over to see you." He noticed her eyes were red and puffy, and her face was still tear stained. "Are you okay?"

"It's nothing I just talked to Don tonight."

"How's he doing?"

"He said he was getting by. He went back to work this week, and just called to check on me."

"That's good. Did he say something to upset you?"

"No, he told me how proud my mom was of me and that she would want me to continue with my career. I just can't!" There were so many reasons that she couldn't vocalize.

"You can do what ever you want to do. Nobody is going to force you back into the studio."

"I feel like that is what everyone expects of me and they don't understand why it is just something that is not going to happen."

Tommy didn't understand either, but he wasn't going to push. "Give them time." He told her.

Over the next couple of weeks they fell into a comfortable friendship. Some days he would drop by and see her at lunch. He was working late at the studio every night and she even brought him dinner a few nights.

He hoped that the time she spent at the studio would spark an interest to record, but she seemed to not even think about it. She always kept her distance for the soundboard. He wouldn't say anything so she wouldn't stop coming by. He enjoyed their time together.

Jude's mind would be clouded over every time she would leave G Major. As time would pass, she thought the pain would lessen, but every night she felt like her chest was caving in. She found a bar a few blocks from her neighborhood. When she was drunk was the only time she didn't think about her problems. As long as she made it to work everyday, she didn't think she was hurting anybody. She just couldn't sit at home every night.

It was pretty late when he was heading home from work and spotted her mustang at a bar. Something told him he had to check on her. She was sitting there taking shot after shot. He could tell she was already trashed. "Mind if I join you?"

"Tommy." She slurred.

"Jude, you're drunk. What's going on?"

"Why does something have to be going on for me to have a few drinks?"

He only understood every other word she said. "You're in a bar by yourself, and throwing back shots like there's no tomorrow."

"I'm not in here alone. That over there is Jenny the bartender. I knew her in high school. Then there's Jimmy and Hank. I was shooting pool with them earlier, but they kept winning my money."

"Jude, you know I mean."

"Have you ever felt like someone was stepping on your lungs? Like no matter how hard you try, you can't take a breath? Have you ever cried so much that you wish your tears would just dry up? I just…" Her voice trailed off.

He took the opportunity to stop her from taking her drink. "Come on Jude, let me take you home."

"I have my car. I can get home." She just waved him off.

"You think I'm going to let you drive in this condition?"

"I've gotten home every night this week. Plus I'm not leaving my car here."

Tommy flipped his phone open, and made a phone call. "Spied, you know the bar off Patterson?"

"Yeah."

"Can you and Karma get Jude's car? She's pretty messed up and I'm going to get her home."

"No problem."

Jude didn't even pay attention to who he was calling. She just ordered more shots. She knew she should just let him take her home, but that meant sobering up. She didn't want to think, and as long as her mind was fuzzy she didn't have to.

"Alright, let's go." He said putting his phone in his pocket.

"But my car." She argued.

"Spied and Karma will get your car."

It took some convincing, but Tommy was finally able to take her home. She mumbled incoherently as he tucked her in. His heart broke because all he wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything would be okay.

He couldn't bring himself to go home, so he waited for Spied to get there with her car.

"Dude, how is she?"

"She is bed now. I don't know what to do. She talks about how she can't sing again. And she's spending her nights at a bar. I'm totally lost here, Vin."

"You want me to get Jamie to try?"

Tommy shrugged. "He's the one that's known her the longest. Maybe he could reach her."

"I'll call him when I get home."

Tommy decided he'd better go home. There was nothing else he could do for her for the time being. He remembered how he used to drink after Angie died in the car crash. She was drowning her grief in alcohol, and he knew first hand that it was going to get worse before it got better.

**There you go. I know Jude seems way out of character, but grief does that to you. When you loose someone close to you, in ways you loose yourself. Jude is on a path of destruction and doesn't realize it. All she knows is there is one thing that helps numb the pain. Please let me know what you think.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The next morning Jude woke up to the smell of coffee. When she got up to investigate, she found Jamie in her living room. She chose not to say anything and went to the kitchen to pour a cup of coffee. Her head was pounding, and she needed to get ready for work.

"Jamie what are you doing here? I have to get ready for work."

"Wally's giving you the day off. I thought we could hang out."

"Don't you need to be at NBR?"

"Zepplin can handle things for a day. Besides it's been way too long since I've spent the day with my best friend."

Jude didn't argue anymore she just went to take a shower. She didn't have the strength to do anything but go a long with him.

While she was getting ready, Jamie looked around her house. Since, she'd been home; he hadn't had a chance to really talk to her. He'd only heard from Spied how she was doing. When he'd called the night before to ask him to talk to Jude, he jumped at the opportunity. He wanted, to sign her to NBR and get her career back up and running. She'd declined when he mentioned it to her before she moved home, but he hoped she'd change her mind.

On the bottom shelf of her bock case he found two huge scrapbooks. They were all following her career since her mom left all those years ago. There were newspaper and magazine articles. Even personal notes her mother had written about different things.

"What are you doing?"

"These are really great. I can't believe your mom saved all of this."

"Put those back."

Jamie was confused by the harshness in her voice. "Jude, come on. These are things to be proud of."

"Jamie what exactly are you doing here today? I've been home for weeks. You haven't exactly been a non stranger." She felt like he had ulterior motives for coming over.

"Jude I have been busy. I decided that Zepp could take care of things for a day. I'm sorry."

"Fine. Whatever. What's the game plan?"

"I thought we'd go have breakfast. Then to the street carnival. I hear the psychic is still there. Just hang out like old times."

"Let's go then."

Every time Jamie would say something about recording or writing music, Jude would change the subject.

"So, how are things with you and Zepp?"

"Good, we both spend most of our time at work."

"Any engagement plans in the future? You know Kyle is getting married after graduation."

"We work all the time; I don't think we are in a place to get married. Let's talk about you. You know I bet if you cut a demo the radio stations would pick it up in a heartbeat."

"I don't think so." She responded.

That was how the whole morning went. They never really talked about anything to deep. She could tell he was avoiding a certain subject, but wasn't sure why.

"You know I need to stop by the office. Do you mind?" Jamie asked.

"Why don't you just drop me off at my house?" She didn't want to go to NBR because she knew Jamie would try to rope her into something. Sure she'd go by G Major on any given day, but Tommy never pushed.

"It'll just take a minute."

"Whatever."

When she walked into the lobby she was shocked at how big the place was. Of course everyone had told her, but this was her first time there. It was busy like G Major used to be. Music was playing through the lobby and she recognized it as one of Spied's songs. She was happy that Jamie had found success.

"Jude, hey." Zepplin greeted her with a warm hug. "Welcome home. I wish it was under better circumstances for you."

"Thanks. I'm still adjusting to being back."

"I'm sure. Would you like some coffee or something?"

"No thanks. Jamie said he would just be a minute."

Zepplin gave her a funny look. "Jamie has a conference call with distributors. He'll be in there for a while."

"He said… You know what never mind. I'm going to call a cab. Tell Jamie I will talk to him later."

Jude was pretty upset that Jamie had lied to her. Why couldn't people just understand that she didn't want to pursue her recording career again? Her music represented a different time for her. And she didn't feel like she was the same girl anymore. How could her music be so great when she destroyed her life for it? She wished she could go back and do things differently.

After leaving NBR, she had the cab driver drop her off at G Major. Tommy's car was in the parking lot, so she thought seeing him might make her feel better. He was in Studio A, with his back to the glass door. She could tell he was concentrating on changing levels. He had headphones on, so she knew he couldn't hear her. She just stood and watched him. How did she ever walk away from him? Some nights while her mom was sick, she imagined she had him for support. That he was there every day to hold her hand. It was her fault he wasn't. If she hadn't left him behind he would have been. That was when she'd really decided to give up her music career. It just wasn't the same without him.

Tommy was working on final mixes for a band he was producing. They were meeting with Darius to pick singles later in the day. It was going to be his first early day off all week. It was Friday and he'd taken the whole weekend to chill out. He's gotten a call from Kwest saying he was going to be in town for a few days, and they were getting together on Saturday. He started getting this strange feeling he was being watched. He turned his head to find Jude.

"Jude, hey. How long have you been there?" He asked removing his headphones

"Not long, I just didn't want to disturb you."

"You could never disturb me. What brings you by?"

"Jamie tricked me into going to NBR, and I didn't feel like going home."

"Well, you're welcome to hang out while I work. Sadie might have some magazines for you to read, and my IPOD is over there." He knew to give her options to just hang out. Though he would love for her to help him with the mixes.

"Okay." She sat down on the couch and grabbed his IPOD.

He looked over and found her asleep when he was finished with his work. She looked so peaceful; he didn't want to wake her. So when the band came in being loud, he held his hand up to silence them. "Shh. Let's talk in there." He pointed to the soundproof room.

"Man, is that Jude Harrison?" Joey asked.

"Is she coming back here?" Nick added.

"Yes, and No." She just stopped by and fell asleep while I was working."

"Are you two back together?"

"Too many questions. We need to go meet with Darius." He didn't want to try to explain what they were right now, since he didn't really know.

Jude woke up, and Tommy was no longer at the soundboard. She stretched and looked around the room. It looked exactly like it did when she used to record in it. She remembered all the hours they spent on the remix album. She wished she could go back to those days. She just sat lost in thought.

"You're awake." Tommy's voice broke through.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"It's okay. What are you doing tonight?"

"I haven't made plans."

"Good. Let me cook for you tonight. Repay the favor, since you cooked a couple of weeks ago."

"Okay. I'm just going to get Sadie to take me home. What time should I be over?"

"Why don't you just ride with me? I'm getting ready to leave now. I have to go by the store, if you don't mind."

"That's fine. Let's go."

Driving home Tommy had to fight the urge to hold her hand like he used to. It was strange to him how he was still so comfortable around her. It was like no time had ever passed.

"So, I'll be over in about an hour." Jude said when he dropped her off at her house.

"I'll see you then."

Jude was nervous getting ready. She felt like this was a date. She was just so comfortable with him. She tried not to think about it much because it would break her heart all over again when she realized they couldn't go back.

Tommy loved cooking for her. He remembered how she would eat just about anything. He'd made his mind up that if he got the opportunity to kiss her again, he would. He needed to test the waters and see where they stood.

**There you go. All your reviews have been great. I love reading what everyone thinks. Jude is working through her issues, but sometimes it's are harder than it seems. Stay tuned to find out how everything works out.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

When Jamie's conference call was over, he went looking for Jude. He hated lying to her that he was only going to be a minute, but he needed to do something to get her there. He thought that she'd change her mind about recording with a little push.

"Zepp, have you seen Jude?"

"She called a cab. You know you're an idiot." Zeppelin was furious with him.

"What are you talking about?"

"Jamie, she just lost her mom. Don't go trying to push her into something she's not ready for."

"Maybe a push is what she needs."

"Think about how you pushing her has blown up in your face in the past."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"What about when you encouraged her to sing her own song after Darius took over G Major. Or maybe when you pushed her into a relationship with you even though she was in love with Tommy."

"What does he have that I don't?"

"Jude's heart and you can't seem to get over that. I know why you haven't been to see her since she came home. You can't stand that he is right there for her."

"Zepp, it's not like that."

"If you say so. I have to go; don't wait up." With that Zeppelin was gone.

Jude ran around trying to find the perfect outfit. She didn't want to over dress, but she did want to look nice. She knew she was over thinking everything. It was just dinner. They were friends who had dinner together all the time. She poured her a glass of wine and went out back to smoke hoping it would calm her nerves before walking over.

Tommy was cooking one of her favorite dishes. He wanted to make it a special night for her. He knew she was having a rough time and he hoped that for one night she could forget everything but him. If it got them closer to being back together all the better. He poured himself a glass of wine while waiting on dinner to be ready.

Jude checked herself in the mirror one last time before walking over. She kept reminding herself that it was just Tommy. He was someone she'd been completely comfortable with since she was fifteen years old.

"Come on in." Tommy said opening the door for her. "Dinner should be ready in a few minutes."

"Okay." She looked around. His house was so different than she had expected. There was art on the walls and a matching furniture set. It was nothing like his old apartment.

"So what do you think?" Tommy asked handing her a glass.

"It's so different. No leather furniture."

"I didn't exactly do the decorating."

"Oh. So, something smells good. I can't believe you remembered."

"I remember a lot. Do you want to help with the bread?"

"Of course." She smiled walking into his kitchen. It was arranged a lot like his old one. "Not everything changes." She said with a hint of laughter.

"You know me and my food."

"Are you still going to the farmer's market on First Street?"

"Every Tuesday. They still have the best veggies around."

They finished making dinner joking around with each other. There was no pressure to be a certain way. It was just laid back and fun. Jude felt relaxed for the first time in a long time. It was natural to be there with him. She was finally herself again.

Jude took it upon herself to really look around while he was setting the table. Everything was making sense why he lived in this neighborhood. She remembered Sadie mentioning Katie was an artist. This house was meant for them. She wondered what happened; why they didn't get married. He never talked about Katie at all.

"Let's eat." Tommy called from the kitchen.

"Wow, it tastes as good as it smells." Jude said after taking a bite.

"Over the years I have only improved my cooking abilities. Do you remember that night you tried to fix a midnight snack?"

"I thought you were going to kick me out and never let me back in."

"You had no cooking skills and you were exhausted because we had been working for two days straight. You should have been far away from a kitchen."

"But I was hungry. Darius was such a slave driver when he wanted a song finished. Then you wouldn't stop anywhere to eat when we left G Major."

"Don't blame that on me." He laughed. "That was all on you."

Jude couldn't help but giggle because he was right. "Okay, so I had no right in the kitchen that night." She got to put her plate in the sink.

"I'll do that."

"I know how to load a dishwasher."

"But tonight is about relaxing."

"Fine." She said giving in. "I'm just going to go out back."

Tommy loaded the dishwasher and straightened the kitchen. He was glad Jude seemed relaxed. That was all he wanted for her. There were so many things he wished he could do for her, but he knew he had to give her time. When she was ready to deal with everything, she would start healing on her own. He would be there for her in anyway she wanted him.

"Did you get lonely out there?" He laughed when she came back in.

"No, I just had an empty glass."

"There's another bottle by the fridge."

She poured her another glass and jumped up on the counter. "So, tell me about the band you are producing."

Once they started talking, they both lost track of time and how much wine they drank. Jude enjoyed listening to his stories about his artists. She might not want to record, but that didn't mean she didn't want to hear about it. His stories were always so rock star. She remembered when he used to tell her about his boy band days.

The more she drank the more she noticed she was staring at his lips. After they settled in the living room, she could barely focus on what he was saying. Memories of all their time together flashed through her mind.

Tommy noticed that she was drifting. He wondered what she was actually thinking about. "You still with me, over there?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"What happened with Katie?"

"It just didn't work out." He didn't want to tell her the real reason.

She studied him for a minute; he seemed to have gone into another world. "You know, maybe I should head home. It's been a long day."

Tommy got up from his spot in the floor to walk her to the door. "Well, I'm glad you came over."

"Yeah. Thanks for dinner. It was really good." She leaned against the door.

"Anytime." He didn't even think about what he was doing before his lips met hers. It was better than he remembered and he couldn't stop.

She knew she should pull back and run, but his lips felt too good against hers. It had been too long since she felt this whole. She pulled him closer to her, when his tongue ran over her bottom lip. She didn't hold back and gave into the kiss completely. It just felt right.

Neither knew how they ended up in his room, but that didn't stop them. He backed her to the edge of the bed. His lips never left hers as he unbuttoned her shirt. The shirt hit the floor just as her back hit the soft mattress. She felt like she was dreaming. She'd had this dream so many times. "Tommy." She moaned feeling him trail down her neck.

Her skin was softer than he remembered. He needed more and moved down her chest. He'd always loved the taste of her skin. It was fruity and clean. Her moans told him to keep going. He wasn't sure how he'd ever gone without her.

Jude lifted her hips helping him discard her jeans. His callused hands caused goose bumps to rise all over her body. It was a feeling she never wanted to go away.

He didn't waste any time and kissed back up to her lips. He felt like he'd been starving for her for years. She felt so perfect underneath him.

She watched with clouded vision as he striped his shirt and jeans off. He was her angel; so perfect. She reached for the back of his head pulling his lips back to hers once more. She felt like he would disappear if they were apart too long.

He wanted to take his time, but the alcohol in his system wouldn't let him. He needed her right away. Reaching into his night stand his was thankful for finding what he was looking for. "You're so tight." He groaned into her ear.

It took them only a few seconds to get use to the feel of each other again. It was like they were puzzle pieces fitting together perfectly. Their lips never parted as they met each other's every stride.

No words were shared as they lay spent cuddled together. Tommy kissed her forehead and they both drifted off to sleep.

When Jude woke up, it took her a few seconds to figure out where she was. When Tommy's arm tightened around her waist she freaked out. How could she let this happen? Her head was pounding and all she wanted to do was get home. She eased out from under his arm not to wake him. After collecting her clothes she looked back at him one last time. He was perfect but she knew it only happened because they were drunk. They couldn't go back; too much had changed.

**There you go. Sorry it took me so long to get the chapter done. Last weekend was my friend's 30th birthday, so I needed a few days to recover. Please let me know what you think. I feel like Jude is scared to go foward to the next stage of life. She's scared to say what she wants because of her previous bad decisions. (That is why she ran.) What does one drunken night mean for the Jude and Tommy's future. And where will Jude go when she feels there is NO ONE to turn too? Stay tuned..... Please Review.... THANK YOU!!!  
**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Closing her front door Jude slid down to the floor. Tears streamed down her face as she tried to focus on the nights events. It had felt so right to be with him, but something was keeping her from being happy about it. She'd never stopped loving him, and she never would. But he'd moved on. Hell he still lived in the house he'd bought to start a life with another woman. She jumped in the shower to wash the night off her before crawling in bed for a restless night sleep.

Tommy woke up the next morning with a smile on his face. He had a slight headache, but it didn't matter. He reached for Jude hoping to tell her he still loved her. He wanted her to know exactly how he felt about her. He sat up when he didn't find her on the other side of the bed. "Jude?" He called out, but no answer. All her clothes were gone. This was not how he wanted to wake up.

After showering and getting dressed, Tommy made a coffee run. He hoped Jude would be home, so they could talk. He needed her to know how he felt about the night before. Her lights were out, and she didn't come to the door, so he figured she was working. He knew that she enjoyed working at the guitar shop to clear her mind.

"Hey, Wally." He said walking into the shop.

"Hey, Quincy. Are you looking for a new guitar?"

"Actually I was looking for Jude. I thought maybe she was working today since she took yesterday off."

"Nope. I haven't even heard from her. Did Jamie have any luck with her?"

"Andrews pushes too much. I'm afraid he made things worse. She showed up at G Major when he tricked her into going to NBR."

"I was afraid of that. Jamie doesn't know when to let go."

"Well, if you hear from her, will you have her give me a call?"

"Sure will."

Tommy couldn't figure out where she could be. He drove by the bars and her car was not at any of them. She still wasn't answering her phone or door. He left her a message on her home phone and cell. He just hoped she would call back.

When Jude got out of bed, she decided to not even get dressed for the day. She felt like she did the day after her mom died; absolutely helpless. She sat in her living room for the longest time just staring at the black television. She didn't even turn on any lights. When Tommy knocked on her door, she just pretended she wasn't home. There was no way she could face him saying that what they did was a mistake. She turned the ringer off on her home phone and turned her cell off. She didn't want to talk to anyone.

Tommy went to meet Kwest that night at a club downtown. "Hey, man. Welcome back to Toronto."

"Hey you look like shit. What's going on?"

"Don't ask. I've been looking for Jude all day."

"How is she doing?"

"I don't know sometimes. She's been drinking a lot. It's not the Jude we remember. I don't know if there is anything I can do to help her." He felt completely lost.

"How about Sadie?"

"She works all the time. It keeps her busy enough to not have to think about everything. So, tell me man, what are you doing in town?"

"Moving back. Got a pretty impressive job over that I could pass up. So I flew in to take care of some stuff, and next month I will be back."

"Wow! So where is this impressive job?" Tommy was happy he was getting his best friend back.

Kwest eyed him for a minute before answering. "Would you believe G Major?"

"Umm…" He really didn't know what to say.

"Darius called me right after Victoria passed away. He told me everything. He said Sadie was going to work her to death if someone didn't stop her. Said he was worried."

"Really?"

"And he apologized for what happened, and said he should have never stepped in when he did. And with the changes that are going to be going on at G Major he needs another producer."

"Changes? I'm there everyday and he hasn't said anything about changes." Tommy was confused.

Kwest wasn't sure if he should say anything since Tommy didn't seem to know. Darius was preparing for Jude's return. "Well, he wants to be prepared for when Jude decides to come back."

"He better not…" Now he was about to get pissed.

"T, hold up. D has no plans to push her; he just feels strongly that she will. Think about it. Eventually she will need to pour all her emotions out, and you know those songs will all be number one hits."

"I just don't know." Tommy said downing his beer.

"Something happened, didn't it?"

Tommy told Kwest everything that had happened since Jude had moved home from Rome. It felt good to finally have someone to talk to. He knew if he didn't he was going to go crazy.

Jude went to bed early because she couldn't just sit in the dark any longer. She'd cried so much that she felt like she could barely keep her eyes open. All she could think about all day was how screwed up life had become. She wished she could curl up with her mom and tell her what happened with Tommy. Her mom could tell her what she should do. When Jude had first moved to Rome, Victoria had encouraged her to contact Tommy and patch things up. By the time she got up enough courage to call him, Sadie called to tell her about Katie. It had broken her heart all over again. She'd realized then that there was no turning back. She'd made her decision when she moved to London, and she couldn't blame him for finding someone else.

"You know maybe you should slow down." Kwest commented on Tommy's drinking.

"You're right. I just don't know what to do."

"What all have you told her about Katie?"

"Just that it didn't work out. I don't want to tell her why because I am afraid it will be too much too fast. What if it pushed her too far?"

"T, you've slept together. Don't you think that is pretty fast?"

"I know."

When he got home that night all he wanted to do was go over to Jude's. Knowing her state of mind, he was afraid she would pull back even more now. He didn't know if he could handle that.

Jude woke up to a knock at her front door. At first she started to ignore it thinking it might be Tommy, but then she realized even if it was Tommy, she was going to have to face him eventually. She was pleasantly surprised to see Kwest. "Oh my god! Kwest!" She said excitedly hugging him.

"How are you superstar?"

"I'm not a superstar anymore." She said stepping aside for him to come in.

"You will always be a superstar. You didn't answer my question. How are you?"

"I've been better? You want some coffee?"

"No thank you." He said following her to the kitchen. "I was really sorry to hear about your mom. I heard that you moved to Rome to help take care of her."

"I did. We really reconnected. I miss her like crazy." She said as she poured her coffee. "I always thought she resented my career, but I learned that she was really proud me."

"That's a good thing. So why are you not recording?" Kwest wanted to push slightly to get answers.

"Because there's no music left." She sat on the couch curling her legs underneath her.

"I don't believe that."

"What are you doing in town anyway? Tommy says you lived in LA now." Jude said changing the subject.

"I got a job offer that was pretty hard to pass up. I'm moving back next month. I guess it was time for us both to come back for the one's we love."

"Tommy and I are just friends, but I'm sure Sadie and you might have a chance. She's not seeing anyone. Where's this job you couldn't pass up?"

"Actually, I'm going back to G Major. D called and he and I straightened out our differences. He's offering me pretty sweet producing gig."

"Cool. So tell me about LA."

They ended up talking most the morning about LA and Rome. He told her stories about all the artists he got to work with. She was really impressed. She told him about Europe, and how horrible the record label had been to her when her mom got sick.

"You know I'm glad you are moving back."

"Me, too. Do you think I will really have a chance with Sadie?"

"Sure. You know she was just really overwhelmed when you two were together before. You've both grown, and maybe now you're ready for the real thing."

"You know I can say the same about you and T."

"Kwest, I know you are his best friend, but can I confide in you?" She really wanted to talk to someone that knew them both as well as he did.

"Anything you tell me; I promise not to repeat. Event to T." He wanted her to trust him.

"He moved on so fast. How can I believe that there can ever be anything else between us?"

"Okay, I know when to drop it."

"Thank you."

After Kwest was gone, Jude felt a little bit better. She even called Sadie to come over for lunch. Spending the morning with Kwest made her realize she hadn't really spent enough time with her sister since moving home. Sadie was her support system, and she wanted to show her that she appreciated everything she had done for her over the years.

Tommy met Kwest at his hotel for lunch. It was good having his best friend in town, so he could have a distraction from thinking about Jude. He decided he was going to give her time. He knew when she was ready to talk, she would come to him. Their connection was too strong for her to walk away from everything.

**I promise they talk soon. I already have over half the next chapter done. Hope to have it up soon. Please  
keep you reviews coming. The more reviews the faster I get the next update done. **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello my lovely readers. You all have been so great, here's a treat for you. **

Chapter 10

Jude was setting lunch out when Sadie got there. She was actually excited for sister time. It had been way too long since they had quality bonding time.

"Jude." Sadie called out walking in the house.

"In the kitchen."

"Wow everything looks great. I can't believe you're cooking for me. I remember when you made me peanut butter and jelly for lunch."

"Well, that was a long time ago."

They sat and ate just reminiscing about old times. Some stories were all the way back to when they were little girls and their family happy. They even talked about the years with Tommy and Kwest.

"You know he's moving back. He actually came to see me this morning."

"Are you serious?" Sadie was shocked. She never thought Kwest would ever come back.

"Yep. Darius called him and offered him a producing job, and he accepted. He said D cleared up some stuff with him about how things were left. Sades I think he's coming back for you, too. What do you think about that?"

"I still think about him a lot. I know I was horrible to him, but if he wanted to try I wouldn't say no."

They squealed as they moved to sit in the living room. "So what about you and Tommy?"

"Something happened a couple nights ago."

"What?"

"We had dinner at his place after we left G Major, and we were drinking wine…" She trailed off.

"Oh my god, you didn't."

"Yeah, we did. And Sadie even though I was drunk, it was amazing. Better than I remember."

"So what does this mean for you two?" Sadie asked. She was actually excited because she knew Tommy was it for Jude.

"I left while he was still asleep, and I've been avoiding him ever since. Sadie, I know it is crazy, but I don't want to get my hopes up. I can't take any more heart break. You remember how we were. He was always leaving, and then I left him after he purposed. You even said all it those years ago that we were never stable."

"Jude, that was a long time ago. You two have grown up a lot since then. Maybe now you two will have a chance to have what you couldn't have before."

"I don't think I'm ready to put my heart out there yet."

"Okay, but you can't avoid him forever. He's been a good friend since you came home. I think it's been good for you to have him."

"And I don't want to loose his friendship."

They spent the rest of the afternoon watching movies and gossiping about what was going on in the entertainment world. Sadie thought maybe Jude was coming around. She smiled more and just really looked happy.

Tommy's afternoon with Kwest was basically about business. Darius met them and they went over the best ways to split artists. Tommy couldn't wait to work with him again. Kwest was always his best wing man in the studio. He'd never worked with anyone that he was able to really vibe with. D even brought up the possibility of Jude coming back, but promised him that he wouldn't push; he'd let her come back on her own.

Tommy just wanted her to be okay. Being a recording artist was not what defined Jude. Jude defined Jude. Her strong will and loyalty to the people she loved was what made her stand out to him. He hoped she would talk to him soon, He was going crazy not seeing her and it had only been a little over a day. It was strange how dependent he became of seeing her.

He was shocked to see her sitting on his door step when he got home. "Jude." He said not sure what to say.

"Hey. I thought we should talk. I'm sorry about yesterday. I just needed a day in the dark." She had been going over in her head what she was going to say for over twenty minutes, but with him right in front of her she couldn't any of it.

"It's okay. Gave me time to think, too. You want to come in?"

"Sure."

They sat across from each other in his living room not talking. Neither really knew where to start. "So…" Tommy started.

"I had this whole thing planned out in my head, but I can't seem to remember it, but Tommy I need your friendship. I don't want to talk about what happened. If we start analyzing everything, I'm afraid someone will end up hurt. You've been there for since the beginning, and I don't want that to change."

"I don't want to loose your friendship either. You've gone through something that I can't imagine. Your mom and you were close. My mom still can't stand the site of me. I want you to know I am here for you in what ever way you want me."

"Good, because you're the best friend I got." She stood up and straightened her shirt. "I hate to run, but Sadie and I are having dinner with my dad tonight. We are going to start Sunday night dinners."

"I'll see you later then."

Tommy was impressed by the Jude that just left his house. She seemed to be coping better. She was almost back to normal Jude. He just hoped it wasn't a cover.

When Jude got in from her dad's she was happy to finally be by herself. Her face hurt from smiling all day. The only way she could figure to show everybody she was okay was to fake it. She hated everybody worrying over her. So she would deal with her pain in silence. Opening the cabinet over her refrigerator, she pulled out a bottle of vodka. She also pulled a glass down and went to sit outside. After pouring the clear liquid into her glass, she lit a cigarette letting the tears flow freely.

Over the next week, things went back to normal. Jude would work during the day at the guitar shop. Tommy would stop by at lunch, then after work she would stop by G major for a few minutes before heading home for the night. They never mentioned their drunken night. Jude would smile and act like everything was okay in public, but at night she would crumble into a pile of goo.

Tommy was more worried about Jude than ever now. He could tell she was putting on a show. Hell she was a performer. He could always see right through her, and this was no different. He didn't say anything because he needed her to trust him, so he could keep an eye on her. He tried to give her space, so at night when he would get home he wouldn't go over.

Jude would spend most nights alone. The silence around her house was taunting her. She shouldn't be alone. If she and Tommy had gotten married back when he asked, they would probably have at least a baby by now. She could just see their child. If it was a little girl, she would have her blond hair and his beautiful sky blue eyes. She would defiantly have their love for music. She imagined her mom holding the baby. How was she ever going to go through child birth with out her mom? How was she ever going to plan a wedding? Sure when the time came she would have Sadie, but every little girl dreams of planning their wedding with their mom. Those were things that would never happen. Of course not putting her heart out there solves that problem.

Sitting on her back patio she stared at the stars, she realized she was twenty one years old. She shouldn't be sitting by herself every night. She should be out on the town. She was Jude Harrison. She could get into any club she wanted to. She grabbed the phone and called Sadie. "Put on your club clothes; we're going out."

They were able to walk right through the line with no problems. Of course Sadie was known around town for her PR work with G Major. She wasn't sure what had gotten into Jude, but she was happy she was getting out of the house.

Jude let the music drown out the thoughts running through her head. It felt great not sitting in a silent house. They ordered their drinks and Jude passed the bartender an extra tip to keep them coming. It felt great to let loose. "I love this song." She pulled Sadie out on to the dance floor.

Sadie followed Jude's lead. It was time for the Harrison sisters to live a little. Song after song they danced. It was nice to just give into the music and not worry about work. She'd been working so much since Jude had moved home, that she hadn't really enjoyed having her back. But under the circumstances was she supposed to enjoy it? She knew loosing their mom was something they would never get over, but at least now they had each other again.

When she left the dance floor to get some air she realized neither of them was in any shape to drive home. There was only one person she could think of to call.

Tommy had just fallen to sleep when his phone rang. It took a few rings for him to even realize it was his phone. "Hello?" He answered after five rings.

"Tommy, did I wake you?" A giggly Sadie asked.

"Sadie? What's all that noise? And why are you giggling?"

"Jude and I are downtown. Do you think you can come get us?"

"Is everything okay?"

"I just don't think we should drive."

"Where are you?"

Sadie gave him the club name, and he said he'd be right there. He called a cab, so he could drive what ever car they took home.

When he got to the club, he found Sadie with no problem. "Where's Jude?"

Sadie just pointed toward the dance floor while she was taking a shot.

Tommy saw Jude dancing among a bunch of guys. He couldn't help but feel jealous. Why couldn't that be him? "You stay here, I'll be right back." He walked through the crowd towards her. The music changed just as he turned her to face him.

"Tommy!" She sang out and through her arms around him.

Instinctively they started swaying to the music. He loved the way she felt against him. Everything about her was intoxicating to him. "Come on, let's get you home." He said as the song faded into the next.

"But I'm having fun. Come dance with me, Quincy." She pouted at him.

He groaned because he'd never been able to resist her pout. "Maybe some other time. Come on we all have to work tomorrow."

Getting both drunk girls to the car was an interesting task, but some how he did it. The ride to Sadie's apartment was in total silence except for Sadie's hiccups. Tommy couldn't help but think about all those years ago when she puked on his shoes at D's pool party. He helped Sadie inside, and then headed towards their street. He was concentrating on the dark street when he felt her hand slid into his.

Pulling into Jude's drive way, Tommy hated pulling his hand back. "Come on, time for bed." He said opening her door for her and helping her inside.

"What happened to us?" Jude slurred as he was tucking her in.

"Timing maybe. It was just never the right time."

"Will there ever be a right time for us?"

He hesitated for a few seconds "I don't know, but I hope so." He noticed that she was already asleep.

He couldn't bring himself to leave, so he did what came naturally. Kicking off his shoes, he curled up behind her and watched her sleep way into the early morning before drifting off to sleep himself.

**Hope you all like it. I'm so happy with myself with back to back daily updates. Is Jude really coming around? Will her fear of getting her heart broken again keep her from being happy. Or will something else come up that will send her even deeper into her depression? Keep coming back to see. Don't forget to let me know what you think.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I own nothing.**

Chapter 11

Jude woke up the next morning and smelt food. Her stomach immediately growled. Looking down, she was still in the clothes she wore to the club. She was confused because she remembered Tommy taking Sadie home first. Why was she here cooking her breakfast? But it wasn't Sadie she found in the kitchen.

"Morning, sunshine." Tommy said handing her a cup of coffee.

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought you might wake up hungry." Tommy said turning back to the stove. After he'd woken up he still couldn't bring himself to go home.

Jude took in the way he was dressed. He was bare footed, his jeans were loose on his hips, and he only had on his under shirt. "Did you go home last night?" She asked sitting down at the table.

Tommy froze. He hadn't thought this far a head. "I wanted to be here incase you needed anything."

Jude thought it was cute that he stayed. "You do know I wasn't that drunk last night, don't you?"

"Eat up." He said avoiding her question. "I'm going to run. I need to get a shower before I go to work. I'll see you at lunch?"

"Sure." Jude laughed after he was gone. He was so cute when he was flustered. She tried to remind herself that there could be nothing more than friendship. That was just how it needed to be.

"Thought you might need some coffee." Tommy said handing Sadie a cup in hospitality.

"Thanks. And thank you so much for coming to get us last night."

"No problem. I was wondering something." Seeing Jude dancing with all those guys mad him wonder if she had dated anyone while in Rome.

"Let's go into my office. I feel like this may be personal." Sadie had a feeling she knew what was coming.

"Was there someone else?"

Sadie smiled and shook her head. "She was with mom constantly. She actually withdrew more when she found out you were engaged. I thought she'd get out and try to meet someone, but no."

"She asked me a couple of weeks ago what happened with Katie."

"What did you tell her?"

"Just that it didn't work out."

"Maybe you should tell her the truth. I promised you when it happened I wouldn't tell her, and I will keep my word, but maybe it is time for her to know why you're not married to Katie right now." Sadie just wanted them both to be happy.

Tommy knew Sadie was right. Jude deserved to know the truth, but he was still afraid it would push her too far if he told her. Their friendship was too important. He knew that Jude had it in her head that they couldn't be together, and the only way he knew to prove her wrong was to let nature take its course.

Jude was in a daze most of the morning. She was so torn between what she wanted from Tommy. On one hand she wanted him back, but the other hand she wasn't the girl she used to be. She didn't think she'd make a good girlfriend anymore. She had too much baggage.

She had a few lessons that morning. The rest of the day was pretty dull. Tommy came by at lunch. She and Wally spent the afternoon doing inventory. When she got home, she was still tired from the night before. A glass of wine and a quiet night on the couch sounded like heaven to her.

She was half a sleep, when there was a knock at her door. "Tommy, what are you doing here?"

"Thought I would bring by dinner." He said holding up a bag. He'd had a really good day in the studio with Milo, and he couldn't think of anyone he wanted to spend his time with more than her.

"Come on in. I was just watching TV."

"Looks like you were sleeping to me." He laughed.

"So I was dozing. It's been one of those days."

She wasn't sure how it happened nor did she really care, but they fell into this daily routine where they ate every meal together. In the mornings they would meet for breakfast or just coffee. He would show up at the store for lunch. Then they would have dinner at G Major, her place, or his. Jude couldn't deny how easy it was to be with him. It was never awkward. They seemed to always have something to talk about. The natural thing seemed to always happen. They always ended up half asleep cuddled together on a couch.

Tommy felt like they were finally getting somewhere. She was still drinking, but she didn't seem to get trashed every night. He tried to occupy as much of her time as he could. She seemed to be opening up more about her time in Rome. He could listen to her talk about her mom for hours and never get bored. Mainly because she was always smiling.

"So, these are the scrapbooks I was telling you about." She said one night after dinner.

"Wow, Jude, these are great."

"I haven't really looked at them since I moved back. Jamie had them out that day he came over, but I made him put them up."

"Why?"

"Because there are things in there that I didn't want to think about. I know my mom was proud of me, but I've made some mistakes that I wish I could forget." She hoped he would pry deeper, but she knew that was a lost cause.

"Mistakes are what make us. How many mistakes do you think I have made over the years? Sure they are nothing to be proud of, but if you forget them then what's the use?" He couldn't believe everything her mom documented. "She really did follow everything didn't she?" He said reading an article about Jude's eighteenth birthday.

"Yeah, she did. All that time I missed with her, and it was like she didn't miss anything with me. "

They laughed more looking through the books. The memories of working together were always great. They complimented each other perfectly in the studio. Her mom had even made notes of how perfect they were together.

"It's late I should be getting home." Tommy said when Jude was putting the books away.

"Okay, we'll meet at eight for breakfast?"

"I'll see you then."

His phone was ringing when he got home. He laughed thinking she'd forgotten to tell him something. "Miss me already?" He answered not looking at the caller ID.

"Tom?" Katie's voice rang through the receiver.

"Katie, it's late. What's going on?" He hadn't spoken to her since they called off the wedding.

"I'm in town for an exhibit. I thought maybe we could have lunch one day."

He didn't know what to say considering he had lunch with Jude every day, but then he remembered her saying she was taking off Thursday to spend the day with her dad. "Come by G Major on Thursday."

"See you then."

Tommy wasn't sure what she could really want, but it was the last thing he needed. His head was all over the place dealing with Jude. He wasn't sure he had the patience to start dealing with Katie, too.

Jude didn't get enough time with her dad, and it was nice to spend the day with him. They went shopping at the record store then went for lunch. "So, how have things really been?" Stuart asked her.

"Good. I like working at the guitar shop. Wally is a cool boss."

"And how are you and Tom?"

"Dad, Tommy and I are just friends." She couldn't even look him in the eye.

"Friends, huh? You've been spending a lot of time with him."

"He's my neighbor, and he's really been there for me. He doesn't try to push me in to the studio like Jamie. He just lets me be me. I need that right now."

"It's because he loves you. I know I wasn't always supportive, but I could always see how he cared for you." Stuart just wanted his daughter happy. "Speaking of Jamie; he's moved back in with his Nana. Do you know what that is about?"

Jude was shocked. "Nope, I have been avoided his calls. Maybe I will give Zepp a call to check on them."

They had a really nice lunch. Her dad saw that he needed to lay off the Tommy talk. He didn't want to push Jude too hard. He could see she was still very fragile. He wished she would sing again. He missed her voice, but he knew that her love for singing would come back.

Tommy was a bit nervous to see Katie. It was the not knowing that was getting to him. Their argument that led to the cancellation of the wedding was pretty bad. He'd fooled himself that he could get over Jude and have a happy life with Katie. That only ended up hurting Katie.

"Hey Tom." She said coming in Studio A.

"Kat, how are you?" He said giving her a warm hug.

"Good. You look good. The rumors must be true."

"Rumors?" He was confused.

"I heard you and Jude were back together. I knew it would happen eventually."

"Jude and I are just friends. She's been through a lot. She moved back after her mom passed away. I am just trying to help her through it."

"I hate to hear that."

Jude decided after lunch with her dad, she would take Tommy some lunch at G Major. What her dad said to her really got her to thinking. If she and Tommy still loved each other then maybe they could have something again. She always thought they couldn't go back, but maybe they could have something new.

She saw him through the glass doors of the studio. He was with a girl. She was pretty and they looked really comfortable together. His face would light up when he laughed at something she said. "Sadie, who is that with Tommy?" She asked pulling Sadie to her side.

"That's Katie." Sadie said before rushing off again.

Jude thought a minute before turning on her heels to leave. On her way out she threw his lunch in the trash. She was crazy to think they could ever be together again.

**Where will Jude turn when she think the one person she depends on is no longer available. And what was Katie's little visit really about? **

**Please keep you reviews coming.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry it has taken so long for the update. I have become obsessed with catching up on Lost. I spent a week watching as many episodes as possible. Plus, I was second guessing this chapter because I felt it was going to fast, but I thought it worked for the big picture.**

Chapter 12

"So, I know you said you had an exhibit, but what did you really want to see me for?" Tommy asked Katie as they ate lunch.

"You know me too well. I actually wanted to apologize for everything I said in our last fight. I've actually met someone new in the states. We are in town so he can meet my family."

"That's great. Is it serious?"

"It's getting there. But if it wasn't for you, I would have never met him. When I left for New York, I left to get away from the memories of you. If we'd never been together, I would have never taken the job."

"So you are thanking me for breaking your heart? I would say my pleasure, but it doesn't seem right."

"I'm just saying even though we weren't meant for each other, the time we had together was supposed to happen. And I forgive you. So you can forgiver your self."

"Jude doesn't believe we belong together. She is so lost in her grief that she has lost herself along the way."

"She'll be fine." Katie said with confidence.

"How do you know?"

"She has you. You were a constant in her life during the most influential years of her life. Now you're there for her again. She has no choice other than to be okay. Just tell her how you feel."

"Thanks, Kat."

Jude felt like she couldn't breathe. Of course Tommy would never tell her what happened with Katie. He was just waiting for her to come back to him. It was times like this she wished she had girlfriends, but no all her best friends were guys. That gave her an idea, and she took out her phone.

"Good afternoon, NBR. How may I direct your call?"

"My I speak to Zeppelin, please?"

"She's on vacation. Would you like to speak to Mr. Andrews?"

"No, thank you." Luckily Jude had her cell number, too.

"Hello?"

"Zepp, hey it's Jude."

"Jude, hey. What's up?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to meet for a drink."

"Sure."

Jude gave her the address to the bar she usually went to. The guys wouldn't understand what she was going through, and with Sadie so busy, she felt she could talk to Zeppelin.

"So they told me you were on vacation at NBR. Why do I feel like that's not the whole truth?" Jude asked as they ordered their first drink.

"Did you talk to Jamie?"

"No, I didn't want to listen to him try to convince me to come in."

"Yeah, he is one to push."

"So, what about this vacation?"

"I've taken some time off."

"Does this have anything to do with Jamie moving back to Nana's? Dad told me today."

"Let's just say I'm sick of competing against someone he can't seem to get over."

Jude instantly felt bad. It wasn't hard to know who she was talking about. "I'm sorry. I wish…"

"Don't. It's not your fault." She interrupted her. "Jamie has this ideal you, and in his head he can't see what is around him. My dad warned me, but I just love him."

"I know, and he should see that. Maybe over the years I gave him the wrong impression, but I never meant to."

"You love Tommy, and everybody sees that but him."

"Not everybody." Jude said sarcastically.

"What do you mean?"

"His ex is back. I guess I should have seen this coming. I mean he lives in the house he bought for her. How does somebody that is supposed to know how much I care, move on so quickly?" Jude was already on her second beer.

"I don't know." Zeppelin had never really gotten to know Jude, but always wished she did. She thought maybe this was her chance.

"I mean I know I fucked up when I left him the way I did. But I was so overwhelmed with what was going on around me. He was supposed to see that and fight for me."

"Jamie moved to Nana's after one night of me not coming home. He refuses to see where I am coming from."

The girls sat there and talked forever. Jude really liked having a female to talk to. She hadn't had a really good girlfriend since Kat in high school. They talked about life and music. Jude explained to her why she couldn't sing anymore. Before they knew it, they both were pretty drunk. It didn't seem to help any. Most of the time it would just numb the pain, but it made the pain stronger.

After they ate lunch, Katie got up to leave. "I better get going. I don't want to leave Jake with my dad too long. There's no telling how many embarrassing stories he's already told him."

"That's true. I'm glad you came by."

"Remember what I said, Tom. Just be there, and Jude will come around."

"Thanks. Take care of your self down in New York."

"I will."

Tommy sat at his desk and just thought about what all she said. Was it really enough to just be there for her? He wasn't sure, but it was really all he could do at this point. She'd made it clear after their night together that she didn't want a relationship with him.

"Hey, Tommy, have you seen Jude?" Sadie asked peaking in the door.

"No. Why? I thought she was spending the day with your dad."

"She was here about an hour ago. I thought she would have come in here."

Tommy was really confused, and then it dawned on him. "Fuck! Did she come in while I was with Katie?"

Sadie mentally kicked herself. Jude had seen Katie and ran. "Yeah, I was running around working on press releases. She must have left. Sorry."

"I'll call her. I think I need to explain some things to her."

"So, what was Katie doing here anyway? Doesn't she live in New York now?"

"She's in town with her new boyfriend visiting her parents. She wanted to tell me that she forgave me for how everything ended. I think I'm going to call it an early day, and go find Jude. Will you tell Karma?"

"Yeah. And Tommy, good luck."

He looked everywhere he could think of. Her house, her dad's, and the guitar shop. He even went by NBR to ask Spied if he'd seen her. Her car was at none of the bars around town. She was no where to be found. He started to really worry about her. She wasn't answering her cell phone. He was about to give up when he spotted Zeppelin's car at the bar Jude usually went to. He thought it was a long shot, but he stopped.

Zeppelin didn't know how long she'd been there, but she didn't really care. She'd been with Jamie so long that she'd forgotten to what it was like to let loose. Jamie was business all the time. He'd always say "If we want to compete with G Major there is no time to piddle" and that drove her crazy more than anything. Here she could have fun and not think about her problems with Jamie. She was at the pool table learning to play when she saw Jude leave with some guy. She was so into her flirting to really pay much attention.

She was coming out of the ladies room when she saw Tommy walk in. He looked frantic, and Zeppelin just wanted to crawl into a hole.

"Zeppelin, have you seen Jude?" He rushed at her.

Her mind sobered up quickly and realized she had no idea where Jude went. "She was here. We met to have a few drinks, but she left about an hour ago."

"Do you know where she went?"

She just shook her head. She was afraid to say anything. That was when it hit her and she went running back to the ladies room. She never drank, but today she had drank way too much. She wished she had her Jamie with her. The one he'd been all those years he wasn't trying to compete with Tom Quincy.

Tommy didn't want to leave her, so he stood by the door. She probably didn't know anyone in there. He started to call Jamie, but he didn't want to explain why he was calling. Jamie would probably just accuse him of stealing another one of his girls. Not that Jude every really was.

"You okay?" He asked when she came back out.

"Peachy." She said before ordering a water.

"Do you want me to call someone for you?"

"No thanks. I'm sorry Jude is already gone." She wanted to ask him a million questions. Why was he looking for her when according to Jude he was getting back with his ex? And why was he being so nice to her.

"Are you sure you don't know where she went? Did she leave with someone?" He found it odd that they would meet for drinks, and Jude leave before Zeppelin.

"She walked out with someone, but I don't know if they were leaving together." She fibbed because there was no doubt she left with that guy.

"I have to find her. You want me to drop you off somewhere?"

"I'm just going to call a cab. I can get my car later. Good luck."

She couldn't even remember the guy's name she'd gone home with. All she could think about was Tommy. He'd looked happy talking to Katie. They were probably out celebrating their reunion. "I thought you said you had something to make me feel good." She giggled as he handed her another beer.

They were in an old run down apartment that reminded her of her old rehearsal space. She'd been dancing with this guy, and he promised to show her a good time.

"Oh baby, do I ever." He said in a husky voice before kissing her neck. "Just follow me." He led her to a bedroom in the back of the apartment. She didn't ask questions because she just wanted to feel. He pulled her too him and kissed her hard on the mouth. "Get ready for the ride of your life." He laughed waving a little white packet in his hand.

"I've never done this before."

"It's okay, baby, I'll show ya." She watched as he did a line. "It's just like that."

Tommy was completely beside himself. Where could have gone? He sat on her couch all night waiting for her.

Jude woke the next morning completely disoriented. She had no clue where she was, and the place reeked of alcohol. She felt a shift in the bed she was in and that was when she realized she wasn't alone. She prayed who ever it was, wasn't awake so she could escape.

As she was picking up all her clothes the whole night came flooding back to her. She remembered that drinking wasn't numbing the pain, and she so desperately wanted something to make her feel good again. She'd left the bar with some guy that promised her a good time. And boy did he? She felt like she was flying, but this morning was a whole other story.

She just wanted to get home and take a shower. The last thing she expected was to find Tommy asleep on her couch. What was he doing there? She wasn't sure if she had the strength to find out. She tried to tip toe through the living room, but she bumped into her sofa table behind the couch.

Tommy had only dozed off when he heard her bump into the table. He sat up rubbing his eyes. "Where have you been?" He asked in a sleepy voice.

"What are you doing here, Tommy?" She turned to look at him.

"Sadie said you came by G Major yesterday. I went looking for you everywhere. I found Zepp at Charlie's; she said you met her there but left. So, I came back here thinking you might be home. I was worried."

"Why do you care?"

"What's that supposed to mean? And what are you doing staying out all night anyway? You look like hell. Where were you?"

"Tommy, I'm a grown woman." She huffed. This was really getting on her nerves. "You know you have no fucking say in what I do. You're not my husband or even my boyfriend anymore."

"And whose fault is that?" He replied in a huff.

"Come on do you really think we would have made it? You are the one who was engaged again in only a year."

"Do I need to remind you who left who? Jude, you just left. You decided I wasn't what you wanted. Was I supposed to sit around and pine away for you?"

"I was scared. I needed to experience things on my own. It's not like you couldn't have run after me and fight for me. You just let me go."

"Because that is what you told me you wanted. But for months I wanted to go after you and make you see that we were meant for each other."

"But Katie…"

"Called the wedding off because I wasn't over you."

"Then why is she back?" She asked in a small voice.

"She's in town for an exhibit and to see her family."

"Oh." Jude's head was spinning. He'd never moved on. Her night out was replaying in her head. What had she done? "I need to get ready for work." She needed time to think.

"Jude, what were coming to G Major for, and why did you run away?" He asked walking towards her.

"Tommy, please. I've had a rough night. I need to shower and get to work. Can we talk about this later?" She really had to process all of this.

"Dinner at my house tonight?" He pleaded.

"Sure." She nodded before heading towards her room.

…

**Can Jommy reunite or will Jude have to suffer from the repercussions of her night out. Will being with Tommy really solve all her issues? Keep letting me know what you think. I know the drug use could be a little extreme, but its real, and these things happen everyday.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Finally over a horrible case of writers block. I tried for days to get this finished. But now here it is. I want to thank everyone for their reviews. I'm happy to have so much support. Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 13

Jude stood in the shower letting the hot water run over her. How could she let herself get so out of control? She remembered feeling like she had no one to turn to anymore. Now Tommy telling her that he wasn't over her had her mind reeling. Katie wasn't in town to get back together. She wished she had her mom to talk to. She would tell her what to do with this new information. She slid down the shower wall as she cried.

Her whole day was a haze. She didn't know what to say to Tommy at dinner. Should she tell him why she came by G Major? Was there a real chance for them, or had she really screwed up? She got so many text messages from Mike, the guy she'd gone home with, that she turned her phone off.

"Dude, what is up with you today?" Wally asked. She had butchered two lessons.

"Rough night."

"Why don't you take the rest of the day off? It's slow enough around here that I can handle it. Go home and get some rest." Wally was worried that she wasn't getting enough sleep.

Jude went home, put on a pair of comfy pajamas, and curled up on the couch. Jude hoped a relaxing afternoon would help her push the night completely out of her mind. Just another mistake to add to her long list. She couldn't seem to quit making mistakes. She didn't want to be that girl. The one that spiraled out of control, but she wasn't sure how to stop it. After flipping through the TV ten times she fell in to restless sleep.

Tommy was nervous and fidgety all day. He was finally going to come completely clean with his feelings for Jude. He wanted her to know everything. They'd stayed buried for long enough. He couldn't help but worry that the truth would push her away in the long run. Her emotions were still so fragile from losing her mom. He had to try though. He had to tell her he never stopped loving her and dreaming of a life with her.

'What's got you all jittery?" A voice asked from the door.

"Kwest, didn't expect you back so soon."

"D wanted me to start as soon as possible. So, I'm here. Is Sadie around?"

"Her office is next to D's. She should be in there." Tommy said with a laugh.

"I'm just going to go say hi, and then you and I need to talk."

Tommy knew his best friend meant well, but he really didn't want to talk to anyone until he had the chance to really talk to Jude. That meant spending the rest of the day avoiding Kwest. But not to his surprise, Sadie kept Kwest pretty occupied all day. Tommy hoped they could work out their differences because he knew they still cared about each other.

Jude's vivid dreams were back. Everything seemed completely real. She was in the church out near her family's old farm house. At first it looked like it did back when she and Tommy were there recording. But after she started looking around it was all decorated for a wedding. She saw Sadie running around making sure everything was in place. All of a sudden she was walking down the isle on her father's arm. The only problem was she couldn't make out the grooms face. By the time she made it to the front of the church, all that was there was her mom's casket.

Jude awoke sitting straight up on the couch. She had tears streaming down her face. Her chest felt like someone was standing on it keeping her from being able to breathe. She felt completely unfocused. It seemed like the pain was never going to go away.

Looking in her fridge, she grabbed a beer and went to sit out side. She lit a cigarette and took a long drag trying to calm her nerves. It was still hard to breath. It was like she was having a panic attack. Her palms were sweaty and she was getting chills. How was she supposed to have dinner with Tommy when she couldn't get a hold on herself?

She turned her cell on, and replied back to a text. 'My nerves r shot. U got anything?'

'I have just the thing. Meet me Charlie's.'

Jude checked the time, and she had plenty of time to go and get back before Tommy. She found Mike by the Juke box. "I was wondering if you were ignoring me today." He said pulling her to him.

"I had to work." She said as he threw his hand up to order her a beer.

"It's okay, baby." He slipped a plastic bag in her pocket. "Just take a peach when you need to relax."

"How much do I owe you?"

"Let's just say this one's on the house."

Jude took her beer and started looking over the juke box. She'd been to the bar numerous times, but she never looked over the music. When she saw her second album, she flipped the page quickly. Her long over career wasn't something she wanted to think about. "I can't stay long. I have to meet someone for dinner."

"That's okay. We can have fun another night." He laughed.

In a way, Jude felt comfortable around Mike because she didn't have to be herself. He didn't know what was going on in her life. There wasn't a need to explain herself to him. Hell all he knew about her was her name was Jude and her cell phone number.

By the time she got home the Xanax had kicked in and she could breathe again. She had just enough time to change and freshen up before walking over to Tommy's.

Tommy had it all planned out. He was going to cook one of her favorite dishes, and only buy one bottle of wine. They didn't need a repeat of the last major dinner they had at his place. Of course his plan got squashed at the last minute when Darius stopped him.

Two hours later, he didn't have time to cook so he had to get take out. Chicken mango teriyaki would have to do. Plus there was no time to go get the wine either. He stopped by the store to grab a twelve pack. He couldn't help but smile watching her walk across the yard when he was getting out of his car.

"Running late?" She laughed.

"Yeah, Darius pulled me into an unexpected recording session with a new band. I was going to cook, but had to get take out instead."

"That's okay."

They sat in his living room eating, Jude wasn't sure what to talk about. It wasn't awkward just quite. She didn't want to start the conversation that was the reason for this dinner.

"So, how was your day?" Tommy asked. He hated the silence between them.

That was the one question she was hoping he wouldn't ask. She wasn't sure how to answer it.

Tommy noticed her hesitation in answering. "Jude, did something happen today?"

"No, I just had a rough day."

When they were finished eating, Tommy threw away all the boxes while Jude took her beer out side. She needed air before they started talking. She sat down and stared at the sky. She lit a cigarette just as Tommy stepped outside.

"You've been unusually quiet." He said sitting beside her.

"I guess I have a lot on my mind." She said not looking at him. She took a deep breath. "I came by G Major yesterday because of something my dad said. He said he could tell you still cared for me."

"I do." He said honestly.

"I was ready to tell you that even though we couldn't go back to what things used to be maybe we could start over and have something new. We aren't the same people anymore; at least I'm not. Then I saw you with someone, and when Sadie told me it was Katie, I freaked."

"It's understandable. I never told you how things ended with her. Where were you all night?"

That was one thing she decided Tommy could never know. "It doesn't matter anymore." She said shaking her head.

"Can I show you something?" He asked standing up and holding his hand out for hers.

She put her cigarette out and took his hand. "Sure."

He led her in the house and down to the basement. He was nervous because he didn't know how she was going to react. "I know it's strange that I kept the house after Katie called off the wedding, but this was why."

Jude looked around. They were standing in a home studio, and everything around them was a reminder of their relationship. Her album posters were on the wall. Even his furniture from his old apartment was down there. "Wow."

"I had it put in when I bought the house. I thought it was so I wouldn't be away from home so much, but after the wedding was called off, I found coming down here helped me think. That was when I decorated. Katie made me realize I wasn't over you. So this was where I felt close to you. I would come down her and listen to your music. I wanted to come after you, but every time I would get enough courage I would hear your speech at her farewell concert in my head, and I would chicken out."

"Oh Tommy." She had tears in her eyes again. He really did still love her.

"I actually had a bag packed ready to go with Sadie to your mom's funeral, but Tristan called me about some family business. I was in New Brunswick when you moved home."

"Was everything okay?"

"Yeah, we just had to straighten out some paper work at mom's home. But it reminded me about how torn I was when I left you to take care of my mom that time. I was always pushing you away. I couldn't blame you for leaving me the way you did."

"No, Tommy, I was wrong. I did to you what I always complained about you doing. I was no better. I should have told you my fears instead of breaking up with you in front of an audience that didn't even realize what I was doing. They actually cheered me on."

"So what do we do now?" Tommy said looking at her closely.

Jude walked closer to him and cupped his face in her hands. "I guess we start over." She whispered before meeting his lips in a sweet kiss.

When the kiss ended, they just held on to each other. Tommy was relieved that she didn't take off running. He never wanted to scare her away. And if starting over was what she wanted then that is what they would do. He sat down at the sound board and pulled her into his lap. "So how does this starting over work?" He asked with smile.

She shrugged. "I hadn't really thought that far. I guess we go slow. And dates are pretty mandatory." She said smirking.

"Dates, huh?"

"Yeah. Last time there weren't that many dates."She said playing with the collar on his shirt.

"Hey I took you out that one time. Not my fault you followed me to the men's room and we had to quit going out." He laughed and nuzzled her neck. He just loved having her so close.

"And no over nights for a while. I don't want to rush it." She said looking into his eyes.

Tommy stuck his lip out in a playful manner. "I understand." He said when she gave him a stern look. That was when he remembered something else he kept down there. "Get up for a minute." He went to corner and pulled a box off the top shelf.

"What's that?" She asked.

"My Thailand box."

She gave him a weird look. "Thailand box?"

"Yeah, it started with the tickets we never used then when I got home from my trip I put everything else in here. At first it was to lock away memories of you because I had met Katie."

Jude was amazed at the pictures. "Wow. Everything is so beautiful." Every picture had a note on the back to her. "Tommy."

"I thought of you everyday. It was the trip we were supposed to take together."

Jude just smiled before pulling his face to hers for another kiss. They spent another couple of hours down there talking. Tommy told her all about the trip and the things he saw. He told her that when he met Katie he just felt like if he didn't try to move on he was going to go crazy.

She let out a yawn as they were leaned against the leather couch. "Are you tired?"

"No, I want to stay right here." She whined.

"It's late. Why don't you go home and get some sleep. We'll go for breakfast in the morning before I have to go in for a few hours."

"Okay." She said in a sleepy voice.

Tommy walked her to his front door. "I'm glad we talked." He said tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Me too." She said with a smile.

He leaned in and kissed her softly once more. "Sleep well."

"You too."

Jude walked home floating. Could this be the end of her pain? She hoped so. Tommy just made her happy. She didn't want to over think it just yet.

Tommy was glad he showed her the studio. He hoped she understood how deep his feelings really went. He knew for the first time in a long time he would sleep through the night without dreaming of that night of her last concert.

**Please review!!! Can it be smooth sailings from here, or is this just a quick fix for Jude's problems? **

**I hope everyone has a wonderful Mother's day weekend. Give your mom a special hug and just be glad she's there. If you are a mom, I hope you have a great day to just relax. For those of you who have lost your mothers along the way know you are not alone.  
**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Jude fell asleep with a smile, but sometime in the night that all changed. Her dreams were still haunting her. She woke with a start around six, and couldn't get back to sleep. She found her jacket to get the bag of xanax Mike had given her day before. After taking one she promised herself she'd only take them when she desperately needed them. She put them in her medicine cabinet in an aspirin bottle.

She sat outside drinking coffee and watching the sun rise. If she reminded herself to breathe she felt better. She thought that officially getting back together with Tommy would dull the pain. All it did was cover it. Sure she was happy because she loved him so much. There was still a part of her that held onto sadness.

Tommy woke up with a smile. He felt like he was going to have a great day. He showered and got ready for work humming a song he hadn't thought about in years. His life seemed to be falling back into place. He'd really been completely lost since Jude moved to London. Now he knew right where he was.

He walked over and found her sitting on her back patio staring at the sky. "Morning."

"Hey." She said looking over at him.

"You don't look ready for breakfast." He observed. She was still in her pajamas wrapped in a blanket.

"Just give me a few minutes." She said standing up. Since it was Saturday she didn't have to work, so she decided she could just take a shower when she got back. She looked into the mirror and took a deep breath. "Just breathe." She told herself before going back out back where he was waiting.

"That didn't take long." He said taking her hand and pulling her closer to him.

"I'm not high maintenance remember?" She giggled.

He couldn't help but laugh because of the one time he called her high maintenance. "I know."

Breakfast was nice. Jude just enjoyed his company. This was where she'd wanted to be since she'd left him in the first place. It amazed her how their hands still fit perfectly together. "So, how long do you have to work today?" She asked while they were walking through the park.

"Just a few hours. I have a session with the new band, and a lot of paper work to catch up on. Good news is Kwest is back. He and I will be splitting our work load. That is if I can keep him away from Sadie."

"Really?"

"Yeah, yesterday he spent most of the day with her. I know if was mostly business, but I don't think it will take long before they are back together."

"I guess everyone is just reuniting." She said smiling and leaning up to kiss his lips softly.

"I guess so." Tommy said smiling down on her. "I better get you home. I have a schedule."

"Let's go."

When he dropped her off back at home, Jude almost felt completely happy. She had that feeling back that she had before going to bed. Then something hit her that she hadn't thought about. She'd invited Zeppelin out for drinks and then completely left her. She grabbed her cell to call her.

"Hello?" Zepp answered.

"Hey, it's Jude. I'm so sorry about the other night. I invited you out then totally ditched you."

"No, it's fine. I was having fun anyway."

"Well you want to hand out again?"

"What do you want to do?"

"You could come over and hang at my house." Jude thought it would be fun to just hang out around home.

"Sure, I can be there in twenty minutes."

"Great!"

When Zeppelin got there they ordered a pizza and just sat around talking.

"So, I drunk called Jamie the other night."

"You didn't?" Jude laughed.

"I did. We talked for a long time and he's coming home tonight. He said he would even close the office early. I think maybe he is ready to fix things."

"That's great. Just keep showing how him how much you love him and you two will be just fine." Jude just wanted them both to be happy.

"So what about you? Did Tommy ever find you?"

"He was here when I got home." She left out the part about it being the next morning. "He explained why his ex was in town."

"So they aren't getting back together?"

"Nope. As usual Jude jumps to conclusions. I seem to always jump to the worst case scenario with Tommy. I once got mad at him because I thought he had a kid. She turned out to be Darius' daughter."

"Maybe you try too hard. How do you really feel about him?"

"I love him. I've loved him since I was fifteen years old, but sometimes I wonder if it's enough." She just buried her face in her hands.

"Jude, when he came looking for you last night I could tell he loves you too."

"We had dinner last night and decided to try again. We're going to take it slow, but I just really want it to work."

"That's great."

They spent the rest of the afternoon just talking girl talk. Jude felt good about finally having a female friend that she could depend on. It was nice to not feel any pressure. She actually felt comfortable talking to her about pretty much everything.

Looking at the time Zeppelin stood to leave. "Jamie will be home soon, so I better go."

"Thanks for coming over. I think you and I are going to be really good friends."

After she was gone, Jude started straightening the living room. She threw away the pizza box and soda cans. She felt almost normal.

Tommy felt like nothing could bring him down. He had a good job, and his girl back. What else could he want? Maybe more time with her. When they were together before, he saw her all the time because they worked together. He hated having to leave her to come to work. He still didn't want to push her when it came to her music. He didn't want to loose her as soon as he got her back.

"You're in a good mood." Kwest said walking into his office.

"Hey man. It's a good day."

"And what makes it a good day?"

"Jude and I decided to try again. I think maybe our timing is right this time."

"That's great man." Kwest was happy for his friend. "Sadie and I are going to dinner. I think we are going to try friends again first."

"Good, man. Maybe soon you'll be smiling like me."

"We'll see. I just don't want to overwhelm again. I guess I was just so caught up in everything I didn't think about her feelings."

"I get it. I did the same thing with Jude. I mean I didn't think about her fears, all I thought about was I didn't want to loose her again. It only led to loosing her."

"So are we working with the new band today?"

"Yeah, they are setting up now. You go on and get started and when I finish this paper work I will be in there."

"Cool."

It was probably to smoothest recording session in history. Tommy was just felt so mellow that everything sounded good to him. "Alright guys, let's call it a day. Tomorrow is Sunday, so rehearse. Be at the Viper Room no later than seven Monday night. Darius is putting a lot into this showcase."

"We'll be there."

"They are really talented." Kwest said after the guys were gone.

"They are, and they're going to be lucky to have you as their producer. I figured since they are just starting out, they'd be a good act for you. I have my plate full with Karma, Milo and two other bands. Darius also wants to start auditions for a new Instant Star."

"Wow. I can see why he wanted me to start so quickly."

"You know Darius. I'm just glad he's not pushing Jude."

"Do you think she will come around soon?"

"I don't know. I hope so. I know her music is still important to her."

"Well, I need to get ready for dinner with Sadie. Are you about done here?"

"Just a little more paper work then I'll be out of here too."

Jude was on a roll with the cleaning. She had dusted the whole house. Her laundry was done and put away. She was thinking about what to do for dinner, when her phone rang.

"Hello?"

"So what should we have for dinner tonight?"

She let out a laugh. "I was just thinking that myself."

"I could grab something, or we could go out."

"Like a date?"

"You were the one that said dates were mandatory."

"I can be ready in an hour."

"See you then."

Tommy called and got last minute reservations. Being one of Toronto's top producers had its perks. He wanted to make it a special occasion since this would be officially their first date back together. He stopped by the florist and got her some flowers. He wanted to do this right. The plan was to treat her like a complete princess all night.

Jude felt like a teenager again getting ready. She wanted to look nice for Tommy. The strange thing was she was never like this as a teenager. She never really cared back then, but she never really went on 'dates' with Jamie, Spied, or even Tommy. This night was a big deal. She felt a bit of sadness wishing her mom was there to help her get ready. Deep down she knew her mom would want her happy.

"Wow." Tommy said when she answered the door.

Jude just smiled shyly. "You don't look so bad yourself."

"These are for you." He handed her the flowers.

"Oh Tommy, they're beautiful. Thank you. Let me put these in some water, and we can go."

"Okay."

Jude looked around in awe when they arrived at the restaurant. "This place is so nice. How did you get us in at the last minute?"

"Let's just say the name Tom Quincy still means something." He said smirking.

"That's good to know." Jude said hugging his arm with a smile.

"So, what did you do today?" He asked after they were seated and waiting on their drinks.

"Zeppelin came over and we hung out. Then I cleaned and did laundry." Jude noticed he was looking at her funny after that last part. "What?"

"You're so domesticated."

Jude just shrugged. "I had to do a lot taking care of my mom."

"I know. I think it is good that you know how to take care of yourself."

Throughout dinner they talked more about their day. Tommy told her about the new band and all the plans Darius had for G Major. Jude told Tommy about Zeppelin and Jamie getting back together. It was like they never had a lull in conversation. It really helped to keep Jude focused.

"So, what now?" Jude asked when they were waiting on the valet to bring the car around.

"Whatever you want to do. It's late, but we could still go to a movie."

"Or we could go by the rental place and go back to my house." Jude said smiling.

"Sure." Tommy agreed. He really just wanted Jude to be comfortable with whatever they did.

Jude loved being curled up on the couch with Tommy. She felt safe with his arms wrapped around her. Every few minutes her phone would buzz from across the room. She just ignored it because Tommy was all that mattered at the moment. She could read her text messages later. When it started ringing, she pulled herself up to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Ignoring me again?" Mike laughed.

"Oh hey, this is not really the best time."

"So the boyfriend must be there. Is he the guy I saw you kissing in the park today?"

Jude was slightly taken back. Who was Mike to question her like this? "Hold on. Hey babe, I need to take this. Can you pause the movie?"

Tommy nodded and didn't ask any questions.

"What do you want?" Jude asked in to the phone once she was in her room.

"Just thought since you had to run last night."

"Look, thanks for yesterday. And I promise I will pay you back, it's just not a good night." She found herself wanting to hide Tommy from Mike. Mainly so Tommy wouldn't find out about her night out.

"You know where to find me."

Tommy didn't want to invade her privacy. When he looked at the clock he noticed that it was really late. It was probably time to call it a night. He sat up on the couch and put his shoes back on.

When Jude came out of the bedroom, she found Tommy putting on his jacket. "You leaving? The movie's not even over."

"It's late."

"Stay?" All she could think about was if he left she'd go to bed and her dreams would start up again. Plus she felt bad that Mike called and interrupted their movie.

"Jude, I'm just going by what you said last night. You said no over nights."

"Can't you just hold me?"

"If that is what you want." Tommy could never say no to her.

"Great. Let's finish the movie then." Jude said smiling. Maybe Tommy could chase all the bad dreams away.

They both ended up falling asleep before the movie was even over.

**There you go. Can Tommy really chase away Jude's dreams? We'll have to see. Can Jude get her emotions and her anxiatey in check for the sake of her relationship? It's always bad timing for Jommy. Can it be different this time around? Thanks to everyone for you review. Keep them coming. You are all awesome!!!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry it has taken me so long to get this chapter done. I've been unfocused for the last week. But I'm back and hopefully I can start getting my updates done faster. Here you go. I own nothing.**

Chapter 15

She felt strange walking through G Major. She felt like everybody was watching her, but they seemed to be looking right through her. Looking around everything was different. The décor was like Georgia had it not Darius. She saw Tommy at the top of the stairs, but it wasn't her Tommy. He was twenty two again with his hair all a mess. She'd forgotten how gorgeous he really was back then. How could a girl not fall in love with him? He was standing exactly where he'd been when she met him, but it wasn't her he was being introduced to; it was Eden.

"Your mom would have never left you if you hadn't won Instant Star." A sixteen year old Jamie told her.

"It wasn't my fault. This is just a dream." She argued.

"Really? Or is it reality hitting you in the face? You never belonged here, Jude."

"Shut up!" She exclaimed and everything changed.

She was now standing in front of the Jukebox at Charlie's. Flipping through the pages she couldn't find her CD anymore. "Hey, Jen, did they change the CDs?" She called back to the bartender.

"No, come on, Jude, I'm swamped back here."

It was like instinct took over, and she got behind the bar and started helping out. The bar was packed. "Where did everybody come from?" Jude asked.

"Bachelor party for one of G Major's producers."

Jude looked around and sure enough she saw Tommy sitting at one of the tables. He looked about twenty five. Right beside him was Kwest. "Here's to my best friend, T, on his last night of freedom."

She found herself entranced on their table wondering who Tommy was marrying. "Should have known she'd show up." Jenny said sarcastically.

"Who?" Jude asked looking at the door and in walked Karma.

"I heard that MTV wants to do a show about them after the wedding. It's all for show. I mean can you really see Little Tommy Q settling down?"

"Yeah." Jude laughed nervously. She closed her eyes and shook her head. What strange world was she in?

When she opened her eyes she was in a hospital room sitting beside her mom's bed. Victoria was sleeping, so she got up and walked out into the hallway. She needed to get some air. "Mommy!" A little blonde girl ran up to her.

"I told her not to run away." Jamie said running after her. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Jude said kneeling down to the little girl's level.

Jude sat straight up on the couch. It took her a few seconds to realize she was in her house. She felt like something was crushing her chest.

"Jude?" Tommy questioned in a sleepy voice.

"Go back to sleep." She said before getting up and going to the bathroom. She splashed water on her face and stared in the mirror. Everything in the dream was still running through her mind. She remembered every detail. It was her life if she'd never won instant star, but it still ended the same way; her mom still got sick.

She grabbed the aspirin bottle from the cabinet. She needed something to calm her down so she could breathe. Did it really not matter what path she took in life? Was she destined to loose her mom either way?

"Jude, are you okay?" Tommy asked knocking on the door. He hadn't been able to go back to sleep since she left the couch.

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay." He continued to stand there for a few seconds. He knew something was wrong from the way she shot up on the couch. He decided not to push it.

When Jude finally came out, she found him curled up in her bed. He looked so cute and oblivious to her little panic attack. For a bit she thought about talking to him about what was going on, but decided against it. She was an adult now. She could handle her own problems. Instead of curling up with him, she opted to go back to the couch.

Tommy rolled over and reached for her the next morning. He thought for sure she would crawl in bed if he was there. She was on the couch sound asleep clutching a pillow to her chest. He wondered what was causing the frown on her lips. He wished there was a way to take all her sadness away. All he could do was be there for her, and hopefully things would get easier for her.

He kneeled down in front of the couch and moved a piece of her hair off her forehead. "Jude, wake up sleepy head."

"Hmm?"

"It's morning. Why don't you get up and I'll make you some breakfast."

Jude could hear his voice coming through the haze of sleep. She reached her arms over her head to stretch and realized she was on the couch. Then she remembered the dream she had. Her breath caught in her chest and she gasped.

"Jude, are you okay?"

"Water." She was able to catch her breath while Tommy was gone.

"Here." Tommy said handing her a glass.

She took two big gulps taking small breaths. "Thank you." She said sitting the glass on the end table.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. What were you saying about breakfast?"

"I thought I would cook us some breakfast."

"Oh, I don't have anything here." She said still rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

Tommy smiled watching her. She was always so cute waking up. "So, we'll go down to my house." He didn't really care what they did; he just wanted to spend the day with her.

Jude was finally awake enough to process her thoughts. She was still felt like something was crushing her lungs. "Why don't you go on, and I'll be there after I shower."

"Okay, but don't take too long." He said and kissed her forehead.

Jude started her shower water and removed the aspirin bottle from the cabinet. It was Sunday and neither of them had to work. She couldn't think of anything she'd rather do than spend the day with him, but if she didn't get a hold of herself she wouldn't be good company.

Tommy took a quick shower before starting breakfast. He was in such a good mood that he was cooking a little bit of everything. His mind kept drifting to Jude when she was waking up. She'd looked like she was having some sort of panic attack. He figured it was just her waking up from a dream.

When everything was ready and Jude hadn't gotten there, Tommy started to worry about her. Maybe more was wrong than she was letting on. He was stunned speechless when she walked across the yard. She looked beautiful in a pair of shorts and tank top that flowed around her. She had a smile on her face, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. He just shrugged it off. "I was about to come looking for you." He said reaching for her hand.

"Sorry, the water felt so good." She said and kissed his cheek before skipping into his house.

They spent the whole day together. After eating breakfast they took a trip to the store the get groceries for both houses. Jude wanted to cook dinner since he did breakfast. They finally finished the movie they'd fallen asleep during. Being with Tommy kept her distracted all day.

Tommy had run out to get a bottle of wine while she was cooking. When he returned he found her in the kitchen. There was country music blaring through her speakers and she seemed to be in a trance. When the song was over, he noticed her shrug and go back to the stove.

Jude was dancing around the kitchen listening to the radio when a voice stopped her actions. She'd recognize it anywhere. And the country beats confirmed who it was. She hadn't seen or talked to him since he left for tour all those years ago. Darius had sent him to the G Major Nashville division. It made her miss the good ole days. When the song faded she thought she'd find out how to get in touch with him. She shrugged before going back to the stove.

"Didn't know you were so into country music." Tommy's voice startled her.

"Oh, you scared me. I was just thinking." She stopped there not really sure what to say.

"Thinking about what?"

"Is Mason still with G Major?"

"Yeah. His albums are still doing great in the states. Why?"

"I recognized his voice. It made me think of the early days. I haven't talked to him in so long. Can you get me a number?"

"Sure. I can get it tomorrow."

"Thanks." She said and kissed his cheek.

Tommy realized how hard it was going to be taking their relationship slow. He longed for more than just chaste kisses on cheek. He knew they'd only been back together for just a few days, but the memory of being with her was enough to drive him crazy. His thoughts distracted him all through dinner.

Jude noticed he was lost in thought while eating. She wondered if she was pushing him away too much. She wanted to confide in him, but she didn't really know how to put it into words. Though she was very happy that they were starting over, she needed to take things slow and keep her guard up. She needed to know that the timing was really right this time.

"So we are quite the pair." Tommy said interrupting her thoughts.

"What to you mean?"

"We are both staring into space when we should be enjoying our time together." He said reaching for her hand across the table.

"I've really enjoyed today. Actually this whole weekend has been amazing. I'm going to hate going back to work tomorrow."

"Why?"

"I'm afraid that we will get busy and not have time to work on us."

"Jude, you are the most important thing in my life right now. I will always make time for us." Right then his cell rang. "Hello?"

"T, I know it's Sunday night, but I am in a bind." It was Kwest.

"What's up?"

"D wants Dina to perform at the show case tomorrow night, but her song is no where ready. Can you please come down here and help?"

"Give me twenty minutes."

"I owe you, T."

Tommy flipped his phone shut and stuck it in his pocket. He walked back into the kitchen and Jude was cleaning the table off. "I hate to do this, but Kwest needs my help."

"I understand. The music business knows no weekend or hour."

"There's a showcase at the Viper Room tomorrow night. I'll probably be there late. You should come by."

"Okay." She said nodding. She was so afraid that he would just fade away.

"See you then." He kissed her forehead and was gone.

Tommy ended up staying at G Major until two in the morning and he had to be back there at seven the next morning. The whole place was a crazy house getting ready for the showcase. Darius was booming order left and right. Tommy always wondered what it would be like if he just showed faith in his producers.

Jude had a crazy day at the shop. On top of being tired, she had lessons that she'd rescheduled from the last week, and Wally seemed to get slammed with customers when she couldn't help him. When they finally locked the doors, she just wanted a warm bed.

She remembered the G Major showcase that Tommy wanted her to go to. She figured she could put off crawling in bed a few hours if she got to see him. The line was impossibly long. She remembered back when she never had to stand in lines for these things.

"Name?" The guy at the door asked when she got to the front of the line. Again something she wasn't used to.

"Jude Harrison."

"Sorry, you're not on the list."

"Are you sure? Jude Harrison. I used to be an artist at G Major. Tommy Quincy should have put my name on there. You can go ask him."

"Your name is not on the list. Please step aside."

Jude rolled her eyes, and stormed to her car. Once upon a time her name meant something. Now she couldn't get into a showcase at a club. She lit a cigarette furious at the door man. All she could think about now was getting a cold beer at Charlie's.

Tommy kept looking at his watch. He thought Jude would be there by now. He checked his phone and no missed calls. "Kwest, have you seen Jude?"

"No. Did you put her name on the list?"

"Shit!" Just then his cell rang. "Jude?"

"Hey. They wouldn't let me in the door."

"I'm sorry. Are you still out there? I will get your name on this list. My day has just been crazy."

"Its okay, Tommy. I've had a pretty crazy day, too. I'm just going to go home to bed."

"I'm going to be really late tonight, so maybe I'll come over tomorrow night."

"Sure. I'll see you then."

Tommy wanted to throw his phone across the room. The door man could have let her in. Hell she was Jude Harrison. Just because she wasn't still a star didn't erase who she was. The door man was going to get an ear full before the night was over.

"Jenny, can I get a beer?" Jude asked sitting at the bar.

"Sure thing, Jude. What's wrong? You seem on edge."

"Tried to get into the Viper Room tonight for the G Major showcase, and was refused at the door." She couldn't get over it. Her ego was severely bruised.

"Did you tell them who you were?"

"The guy at the door didn't care."

"Well, I care. Hey Joe, play 2405 on the juke box." The beginning of 'Not Standing Around' begin. "You might not record any more, but you're still a star around here."

"Thanks, Jenny." It was odd listening to her own voice. It was so long ago. She was glad she didn't pick one of her slower songs.

After a couple more beers, Jude noticed Mike walk through the door. She didn't want to see him. "Hey, Jen, I'm heading home. Can I get a six pack?"

"Sure, here you go."

"Thanks. I'll see you later." Jude said paying before she headed for the door.

"Okay be careful."

She got to her car, before she heard his voice. "Where you running off to?"

"Home. Had a long crazy day."

"Would you like some company?"

"Not tonight. I just want to get some sleep." He was not the company she wanted.

"Oh, meeting the boyfriend?"

"Just going home to an empty house. Look I'm just really tired. I will call you later." She got in her car without giving him another look. Her dream from the other night was replaying through her head. Was she supposed to have a different life? She wasn't sure.

**Thank you everybody for your reviews. Please keep them coming.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey lovely readers!! Sorry it has taken me so long for this update, but every time I tried to work on it something came up. This week my best friend was kicked in the face by a horse. She had to be air lifted to the nearest trauma center. Luckily she's okay, but it took me a few days to get my focus back on writing.**

**As always I own nothing. Hope you enjoy!!!**

Chapter 16

When Jude got home there was no way she could just go to bed, so she went to sit outside. It was still hard to believe she was rejected at the door. Especially since she got her start at G Major. She should still be able to get in at any label event. She knew Tommy hadn't purposely left her name off the list, but her ego and pride was really hurt.

Part of her wanted to go to bed and put the day behind her, but she was afraid that her dreams would come back. It didn't seem like anything would make them go away. The tight feeling in her chest was back. She took a deep breath trying to calm down and let the tears flow.

Tommy was still furious that the doorman didn't let Jude in the door. He spent twenty minutes reaming him out and another ten telling Darius that Jude should be allowed in at any event. Darius assured him that he would take care of it.

When he got home her house was all lit up. He found it strange because he figured she would be tucked into bed as late as it was. Deciding to walk over, he parked his car in his garage and went around back. He knew where her spare key was on her patio.

His heart literally broke when he found her sitting on the patio. She had her knees drawn up under her chin; rocking back and forth. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "Jude?" He said softly.

She heard his voice and looked up. She wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting out there. "Tommy." Her voice was scratchy from crying.

"Baby, what happened?" He asked kneeling in front of her.

She just shook her head. There weren't words to explain how she felt. She didn't want to shut him out; she just didn't know what to tell him. The pain still ripped through her chest. She just held her knees tighter to her.

Tommy felt a chill as the night air was getting colder. "Come on. Let me get you in the house." He was able to get his arm under her knees and her arms wrapped around his neck. He looked around and noticed empty beer bottles.

Jude buried her face in the crook of his neck. She didn't realize until he picked her up how bad she needed to be close to him. The last few days since they'd gotten back together, she'd been holding back. She didn't want to hold back anymore. She inched her fingers up to run through his hair at the nape of his neck.

The simple feeling of her fingers on his neck shot a warm feeling straight down his spine. He wanted her so bad, but knew this wasn't the time for that. He tried to set her down on her bed, but her grip tightened around him. "Jude, it's late. You need to get ready for bed."

"Make it go away." Her voice was so small he almost didn't hear her.

"Make what go away, Babe?" He asked sitting on the bed with her in his lap.

"Everything." She said staring into his eyes.

He felt like he could see her soul. Cupping the side of her face in his hand, he ran a thumb over her bottom lip. He picked his words carefully. "You know how I feel about you, but I don't want to move too fast."

"Please." She pleaded. "I just want to forget everything but us."

Tommy could never say no to her. Plus he couldn't deny the feelings running through his body. His mouth descended on hers in a deep kiss. He'd been dying to kiss her like this for days. No more chaste pecks. He nudged her lips apart; drinking from her like he'd been parched for days. He'd forgotten how good she tasted. Always like coffee and sugar. She moaned into the kiss when he ran his hands up the back of her shirt. He loved the feeling of her silken skin under his fingers.

Jude pushed every thought aside except the feeling of his hands. Her skin tingled everywhere he touched. She needed to feel him against more of skin. She pulled away from the kiss long enough to pull her shirt over her head. Her fingers immediately went to the buttons on his shirt when her lips met his again. She felt like she was on fire when his shirt fell to the floor and he shifted them so he was hovering over her.

He placed one hand on the small of her back aligning their bodies; allowing her to feel his growing need for her. His other hand expertly unclasped her bra and let it fall beside them. "You are so beautiful." He said into her ear.

Shivers ran across her skin at his breath on her neck. She arched into him running her fingers through his hair. She nipped at his shoulder and kissed her way up his neck to his ear. "Make love to me, Tommy."

He didn't hesitate before running a hand down her body through the valley between her breasts; down her flat stomach to the button on her jeans. Tommy let out a shaky breath before slowly unzipping them and pulling them down her legs. She raised her hips helping him. One hand ran up her inner thigh. He could fell the heat coming from her as her ran his fingers over the cotton of her panties.

Jude loved the feeling of his mouth on her stomach while he was pulling her panties down her legs. His gaze over her naked body was only adding to her arousal. She watched with lidded eyes as he discarded his jeans and boxers. She reached up to run her hands over his perfect abs. She could tell he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

He eased a hand down her rib cage and over her hip. He was amazed that she was his again. Last time he was in this position he was too drunk to take his time. But now he wanted to savor every second he could. Kissing her stomach, he loved the way she arched to him begging him to continue. Her skin was so sweet that he thought he'd never get enough. Trailing his hand between her thighs he found her ready and waiting. With a flick of his thumb over her sensitive nub, he had her moaning his name.

Jude felt like she was floating. Every touch made her back raise away from the bed. She thought she was going to explode when she felt his tongue on her most private part. She dug her fingers through his hair bringing him closer to her. She couldn't get enough of his talented mouth. Driving closer and closer to the edge, she couldn't take it anymore. She needed more. "Tommy, please…" Her plea fading into the air when he inserted a finger into her core adding to the pressure building in her stomach.

Tommy loved hearing her airy moans. He knew they were meant for each other because only she could get him worked up this way. Still with his fingers pumping her to the edge, he kissed up her body. She felt so perfect underneath him. Her smooth silky skin was glistening. He reached her perfect breast taking one small erect nipple into his mouth while he messaged the other one. Her gasp told him that she was very close. Moving to the other hard bud, he brought his body up to the cradle of her thighs.

She threw her head back against the pillow when she felt him enter her. In one swift motion she was full and finally felt whole again. She dug her nails into his back needing to feel more friction. When his lips met hers again, she moaned into his mouth. She felt completely over come by him.

His control was slipping and he wanted her to be right with him. Placing his hand between where their bodies were joined, he kissed her neck to her ear. "Come with me, Girl." With the added sensation of his thumb she flew over clinging to him.

When their breathing returned to normal, Tommy saw tears glistening her eyes again. "Are you okay?" He asked moving her sweat damp hair out of her face.

"Just hold me." She said rolling over and pulling him behind her.

Tommy pulled her back tight against his chest wrapping his arm protectively around her stomach. He wouldn't push her to talk tonight. Kissing the side of her neck, he listened as her breathing evened out and she fell asleep. After a while he drifted off to sleep himself.

Waking up to the feeling of lips trailing over his shoulder, he knew he hadn't been asleep long. His eyes met hers and she gave him a small smile that made his heart swell. Their lips met in gentle kiss.

"I love you, Tommy." Jude said pulling back to look hi in the eyes.

"I love you, too, Jude. I never stopped." He responded.

Jude smiled again before straddling his hips and meeting his lips in a deep passionate kiss. She could feel his body responding to her. Sinking down on his hard length she couldn't help but gasp. She could see love shining in his eyes.

With one hand Tommy gripped her hip and ran his other one up into her hair pulling her back to his lips. He needed her to breathe. Sitting up he felt her walls contracting around him. Their chests were pressed together. The sensations of her nipples rubbing his chest were almost too much to handle. He groaned her name pulling her closer to him.

As the early morning sun filtered through her blinds, Jude woke up slightly disoriented. She wasn't sure where she was until she opened her eyes. She was in her room with her head pillowed on Tommy's chest. His arm was securely around her back with his palm resting on her hip. Everything from the night before came back to her. Every caress. Every sound. It had been totally different than the last time. The night they were both drunk, everything happened in a rush. This time she didn't fell the need to run. She felt the need to hold on and never let do.

"Morning." Tommy's voice broke through her thoughts.

"Morning ." She sighed and hugged herself tighter to Tommy's chest.

"You didn't run." He said with a hint of laughter.

She propped her chin on his chest and looked up at him. "I'm done running." She said with a smile.

"You know we didn't use anything last night."

"I've been on birth control for over a year now." She said off handedly and he gave her a funny look. "With mom being so sick and I was so stressed the doctor thought I needed something to regulate my period." He seemed to accept her answer.

"I wish I didn't have to work today."

"I know me too. I have five lessons to give today. Plus Wally needs me to help with inventory tonight."

"What time will you get out of the shop?"

"Maybe around nine."

"I should still be at G Major if you want to come by."

"I might just do that." She said before meeting him in a proper good morning kiss.

Jude felt really happy all day. Just being close to Tommy made her feel like everything was going to be okay. When she arrived at G Major that night, Tommy was still in a recording session.

"Hey, little sis." Sadie said greeting her.

"Hey." Jude said brightly.

"Well, you seem to be in a good mood. Only one person has ever made you this happy. Which is why I am guessing you are here. To see Quincy."

"But he's busy. So how are things with Kwest?"

"We are just friends right now. We are trying to get to know each other all over again. He took me to dinner and then took me home."

"At least that's a start." Jude giggled.

She and Sadie ended up talking for two hours before Tommy was done for the day. Jude was having trouble keeping her eyes open.

"Why don't we leave your car here?" Tommy said taking her hand.

"Sure."

The next couple of weeks were the same. It seemed it was impossible for them to get any time together. Tommy's schedule in the studio was insane. Jude just tried to fill her free time with something that would keep her mind occupied. She would hang out with Zepp or one the guys. She was still having small panic attacks everyday. They would just come out of nowhere. Luckily she hadn't run out of xanax yet.

Tommy hated not getting to see Jude much. If it was up to him he would spend every waking moment with her. But it wasn't up to him. G Major was getting ready to release albums for several artists and it was time for Instant Star auditions to start. His days were long and by the time he got home at night he was ready crawl in bed and pass out. If he was lucky she would still be up so he could crawl in bed with her.

"So, I have to go to Vancouver for a week." Tommy told her one night as they were climbing into bed. He'd been pleasantly surprised to find her sitting in his living room when he got home.

"Instant Star?"

"Yeah. Darius wants me to go for the auditions out there. I was wondering if you wanted to go with me."

"I have lessons, but if I didn't I would go in a heartbeat."

"You can't reschedule?"

"If I hadn't done that so much lately, but I really want to work with these kids. They are so excited to learn how to play."

He was so glad she was still connecting with her music even if it was just playing the guitar that he could ague. "Will you let me cook you dinner before I go?"

"Of course." She knew she was going to miss him and feel like she was spiraling out of control, but she needed to see if she could stand on her own for at least a week.

The night before he was to leave Jude was a nervous wreck. She wasn't sure if she could make it with out him even for a week. Her anxiety had gotten worse everyday since he told her he had to go. She took her last xanax before walking over to his place for dinner.

Tommy didn't want to leave her because he still felt like she was holding back something. She never told him what was wrong that night he'd found her on the patio. Every time he asked she would change the subject. He finally decided to just drop the subject all together. He just tried to keep a strict eye on her. It was going to be hard to do that all the way in Vancouver.

"So what are you going to do this week with out me?" He joked as they were crawling into bed that night.

"I have my work. And Zepp and I plan to go shopping one day. I think I might keep Ella one night so Spied and Karma can get out of the house."

"So you'll have a busy week then?"

"Yeah." She didn't want him to worry about her. She knew that would make his week go by way to slow.

"Well, I'm not gone yet. Tonight I just want to be with you." Tommy said tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

She gave him a sly smile before meeting him in a kiss.

**Can their re-found closeness really keep Jude from completely loosing it? Will Jude make it okay for the next week with out him? Have we seen the last of Mike? Stay tuned. Please Review.**


	17. Chapter 17

**As promised here is the new chapter.**

Chapter 17

Tommy had only been gone a day and Jude was already getting restless. She wasn't sure how she was going to make it the whole week. She almost wished she postponed her lessons to go with him. He was the only person that kept her from crumbling. There had to be a way she could do this with out him. Work was the only thing she had to distract her. When she was at home there was nothing but silence around her. Grabbing her keys, she went to the one place that was never quiet and she wouldn't be alone.

"Jude, it's been a couple of weeks." Jenny said handing her a beer.

"Yeah, I know. How are things around here?"

"The same. How about you?"

"Still just working at the shop and giving guitar lessons. It keeps me pretty busy." Jude said and took a drink of her beer. She wished her job kept her busier.

"So, you're not going to record or perform ever again?"

"So much has happened since the last time I performed. I don't think I ever can again. It's just not in me anymore."

"So rumor has it you and Tommy are back together." Jenny changed the subject knowing Jude needed a distraction from the reason she quit performing.

Jude nodded. "I'm hoping that this time it's t he real thing. I'm not a kid anymore, and he has really grown up too."

"That's great. Guess who is going to be in town this week."

"Who?"

"Kat. She should be flying in tomorrow. We should all go out."

"That sounds great. I haven't seen her in so long. Plus, Tommy is out of town all week." Jude ended up talking to Jenny for a long time. It was a slow night in the bar.

Jude tried to push her anxiety to the back of her mind. She needed to make it through this week without him for her sanity. She didn't want to become solely dependent on him. It was one of the main reasons she left him behind when she moved to London.

"Okay, so meet here at five o'clock tomorrow?" Jenny asked as Jude was leaving.

"I'll be here."

On her drive home, Jude felt her heart rate accelerating. It was odd to her how she could sit and talk to friends and feel completely at ease. But as soon as she was alone, she had trouble breathing. Even with the radio playing, the silence was too much to bear. She was about to pull over to catch her breath when her cell rang. "Hello?"

"Hey, Beautiful." Tommy greeted her.

"Hey. How's Vancouver?"

"Lonely without you. How are you doing?" He hated leaving her behind because even though she told him she was okay, he knew she was still struggling.

"I'm fine. I do miss you, though. I'm just keeping myself busy."

Tommy sometimes wished she would just be completely upfront with him about how she was feeling. But he didn't want to push her to talk. He knew that she had to deal with everything in her own time. All he could do was be there for her when she was ready to really start healing. He knew it would help if she starting to write again, but that was another thing he didn't want to push.

"Kat, huh?" He asked. She told him of her plans to go out with Jenny and Kat the next night.

"Yeah. I haven't spoken with her in so long. It seems like a life time ago."

"I think it will be good for you though. She was your friend during the years your family was still together. You need to reconnect with that."

"Yeah, it will be nice. "

When she got home, she seemed a bit calmer after talking to Tommy. She actually fell asleep as soon as she climbed into bed. As usual her dreams were so vivid. Her mom was there like she'd never been gone. Everything jumped around so much; she could never remember every dream after she'd wake up.

Tommy sat the auditions wishing he was home. At least there he would be listening to artists that could sing. Most people that walked into the room were tone deaf. He was thankful when a break came so he could take some aspirin.

"Well, there's my first ever producer." A voice said from behind him.

"Mason, how are you doing?" Tommy said extending his hand.

"Doing well. How's everything in Toronto?"

"It's pretty much the same."

"And Jude? How is she doing?"

"I wish I could say she was getting better, but I really worry about her. When she smiles I can tell she's just putting it on for show. I'm lost on what I can do for her." Tommy needed to talk to someone who hadn't been around.

"I hate that she is going through this. Do you think maybe she should talk to somebody?" Mason hadn't seen Jude in years, but it broke his heart to know his friend was in so much pain.

"I'm half afraid to mention it."

"Well, I will see if she will talk to me when I get back to Toronto."

"You're coming back?" Tommy asked shocked. "I thought you were happy in Nashville."

"Darius wants all previous winners back for the competition. I got the impression he was going to announce this was going to be the last one."

"That would make sense. I don't think he will be successful in getting the original winner." Tommy said with a heavy sigh.

Kat couldn't believe she was back in Toronto. She begged her parents to send her to a boarding school in New York her junior year after her falling out with Jude. She thought picking up and starting over would be the best way to do things. After high school ended, she went to fashion school. Now she was home again. The first two places she wanted to go was Jude's and Jamie's but she knew that they did not live in the same houses anymore.

She spotted Jenny waiting for her by the gate. "Jen, I could have called a cab."

"Nonsense. I've had the whole day off, so it was no problem."

Jenny was one of the few friends Kat had outside of Jude and Jamie in high school. After she left for boarding school, she was the only one she stayed in touch with. She'd wanted to call Jude several times, but she felt like the friendship was beyond repair.

"So what's on the agenda for tonight?" Kat asked after they were in Jenny's car.

"Don't kill me, but we are going out with Jude Harrison."

"Jen, I don't know."

"Come on Kat. She was really excited about it when I invited her. She's been through a lot lately." Jenny defended her decision to invite her.

"Oh I'm sure her rock star lifestyle is so hard on her." Kat didn't want to be reminded of how her best friend seemed to just leave her behind after winning Instant Star.

"You have no idea; do you?" Jenny was shocked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Jude hasn't been living a rock star lifestyle for a long time. She was living in Rome taking care of her mom. She moved back here a few months ago after her mom passed away."

Kat was in complete shock. "Victoria passed away? What happened?"

"Her mom got sick right after Jude moved to London. The way I understand it is Jude lost her record deal when she went to take care of her."

"I had no clue. I remember reading about her going to London, but I just figured she was living it up in England." Kat felt really bad because she didn't know what she would do with out her mom. "And you say she was excited about tonight?"

"Yeah, maybe it's what she needs. To reconnect with an old friend."

Kat just nodded. She wasn't sure how this would go, but she realized high school so long ago to hold a grudge. She thought about all the years she and Jude were friends and knew she needed to be supportive.

Jude was a bit nervous walking into the bar. She couldn't help but wonder if Kat was still mad at her. She remembered when she found out she had gone to New York for school. She hated what happened to their friendship.

"Well, if it isn't Jude Harrison." Kat said as Jude walked up to the bar.

"Kat, it's been a long time. How are you?"

"I'm good. Have a seat. Jenny should be back in a minute."

"So what brings you back to Toronto? You ready to leave New York behind?" Jude asked after ordering a beer.

"Fashion show. I will be going back at the end of the week. So how about you. How are you really doing? Jen told me about your mom."

"I'm fine. You have to move on right?"

Kat wanted to push, but she could see Jude didn't want to talk about it. It hurt because she wondered if she just didn't want to talk about it with her. "So, how's Jamie doing?" She decided to change the subject.

"I don't know. We don't really talk anymore. I talk to his girlfriend, but we avoid discussing him."

"Oh." Kat felt like she was in an episode of the Twilight Zone. Nothing was the way she left it.

"Okay ladies, let's go to dinner. I am starving." Jenny said approaching them.

"Let's go." Jude and Kat said together.

Dinner was nice. They just talked about high school and different things from their childhood. Jude tried to avoid most topics about her family. She didn't want to think about everything. She just wanted to enjoy being with friends and mostly she just want to be able to breath.

"So where we going next?" Kat asked after they paid their checks.

"My roommate has her boyfriend over tonight, so my place is out." Jenny said putting on her jacket.

"We could go to my house." Jude offered. "But we have to go by the bar first."

"Okay. So, beer run then to Jude's." Jenny said excitedly.

Jude was feeling more and more anxious as time went. She needed something to calm her. Grabbing her phone she sent a text. 'I'm out. U got anything? I have money.'

A minute later her phone beeped. 'I'm at Charlie's.'

She held in a heavy sigh. She didn't want the girls to notice she was about to have a panic attack. As soon as they walked in the bar, Jude excused herself. "I need the lady's room."

"Okay, we'll get the beer." Kat said.

Jude found him in the back corner. "I put a little extra something in there for you." He said handing her an envelope.

She found a joint. "I…" She looked at it nervously.

"It's just like smoking a cigarette. It will help mellow you out."

Jude nodded and slipped the money in his front pocket. "Thanks."

"So where's the boyfriend?"

"Out of town. I'm out with the girls tonight. I better get back to them."

"Okay, we have beer." Jenny said when Jude met them by the door. "Now we need a liquor store."

"We can just raid Tommy's cabinet. I'll replace it later."

"Okay, let's go."

After getting back to her house, Jude walked over to Tommy's, and then they all sat on her back patio drinking and talking.

"So, Karma tricked him into marrying her?" Kat asked laughing. Jude had been explaining Spied and Karma's relationship.

"Yeah, but they work together now. Back then it was just so wrong. Now they have a little girl and everything is great. I wish I had a little girl…" Jude voice faded.

"You have plenty of time. We are only twenty one." Jenny said giggling.

"Yeah, but…" She just couldn't say what she wanted to say.

They sat there and talked for a long time, before Jenny got up. "I better head home. Kat you want me to drop you at your hotel?"

"Hotel?" Jude asked. "Don't stay at a hotel. You can crash here."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, I have plenty of room. And Jen, you too. No reason to drive tonight."

"Alright, I need to crash."

Jude sat Jenny up on the couch and joined Kat back out side. "You can have the guest room all week if you want."

"Thanks, Jude."

"What are friends for?" Jude was feeling much better after a couple of xanax.

"Jude, I'm sorry about how I ended things in high school."

"Don't. A lot has happened since then. I was too self involved. I should have been there for you more. I look back on everything and realize I should have done a lot of things different. I sometimes dream that things were different, but either way life sucks." Jude said and finished her beer before lighting a cigarette.

"Jude, life is what you make it. I learned that moving to New York. You could still have an amazing career. And you have an amazing guy. It sounds like he really loves you."

"And I really love him, but it doesn't change how many times we've broken each other's hearts. I guess I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop again."

Kat covered a yawn. "I think I need to get some sleep. Where is the guest room?"

"Second door on the left."

"Thanks. We'll talk some more tomorrow."

"Okay. Good night, Kat. I'm glad you're here."

After Kat was gone, Jude thought about all her dreams she'd been having. Some nights they were so bad, it made her not want to sleep. Tonight was one of them. She pulled out the envelope Mike had given her. Maybe this would help her sleep.

**There you go. Remember to review and let me know what you think. Also between updates on this fic and my other fic 'You're Still the One' you can check out my progress by following my Twitter page /karalynn79. **


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Jude let Kat have her car the next day, and drove Tommy's to work. She didn't want her friend to depend on cabs to get everywhere. She knew Tommy wouldn't mind her driving his car. She felt a bit calmer, and hoped maybe she could make it through a day with out freaking out. She already missed Tommy like crazy. It didn't matter how many people she had around her, Tommy was still the one that could hold her together.

When lunch came she needed to get out of the shop. In all her lessons that morning everyone wanted her to teach them some of her most personal songs. When her last student wanted to learn 2 AM, she almost lost it. She told Wally she was taking any early day and she'd reschedule her afternoon lessons.

When she got home, she didn't want to see anybody, so she went to Tommy's. Jude figured no one would look for her there. She grabbed a bottle of tequila from his cabinet and curled up in his bed.

Kat was glad to have Jude's car. If she had to pay a cab to take her everywhere, she'd end up broke by the end of the week. After she was done fitting the models for her show, she had the afternoon free. She thought about Jude's situation, and her heart ached. She could tell after just one night with her, Jude was not the same Jude she left behind.

Instead of going back to Jude's, she decided she would look up Jamie. She thought maybe she could talk Jamie into helping Jude some how.

"May I help you?" The receptionist asked when she entered NBR.

"I'm looking for Jamie Andrews."

"Who may I tell him is here?"

"Just tell him Kat."

She took a seat in the lobby looking around. She was impressed by what he'd made for himself. It was odd to think about the past and how hung up on him she was. Her time in New York proved to her it was nothing more than a crush. She'd found real love, and it was time to really put the past behind her.

"Kat?" Jamie said walking towards her.

"Hey, Jamie." She said standing up smiling.

"What brings you here?" Jamie was a bit shocked to see her. He hadn't seen or spoken to her since junior year.

"In town for a fashion show, but that isn't why I am here today. I came to talk to you about Jude. I'm really worried about her."

"She has made it clear she doesn't want my help."

"I'm not sure she knows she needs help, Jamie. I stayed at her house last night, and she seemed very anxious and very sad. And when you try to talk to her about it, she changes the subject."

"I don't know what I can do. She avoids me at all costs. Talk to Quincy. He's the one she always runs to."

"You're still jealous." Kat accused. "Jamie, her mother died. She's having a hard time with it. She needs her friends. You're supposed to be over her. We're not kids anymore. You know what never mind I will find someone else to help me." Kat left without giving him a chance to say anything else. She understood why Jude was avoiding him.

Jude sat wishing she could pin point when everything really went wrong. Was it when she left for London, or was it when her mom lost her battle with cancer? She wasn't sure. She knew that even if she hadn't left Tommy, her mom would still have gotten sick. She'd finally come to the conclusion that her mom's death was not her punishment for leaving Tommy behind. If it was, she would have never gotten him back. So, why did she still feel so helpless?

For two years she had been strong. She was there for her mom's every need. Don worked all the time to make sure there was insurance to take care of medical expenses. That left Jude to be the care giver. She should have peace that her mom was no longer suffering, but she just wished her mom was there to hold her.

The alcohol only numbed the pain; it never went away. Even when she was safely tucked into Tommy's arms the pain was still there. There was no running or hiding from it. It was getting harder everyday to put on a smile and act like everything was fine. But she couldn't admit to her self let alone anyone else that she needed help. How could anyone actually help this situation? No one could bring her mom back.

She needed something, anything to just take the pain away. She wasn't sure how she ended up at his door. One minute she was hiding in Tommy's bed room, and now she was knocking on Mike's apartment door.

"You're the last person I expected to see." Mike said opening the door.

"Yeah, well." She said walking in when he held the door open wider.

"What'cha need?"

"I don't know?" She said crumbling the floor in tears.

Mike wasn't a sensitive guy, but he hated to see girls cry. "Did your boyfriend do something?"

Jude just shook her head. She wrapped her arms around herself trying to control her sobs.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"No." She said after a few seconds.

"Come here. Sit on the couch. Can I get you anything?"

"No." She was trying to remember why she came.

Mike didn't know what to do. He wasn't sure if he should try to comfort her. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked awkwardly.

"Not really. I feel like all I do is talk about it. I just want to forget and feel better."

Mike knew what he was doing probably wasn't the best thing, but if she didn't get it from him, she'd find someone else. "Here." He handed her a baggy with a few already rolled joints. "These are from my stash." He walked across to a bookcase and opened a book pulling out another bag of pills. He'd pay his roommate back later. "Take one of these when it seems to get too much." He handed her the bag of hydrocodone.

She wiped the tears off her face. "What do I owe you?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Thanks. I'm sorry I keep coming to you like this. I smoked what you gave me last night. It was the first good night sleep in months." She got up to leave.

"Should you be driving?"

"I walked." She said off handedly.

"Let me drive you home."

When he pulled on her street, she asked him to drop her at Tommy's house. "I'll pay you back. I promise."

"Just feel better."

Kat was worried sick. Jude was no where to be found. She couldn't help but wonder if Jude was hurt somewhere. She'd called Wally at the shop and found out Jude left at lunch. She called Jenny thinking maybe she was at the bar. No such luck.

Jude knew Kat might be worried about her, so she took a shower to freshen up before walking back over to her house. She was still a bit shaky, but she tried to push the pain aside for appearance sake. She needed everyone to believe she was okay. She didn't want to be a burden on anybody.

Kat found Tommy's number and was about to call him, when Jude walked through the door. "Oh thank god. I was worried."

"Sorry Kat. I left work because I had a headache, and I ended up falling asleep over at Tommy's house. I didn't mean to worry you."

"You're here now. How's your head?"

"Much better, but I think I'm just going to go to bed."

"Sure." Kat nodded. She thought if she said anything else Jude would break, and she didn't want to cause her more pain.

Tommy didn't like not being able to get a hold of Jude. Her cell was going straight to voicemail and her home phone was always busy. It made him very nervous and he couldn't wait to get home. He'd already decided he was going to leave Vancouver early if he was still unsuccessful finding her.

He sighed in relief when her home phone finally rang. An unfamiliar voice confused him. "I think I have the wrong number." He said.

"Is this Tommy?"

"Yeah. Who is this?"

"Jude's friend from high school, Kat. She's letting me stay here while I'm in town."

"Oh, hi. Is Jude around?"

"She just went to bed. Would you like me to wake her?"

"No, I know it's late there. I have been trying to reach her all day."

"She left work early with a headache and fell asleep over at your house. She had her cell off." Kat explained. She wanted to say more, but didn't think this was something to talk about overt the phone. She hoped she'd get to see him in person before she went back t o New York.

"Can you have her call me tomorrow?"

"Sure thing."

Tommy felt better knowing she was at home in her bed, but something still didn't seem completely right with the situation. There was nothing he could do being all the way across the county.

Jude woke up in the middle of the night freaking out. She was covered in sweat and could hardly breathe. The pressure in her chest wouldn't let her go back to sleep. So, she quietly went out back to sit on the patio. She'd sleep fine the night before, so she thought it would be a good idea to mellow out a bit.

Two joints later, Jude was rummaging through her kitchen for something to eat. She'd never felt this hungry before. Nothing seemed to satisfy her hunger. She decided to cook a full breakfast. Eggs, bacon, pancakes, everything sounded good to her.

"Jude?" Kat's voice started her.

"Oh, hey. Are you hungry? I could cook enough for you."

Kat just stared at her in disbelief. If she didn't know any better… No, she couldn't. "Jude, are you high?"

"No." Jude answered in a non convincing voice. "Or what if I am? It's no big deal. You know the doctors told my mom that marijuana would help her. She never tried it though. She'd just sit there with no energy to do anything after her chemo treatments."

"It must have been very tough on you."

Jude sat down handing Kat a plate. "Did you know she left us not too long after you left? She and Don eloped and moved to Rome without even telling me. She told me once after I moved to Rome that she wouldn't have blamed me if I didn't come. But she was my mom. How could I abandon her? Remember all the times she took care of me when I was sick?"

"Yeah, she even took care of me a couple of times."

"Exactly. Now she's just gone."

They sat and ate in silence for a few minutes. "You know you can call me anytime you need someone to talk to. After I go back to New York I mean. I want us to be that kind of friends again."

"I would like that." Jude said with a smile.

Kat looked at the clock on the stove and it was 3:30. "I have an early day. Are you going to be okay if I go back to bed?"

"I'm fine. I think I'm going back to bed, too."

Jude was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Her dreams were more pleasant. It was just her and Tommy on a beach somewhere enjoying the sun. Her breathing was calm and she felt happy. Tommy was telling her the story of how they met and fell in love. She smiled shyly when he admitted to loving her so quickly. This was how their life should have been; happy and calm.

The next day at work, she apologized to Wally for leaving like she did. She was determined to make it through the day with out a panic attack. At lunch, she went to the back room to call Tommy.

"Hello?"

"You busy?"

"Never too busy for you. How's your head?"

"It feels better today. I just had a really bad day yesterday. Sorry I wasn't able to talk to you."

"It's okay. I just wish you would call and talk to me on your bad days. I'm here for you, Jude. I will listen to anything you want to talk about."

"I know, but I didn't want to worry you. Some times I just need to deal on my own. I…"

"I understand. So, guess who will be heading back home with me."

"Who?"

"Mason. Darius is calling all winners back."

"It will be good to see him. You don't think…"

"Don't worry, Babe. If you don't want to do it, D will not force you. I've already talked to him about it. We just want you to be okay."

"Thank you. I just don't think I can go back. I'm not that girl anymore. I have to get back to work."

"Okay. I will talk to you later. I miss you and can't wait to get home."

"I miss you, too. I'm going to cook you dinner when you get home."

"Sounds great."

"Tommy, I love you."

"I love you, too, girl."

Tommy placed his phone on the table in front of him. He sighed in relief, but also in frustration. He could tell by her voice alone that she was barely hanging on. He couldn't wait to get home to her.

**Keep th reviews coming!!!**


	19. bad news

**Bad News. I have lost my flash drive that I keep all my fics on today. I had already started the next chapter of this but I think it was only 2 pages long. I will try to remember and retype this weekend. I had it in my pocket and must have lost it at work. I hope I can find it because I did have some random future parts on it. I'm so stressed about it because it also had ALL my music on it. Luckily my music is still on my desk top too.**


	20. Chapter 19

**Wow what a week. First loose my flash drive then after getting a new one my laptop decided to mess up. I had almost everything typed last night, and when I went to open the file this afternoon, my laptop had saved it as a corrupt file. That meant retyping again. So I apologize first hand for this chapter being all over the place. What I typed last night was so much better. Lap top has to go to the shop now. So I guess I will have to get out my trusted pen and paper and do it the old fashioned style again. At least then I won't loose my ideas. Let's just keep our fingers crossed that my desk top stays with me. Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 19

Kat decided after she was done for the day she'd go by the shop. She didn't want Jude to have a lot of alone time. She thought that if she stayed close to her, Jude wouldn't have the chance to do anything stupid.

"Hey, Kat." Wally said when she walked in.

"Hey Wally. Is Jude around?"

"She's giving a lesson in the back. You can go back there if you want."

"Thanks."

Kat walked to the back and was amazed at what she saw. Her friend was smiling and playing on of her old songs. She looked like the old Jude again. She actually looked happy. Kat wished there was something she could do to get her back to that place all the time. She knew Jude used to find her music therapeutic. Skin was proof of that. But it seemed like there was something holding Jude back and Kat had no clue what that was.

"Wally, she actually looks happy back there."

"I know."

"There are rumors that they are wanting all winners from Instant Star back for the finale. Do you think she will do it?"

"I don't know. The guys and I have been jamming every night just incase."

"Every time I mention her singing she changes the subject."

"Yeah. We tried to get her to sing with us at a party a while back, but she refused."

Jude loved giving lessons. For just a few minutes all the pain disappeared as she lost herself in a song. She felt like she did before her life got turned upside down. Part of her wanted to get that back, but she felt like it was too far gone. "That's great, Cassie. Before you know it you'll be able to play my whole catalog better than me."

"Thanks, Jude. So, same time Friday?"

"I'll see you then." Jude said putting her guitar up because It was her last lesson of the day.

"You were great with her." Kat said from the door.

"She's just so eager to learn. What are you doing here?"

"I thought we'd go get an early dinner."

"Okay. Just let me help Wally close up."

Sadie was aware of how uncomfortably close she and Kwest were sitting. Things were still going very slow for them. Nothing ever went past dinner and a simple goodnight kiss. She understood why Kwest was keeping things at a slow pace. Sometimes she wished she'd never broke up with him all those years ago, but knew there was no use worrying about the past.

They were judging auditions, and she wished just one person would sing in tune. Her head was pounding and she just wanted to scream. Her stomach growled making her call for lunch. She couldn't listen to one more person.

"You want to grab a bite with me?" Kwest asked.

"Sure." They went to a little café just around the corner from G Major.

"So have you and D planned the finale yet?"

"Working on it. He wants to have all the winners back. Mason is in Vancouver helping Tommy with auditions there. Karma would never pass on being in the spot light. Milo should be home from his tour by then. Since we are going back to the old competition, Darius is not sure about how to incorporate the two world instant star winners. I'm sure he'll figure it out though."

"So that just leaves Jude."

"I don't think she'd agree to it. I'm afraid it will do more harm than good. She doesn't ever want to talk about singing again. I thought after she and Tommy got back together, it would be better. But I'm thinking that it goes deeper that I originally thought."

"How are you holding up?"

"I worry about Jude to keep me distracted. But I miss her, too." She said with her voice cracking.

"Well, she was your mother, too."

"I know, but I wasn't there like Jude was. Jude left everything to take care of her, and I was there maybe once a month. D was always telling me to take time off work, but I left the entire burden on Jude. Maybe if she'd had my help she wouldn't be so lost."

"You seem pretty lost yourself." Kwest said reaching across the table to take her hand.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For coming back. Being here now."

"Sadie, I am here for you when ever you need to talk of just need support."

She just nodded looking at the time. "We should be getting back."

"Let's go." He said paying the bill.

Walking back to G Major holding Kwest's hand, Sadie felt a bit better. She thought about all her past mistakes. If she could fix everything she did wrong, maybe there was hope for her to help Jude after all. She made it her goal to help her little sister to get her life back.

Jude was glad the hostess sat them near the back of the restaurant. She wanted to be below the radar as much as possible. "So, how are things going for the fashion show?"

"Great. I can't wait to just get my name out there. School has been great, but I really just want to get my career going."

"Tell me about your life in New York." They hadn't had the chance to just talk about Kat since she'd been there, and Jude wanted to talk about something other than her own problems for a change.

"New York is great. My parents moved down not too long after I did. They said they didn't like me being so far away."

"Are you seeing anybody?" Jude noticed a shy grin on Kat's face.

"He's name is Dan. He's in med school. He so dedicated."

"How did you guys meet?"

"We lived in the same building. One day we rode the elevator together and the rest is history. We've been together for two years"

"Wow. So, any wedding bells in your future?"

"He wants to wait until he starts his residency. He thinks if he can make it through his first year as an intern we shouldn't have problems planning. Right now he is still waiting to see if he gets accepted where he wants to go. He's afraid if he doesn't get his first choice we will get separated. But I told him I'd go wherever he went. I can design clothes anywhere."

Jude started feeling the panic she felt when she first moved home. All her friends had their lives figured out, and she felt like she was spiraling. She excused her self to freshen up. She'd felt so calm all day until now. She splashed water on her face and reminded herself to breathe. She took the pills out that Mike gave her. What would it hurt to take one? They were pain pills and she was trying to get rid of pain.

Kat was ending a phone call when she got back to the table. "That was Dan. He just finished a 48-hour shift at the hospital. Now he has to study for exams." She said dropping her phone into her purse. "Let's do something fun tonight. Do you think Jenny is working?"

"She should be."

"Let's go hang out with her. See what kind of trouble we can get into."

"Let's go."

Tommy was packing his bag to go home. He was so excited that Darius called to get him to come home early. He was needed in the studio more than at auditions. Georgia was coming in from LA to take his place. At first he started to call Jude, but decided to surprise her.

"You ready?" Mason asked when they met in the lobby.

"Yeah. Get us a cab. I need to speak to Georgia real quick."

"Tom Quincy, how have you been?"

"I've been okay. How about you?"

"LA has been nice. So how's everything in Toronto? I heard about Jude's mom."

"She's getting by, but that's about it. She refuses to perform. That was what I wanted to talk to you about. I think she's lost her drive. And I know she was always your favorite."

"You want me to talk to her when I get to Toronto?"

"Maybe."

"Just let me know."

"Thanks, Georgia." Tommy knew she was a bit of mother figure to Jude back in the beginning, and hoped her presence again would help her.

He saw her walk in to the bar. She looked better than the last time he saw her. He wished he knew a way to help her, but he didn't even really know what was wrong. She never talked about personal stuff with him. He would've thought she was just a washed up musician he could have fun with, but he remembered what she was like when she first started in the music industry. Of course she didn't remember him. He knew it was because back then she only had eyes for one guy. He also knew she still only had eyes for one guy.

He once had a promising engineering career, but that was before his aunt lost her company. When new staff was hired he lost his job. He could have moved with his aunt, but Toronto was home. Now he took any job he could get. Unfortunately, he hadn't always made the best choices in those jobs.

He stood in the back watching her. That first night that she came in, he thought she might have remembered him, but when he woke up the next morning, she was gone. He knew she had no clue who he was. Then he saw her with Quincy. He knew Tommy Quincy was a good guy, but he wondered what had Jude so broken up that she kept running to him. All he knew was he'd be there every time because it was the only way he knew to protect her from the scum bugs that were frequently around the bar.

"Hey, that guy is staring at you." Kat said as they were taking their seats.

Jude looked over her shoulder and saw Mike standing by the pool tables. "That's just Mike. He's a friend."

"Hot friend. If you weren't already taken, I'd tell you to take him for a ride."

Jude just laughed. She had to admit Mike was hot. He nodded his head at her and she gave him a small wave. It wasn't fair that she kept running to him. There was just something familiar about him. He didn't ask personal questions and she liked that. She knew she was taking advantage of his generosity, and she had to stop. She decided if she needed anything again, she'd have the money and get it somewhere else.

"So, I hear Spied is having a big show next week. Do you think you'll join him any?" Jenny asked getting her attention again.

"I don't perform anymore." She said shaking her head.

"Come on, Jude. You'll never be left off a list again." Jenny teased of the night she came in fussing about not getting into a show.

"It's just not my thing any more."

Mike's cell phone rang as he and his friends were leaving. "You guys go on. I need to get this." He said holding up his phone. "Aunt Georgia, I hadn't heard from you in awhile."

"Mikey, I need you to do me a favor."

"Sure, anything."

"I'm going to be in town for the Instant Star competition and I need you to open my house back up for me."

"I can do that. When are you getting here?"

"I'm in Vancouver right now, but I should be there middle of next week."

"I'll take care of everything for you."

"Thanks, Mikey. I knew I could count on you. Plus, Darius tells me he has a new engineering position available. Maybe you should go by one day and talk to him."

"I might just do that."

"I want to dance." Jude said after taking a shot.

"That's a sentence I've never heard from you." Kat laughed.

"Things change. Come on. Jenny this place is dead. Can't you close up early?"

"Let me call Charlie and see."

"See Kat, Jenny is up for it."

"Okay, you two help me clean this place up so we can find a place for Miss Harrison to dance." Jenny said excitedly after hanging up the phone.

It was late when Tommy's flight landed, so he decided he'd go straight to bed and surprise Jude in the morning. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face when he woke her up.

**Please review. It would mean the world to me.**


	21. Chapter 20

**Hey Everybody. Sorry for the delay. I was having creative difficulties with this chapter. Hope you like it.**

Chapter 20

It was four in the morning when Jude and Kat stumbled through her front door. They were laughing and still singing the last song they heard at the club. Jude had completely lost track of how much she drank over the night. She felt free from all the anxiety she'd been feeling.

"You want another drink?" She asked Kat as she was walking into the kitchen.

"I think I'm going to pass. I need to get at least a couple of hours of sleep." Kat laughed.

"Party pooper." Jude pouted and poured herself a glass of wine. She went outside to have one last cigarette before going to bed.

The crisp night air felt good against her skin. She wished she could always feel this carefree. Finishing her wine and cigarette, she decided Kat had the right idea to go to bed. She didn't even change before passing out cross ways on her bed.

Tommy woke up the next morning with a smile on his face. He showered and shaved quickly. He couldn't wait to see Jude. He imagined her beautiful face in his mind. She was truly his everything and he'd missed her more in these last few days than he'd missed during their years apart. He never wanted to be away from her again.

Kat checked on Jude before she left for the day. She was passed out across her bed. Dealing with her own hangover, she decided not to try to wake her. The previous night had been a lot of fun. It was nice to see Jude have fun. Her smile had been genuine the whole night. Of course the amount of alcohol they drank could have been the reason. It was still fun. When she was backing out of Jude's driveway she could have sworn she saw Tommy walking across the yard.

First thing Tommy did was put on a pot of coffee. He knew Jude didn't function before her first cup. He walked slowly to her bedroom and pushed the door open. He wasn't sure what to think about the site in front of him. Jude was fully dressed and laying across her bed. The whole room reeked of smoke and alcohol. He could tell the smell was coming from her clothes. She never smoked in the house.

He just shook his head before going back to the kitchen. He knew she was going to need coffee more than ever. He called Wally and told him Jude was taking the day off. She was still completely out of it when he returned to the room.

Sitting the coffee on the night stand he kneeled by her head. "Jude." He said softly.

Jude was some where between consciousness and sleep. Her mouth was cotton dry and her head was pounding. She thought she was waking up, but she heard Tommy's voice and new she was dreaming. Tommy wasn't supposed to be home until next week.

"Jude?" He said again shaking her shoulder a bit.

"Hmm?" She groaned.

"Jude, wake up."

Jude sat up in a start. She was dizzy and instantly ran to the bathroom to throw up. She hated her self for going out the night before. She groaned again when she remembered she had to work. The good thing was she didn't have any lessons to give.

"I called Wally and told him you wouldn't be in today." Tommy said from the door way.

"Shit." Jude screamed and held her head. "What… How… I thought …"

"You don't remember me waking you up?" He laughed.

"I thought I was dreaming. I thought you weren't getting back until at least the weekend."

"Darius needs me here in the studio more than he needs me at auditions."

"Oh." Jude said before her stomach did flips and she was heaving again.

Tommy rushed to her and held back her back. He tried to comfort her by rubbing circles on her back. "How much did you drink last night?"

Jude wiped her mouth and groaned. "I don't remember. The girls and I went to a club. I just wanted to have some fun. I hated coming home and missing you." She said turning to face him.

"Why don't you freshen up and I'll make you breakfast?"

She couldn't help but smile. "Okay." Tommy leaned in to kiss her, but Jude moved her head and his lips ended up on her cheek. "Barf breath." She explained.

"Right." Tommy kissed her forehead and left the bathroom.

While in the shower Jude let the hot water relax the tension caused by her hang over. She thought about the last few days without Tommy, and was glad he was home. As she stepped out to dry off her anxiety came back full force. Tommy was in her house and she hadn't been expecting him. What if he found her stash? He wouldn't understand her needing a little help to knock the edge off. He'd always prided himself on being drug free. It was one of the things Jude had always admired him for.

Tommy wasn't surprised when he couldn't find anything to cook for breakfast. Even though Jude could cook now, she still ate out more than she cooked. He decided he'd order breakfast from the café a couple of blocks over. They would defiantly need to go to the store sometime during the day.

"Hey, I ordered breakfast from the café. You have nothing here." Tommy said when she rushed into the kitchen. He noticed she looked panicked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Sorry I forgot I hadn't been to the store. Kat and I have been eating out."

"No worries. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Okay."

While he was gone, Jude rushed around the house. She made sure she had everything put up. In the back of her mind she knew that she was doing something wrong if she was trying to hide it. But she just rationalized it by saying Tommy wouldn't understand.

She was in the kitchen when he got back. "Hope you are hungry." He said sitting the bags on the counter.

"Starved." She said smiling.

"So your stomach is feeling better?"

"Yeah." They sat and ate breakfast and Tommy told her all about the auditions he had to sit through.

"It was like they got worse as the day went on."

"It sounds horrible."

"Yeah, I hated leaving you though."

"It's okay. I'm grown I can take care of myself."

"I know. I just missed you." He said leaning over to kiss her.

"I missed you, too." She said pulling back. "So do you have to go to G Major today?"

"No, Darius is expecting me tomorrow. So, today can be all about us."

"Perfect." She said meeting his lips again. When the kiss deepened, Tommy stood up and carried her to her bedroom.

Jude felt completely calm watching Tommy sleep. His lips were turned up into a slight smile and his eyes fluttered. She wondered what he was dreaming about as she listened to his quiet snore. She snuggled closer to him and his arms tightened around her. She let herself drift off to a peaceful nap.

"Babe?" Tommy said waking her some time later.

"Huh?"

"Why don't we get up and get to the store. Someone owes me a dinner tonight."

"Okay." She said sitting up. She met his lips in a soft kiss before getting out of bed. "I'm just going to get a quick shower."

"I'll be waiting.'

They spent the rest of the day grocery shopping and getting things they both needed around their houses. Jude found it nice to act like a normal couple. In the check out line she started feeling like everyone was watching her. It made all her good feelings from the day just disappear.

Tommy noticed Jude tense up. "Why don't you go wait in the car. I will get all of this."

"Thank you." She said in a small voice.

Tommy kissed her forehead and watched her walk out. He wasn't sure what was wrong, but he knew she was feeling uncomfortable being in public.

Jude walked to the car quickly. Her heart was racing and her hands were sweating. It frustrated her that she couldn't go a day without freaking out. Especially when she was having a great day with Tommy. She sat in the car and took a couple of deep breaths. She took a Xanax hoping it would calm her quickly. She just wanted to get home.

After Tommy put everything in the trunk, he slid into the driver's seat. "Are you okay?" He asked taking her hand.

"Yeah, I just felt like they were all watching me." She said staring at their hands and not looking him in the eyes.

"Well, let's go home." He said kissing her hand before starting the car.

The drive home was in silence. Jude was still trying to fight the panic feeling, while Tommy wished he knew how to help her. He knew she would feel pressured if he tried to talk her into talking to someone, but he didn't know what else he could do. He just had to figure out the best way to approach the subject with her.

"So, I was thinking we should have dinner at your place. Kat is staying with me and she shouldn't mind me not being home tonight." Jude said as they were unloading groceries.

"That sounds good to me. I hate for you to leave her alone though. I don't want to seem rude stealing you away from her."

"She has seen how much I missed you this week."

Kat was stressing majorly all day. It was noon before she recovered from her hang over, and it was one of those days where everything that could go wrong went wrong. First one of her models had come down with the flu and had to quit the show. Then the replacement model was a completely different size. She was going to have to spend all night working on the dresses for the new model. It made her nervous to leave Jude alone for a night. What if she had a breakdown and no one was there to support her.

She was about to call her when her cell rang. "I was just about to call you." She said answering.

"Really? What's up?"

"I am going to be stuck here all night. One of my models got sick, so I have to redo the dresses for another model."

"Yikes."

"Yeah, so are you going to be okay?"

"Kat, I'm fine. Tommy came home early. So, we are going to have dinner at his house. I'll probably just spend the night with him. Don't worry about me."

"Good. I just didn't want to ditch you." Kat said in relief.

"I'll see you tomorrow night at your show."

"Okay." Kat was glad Tommy was home before she went back to New York. She really wanted to talk to him about her concerns.

Tommy loved being in the comforts of his own home. Jude kicked him out of the kitchen and told him he wasn't allowed back in until dinner was ready. So, he kicked back on the couch and watched TV. The smell coming from the kitchen was mouth watering and he couldn't wait to see what she was making.

Cooking for Jude was like music. It was something that she could put her complete focus on. She twirled around the kitchen sipping her ice tea. It was the first time she could remember not drinking wine while cooking. After the previous night, she wasn't ready to drink alcohol. She just lost her self in recipes.

After getting everything ready, she set the table and called Tommy in the kitchen. "Babe, everything is ready."

"Great because I am starving."

Dinner was nice and relaxing. Tommy was once again impressed by Jude's cooking. He decided while she seemed happy and relaxed he would mention to her what he was thinking. "Have you thought about talking to a grief consular?"

"Why?" Jude asked shocked.

"Well, I know you are still dealing with everything with loosing your mom, and I thought if you talked to someone maybe…"

"I don't need therapy, Tommy." She said defensively.

"It might help."

"I just need time." She said barely above a whisper.

"I hate seeing you sad all the time."

"How's therapy going to help that? Huh? You think that will bring her back and everything will be just fine?"

"Jude, come on."

"You know what? I'm going to go home and sleep tonight. I need space." She said standing up and throwing her napkin on the table.

"Jude…" But she was out the door before he could really react. He knew if he followed her it would make thinks worse.

Jude felt like she couldn't breathe while she was running home. She thought Tommy was the one person she could trust to just give her time to deal. It wasn't just anybody who died. It was her mother. She threw herself on her bed and cried herself into a restless dream filled sleep.

**There you go. Please Review. It helps me stay motivated to write. I am going to try to start on the next chapter this week. I just have to work on the next chapter of my other fic too.**


	22. Chapter 21

**Here you guys go. I was able to get both chapters done, and I still have time to to go out. lol. Remember I own nothing.**

Chapter 21

Tommy sat at the table for another ten minutes before getting up and putting dinner away. He never thought she'd run away like that. It just proved she needed to talk to someone about her grief. He knew there was no way he'd get any sleep, so he sat flipping through channels on the TV all night. He needed to figure out how to show Jude he only wanted what was best for her.

Jude woke up the next morning with her eyes red and puffy from crying herself to sleep. That was not how she was supposed to spend Tommy's first night back. Why couldn't he just give her time? What would talking to somebody help? She hated talking about it. She just wanted the pain to go away. Her head was pounding, so she took a hydro before taking her shower and getting ready for work. She needed to put the previous night out of her mind.

Tommy had to be at G Major bright and early, so he decided not to check on her before going in to work. He thought if he gave her time and space like she asked for, she would see that he just wanted her to be happy.

At G Major, everything was a buzz about auditions. There were people everywhere that he had never seen before. Darius was definitely going above and beyond for this season. Tommy decided he would check in with Darius before going to his office. "Hey, D. It's crazy out there."

"Everything is needed to make this the best. I already have the concert hall booked for the ten week semi finals."

"Ten week? Are we going the "Idol" route this time?"

Darius nodded. "All leading up to the grand finale of Instant Star. I think it is the best way to end the competition on a high note."

"So what do you need me to do?"

"I have your new engineer waiting in your office for you. I have someone paired with every producer. When we start bringing finalists in you guys will work with them on songs and everything. I'm also hoping to have my former winners acting as mentors to the finalists. I know Jude doesn't want to sing anymore, but do you think she'd be willing to help?"

"I don't know, D. She might think we are pushing her. She ran out on me because I said she needed to talk to someone about her grief. I'm afraid something like this could push her over the edge."

"Okay. I won't do anything yet concerning her."

"Thanks, Darius."

Tommy left Darius' office and fought the crowd to his own office. There he found an old friend. "Mike Bevans, back at G Major."

"Quincy, how are you doing?"

"Good. What brings you back?"

"Aunt Georgia made a call."

Tommy nodded taking a seat at his desk. "Well, I don't have to train you. How've you been?"

"You know me, trouble seems to follow me. But I'm hoping things can get better again. I've missed it around here."

"Well, you can definitely stay out of trouble around here. This completion will keep you busy up to your eyeballs."

"That's good to know."

Tommy was glad to have an old friendly face around. It reminded him how far he had come in life. If he'd never met Mike in juvy, he would have never come to G Major as a favor to Georgia. That set of events led to him having Jude in his life. "Well, let's get to work." Tommy said leading the way to studio A.

Jude sat behind the register with a frown. Nothing could make cheer up. If Wally wasn't her boss, she probably wouldn't have even come in to work.

"Jude, you're scaring all our customers. Plus, Cassie will be here in an hour for her lesson."

"Sorry, Wally, I just had a bad night."

"I thought Tommy was back." Wally figured she would be happy to have him home.

"He is. We had a fight last night and I stormed out on him. He's just like everybody else trying to tell me how to deal with everything. He's not going through what I am. How's he supposed to know what will help me?" She was still furious.

"Jude, he cares about you. He just wants what is best."

"What is best? Well, what is best is to let me deal with it. Nothing is going to 'help' unless someone could bring her back."

"Maybe you should postpone your lesson with Cassie."

"No, I'll be fine. I'm going to tune my guitar."

"Okay." Wally sighed. He was scared for his friend.

Jude went through the rest of the day trying to fake a smile. She knew she needed to at least look happy to everyone. When her lessons started she was able to get lost in her music again. By the end of the day her fake smile turned into a real smile.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" Wally asked while they were closing up.

"I'm going to Kat's show and I'm going to take her out for dinner. I'm not ready to talk to Tommy just yet and Kat is leaving tomorrow."

"Well, have a good night, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night, Wally."

Tommy hoped she would be home when he got in from G Major. He was going crazy that she was mad at him. He just needed to see her and tell he loved her. Everything would work its self out as long as they were together. When she wasn't home, he decided to wait on her. He was frantic when she wasn't home by ten.

Jude went straight to Kat's show from work. She didn't have to change because Kat had something for her to wear there. She was so proud of her friend. Everyone seemed to absolutely love Kat's designs. After the show they went out just the two of them.

"You are truly talented. Those dresses were fabulous." Jude told her.

"Thanks. So how was your night with Tommy?"

"It didn't go as we planned." Jude said ordering another glass of wine.

"What happened?"

"We had a fight. I just need space, and he was telling me what he thought would help me. I know he means well, but I thought he was different. I have so many people telling me what I need to do, I thought he'd be the one to just support me and let me deal. I miss her every minute of every day. How will it help to talk to someone about it?"

"Maybe to just sort your feelings out." Kat answered. "Jude, think about what he's asking you. He knows you are going through a lot."

"I just want it to go away, Kat."

"I know, sweetie." Kat said waving down the waiter for the check. "Let's get out of here."

"I don't want to go home. What if he is waiting for me?"

"If he's waiting, he's going to be worried. It's almost eleven. Let's get you home." Kat led her to the car and helped her in.

"I wish you weren't leaving tomorrow. I really missed you."

"I need to get back to Dan. I miss him like crazy. But I will be back soon enough. Apparently, Dan got his first choice for his residency. "

"Huh?"

"Toronto General. Looks like I will be moving back as soon as the semester is over. He said he wanted to bring me home."

"Oh, Kat, that is great. It is going to be awesome having you back."

When they got to her house someone was waiting, just not who she expected. She found Mason sitting on her couch

"Oh thank god." He exclaimed. "Tommy has been worried for hours. He called me to sit and wait on you incase you came home while he went out looking for you."

"I'm just going to go pack and go to bed. I will see you before my flight tomorrow."

"Okay. Goodnight, Kat." Jude said before sitting down beside Mason. "How long has he been gone?"

"About twenty minutes. He said you two had a fight last night and he felt really bad about it." Jude just nodded. "Well, let me call him then you and I can talk."

"Okay."

Tommy went by every place he thought she could be, but it was like she'd disappeared. "Mason, did she come home?" He answered his cell when it rang.

"She's here."

"Great tell her I'll be right there."

"Why don't you just go to your house? I don't think she is ready to talk to you yet. Let me see what I can do." Mason suggested.

"You're right. Thanks man."

Mason closed his phone and walked back to the living room. "Alright, he's not coming over tonight."

"Thanks, Mason. It's really good to see you." Jude said standing up and hugging him.

"You too, Jude. I'm sorry about your mom." He said as they sat back down.

"I keep wondering how long this pain lasts. I hate talking about because it rips my heart even more. Tommy thinks I should talk to someone, but why should I do something that hurts more?"

"Maybe you need more time. What's with the no singing? Jude, music is your life. Maybe that is what you need to sort out your feelings."

"I don't have it in me anymore." She said avoiding eye contact.

"Why do you think that? Talk to me. I promise I will just listen I won't judge you or try to tell you what to do."

"When I moved to London, I was ready for bigger and better things. I thought I was making the right choice, but when I got there I couldn't write shit. Ten the label decided my image wasn't what they wanted. They tried to change me. My producer was always pissed off that I didn't have new material. I realized that when I was here I could always be myself. And Tommy never got pissed when I couldn't write; he would just help me. Then I got the call that mom was sick. My music was lost and I needed to be there for her." She put her head in her hands trying to fight the tears.

"Sounds rough." Mason said wrapping her in a hug. "It's okay now. You have so many friends that just wan to be here for you."

"But it's not okay. I lost years with my mom because she ran off. I know she was sorry, but I feel like I did the same thing when I left Tommy. I lost years with him that I can never get back."

"No you can't get those years back, but think of the years you can have with him now. You two are meant to be together."

"It's more complicated than that."

"It's late. Why don't you go get some sleep? You'll feel better tomorrow." Mason suggested.

"Maybe. Where are you staying?"

"I have hotel room for now. I'm going to look for an apartment this weekend. Darius wants me to record my next album here."

"Really? Wow, I am getting two of my best friends back. Kat is moving back from New York. Why don't you crash on my couch tonight? It's late; you shouldn't drive."

"That sounds good. We can go for breakfast in the morning."

"It's going to be great having you back."

Jude stared at the ceiling thinking for hours. The people that mean the most to her seem to coming back into her life. She thought that would make things better, but the pain was still there. It was all hard to understand. She did fine all that time her mom was in Rome, why couldn't she just go back to that? Sleep wouldn't come, so she took a couple of hydros hoping they would help her sleep.

When Tommy got home he knew she was home and safe, but he was still worried about her. He hoped Mason could help. In the back of his mind he had a nagging feeling that Jude was hiding something from him, but he had no idea what it was. He was afraid to confront her about it because he didn't want to loose her. If the way she stormed out on him was any indication, he didn't need to push her anymore than he already had.

Jude, Mason, and Kat had breakfast before they took Kat to the airport. She was going to miss her, but was thrilled that she'd be back in a couple of months. "Be careful, and we'll get together once you get back" Jude told her before hugging her one last time.

"Definitely." Kat said with a nod. After how Jude reacted to Tommy's suggestion, Kat decided not to talk to Tommy about her concerns. She decided she'd see how things were when she got back. If there wasn't an improvement then she'd go to Tommy.

"You want to go to G Major with me?" Mason asked.

"I don't think so. I just really don't want to be around the competition." Jude didn't want to get sucked into the madness.

"I understand."

The evening when she got home from work, Tommy was waiting on her. She'd thought a lot about what Kat and Mason told her and knew she needed Tommy if she was ever going to get through this. "I'm sorry…"

"I'm sorry…"

They both spoke at the same time. "Let me go first." Jude said motioning for him to sit down on the couch. He nodded and sat beside her. "I over reacted the other night. But Tommy I need to you to be the one person who doesn't tell me what you think I need to do. I don't know if I could ever talk to someone. It just hurts too much."

"Jude, I love you. And I wasn't there during the time you needed me the most. I want be there for you now. I don't want you to hurt."

"Then just support my decision. I feel so out of sorts."

Tommy just pulled her into his arms. "I'm here, Jude. If you need me to listen or just hold you; I will do what ever you want me to do." His heart clenched because he truly couldn't do anything to help her. Sure he could be there for her, but he didn't feel like that was really helping.

Jude clung to him while she cried. She was starting to have problems catching her breath. "I need to go to the bathroom. I will be right back." She said pulling away from him. She needed to get a grip. She could loose it like this all the time. She splashed water on her face and took a xanax. Taking a couple of deep breaths, she went back to the living room. "Sorry."

"It's okay. Are you feeling better?"

"I don't know if I will ever really feel better. Can we not talk about it?"

"Sure. Why don't we just order dinner and relax with a movie?"

"That sounds good to me." She said with a weak smile.

All through dinner and the movie, Jude just felt numb, and even Tommy's arms wrapped around her couldn't make that feeling go away. She wished she could feel like she did the first night he kissed her or the first time he told her he loved her. But that feeling was just as lost as she was.


	23. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

For the next couple of weeks, Jude felt a bit better but the numbness was still there. She missed Kat and couldn't wait for her to get back. With the Instant Star competition going on, she was avoiding G Major like the plague. The last thing she wanted was to be pulled into anything to do with the competition. Tommy had mentioned that Darius was having former winners mentor the finalists. She felt like she was way too lost to mentor anyone in this business. So, she stayed away. It wasn't something she felt she could do.

Tommy was usually working every night. Some nights Mason would come over, and other nights she would sit at the bar with Jenny. She noticed that Mike wasn't coming in anymore, but she just figured he'd gotten bored with the place. She tried to tell herself not to think about him, but it wasn't easy because she felt guilty for using him.

"You seem a bit out of it." Jenny said.

"Just bored. Tommy and Mason are working tonight."

"So, I thought you'd be involved with all this Instant Star craziness."

"Not something I want to do. I won't even stop by and see Tommy while he is there. I know Darius will get the wrong idea with me being there."

"You really don't want to go back; do you?"

"Honestly, if I had it in me to write a song and perform it, I would do it, but it's not there anymore."

Jude felt so torn internally. She wished she could write and get her feelings out. She was falling deeper into depression everyday. It wasn't like the anxiety she'd been suffering from since moving home. It was dark and lonely. She couldn't sleep at night with out taking something. And that was usually after drinking a bottle of wine or a six pack. She didn't have the strength to fight it.

It was Friday and Jude and Wally were doing inventory until late. It had been a couple of days since she'd even seen Tommy; so on her way home she drove by G Major. His car was still there and it seemed like almost everyone else was gone. She thought it would be safe to stop. It was one of the worst decisions she'd ever made.

"What are you doing here?" She asked finding Mike in Studio A.

"Hey, Babe, this is a nice surprise." Tommy said coming in before Mike could answer her.

"I saw your car and thought I'd stop by to see you." She said with a fake smile.

Tommy was just happy to see her and didn't even notice. He kissed her quickly before remembering Mike was in the room. "Oh, I forgot. Jude, do you remember Mike?"

"Remember Mike?" Jude said confused.

"Yeah, Mike Bevans; Georgia's nephew. He worked here back when Georgia ran the company. Darius has hired him on as my engineer during Instant Star."

Jude's mind froze. Mike had known her the whole time. "Right, Mike, sorry I guess I was so young back then." She said giving him daggers.

"Understandable."

"Hey, you know what we are done here. You want to grab a late dinner?" Tommy asked Jude.

"Sure."

"Great. Just let me go lock my office. Mike I will see you on Monday."

"Sure thing, Q."

"So, you and Tommy are friends?" Jude was completely beside herself. "And you worked here when I won Instant Star? Have you just been playing with me this whole time?"

"Okay I will admit that I remember you from back then, but you seemed like you needed someone. At the time I didn't know you and Tom were a thing again…"

"Ready, babe?" Tommy returned completely clueless to what was going on.

"Yeah, let's get going." Jude said reaching out for Tommy's hand.

Jude was lost in thought the rest of the night. Was this some kind of game with Mike? Could she trust him? She wished she could go back to that first night and not go home with Mike. It seemed like that night kept biting her in the ass.

"Hey, where've you been?" Tommy asked when they were walking in to his living room.

"I'm right here." She said when he pulled her to him.

"I have missed you so much this week. I know the last couple of weeks have been hard, but once this competition is over, you and I are going to have a lot of quality time."

"Okay." She said before meeting his lips in a deep kiss.

Once she knew he was sound asleep, Jude slipped out of bed and dressed quickly. She thought about leaving Tommy a note, but didn't know what to say. It was time for her to get some answers. She drove over to Mike's going over in her mind what she was going to say.

"I should have been expecting you." Mike said answering the door.

"Why didn't you tell me we knew each other?"

"You seemed like you needed someone that didn't know you. So, I tried to be that person."

"You betrayed my trust." She yelled.

"Why didn't you ever tell me about your mom?"

"How did you find that out?"

"I work with Tommy remember? He mentioned one day that you were having trouble dealing with your mom's death. Is that why you showed up at my door crying that night?"

"That doesn't matter because I won't be coming back here. If you ever tell Tommy I will deny it. And I know Tommy will believe me." Jude left without giving Mike a chance to answer her.

Tommy was in the same exact position when she got back to his house. She undressed silently and crawled back under the covers like she was never gone. Tommy's arm instinctively wrapped around her pulling closer to him. She stared at the wall all night never falling asleep.

Tommy noticed Jude becoming more distant everyday. He had no idea how to reach her. He was so busy with G Major that he hardly got to see her. He never mentioned to her anything about coming to the studio. He knew she felt uncomfortable around the competition. Plus her drinking was getting worse. Every night when he'd get home, there'd be an empty wine bottle or a trash full of empty beer cans. One night he could have sworn her back yard reeked of pot.

She'd usually be asleep when he'd get, but even the nights where she was still awake, he felt like she was a million miles away. Some night he would think about going home and sleeping in is own bed, but he needed to feel close her.

"So, do you just tell everyone who comes back to town to come see me? Tell them to talk to me?" Jude said one night when he walked into her bed room. She was sitting up in bed and she was furious.

"What are you talking about?" He asked confused.

"Georgia came by today."

"Well, I thought you'd want to see her. So, I told her where you worked. Jude, I didn't commit a crime." Tommy defended himself while changing into pajama pants. He could tell she was drunk.

"How many times do I have to say I don't want to talk to anybody; professional or not? Or do you want to keep ripping my heart open?" She asked as sobs took over body.

"Jude, baby, that was not my intentions at all; I promise. Georgia just wanted to catch up. It's okay; I'm here." He said gathering her up into his arms and rocking her. That night he just held her until she cried herself to sleep. He didn't know what to do. The situation was worse than he first thought.

Jude hated feeling so numb and sad. She was out of hyros and xanax, but knew she couldn't go to Mike any more. She started listening to the conversations people would have at the bar to get information where she could go. She couldn't handle the sleepless nights and the anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach everyday. She heard of a party close to the university. Everyone said it was the place to go to score just about anything.

Mike hadn't been to one of these places since he went back to work at G Major. He enjoyed his work. It gave him something to focus on. Plus he promised his aunt he would clean his act up. The only reason he had come to the party was to tell his roommate he was moving out. Georgia had a room for him at her house. He'd come straight from work where he and Tommy had called it an early night. He'd said something about needing to get home to Jude early one night before the ten week semi finals started.

To his surprise he saw Jude moving through the crowd at the party. He went into protective mode because it was not the crowd Jude needed to be in. "Harrison, you know you don't belong here."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked her voice laced with attitude.

"It means you should be at home with your boyfriend. This is not the place for you."

"My boyfriend is working where you should be, and I'm a grown woman. I can go where ever I want to go."

"Fine, but don't ever say I didn't warn you."

"You know you weren't saying this the night you took me home and got me high. I clearly remember waking up the next morning with my clothes everywhere."

Mike laughed at that. "I can promise you, sweetheart, nothing happened that night."

"Whatever." Jude rolled her eyes and walked away. She was on a mission.

Mike wasn't going to let her get away that easy. It took him an hour to find her, and it looked to be too late. "Why didn't you just come to me?" He said pulling her by the arm out of the party.

"You betrayed my trust, and you work with Tommy."

"This is not the life for you. Do you know how much that man loves you? He called it quits early tonight so he could go home to you. He said he needed to spend some time with you before the ten week semi finals started next week. And look at you stoned, and I'm guessing you scored some more pills while you were in there too."

"You started all this." She accused.

"If I had known the situation I wouldn't have taken you home that night. Give me your keys I'm not letting you drive like this."

"You don't tell me what to do." Jude screamed before taking a cup out of some girls hand and storming to her car. The numbness mixed with the pain was too much. She took a handful of pills and downed whatever was in the cup before pulling out onto road.

"Aunt Georgia, I really screwed up." Mike said pacing the living room floor of his aunts house.

"What happened Mike?"

He told her everything form the first night in the bar until her storming away from him at the party. "I thought I was helping her."

"Oh wow. Tom said she was bad off and when I tried to talk to her she shut down. I wish you had told me or even Tom before now."

"What if something happens to her tonight? It's going to be all my fault."

"Mike, she's a grown woman who makes her own choices. I'll make some calls."

"Thanks."

Tommy was cooking a huge dinner. He couldn't wait for her to get home. It was the first night in weeks, he'd come home early. It was Friday and he knew she had inventory to do before leaving the store. That gave him plenty of time to cook dinner and set the house up for a nice romantic night.

He turned the radio down when the phone rang. "Hello."

"Tommy, there's been an accident." Sadie's said in a distraught voice on the other end of the line.

Tommy's wine glass shattered with his world.

Everything was white and bright as Jude walked down a hall way. She felt almost like she was floating. There was a big white door that opened for her automatically when she stood in front of it. The room looked like it was filled with clouds. "Mom?" She said to the woman standing in the middle of the room.

**There you go guys. Please let me know what you think. It helps me know what direction to go in. We are heading into the last set of chapters. Not sure how many more, but I will let you know once I get it all in line. Now go and Review!!!!**


	24. Chapter 23

**I thought it would take me longer to get this written, but I was able to get it finished tonight. Hope you like it. Disclaimer: Instant Star is not mine.**

Chapter 23

Jude took off running towards her mother. She felt like crying but the tears wouldn't come. She threw her arms around her holding on with all her strength. If she was dreaming, she didn't want to wake up.

"Hi, sweetie." Her mom said to her.

"Where are we?"

"A place where there are no tears." She answered cupping her face.

"I miss you, so much."

"I know. I miss you, too."

"What are we doing here?" Jude asked looking around.

"Well, I'm here because it was my time. Why you are here is my question. Honey, you're supposed to be living your life to the fullest."

"But the pain is always there." Jude argued.

"You know that I am always with you; in here" She said pointing to her heart.

"I don't know what I am doing anymore. It seems that no matter what choice I make; I loose."

"You've always made your own decisions, Jude. Just because I'm gone shouldn't change that."

"But I've made wrong choices in the past."

"Don't we all? I should have never left my girls, but I did. Now is that why I got sick? No. Just like you are not being punished for leaving Tommy. Do you know how much he loves you?"

"I think I have an idea." Jude answered putting her head down. "I've ruined that now haven't I?"

"That's not up to me. Jude, you know better than to be driving like that. Don't you remember Patsy? You are going down that same dark path."

"I just wanted it all to go away."

"There are better ways to deal with things. Why aren't you writing and singing? Jude, that's who you are."

"But I lost it."

"No, it's just buried deep. You have to reach deep down and find it again."

"I wish I could stay with you."

"You have so much more to live for, honey."

"I love you, mom."

"I love you, too." Her mother said hugging her.

Tommy broke more speed limits than ever before trying to get to the hospital. His heart was beating fast and hard in his chest. Jude had to be okay. He could never live without her again. Sadie was in the waiting room when he got there. "How is she?"

"Still not awake. She has a broken leg and a fractured wrist. Dad is talking to the doctor right now."

"What happened?"

"Not sure. She was out on Route 22 by the university. The campus cop that found her recognized her and called G Major after calling the ambulance."

"Route 22 is way out of her way. What was she doing out by the University?"

"The doctor said something about her blood alcohol level and that there were drugs in her system."

"Drugs?" Tommy felt lost. Why was Jude doing drugs? And why hadn't he seen the signs? That's when he realized what an idiot he'd been. All the signs were there he was just ignoring them.

"Dad, what did he say?" Sadie asked when Stuart walked in the waiting room.

"He's not sure when she'll wake up. They are going to take her down for a CT when they get her leg set. The EMTs said her windshield was shattered and it looked like her head hit it before falling onto the steering wheel. The car was completely totaled."

"She'll be okay. She has to be." Sadie said choking back a sob. She couldn't loose her sister the same year she lost her mom."

"I wish I knew why she was on that part of town. She usually stays late for inventory on Fridays." Tommy said running his fingers through his hair.

It felt like hours they waited in the waiting room for the doctor to let them know Jude was in a room. Tommy was anxious to see with his own eyes that she was alive.

"Scans look good, but she still needs to wake up for us to know about brain damage." He told them.

"Can we see her?" Stuart asked.

"Sure. Just be prepared. She's pretty banged up."

As they were walking to the room, Tommy's cell rang. "Georgia, it's not a good time. I'm at the hospital." He said answering.

"I know, Tom. I just spoke with Darius. I need you to come over here."

"Jude hasn't woken up yet. I want to be here when she does."

"I understand that, but this is urgent."

Tommy let out a sigh. "Where are you?"

"At home."

"I'll be there in a few."

Georgia hung up the phone and watched Mike pace the floor. She was afraid for him because she knew Tommy's temper. Part of her thought it served him right. He had no business giving the drugs to Jude in the first place. She knew in a twisted way he meant well. It made her nervous for the whole situation.

"What did he say?" Mike asked.

"He'd be here in a few. Jude hasn't woken up yet."

"This is all my fault."

"We can't think like that now. We have to think positively that Jude is going to be okay, and she can start healing." Georgia tried to be as calm as possible.

Tommy stopped outside Jude's room. He wasn't sure if he could see her this way. "Sadie, I have to go do something. Will you call me if she wakes up?"

"Sure."

He didn't know what was so urgent with Georgia, but he hoped it would take long. His heart was still racing. All his mind kept coming back to was what if Jude didn't wake up. He knew he couldn't live without her again.

"Thank you for coming over, Tom. I know this is a rough night." Georgia said leading him into the living room.

"I want to get back to the hospital as soon as possible."

"Of course." Georgia said before turning towards the stairs. "Mike, he's here."

Mike walked down the stairs still not knowing what he was going to say. He just knew he needed to tell the truth. "I'm sorry to hear about Jude, man. I hope she'll be okay." He said sticking out his hand to shake.

Tommy shook his hand. "Thanks. I just wish I knew why she was on that side of town."

"Well, that's why Aunt Georgia called you over here." Mike took a deep breath before continuing. "I probably should start at the beginning for every thing to make sense. A few months ago a few buddies and I went down to Charlie's. We were just hanging out drinking a few beers. That is when I saw Jude. I recognized her from all those years ago a G Major. She was prey drunk trying to play pool."

Tommy wondered what his story had to do with Jude's accident, but didn't question. He just listened.

"I tried helping her, but she was all over the place. She kept going on about wanting to feel good. I ended up taking her home that night. She seemed so sad and numb that I thought she just needed a little pick me up."

"You got Jude high? You didn't…"

Mike wouldn't let him finish. "Nothing like that happened. It was heading that way, but she passed out soon after doing a line. I had no idea she was with you. She was gone the next morning before I got up."

Tommy couldn't believe what he was hearing. The worst part was he felt like he should have figured it out on his own. But he'd been so blinded by not wanting to push her.

Mike told him everything exactly like he told Georgia. "Then tonight I saw her at that party, I tried to take her keys away from her, but she wouldn't let me. She was so furious at me for not telling her who I was. Tom, man, I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner."

"It wouldn't have made any difference." Tommy said. He felt completely defeated. "If I had known, it would have only pushed her away to confront her. I didn't realize she was this bad."

"Dude, it's my fault. She never told me what was going on with her. If I had known…"

"She would have found someone else."

Mike was scared because Tommy didn't seem furious at him. "Man, you should be punching me right now."

"Would that make Jude wake up? Look man, I hate what you did, but Jude knew what she was doing. It's like she's slowly killing herself. I need to go talk to her family because I'm afraid if we don't get her some help, she's never going to get better."

"Tom, if there is anything I can do, please let me know." Georgia told him.

"Thanks, Georgia. I think Jude is going to need all her friends to get over this."

Tommy felt helpless and hopeless on his way back to the hospital. He prayed for Jude to wake up. He wanted to look into her eyes and promise her he'd be right beside her through everything. In the back of his mind he was afraid she was too far gone.

Sadie sat down in the chair by her sister's bed. If it wasn't for the monitors hooked up to her, Jude would've looked like she was just sleeping. Her arm was in a sling lying across her stomach. Her left leg was propped up in a cast. There was a bandage over one of her eyes. A big purple bruise covered most of her face. Her bottom lip was swollen two times its normal size. Sadie took her unharmed hand into hers. "Jude, you have to wake up. I need my baby sister. You're who keeps me grounded. I need you." Tears spilled from her eyes. "Tommy is frantic. Do you know how much he loves you? I wish I had never discouraged you from marrying him all those years ago. I was just cynical after breaking up with Kwest. Come on sis; who's going to put me in my place. I can't loose you after loosing mom."

Stuart hated seeing his baby lay there unconscious. He'd missed too many years with her after she moved to London then to Rome to take care of Victoria. Even after she came back, he didn't spend enough time with her. At first they had lunch together and stuff, but he let time with her slip through his fingers. He needed her to be okay so he could make it all up to her.

Sadie got up to walk to the bathroom, and Stuart took her seat. "Jude, its Daddy. You need to wake up." It was all he could say before his tears took his voice away from him.

Tommy stood in the door way watching Sadie and Stuart comfort each other. How was he going to tell them what Jude had turned to? It was best to just get it over with. He cleared his throat before walking into the room. The sight of Jude broke his heart even more than it already was.

"Tom, she didn't wake up." Sadie told him.

He just nodded. "Can I talk to you two out in the hall?"

"Sure." They both answered and followed him out.

"It has come to my knowledge tonight that Jude has been self medicating herself for months. I knew she was drinking a lot, but according to my source, she's been popping pills also. Apparently she was at a party by the university tonight drinking."

"What kind of pills?" Sadie asked.

"Xanax and Hydrocodone. I should have seen the signs, but I guess I was too worried about pushing her over the edge to see that she was going over anyway."

"Where was she getting these pills?" Stuart asked.

"Someone she met at a bar." Tommy decided there was no reason to tell her family about Mike. "And when she didn't have that person to go to anymore, I guess she decided she'd find some where else to go."

"Oh god." Sadie's voice cracked.

"I know I am in way over my head here on how to help her." Tommy admitted.

"Maybe there is someone here that can talk to her when she wakes up." Stuart offered holding Sadie to his chest.

"It's our best bet. Can I have a few minutes alone with her?"

"Of course. We'll go get some coffee and wait out here."

"Thank you." Tommy walked back into the room and sat down in the chair. "Hey, Baby, I'm here. Why didn't you tell me what was going on? We could have gotten you some help. So I guess I know where you were that night you disappeared. If I'd known this all would have happened I would have told you to join me and Katie for lunch. I wish I had followed you to London even after you made the decision to leave with out me. We've lost so many years together. Jude, you have to wake up and get some help. I need you in my life so bad. I love you with every fiber of my being. Come on, Girl, come back to me." He kissed her hand and just held it to his face. "We're supposed to grow old together, Jude. You and me the way it should have been since you turned sixteen. I should have just grabbed what I wanted then." He let the tears fall down his face while telling her all the things they should share together.

"Tom, the nurse needs to come in and check her vitals." Stuart said opening the door a bit.

Tommy wiped his face. "Yeah, I need some air anyway."

"Come on let's take a walk." Sadie said reaching for his arm. "I know how much you love her, Tommy." Sadie said as the walked through the halls.

"I've been in love with her since she was sixteen. I just wouldn't admit it to myself."

"I know. I knew when we were together, but I didn't want to admit it."

"Sadie, I can't loose her." He said breaking into sobs.

"You won't, Tommy. She's strong and she will come back from this." Sadie said wrapping him in a big hug. "She'll wake up and we will get her some help. Then she will be able to finally start healing from loosing our mom."

"God I hope you're right, Sadie."

"I'm Sadie. I'm always right." She said wiping his eyes.

They walked around a few minutes before going back to Jude's room. Neither wanted to be away for too long. There was still no change, so they all settled into a seat and waited.

**Will Jude wake up? If so will she willingly get help? Stay tuned... Please Review and let me know what you think. It might be late next week before a new chapter is done. I'm going camping this coming weekend, and I still have You're Still the One to work on before Friday. **


	25. Chapter 24

**Here you go everybody. Sorry it took me so long. I hate writers block. Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 24

For two days, Tommy refused to leave the hospital. Stuart and Sadie both told him to go get a shower and sleep, but he wanted to be by her side when she woke up. The doctors said they couldn't find a reason why she hadn't woken up yet. Their conclusion was that she'd wake up when she was ready. So he sat by her bed side and waited for her to be ready.

"T, how's she doing?" Darius asked walking into Jude's hospital room. He could tell Tommy hadn't slept since the accident.

"No change. They're not sure why she's not waking up. Look, D, about work…"

"Don't worry about work, T. We have it covered. I just came by to check on her and to talk to you about Mike."

"What about Mike?" Tommy asked confused.

"He packed his stuff and quit. I asked Georgia what was going on, but she said I should talk you about it."

Tommy had decided to hold no blame over Mike. What happened to Jude was unfortunately natural progression of what she was dealing with. "I didn't know he was quitting. I'll call and talk to him."

"Let me know when she wakes up."

"Sure, D."

When the nurse came in, Tommy stepped into the hall to call Mike. "Hey Quincy, how's Jude?"

"She hasn't woken up yet. Darius came by and said you quit. What's going on, man?"

"I didn't think you'd want to still work with me. I feel responsible for this whole mess."

"You can't blame yourself. Jude was spiraling out of control since the day she got home from Rome. So call Darius and tell him you're not quitting. I need someone in my studio that knows how I work until I can get back."

"How can you not blame me?"

"Mike, do you remember how lost we were as kids?"

"Yeah. No guidance."

"Exactly. Jude's childhood was full of guidance, but when her mom died that guidance was gone and she got lost. It wasn't your fault. If it hadn't been you it would have been someone else. Imagine if it had been somebody who didn't try to stop her the other night."

"I guess you are right."

Sadie had been on auto pilot since Jude's accident. She was insisting on working every day. She needed to keep busy or she was going to go crazy. Part of her wanted to break down crying and screaming, but the other part knew that would change nothing.

"Sadie, you should be home sleeping." Kwest said walking into her office.

"Can't sleep."

"Yeah, I've noticed. Maybe you should talk to a doctor about getting something to help with that."

"I'm sorry I'm keeping you up. I can sleep at dad's house."

"No, I'd rather get no sleep and have you with me." He said wrapping his arms around her. "I don't know what I would do if I was in Tom's place right now. We've already lost so much time."

"I know." Sadie sniffed burying her head in his shoulder. "I can't loose my sister. Why hasn't she woken up yet?"

"I don't know, Baby." Kwest hugged her closer to him. "Come on let's go to my place and get some sleep."

Sadie just nodded. She was thankful that she had him to make her get some rest. When her mom was sick, she didn't have someone to make her leave work.

Stuart sat at his desk staring out the window. The only reason he came to work was to get out of the hospital for a while. His partners were taking care of all his accounts. He picked up the phone to make a phone call he thought he'd never make.

"Hello?"

"Don, its Stuart."

"Stuart, are the girls okay?"

"Jude's been in an accident. They don't know when she'll wake up."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you, Don." Stuart knew Jude and Don bonded over Victoria's illness.

She was walking through a dark tunnel. She was trying to find her way home, but everything looked unfamiliar. All she wanted was Tommy's arms wrapped around her. She needed to know that no matter what she did; Tommy would always be there for her. Tommy was her world and she needed to get back to him. She kept walking.

Tommy sat by her bedside talking to her just hoping she could hear his voice and wake up. "So, Darius says the competition is going good. He thinks we have found some real talent. Wally came by. All the kids you give lessons to made a big card for you. Everybody misses you. Mason is taking my place in the producer chair. He's stopped by every morning on his way to G Major. Tonight is Jude Harrison night. Darius wanted to start the weekly eliminations off with a bang. Of course the room doesn't have a TV, but the nurses are going to bring one in before the show starts. I think it should be a pretty big show."

"Any change, Tom?" Stuart asked coming in.

"No, I've just been talking to her hoping she'll come around."

"Why don't you go get you something to eat?"

"Okay." He said before taking Jude's hand. "Baby, I'm going to the cafeteria, but I will be back in a few minutes." He kissed her forehead before leaving the room.

"Hey, honey." Stuart said sitting in the chair. "I called Don today. He's going to be here as soon as he can. I wish I knew when you were going to wake up. Sadie and Kwest will be by after the show tonight. We all just want you to get better. The sooner you wake up the sooner we can get you the help you need. I know loosing your mom has been tough on you, but Jude we all need you."

Tommy had really hoped that listening to Instant Star would wake her up, but still nothing.

"Tom, you should really go get some sleep." Sadie said turning the TV off.

"I need to be here if she wakes up. I don't want her to be alone."

"I'll stay and call you; I promise. When she wakes up she is going to need you to be rested."

"I will be back first thing in the morning."

"Okay."

Tommy felt completely lost when he got home. He hated being in his bed with out her. He ended sleeping at her house in her bed so he could be surrounded by her things. He'd wake up every hour with his heart pounding, but he forced himself to stay in bed. His cell phone woke him up at seven the next morning. He answered quickly thinking it was about Jude. "Hello?"

"T, I hate to do this, but we really need you at G Major."

"Kwest, I have to get back to the hospital."

"Man, I wouldn't call you if it wasn't important."

"What's going on?"

Kwest told him how some of the artists were pissed off at the attention the competition was getting. Some were threatening to walk if they didn't get their scheduled recording times with their producers. Since Tommy was the senior producer they were mostly requesting him.

Tommy showered and called the hospital to check and there was still no change. Stuart was staying with her during the day because he was expecting Don in the afternoon. He promised Tommy he would call him with any changes.

G Major was a mad house. Everyone was running around getting ready for the first live elimination show, and Kwest wasn't lying about the artists being pissed off about the competition. "Joey, where are you going?"

"Dude, we didn't sign up for this. We were promised the studio time. It's like if you don't have something to do with Instant Star then you don't matter."

"You know it's not like that. Come on. Where are Nick and the rest of the guys?"

"Grabbing our gear, this is bull shit."

That flew all over Tommy. "No, you know what is fucking bull shit is that I got called in this morning while my girlfriend is lying in a hospital bed unconscious. I don't know when she is going to wake up, but I have to come down here and deal with you wanting to storm out on your contract. Now you and the guys get in studio A and get ready to record because I'm not sticking around while you fuck around." He stormed off to his office to cool down for a minute.

He sat at his desk and heard a light knock. "What?"

"Hey, Man." Nick said coming in.

"Look I said all I have to say to Joey."

"I was real sorry to hear about Jude. I know she means a lot to you. We are ready when ever you are. I know you want to get out of here as soon as you can. Just ignore Joey. He's just pissed because D wanted us to record in the morning until the competition was over. I told him it shouldn't be a problem since we are so close to being finished anyway. And Kwest is cool to work with."

"Thanks, Nick. I'll be down in a minute."

The recording session went surprisingly well. Tommy wasn't going to put up with pretentious rock star bull shit. He gave them as much of his full attention he could; though part of his mind was in that hospital room across town. After his blow up, the band seemed to really understand where he was coming from, and they just played their music.

"Hey man, you got a second?" Mike came in while the guys were on a break.

"Sure, what's up?"

"I wanted to check on Jude."

"As far as I know there hasn't been any change. Her dad is sitting with her today. Her step dad is flying in from Rome."

"Last night I stating going to my meetings again, and I thought these might be helpful." He handed him some booklets on rehab facilities.

Tommy looked them over before looking back at him. "You think it is that bad?"

"She was wasted just about every time I saw her and I was just thinking it was something to think about. I've been down her path and it is hard to come back from."

"Thanks man, I will talk to her dad and doctors about this."

"Just trying to make amends. I better get back. Mason is more anal than you in the studio."

Stuart sat outside Jude's hospital bed tapping his fingers on his knees. The nurses were in were in changing bed sheets and tending to Jude's bandages. She still looked so helpless lying there unconscious. The doctors never called it a coma.

"Stuart, what happened?" Don asked rushing down the hall. "Is Jude okay?"

Stuart led him to the cafeteria and told him everything about the last few months and what the doctors had been saying. "So, they have no clue what she hasn't woken up yet?"

"They say she will wake up when she is ready. Tom didn't leave her side until last night. Sadie forced him to go home, and then he got called in to the studio this morning. I'm glad you could come. I know you two became close when Vicky was sick."

"She's a special young lady. Do you mind if I have few minutes alone with her?"

"Go right a head. The nurses should be finished."

"Hey, kiddo." Don said walking into the room. "Looks like you have hit a rough patch. Your doctors are saying you will wake up when you are ready, so come on wake up. I know you miss your mom, but she loved you so much and wanted you to be happy. I hear you and Tom are pretty serious again. Vicky would love that. He's who truly makes you happy and I saw that the whole time you were in Rome with us. I bet you make him pretty happy too. I hate that I didn't get to know you at the beginning of my relationship with your mom. Then maybe you wouldn't have lost so much time with her. I hate that I took her away from her girls, and if I could I would bring her back to be with you again. But I can't do that sweetheart. I can be here for you though. I put in for a transfer back to the Toronto firm. So next month I will be back here permanently. I know you have your dad here and everything, but I figured you can always use extra support." He heard the door open and turned to see Tommy standing there.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize someone was in here." Tommy said turning to leave.

"That's okay. Come on in. I'm Don Stevens, Jude's step father, and you are Tom Quincy. Stuart said you'd be back soon."

"It's nice to meet you." Tommy said reaching his hand out to shake. "I'm sure it would mean a lot to Jude that you are here."

"The way I understand it, she is going to need all the support she can get."

Tommy nodded. "She just needs to wake up so we can help her."

Tommy left Don with her for a little while longer to go talk to Stuart and the doctor about the rehab option. Dr. Anderson, Jude's regular doctor, told them that would be something that would be decided after a pysch evaluation when she was ready. Tommy hoped that it wouldn't have to come to that. Rehab just seemed like it was for people with heavier problems than what Jude had. But of course he wasn't sure how bad her problem really was.

That night they had the TV back in the room to watch the elimination show. Tommy just kept thinking that her music would pull back to him. After the show, everyone went down to the cafeteria leaving him alone with her. "Come on, Jude. I really need you to wake up."

She started seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Her songs were surrounding her, but it was never her voice singing them. Her head was pounding and her throat was sand paper dry. She felt a grip on her hand and heard Tommy's beautiful deep voice. She tried to call out to him, but she couldn't make a sound. She shut her eyes tight, and forced them open.

"Tommy?"

****

**Okay don't kill me for stopping there. This chapter was so hard to write. I wasn't sure how to go about Jude still being unconscious. Let me know what you think. Your reviews will help me update faster, and keep me motivated. I only have two chapters and the epilogue left on 'You're Still the One' so I am going to be working on finishing that up, but if I get a good response from this story I will work on it some too.**


	26. Chapter 25

**Enjoy!!**

Chapter 25

"Oh my god, Jude." Tommy instantly had tears in his eyes when he saw her beautiful blue eyes. He'd been so scared he was never going to see them again. "You're awake."

"Where am I?" Her voice was weak. "What's going on?" She felt really confused.

"In the hospital; you were in an accident. Do you remember anything?"

Jude thought back and remembered going to the party and fighting with Mike. She couldn't remember anything past that. She felt a pain in her leg and wrist as her chest squeezed. Her heart rate shot up as she tried to catch her breath.

Tommy panicked when the heart monitor went off. "Jude, calm down. Let me go get a nurse."

"Don't leave me." Jude choked out. Irrational panic told her if Tommy walked out of the room, he wouldn't come back.

"Baby, I'm just letting the nurse know you are awake. I'm not going anywhere." His heart clenched when he saw tears running down her face. He decided to push the call button.

"Can I help you, Mr. Quincy?" The nurse asked through the speaker.

"She's a wake." He said never loosing eye contact with Jude. He was almost afraid if he blinked she'd be back unconscious.

"I'll call Dr. Anderson and her dad."

"Thank You." He cupped her face. "See, I didn't go anywhere."

"I'm so sorry." She cried.

"What are you sorry for?" He asked wiping her tears away with his thumbs.

"For being so messed up. I didn't…" Just then Stuart, Sadie, and Dr. Anderson walked in.

"Hey, Sweetheart" Stuart said.

"Daddy!" She said as more tears streamed down her face.

"How are you feeling, Jude?" Dr. Anderson asked.

"I ache all over." She whispered since her throat was still scratchy.

"That's to be expected. You have a broken leg and a sprained wrist." He explained to her while updating her chart. He checked all her vitals and her pupils and went back to her chart.

"What day is it?"Jude asked confused.

"It's Tuesday night. Do you remember anything?" Sadie asked.

Jude just shook her head. She couldn't believe she'd lost four days. That night was so choppy in her mind. She still couldn't remember anything past fighting with Mike; not even getting into her car. "My car." She said franticly.

"It was totaled, honey." He dad said.

"Why can't I remember what happened?" Jude asked the doctor.

"It's normal to be confused when you first wake up. I'm sure it will come back to you." He told her before turning back to the others. "Now that she's awake, I want to take her down for another CT. Just to make sure." Dr. Anderson said to Stuart.

"Okay. Sweetie, we are going to step out and we'll be waiting for you when you get back."

"Okay, dad." Jude answered in a small voice. "Can Tommy go with me?" She asked the doctor. She was so scared that he was going to disappear.

"Sure, I'll call the technician and let him know." Dr. Anderson saw the fear in Jude's eyes.

Tommy could tell Jude was scared, but he couldn't figure out why. "I'm right here, baby, and I'm not going any where." He said holding her good hand.

Jude knew her fear was irrational, but she didn't want Tommy out of her sight. If she lost Tommy now, she'd defiantly loose everything else. He was her rock and her security blanket. Her heart couldn't handle being away from him again. Even the thought of him walking into another room made her chest hurt.

Don sat in his hotel room trying to process what everyone had told him about Jude. It broke his heart to know she'd gotten so lost. Victoria had only wanted happiness for her girls. He just prayed Jude would be okay. His cell rang bringing him out of his thought. "Hey, Sadie, has there been any change?"

"She's awake. They took her for tests. It should be a while before she's back in her room if you want to come back to see her."

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Okay."

Don placed the phone on the bed beside and sighed in relief. Now it was time to get Jude some help. He just hoped she'd accept it. He'd learned over the years that Jude was a lot like her mother.

Jamie was stressed beyond belief. Jude had made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with him. So, he'd been relying on updates from Spied on how she was doing. He missed his best friend dearly, but wanted to respect her wishes even if she wasn't a wake. He and Zepp were doing better, but the whole situation had put a huge strain on them. He needed to prove he was the guy for her.

"Wally just called." Spied said walking into Jamie's office.

"Is there any change?" He asked looking up from his paperwork.

"Jude's awake. She woke up after Instant Star was on. Her family and Tommy are with her, so Karma and I are going by in the morning."

"Thanks for letting me know. Are you heading out for the night?"

"Yeah, Karma's going crazy at home with Ella by herself. Are you going by the hospital?"

"No, Zepp and I have plans." Jamie answered offhandedly.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see ya."

After Spied was gone, Jamie went back to his paper work trying to keep his mind off Jude.

"So, we have plans, huh?" Zepp asked walking in.

"I just told him that."

"Is this to get out of going to the hospital to see Jude?" She asked sitting down.

"Jude doesn't want to see me."

"Jamie, you know that's not true. She just doesn't want you to pressure her about things she's not ready to deal with. You don't see Spied or even Tommy trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do." She explained.

"But it is who she is."

"Maybe she's not who you always make her out to be. Jamie, she's human. Things change; people change. Now I don't know about you, but I'm stopping by the hospital on my way home."

Jude was so tired when they brought her back to her room. Visiting hours were almost over and she had several people wanting to see her. But she didn't feel like having visitors. "Tommy, I don't want to see anyone tonight."

"That's okay, I'll tell them. Will you be okay for just a minute while I go to the lobby?"

She nodded, but as he walked out she felt pressure crushing her chest. The monitors went off as she was gasping for air. Tears streamed down her face.

"How is she?" Mason asked when he walked into the waiting room.

"Dr. Anderson said he'd go over the tests with us in the morning. Jude is really tired and doesn't feel up to visitors. She'll feel better tomorrow hopefully." Tommy was amazed by how many people were there.

"Will you tell her I was here?" Zepp asked him.

"Of course. Stuart, Sadie, and Don, she hasn't gone back to sleep yet if you want to say good night."

"Thanks, Tom."

When they walked back into her room, she was crying and rocking back and forth. "Jude, what's wrong?" He said rushing to her side.

"You left me." She chocked out.

"Hey, I just went to tell everyone you were too tired for visitors; remember? Its okay, I'm right here."

"Jude, honey, we are going home, but we'll be back in the morning." Stuart told her.

"Okay, daddy."

The nurse came in after everyone was gone. "Miss Harrison, time for your meds."

Jude instantly tensed up. "I don't need any."

"Jude, you have to be in pain." Tommy reasoned with her.

"I'm fine." She argued.

"Sorry, doctor's orders. This will help you sleep, hun."

Tommy noticed how hesitant she was when she finally took the pills. He figured it was because of what led to her accident. They hadn't had a chance to talk about that yet. He wasn't sure how to approach that conversation. "See, it wasn't that bad." He said after the nurse left the room. "Are you comfortable?"

"I'm fine." She said looking around at everything except him.

"Everyone said they'd come by tomorrow to see you. Zepp wanted me to make sure to tell you she came by. You gave us all quite a scare."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Baby. We just want you to get well."

"Tommy, I'm not sick." She said defensively. "My leg and wrist will heal just fine."

"You know that is not what I am talking about." He said softly sitting by her bed."

"I'm going to sleep." She said rolling away from him.

"Jude." She didn't respond. "Do you want me to go home?"

She instantly rolled over and grabbed his hand. "Don't leave me." She gasped out trying to keep the tears away, but it didn't work. Tears streamed down her face again as her whole body shook.

"What's going on?" Tommy asked pulling her to him.

"Can we please not talk?" Jude sobbed.

"Sure." Tommy said and carefully crawled in bed with her. "Just get some sleep." He kissed her forehead. He knew this was going to be hard, but wasn't prepared for how hard it really was.

Jude stayed completely still until she knew Tommy was asleep. She kept going over that night in her head. The memory of everything flooded her mind. The panic feeling was back and she wished she had something to calm her down. She pressed the nurse button.

"What'ca need, sweetie?" The nurse whispered when she came in.

"Is there any way I can get something for my nerves?"

"Of course, Dear."

Jude watched Tommy out of the corner of her eye. She knew she needed something. The pain medicine was already kicking in. She just couldn't take anything in front of him. "Thank you." She said when the nurse handed her the little cup.

"You're very lucky. He's barely left your side. Sleep well."

Jude nodded before cuddling back down into Tommy's hold. This was where she belonged; in his arms. She was asleep in no time.

Jamie was sitting in his study when Zepp got home. "How was she?" He asked.

"Not up for visitors tonight. I'll go by tomorrow. I'd really like for you to go with me. From what I hear, Jude's got a ways to go before she's really better."

"What are you talking about?" Jamie had been so busy staying out of Jude's business; he had no clue what she was really going through.

"Apparently, she's been taking pills for sometime now, and that and drinking was what caused her accident."

"That's crazy. Jude would never take pills. It's probably some excuse Quincy made up after breaking her heart again." He knew it was just a matter of time before it happened. Tommy always broke her heart.

"Jamie, Tommy has barely left her side."

"Yeah because yet again it's his fault she's done something reckless."

"You know what; forget it. I'm going to bed and you can sleep in the guest room tonight." Zepp said heading to their bedroom.

Jamie completely refused to believe what Zepp told him. He knew Jude, and she would never do something like that. He felt it had to be a Quincy cover up. Jude had always been against drug use. Losing her mom couldn't have changed her that much.

Tommy woke up early the next morning and found Jude sound asleep. He eased out of the bed so he wouldn't wake her. With her asleep it was the perfect time to slip out and talk to Dr. Anderson.

"Mr. Quincy, I was just coming to see you." Dr. Anderson was at the nurses' station. "The nurse told me Jude tried to refuse her pain meds last night, but after you were asleep she asked for something for her nerves. And her heart monitor has gone erratic at times."

"She goes frantic when I'm not around or even mention going somewhere." Tommy told him.

"Looks like we probably need to call for the psych evaluation."

"Okay. I better get back in there before she wakes up."

"I'll be talking more with you and her father later today."

"Thank you, Dr. Anderson." Tommy took a deep breath hoping she'd still be asleep when he opened the door.

**Can everybody get Jude the help she needs? Stay tuned.**

**Sorry about the long wait, but I've had some family issues and then I wanted to get You're Still the One finished. Now I can focus on updates for this story for a while.**


	27. Chapter 26

**Hey everybody!! So this chapter was really heartbreaking to write, but I made it through it. Enjoy.**

Chapter 26

Jude woke up disoriented for a few seconds before everything came rushing back to her mind. She reached behind her and the bed was empty. She tried to tell herself he was just in the bathroom or stepped out to make a phone call. But that didn't work; she was already crying and shaking. She curled up the best she could away from the door trying to calm herself.

When Tommy walked back in he saw her shaking. "Jude, baby what's wrong?" He asked rushing to her. When she didn't answer he walked around the bed. She was crying. "Hey. Why are you crying?"

"I… woke… up… and…" She was trying catching her breath. "You…"

"I'm right here, Jude. I just went to the hall to talk to the doctor. Babe, why are so afraid that I'm going to leave you?" She just shook her head. Tommy didn't know what to say, so he walked around the bed and crawled back in. He pulled her back against his chest. "Jude, I love you and nothing is going to make me leave you. I've already lost too much time with you. I'm not loosing anymore."

The rest of the morning was rough. Even with Tommy right there with her, Jude would freak out ever so often. She finally fell back asleep again, so Sadie crawled in bed with her so Tommy could go into the hall with Stuart and Dr. Anderson.

"All her tests look good. There was no brain damage, but I have been concerned with her panic attacks. I spoke with a drug counselor, and it seems her system is in detox."

"That makes sense." Tommy sighed.

"I've scheduled her psych evaluation for tomorrow morning. But I'm thinking we need to watch her for a couple days to monitor her."

They agreed with the doctor, and went back in the room. Jude was still asleep, but shaking like crazy. "I don't know what's wrong, but it's like even though she'd asleep she knew Tommy was out of the room." Sadie told them.

Tommy just nodded and crawled back in bed when Sadie got up. "Its okay, Jude." He said kissing her temple and holding her.

Jude slept most of the day, but Tommy refused to leave her side. He was worried what the results from her psych evaluation would be. He had a feeling with the shock her system was having that she'd definitely need rehab to get back on the right track.

Stuart had to deal with legal issues all day. The police came by question Jude about the accident, but he told them she wasn't ready to talk. He called around town to get legal advice. Once Jude was able she'd more than likely be dealing with DUI charges. Stuart just worked all day on getting her the best lawyer so she wouldn't have to worry about it on top of everything else.

The only time Jude felt okay was when she was asleep. She didn't feel the pain shooting through her leg or arm. She didn't feel the need for pain medication. The only bad thing about the sleep was the dreams. Every dream ended the same way; Tommy leaving her. She would wake up frantic every time.

She had a few visitors, but they didn't stay long because she'd usually fall right back asleep. Tommy promised them all he'd remind Jude they stopped by. He didn't want to leave her, so Sadie and Kwest brought him some clothes and stuff. "I'm right here." He whispered in her ear while she was asleep.

"So, how is she today?" Dr. Anderson asked coming in for nightly rounds.

"She's been sleeping most of the day." Tommy told him. "Ever so often she'll start shaking and crying."

"I have the evaluation set for eight in the morning. I figured if we did it first thing, then we can figure out where to go from here."

"That sounds good." Stuart agreed.

Jude woke up sometime in the middle of the night and found Tommy asleep in the chair across the room. He looked so peaceful. She wished she could get up and go sit in his lap. With the way her leg was broke, she couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom. She thought about how much she loved him and how she never wanted to be a way from him. Just the thought made her chest squeeze. He was truly her life.

"Hey." He said waking up and seeing she was a wake.

"Hey." She softly replied.

"How long have you been awake?"

"Just a few minutes." She said in whisper because her throat was dry.

"Here." He said rushing to get her some water.

"Thank you. Did I sleep the whole day?" She asked.

"Pretty much. Spied, Karma, and Kyle came by around lunch. Zepp stopped by after work. They all understood that you were tired and needed your sleep."

"Tommy, I was a sleep for four days. I still can't believe I lost that much time."

"I think you needed that time." He said hesitantly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jude said defensively. Her chest squeezed and she gasped for air. All she could see was Tommy walking out on her.

Tommy had to choose his words wisely. "Jude, I'm worried what could have happened if the accident didn't. Look, Mike told me…"

"Told you what?" She interrupted him. Tears were already spilling down her face. Her wrist throbbed and she was on the verge of hyperventilating.

"I know about the drugs."

"Tommy, Mike has a thing for me. He'd tell you anything to turn you against me." She was frantic.

Tommy wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew that wasn't going to help anything. She would just keep denying her problem. He got up and went to the window as she sat there crying. "Jude, you need help." He said after a few minutes.

"I've told you I'm fine. Why can't you just believe me?" She choked out.

"Because right now you are frantic. Your heart is racing. You feel panic, and you've been like this off and on all day even in your sleep. The doctor says your system is in detox. I should have seen this happening, but instead I was busy trying not to push you. You have a problem and you have to deal with it."

"There is no problem, Tommy."

"That's what people with problems say all the time. You just have to admit you need help, and then we can get you better."

Just then her monitors started going off and Jude couldn't catch her breath. She started fighting wires; pulling at them and screaming in frustration.

All Tommy could do was stand back as the nurses rushed in. No one could seem to calm her down. They ended up having to sedate her.

"Mr. Quincy, it's probably best if you go home for the rest of the night. Dr. Anderson will need to reevaluate her situation in the morning." The nurse told him.

Tommy just nodded. "When she wakes up, can you call her dad?"

"Of course."

He left the hospital feeling horrible. It broke his heart to see her in that shape, but he realized she needed to be confronted with everything. He couldn't keep coddling her. There was no way he could go home. Neither of their houses would have any comfort for him. It was too late to go to a bar, but that wouldn't solve anything. He would just be doing what she had been doing for months. Alcohol was the last thing he needed. He ended up at G Major. Music was always something he could loose himself in.

Jude woke up feeling very groggy. She tried to move but she was strapped down. Her head was pounding and she could barely see because her eyes were swollen. She looked around and Tommy was nowhere to be found. She pushed the call button.

"Ah, you're awake." The nurse said walking in. "How are you feeling?"

"Where's Tommy?"

"He left, dear. We had to sedate you, and…"

"He left?" She said as tears clouded her vision again.

"I'm sure he'll be back. We thought…" Jude couldn't hear anything the nurse was saying; all she could focus on was the fact that Tommy left. "I'm going to call your father." She said when she realized Jude had zoned out.

Jude stared out the window. Her nightmare came true, and Tommy left. She heard the door open and part of her hoped it was him, but she turned to find Jamie.

"Oh, Jude." He said rushing to her side. "Why do they have you strapped down?"

"I sort of freaked out in the middle of the night. The nurse said something about it being for my own safety, but I wasn't really listening." Her voice was emotionless. She just felt numb.

"Where's Quincy? I thought he wasn't leaving your side."

"Apparently, he left." She said crying again. "I'm just… too messed up for… for him." She said between breaths.

"That could never be true."

"Why are you here, Jamie?" Even though she was still crying her voice had an edge to it.

"I had to see for myself that you were okay. Everyone has been saying things that I know can't be true. What has Quincy done this time?"

"He left because I…" She couldn't finish that sentence. Her monitors started going off again as she gasped for air.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave." The nurse said coming in.

"I didn't do anything." Jamie argued.

"We know, son." Stuart said from the doorway. "Why don't we go to the cafeteria?"

Tommy was completely lost in his own world. He'd been going over every recording Mason and Mike had worked on since Jude's accident. He was surprised at how good Mason was. There were only a few things he felt needed to be fine tuned.

"T, what are you doing here?" Darius' voice boomed bringing him back to the real world. "I thought you were staying with Jude at the hospital."

"The nurse thought it would be a good idea for me to leave. Jude freaked out about three this morning and they had to sedate her. They said she'd be out for a while."

"What about her evaluation?"

"Dr. Anderson called me and said he was going to reschedule it for when she woke up. Maybe I shouldn't have confronted her." He said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Don't do that to yourself. She's never going to get help if she's not forced to realize she has a problem. Look at my ex-wife. If I hadn't had Maya taken away from her, she'd still be drinking. She's been sober for years now so she can be in Maya's life."

Tommy was amazed at how he and Darius got along now. "Thanks, D. I'm going to go over some more of these and head back to the hospital."

"Okay. Just let me know if there is anything I can do."

"Sure thing."

"So, it's true?" Jamie asked as he and Jude's dad sat in the cafeteria. "But why? Why couldn't she just reach out and get help?" Stuart had told him everything from the drugs in her system to the planned psych evaluation.

"I'm not sure, except maybe she felt like she could handle it. Tom tried to talk to her about it and she had a complete panic attack. She was pulling at her IV and all the monitor wires. The nurse had to sedate her and strap her down."

"So what now?" Jamie actually felt bad for how he perceived the whole situation.

"Her doctor believes her system is in detox and after the psych evaluation, he and the psychologist will decide the next step. I was on the phone all day yesterday with lawyers. She's going to be facing charges when she gets better."

"That's not good."

Jude had been staring at the blank TV since the nurse gave her something to calm her down. She missed Tommy already. All she could do was hope he'd come back.

"How are you feeling, Jude?" Dr Anderson asked coming in. She just stared. "This is Dr. Evans. She's the head of our psychology department." Jude still didn't respond.

"Jude, I'm just going to sit here until you are ready to talk." Dr Evans said after Dr. Anderson left the room.

Jude wasn't sure why she needed to talk to someone. She wasn't crazy; she didn't need a shrink. She just continued to stare.

"I understand. You probably feel like you have nothing to say." Dr. Evans said after a few minutes. "Your family is worried about your panic attacks and you emotional state right now."

"He once told me I was poison. He was right." Was all Jude said before rolling over and closing her eyes.

**There you go. Can I just say poor Jude. It's really hard to admit when you need help like this. Can she overcome this? Keep coming back to see. So I have been noticing that I'm getting less and less reviews lately. Please let me know what you are thinking. Now that You're Still the One is finished I am going to have my main focus on this story and I need feedback to stay motivated. This story is very personal to me like I have said before and I want to know everyones thoughts. Go review!!! **


	28. Chapter 27

**Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy.**

Chapter 27

Tommy decided it was time to get back to the hospital around noon. He'd worked with Mason and Mike enough for the day. He didn't want Jude to feel like he'd abandoned her. He needed to figure out how to make her see that he wasn't going to leave her. She was everything to him.

He found her dad in the waiting room before he got to her room. "Dr. Evans is with her now." Stuart told him.

"For her evaluation?" Tommy asked sitting down across from him.

"Yeah. She hasn't said much since she woke up. They had to give her something again because she had another attack. Tom, I really don't know what to do for her."

"I don't either. I thought confronting her would help her see what she was doing to herself, but I only made things worse. She's so afraid I'm going to leave her, but I promise you I'm not going anywhere." Tommy wanted her dad to know his intentions. "I know we have only been back together for few months, but I have never stopped wanting to spend my life with her."

"I know you love her, and she's very lucky to have you. I know I had my problems with it when she was eighteen, but over the years I have realized you two were always meant for each other. She's going to get through this. We just have to show her we are here to help her not harm her."

"So, you don't blame me?" He asked looking up at Stuart.

"No, I think it needed to happen to move forward. We've been walking on eggshells around her since she got home. I know Vic and I had our problems, but I wish she was here to tell me what to do." Stuart's voice cracked.

Dr. Evans sat there a few more minutes making notes. When Jude's breathing evened out, she went to find her father. She hoped to get more information on the situation so she could formulate a course of action. "Mr. Harrison?" She said approaching the waiting room.

"How is she?" Stuart asked as he and Tommy both stood up

"She's asleep. Could I speak with you about a few things?" She asked looking between the two of them.

"Of course. This is Tom Quincy, Jude's boyfriend. Any thing you have to say you can say in front of him. He actually has more contact with her than I do."

"She wasn't in the mood to talk, but she did say one thing that concerns me. Just before she went to sleep she said, 'he once called me poison. He was right.' Does that mean anything to either of you?"

Tommy ran his hands through his hair roughly and groaned. "That was something I said to her years ago to push her away. We moved past that a long time ago."

"I understand that she has been dealing with the death of her mother over the last few months."

"She lived with her mother and step father for two years helping taking care of her. Jude moved back after her death. She's felt lost ever since." Stuart informed her.

"When did her substance abuse start?"

Tommy and Stuart explained the last few months to her. Tommy told her about her drinking and how he figured it was just so she wouldn't have to think about what all she'd been through. They also told her about her career and how it ended when Victoria got sick. "Has she written anything since?" She asked.

"She says she doesn't have it in her anymore. I've always thought it would help her, but I didn't want to push her into something she wasn't ready for." Tommy said. "Do you think this goes deeper than just loosing her mom?"

"It could. I'd really like to talk to her. I have dealt with a lot of substance abuse patients and usually there are a lot of factors that go into it. From what the two of you have told me, she needs to be pushed to face this problem. I will set up a time to try again tomorrow. Maybe after she settles down some, she will talk."

"Can I go back in there? I've already been away from her long enough." Tommy said standing up.

"I think it would help her if she wakes up to you being there with here. Just keep reassuring her that you are there and I will do what I can on my end."

"Thank you, Dr Evans."

Jude was still asleep when he walked back in her room. The day nurse was in there taking her restraints off. "She should be asleep for awhile. Dr Anderson ordered a light sedative to help her rest." She told him. "You look like you could use some sleep yourself. Nancy said she sent you home."

"Home was the last place I wanted to be after what happened." He explained.

"I will bring you an extra blanket. If you need anything else, I'll be at the desk."

"Thank you, Emily." He stood staring out the window for a long time going over everything. Could she still be beating herself up over things that happened years ago? He wished he'd never called her poison. Back then it was his way of keeping her at a distance. It was the biggest lie he'd ever told her. He carefully climbed in the bed with her. "You are not poison. You are the reason I live." He said into her ear before falling asleep himself.

Stuart was about to go home for while, when he got a call from his lawyer. "Stuart, I made a call to my friend at the DA's office."

"And?"

"It doesn't look good. It's an election year and the DA is looking to set an example. Jude's star status is going to work against her. He's not going to care that she hasn't had an album in years. Apparently his campaign is based on the examples we set for the next generation."

"What do you think she will get? I mean this is a first offense."

Jude woke up and felt an arm draped over her stomach. She was confused because she thought Tommy had left. The blinds were open and she could tell that the sun was going down. Yet another day lost. She needed to get a grip. She didn't want to sleep her life away. It only took a few seconds for the warm and cozy feeling to fade. She remembered the night before and everything Tommy had said to her. She started to wiggle trying to get out of his hold. He didn't want her. Why was he back?

Tommy woke up to Jude wiggling around on the bed. He could tell her breathing was erratic. "Baby, what's wrong?" He asked in his groggy state.

"You left. You didn't want me anymore." She said trying to keep from crying.

"Jude, I left so you could rest. They had to sedate because you were so upset. I've told you I'm not going anywhere." He tried to reason with her.

"But you said I was poison and you were right."

"I said that years ago and it was the biggest lie I'd ever told you. I thought we were past what happened all those years ago. I love you and I plan to always be here for you."

"How did things get so messed up?" She said wiping her face with her good hand.

"Life is like that sometimes. Jude, I'm sorry I upset you last night."

"I just wish all of this would just go away. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just want to go home and get on with our lives." She said turning to look at him.

"You really need to talk to Dr. Evans. She can help you."

"All I need is you. I'll quit drinking and the pills. I don't really need them. It's not a problem; I promise. I just got carried away."

Tommy knew she was just in denial, but he didn't want to upset her anymore for the day. "We'll see what we can do." He said holding her head to his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair until her breathing was smooth again. His heart was completely breaking because he knew they were going to have to force her to confront this.

Sadie walked through G Major in her own world. People were every where, but she had only one thing on her mind. She needed to find Darius. She'd felt so helpless all day after hearing about Jude's attack she had the night before. "D, do you have a minute?" She asked peeking into his office.

"Come on in. What can I do for you?"

"Do you still have a contact in the DA's office?" She asked sitting down.

"What's going on?"

"Dad's lawyer called and apparently since it is a election year, the DA is planning of making an example of Jude. She's been through enough to have to do jail time because of this accident."

"I'll make some calls and see what I can find out." He didn't want to see Jude going through this just as much as everyone else.

"Thanks, Darius. It means a lot to all of us."

The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. Jude and Tommy sat in bed mindlessly watching the TV. They didn't really talk. Jude was still shaky after the whole day. She barely picked at her dinner. Spied and Karma came by with little Ella. That made her happy because she hadn't seen Ella in a long time.

"So, how are you feeling, dude?" Spied asked her.

"I'm healing. Dr Anderson says the brace can be taken off in a couple of weeks, but the cast has to stay on for about six weeks. I'm just going a little stir crazy in here. I really just want to go home." Jude felt surprisingly calm sitting there with Spied. Tommy had gone down to the cafeteria with Karma for coffee.

"Have they given you any idea when you can go?"

Jude just shook her head. "Here you go; just how you like it." Tommy said coming back in with her coffee.

"Thank you."She said with a smile.

"We better go. This little girl needs her own bed." Ella was curled up on the couch asleep.

"Come by when ever you get a chance."

"Okay. I hope you get to go home soon." Spied said giving her a hug.

"Well, that was a nice visit." Tommy said after they were gone.

"Yeah, it is still odd to see Spied being a dad. He's so good with her. Do you ever wonder if we would be parents by now?"

"I don't know, babe." He said kissing her forehead.

After Jude fell asleep, Tommy keep thinking about the small things Jude had said all day. It was always what they could have or should have been all those years ago. He believed more than ever that she needed to talk to someone. He was worried that she was trying to live in the past to ignore what was going on now. It seemed like she was looking for anything to cover up what she was really feeling.

Jude slept solid for a couple of hours before waking up. Tommy was softly snoring behind her and she snuggled deeper into his hold. She felt safe in his arms. It was almost enough to make her forget where she was and everything that had happened in the last week. Unfortunately it all did happen and she knew she was going to have to face it. The problem was she wasn't sure how to let it all go. Her heart still hurt so much from loosing her mom. She knew talking about everything was going to open the wound even more.

Darius Mills was a lot of things. He was a savvy business man, a multi million dollar music mogul, but mostly he was a family man. He would do anything to protect his family. That was why he was on the golf course at eight o'clock in the morning. "So, how's your handicap Mayor Duncan?"

"You know it is Jim on the course. You're a busy man these days, D, so what did you want to meet about this morning."

"I was hoping to get a favor."

....

There you go. Looks like the tide might be changing for Jude. Has she finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel or will her legal issues push her back into the dark? I want to keep the quicker updates, but I am going to need more than 2 reviews. Let me know what you think. I need the motivation or I am going to think no body likes the story. SO PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!


	29. Chapter 28

**It's amazing how quick I can get a chapter done when I only have one story to focus on. Enjoy.**

Chapter 28

After breakfast the next morning it was time for Jude's first physical therapy session. Dr. Anderson wanted to get her up and moving so her body didn't get too stiff. He said if she did well she'd get a set of crutches and be able to get up on her own. Her wrist hardly hurt anymore. She hated being stuck in bed all day long.

Tommy was not sure if he should stay or go. They had taken her monitors off, but he still noticed her breathing get erratic when she would panic ever so often. Dr. Anderson said the drugs were finally out of her system. Tommy wasn't sure if she would freak out with him out of the room. She seemed so much better after everything that had happened the day before and he didn't want her to have a set back. He just stood back while the physical therapist worked with her.

Jude noticed Tommy standing by the door looking unsure of something. "Can I have a minute?"

"Sure. I need to talk to the nurse about something."

"Tommy, why don't you go home, get a shower, and check in at G Major. I think this may take a while." She was determined to get up and move around even if it took hours working at it.

"Are you going to be okay?" He said taking her hand.

"I know you'll be back. Besides what are you going to do just stand there and watch me the whole time? I really want to be able to get around on my own and I know this is going to take a while."

"Don't work yourself too hard. You still get tired really fast." He said cupping her face.

"I promise. But the faster I can get around the faster I can go home to you." She said with a smile.

"Alright, I'll be back in a few hours. I love you." He kissed her forehead.

"I love you, too." She said before pulling his head down to meet her lips. She'd missed the feel of his lips on hers.

Tommy pulled back with a smile before leaving the room. He was still worried about her because she seemed to do a complete turn around in one night. He hoped it was real, but felt like it was part of her denial. Only time was going to tell on that. All he could do was do what she asked for now.

"Hey, I didn't expect to see you here." Sadie said when he arrived at G Major.

"Jude's idea. She is in physical therapy all morning and she didn't want me to have to stay around the whole time." He explained.

"So she's doing better? That's good."

"I'm not too sure, but we'll see. I told her I would be back in a few hours. Is D around?"

"He's playing golf with the Mayor, should be in around noon. I actually need to talk to you about something. Has the police come back to talk to Jude yet?" She asked following him in to his office.

"No, why?"

"Dad spoke with his lawyer yesterday and the DA is taking Jude's case on personally."

This seriously confused him. "Why would the DA take a DUI case on when it was a single car accident?"

"It's an election year and because Jude's status he feels he needs to make an example of her. I asked Darius to make a call, and that is why he is playing golf with the Mayor. Tom, I'm afraid this isn't just going to go a way."

"It's a first offense DUI. How bad can it really be?" He'd seen people get more than one DUI and get nothing for them.

"Thirty days in county."

"She would never last." Tommy said rubbing his face.

"Hopefully Darius can help with the situation."

"Yeah, but at what price. Jude will not be pushed back into G Major. She has to come back on her own free will, and I'm not sure that will ever happen."

"I guess we just have to wait it out. I better get back to setting up next Monday's show. I'll let you know when Darius is in."

"Thanks Sadie. I guess I need to go help Mason and Mike as much as I can."

Jude was taking a ten minute break from her therapy. It wasn't too hard to get around with the cast, but the time she'd spent in bed had left her pretty stiff. She'd need more therapy when the doctor takes the cast off. That was going to be the hard part. She'd done a number on it; breaking it in three different spots. She knew she was lucky that was the only thing broken.

"Jude Harrison?" She was brought out of her thoughts by a police officer walking into the room.

"Yes. Is there a problem?"

"I'd like to ask you a couple questions about the accident that put you in here." He said pulling a pad of paper out of his pocket.

"I don't really remember anything…" She started explaining.

"Don't say anymore." Darius said walking in the room with her dad's lawyer. He handed the officer a court document. "I believe you are done here."

"D, what's going on?" Jude asked all confused after the officer left the room and lawyer left the room.

"I'm just taking care of my family. If any more cops come ask you questions call me okay?"

"Sure."

"You ready to get back to work?" He therapist asked coming back in.

"I better get to G Major and I will see you soon."

"Okay, bye, D."

Jude was still not sure what was going on, but she tried to push it out of her mind. All she wanted was to go home and be with Tommy. It was all she needed, but if she couldn't make it to the bathroom three feet away on her own there was no way they would release her.

Tommy was amazed by the contestants that were assigned to them. They all had talent, but one girl stood out above the rest of them. She was young, but very bold. She wanted to be different than everybody else. She reminded him a lot of a younger Jude. "She'd really good." He told Mason.

"I know. Everyone is saying she's a front runner."

"Well, we still have nine more weeks. You can never tell how the audience will vote from week to week. Make sure she sticks with this song choice. It is perfect for her voice." Just then he saw Darius walk through the lobby. "D is here. I need to talk to him and get back to Jude. You two have this?"

"Yeah, go on. Tell Jude hi for me." Mason said waving him out.

Jude was picking through her lunch when Dr. Evans walked in. "How are you feeling today, Jude?" She asked sitting down by the bed.

"Better." Was Jude's only response. She still wasn't so sure about talking to someone. What good would it really do?

"I understand you had quite a physical therapy session today."

"The faster I can get around with this cast on the faster I get to go home." She said crossing her arms across her chest. Just having Dr. Evans in the room was making her chest squeeze.

"I see and you really want to go home." She observed.

"I don't like hospitals."

"Is that because your mother was in one so often?"

Jude turned her eyes towards the window and stayed silent. She wasn't ready. She needed to keep the band aid on longer. If her heart started bleeding now it would never stop. There were some things that people needed to deal with on the own and this was clearly one of those things.

"You want to go home, but to go home you are going to need to talk to me. Jude I've see girls like you all the time, I can help."

"Nothing is wrong with me. I was in an accident and I am healing so I can go home. There's nothing to talk about." Jude said pushing the nurse button.

"What do you need, hun?"

"I'm done with my lunch and think I'll take a little nap."

"Okay, just call me if you need anything." Emily said coming in and taking her tray.

Dr. Evans just watched as Jude ignored her and rolled over to take a nap. She'd really hoped to get Jude to open up. There was nothing worse than holding in grief. It only caused more problems and she wished she could get Jude to see that. She had a feeling this was going to be her most difficult case in a long time.

On his way back to the hospital, Tommy was baffled by all the information Darius had given him. He was glad Darius was helping because that meant the whole situation would stay out of the press. He'd always been good at keeping things away from the media. He could also help keep her out of jail if she agreed to a drug rehab program.

She was asleep when he walked into her room. Her body was slightly shaking and he could hear her sniffing. "Jude." He said sitting on the bed. When she didn't wake up he shook her slightly. "Jude, baby, wake up."

"Hum?" She asked rolling over.

"You're crying." He said cupping her cheek.

"I must have been dreaming." She said shaking her head.

"Do you remember what it was about?"

"No, it's fine now. I'm glad you are back. This day hasn't been so great." She said placing her head on his chest as he laid back.

"How did your PT session go?" He asked running his fingers through her hair.

"It was good. He said I would need a couple more sessions before I could get up on my own, plus I'll need to go through it all again when the cast gets taken off. Did you happen to talk to D while you were at G Major?" She asked glancing up at him.

Tommy hadn't wanted to go straight into this conversation, but it was better to get it over with. "Yeah, why?"

"A police officer came by to ask me some questions and Darius came in with dad's lawyer. Do you know what is going on?"

He sighed deeply. "The night of your accident your blood alcohol level was way over the legal limit. Plus your tox screen showed high levels of narcotics."

Jude knew what that meant. "So, I'm going to loose my license and get community service?"

"I wish it was that simple. The DA was ready to make you an example. He was going for the maximum penalty of thirty days in county lock up, but Darius talked with the Mayor and he was able to talk the DA down. But the consequences are still pretty severe."

"What will I have to do?" She had a feeling she wasn't going to like it.

"A court appointed therapist will look over your case and suggest you go into a rehab program.

"I don't understand all this just for a DUI?"

"You are in a position to set an example for the younger generation and the DA sees that harmful to his reelection if he doesn't do something about it."

"What have I ever done to him? I didn't even hit anybody. Plus I haven't recorded in years. No one is looking up to me anymore." Jude could hardly catch her breath. The pressure in her chest was more than she'd ever felt before.

"Just breathe, Jude." Tommy said rubbing her arms.

"Tommy, I don't know what to do." She said as tears streamed down her face. "It just hurts so much. Everyday with out her makes me want to crawl in a hole and never come out. At first I would drink so I could forget for a little while. Then that didn't work anymore. I didn't mean for this to get so out of hand."

"I know, baby. That is why we all want to get you the best help we can."

"I don't know if I can talk about it." She said shaking her head. She was trying her best to stop crying. She wanted to go home so bad and now thinking about having to go to rehab for who knows how long made her chest squeeze even more.

"Can you try? Your lawyer is meeting with the DA and the appointed therapist tomorrow and Dr. Evans really needs to write up your evaluation for your file."

"I'll try." She said nodding.

"Thank you." Tommy said capturing her lips in a soft kiss.

...

**So the reviews were better for the last chapter, so keep them coming!!!! Jude is finally ready to face her grief, but does she really believe she has a problem? Is rehab really the answer? Keep letting me know what you think and I will keep the updates coming as fast as I can... Please REVIEW!!!!**


	30. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Jude was nervous waiting on Dr. Evans. Tommy had been gone for about five minutes to go get her. She wasn't sure if she could do this, but knew it had to be done. All she wanted was to go home and get on with her life. Now the only way she was going to make it home was to go through a rehab program. She wondered how long she would have to be there. She really hoped it wasn't long period of time considering she didn't really feel like she needed rehab.

"So, I'm told you are ready to talk." Dr Evans said coming back in.

"I'm ready to try. I'm not sure if I can." She said with a shaking voice. "Where's Tommy?"

"He said he was going to go call your dad and if you needed him he'd be right out in the hallway. I understand it has been hard on you to be away from him since your accident."

She shrugged taking a deep breath. "I was afraid he was going to leave me." She said looking at her hands.

"Can you tell me why that is?"

"He and I have had a very colorful past. We have a tendency to push the other away in times we need each other the most. So where do we start on this?"

"Tell me how you felt after your mom died."

"I felt completely lost. I had taken care of her for so long. Even though she was sick, she always took the time to comfort me. Then she was just gone. My dad and sister thought it would be better if I moved home to Toronto from Rome." She was trying to hold the tears in.

"When did the drinking start?"

"Pretty much as soon as I got home. I just felt so alone. The alcohol seemed to make me forget for a little while." She said wiping her face. It hurt so much opening up.

"What did you want to forget?" Dr. Evans wanted to see if everything went deeper than her mom's death.

"The pain of loosing my mom and all the mistakes I had made leading up to it. Everything got all twisted in my head. I thought I was being punished for leaving when I did. I had everything going for me. A huge record label was interested in me and the man I loved wanted to marry me. I could've had the best of both worlds, but I chose one over the other. Then everything fell apart." She took a deep breath trying to keep control.

"Do you still think that?"

"No, I know one thing doesn't have to do with the other. It just took me a while to see it."

"Grief can cloud our rational thinking. And the drugs?" Dr. Evans could tell that it was a battle for each word that Jude spoke.

"The drugs did not start on a conscience decision. I was drunk one night and I left the bar with someone. I don't even really remember that night so I can't tell you what happened. I know that I was afraid Tommy was getting back together with his ex fiancé, and I really didn't want to think or feel anything. I started having horrible panic attacks and a friend gave me some xanax. It really helped calm me down, then things just spiraled out of control."

"Do you remember much from the night of the accident?"

"I remember going to a party and fighting with someone about my ability to drive. I don't remember getting in the car or anything."

"So you've had several panic attacks since you woke up. Is there anything particular you are thinking before you begin to panic?"

"Not really."

"Well, Jude you have been through a lot taking care of your mother and loosing her at such a young age. Tell me about your life before all of this happened. You said something about your past with Tommy."

Tommy sat in the waiting room twiddling his thumbs. He hoped Jude was opening up and holding together. He knew this was a huge step for her. If he could he would take this all away for her.

"Is she still with Dr. Evans?" Stuart asked coming in.

"Yeah. I haven't been called in so I think maybe she is doing okay. I really thought it was going to be harder to get her to agree to this, but I think she finally realizes how serious the situation is."

"Did she start her PT this morning?" Stuart asked.

"Yeah, she'll have a couple more sessions before she'll be able to get around on her own. I know Jude will be happy when she doesn't have to sit in a bed all day long." Tommy looked around the room trying to focus on anything to distract him from what was going on in Jude's room. "So, what time do you meet with the DA in the morning?" He asked Stuart.

"Ten AM. I'm so glad Darius was able to talk to the Mayor and everything. I don't think jail would have done her any good."

"I know. Jail would have just made everything worse. I just hope she can get better." Tommy started pacing the room. The waiting was making him restless.

"How did she take the rehab news anyway?"

"She panicked a bit, but she realized things had gotten out of hand. I'm still not sure she believes she has a problem and needs it, but she knows she doesn't really have a choice."

"If she feels like she needs it or not, it will still help her."

"Thank goodness."

"You two can go sit with her now." Dr. Evans said coming in. "She said she was going to sleep for a little bit. I have to go type up my notes for the lawyer."

"Did she talk?" Tommy asked.

"She told me what I needed to know. I think she is suffering from PTSD. Loosing her mom has really affected her nervous system. A lot of people who take care of sick family members the way she did have this problem. Especially at her age. She told me about how her mom left when she was seventeen and what life was like during the height of her career. I really think everything that happened since she was fifteen factored into her reaching her breaking point."

"What can we do to help her?" Stuart asked.

"Keep being her support system. I mentioned to her that she should start writing her feelings and that was when she shut down. This is the program I am suggesting for her." She handed them a pamphlet. "It's a thirty day program. It's right outside of town, so she won't be too far away from her family."

"Thank you, Dr Evans."

"Jude's lucky that she has friends and family looking out for her. A lot of people who get into her situation don't have that support." She added before leaving.

"Well, I'm going to tell my daughter good night and go home for the night. I need to stop by Don's hotel and see if he wants to go to the meeting in the morning."

"Okay, I'm just going to make a quick call to Darius before going back in."

Jude tried to sleep, but it didn't work. She sat staring at a blank page in her journal. Her emotions were all over the place. That used to be when she wrote her best songs, but now she was drawing a complete blank. She couldn't put her feelings into words. It was so frustrating to have this block. She knew she would feel better if she could just express herself.

She felt tears streaming down her face. It was getting to the point that she hated crying. All she ever did anymore was cry. It hurt so much she couldn't think straight. "Damn it." She yelled throwing her journal across the room.

"Whoa." Her dad said coming in.

"Sorry, Daddy." She said wiping her face.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?"

"No, I can't write. I wish I could just get all these emotions out."

"Don't push yourself too hard. You are still very fragile. Maybe you just need to ease into it. You are a brilliant song writer and I promise it will come back to you."

"Thanks, dad."

"No problem. I'm going to go. I'm meeting with the DA in the morning."

Jude let out a long sigh. "Dad, I really never wanted things to get this out of control."

"I know, sweetie. I love you, and I'll come by tomorrow."

"Okay." Stuart kissed her forehead before leaving.

Tommy placed his phone pack in is pocket as he walked towards Jude's room. He'd called Sadie and Kwest after talking to Darius. He was glad Jude was finally opening up. He really hoped this was a step in the right direction. Knowing there was nothing else he could do still made him feel helpless.

She was lying on her side staring at the door when he walked in. Her eyes were red and puffy. "Hey." He said softly giving her a slight smile.

"Hey." She said scooting back so he could lie in front of her.

"So, how are you feeling?" He asked cupping her cheek.

"Frustrated." She whispered.

"Why?"

"I tried writing, but nothing seemed to come."

"Just give it sometime." He said and kissed her forehead.

"So this rehab program is thirty days. That's a long time. I guess I have to trade this hospital room for another one. I just want to go home with you."

"I know, but I will come see you everyday, and before you know it you'll be home and we can get on with our lives."

"I can't wait for that." She said with a small smile before he leaned in and captured her lips in a soft kiss. Jude sighed into the kiss. It felt so good kissing him again. She took her good hand and ran her fingers through his hair pulling him closer to her. Her lips parted as his tongue swept across her bottom lip.

Tommy was completely lost in the kiss. He'd missed holding her close and showing her how much he loved her. He was completely oblivious to their surroundings. Placing his hand on the small of her back, he pulled her flush against him as the kiss continued.

"Oops." A voice said from t he door.

Jude and Tommy both froze before pulling away from each other. Both blushed as they smiled at each other. Tommy couldn't believe he'd forgotten where they were.

"Sorry, you two. I was checking to see if you were ready for your dinner, Jude." The nurse asked with a sheepish smile.

"Yeah, I guess I am kind of hungry."

Neither said anything for a while. It was partly out of embarrassment. "I guess we got caught in the moment." Tommy finally said after her dinner tray was taken away.

"Yeah. This is definitely not the time or place to forget where we are. I've just really missed you." She said covering her face with her hands.

"I know, baby; me, too." He said smiling sadly. He knew it would still be a while before they could be together. "Why don't we get some sleep? After the day you have had; I think you need it."

"That sounds like a good idea." She said rolling over and pulling his arm around her body. "Just hold me."

"I'm no going anywhere." He said in to her hear and kissed her temple.

"I love you, Tommy." She said closing her eyes.

"I love you, too; more than you'll ever know."

When he was elected district attorney, Josh Browning promised the city of Toronto he would do everything in his power to make sure he showed the next generation the difference between right and wrong. He promised everyone would get far punishment for their crimes. And that meant not letting the local celebrities get away with everything. He'd already made sure the bars and clubs knew he was watching them. How would the kids know the right way to act if their favorite actor or singer never paid for their crimes?

That was why he personally took the Harrison case when it ended up on his desk. He remembered his daughter spray painting their back fence with her friends after reading that Jude had done the same thing to a wall downtown. He'd taken her CDs away from her for a month. This time he wasn't going to let the little rock star get away. It was time to set an example. That was before the Mayor intervened. But who said he had to do what Mayor Duncan told him to do.

**Okay everybody there's the new chapter. I won't be updating over the weekend so everybody have a Happy Halloween. Next chapter will be the meeting with the DA. Can a man be completely heartless to want to punish Jude after everything she's been through? Wait and see. Keep letting me know what you think. Your reviews are what keep me writing and updating as fast as I can.**


	31. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

Stuart sat with Don outside the meeting room waiting for his lawyer to get there so they could go in. He was pretty nervous about the meeting all together. All he wanted was for his daughter to be healthy and happy. He was pretty sure that the rehab program would help her in ways she didn't even realize she needed help in.

"Stuart, you ready for this?" His lawyer, Larry, asked walking down the hall toward them.

"To get this over with; yeah. This is Don Stevens. He is Jude's step dad. I thought since he was a lawyer, too, it wouldn't hurt having him here."

"Well, let's get in there. Judge Roberts is usually pretty fair so I feel this shouldn't be a problem." He said opening the door for them.

"The people versus Jude Harrison for DUI charges; where's the defendant?" Judge Roberts said sitting down at the head of the long table.

"She's still in the hospital with a severe broken leg. Her doctor didn't feel she needed to get out." Larry said presenting a note from Dr. Anderson. "This is her father and step father; they are here in her place."

"Very well. How do the people want to handle this?" Judge Roberts asked DA Browning.

"Maximum penalty of thirty days."

Stuart was completely shocked. He thought from what Darius told him the rehab option was going to be presented. He didn't think Jude could handle this if the judge agreed.

"Your honor, we feel that under the circumstances Miss Harrison would be better suited for a rehab program. She has gone through a very rough few years. We were under the impression that a court appointed therapist would be looking over the case."

"This is the first I have heard of this. DA Browning, is this something that you agree with?"

"My office believes in upholding the law, your honor."

"Has Miss Harrison gone under a psychological evaluation?"

"Yes, your honor, these are the notes from the psychologist."

"I will need a day to look over this. We will meet back here Monday morning at ten a.m." Judge Roberts said sanding up and leaving the room.

"Larry, we weren't expecting this." Stuart said very nervous.

"Don't worry, Stuart. Like I said Judge Roberts is pretty reasonable. You two just think positive."

"Okay, we will see you Monday."

"Come on, Stuart, I will buy you breakfast." Don said pointing to the door.

Jamie sat at his desk going over quarterly reports. When he thought about what Jude was going through it reminded him of when he was five and his parents died. He'd fought his whole life to forget that pain. He was lucky that his Nana took him in to raise and gave him the best childhood she could. He knew that even though Jude was now grown, it was up to her friends and family to make sure she had the best life she could have.

"Jamie, I'm going to the hospital. I called and Jude said she would love some company. Tommy's working all day. Do you want to go with me?" Zepp asked peaking around the door. When he got home from the hospital after talking to Jude's dad, he apologized to Zepp for everything.

"I really need to work on these reports. Go have some girl time and tell her I'll stop by on the way home."

"Okay. Try not to work too hard." She said kissing him quickly before leaving.

Jamie finally felt like he could let go of his high standards. He realized that people change and grow, and Jude wasn't immune to that. She was still his best friend and he wanted to be there to help her get better.

Kwest watched his girlfriend run around like a crazy woman. He was on a break from working with his contestants. When the competition was over everybody deserved a vacation. He hoped he could get Sadie out of the office for at least a week. Everything had been so stressful during the last week with Jude in the hospital.

"Is there coffee made?" Tommy said walking up to the kitchen.

"Yeah, I just put on a new pot. You look like you need more than just coffee. Maybe a night of sleep in a bed." He laughed handing him a coffee mug.

"I don't want to leave her. She's still getting her emotions in check. Being away from her during the day is enough."

"Well, you know when she goes to the rehab facility you'll have to be away from her."

"I know; that is why I don't want to miss much time right now. I just hope this meeting with the DA goes the way we want it to. I'm feeling really nervous about it." Tommy said taking a sip of his coffee.

"T, man we just have to have faith. I better get back to work. It is going to take all day today and tomorrow to get my contestants ready for Monday's show."

"Good luck." Tommy laughed. He knew Kwest was right about him needed to go home and sleep, but he just couldn't be away from her that long yet. The last couple of days he'd only gone home to shower and change clothes.

He was on his way back to Studio C when his cell rang. It was Stuart. "How did things go?" He asked answering.

"We don't really know yet. The DA was still asking for the maximum penalty, and the judge knew nothing of the rehab option. We have to meet again on Monday morning. Judge Roberts wants to go over Jude's case and her evaluation."

"Well, that's just wonderful." Tommy said with a heavy sigh.

"Are you with Jude now?"

"No, she insisted I go to work. She was supposed to have another physical therapy session this morning." He told him.

"I'll go by and see her. Can you tell Sadie to give me a call when she gets a chance?"

"I will."

Tommy was so pissed when he put his phone back in his pocket. He knew this stupid DA would pull this. Power hungry political figures didn't care about someone's well being. All they cared about was winning votes.

Jude was finally back in her bed after her PT session. She was tired and her arms were hurting from the crutches. Her journal was in her lap, but lyrics were still not coming to her. It was so frustrating to have all these thoughts that she couldn't put into actual words. She knew she'd feel better once the lyrics started flowing.

"Are you busy?" Zepp said walking in.

"No, come on in. I need a distraction. Tell me what is going on in your life."

"Just the same thing as usual. But I think things may be looking up. Jamie is finally seeing things more clearly when it comes to you."

"He's always wanted me to stay exactly like I was when we were kids. He went through a lot when he was young and he needed me to be his constant. I can't really blame him." Jude said shrugging.

"But that puts a lot on your shoulders."

"I know. He first moved in with his nana when we were five. It was a major change for him. He always came over to play and he felt like we were a real family for him. I know after I won Instant Star I wasn't there for him anymore and that hurt him."

Zepp couldn't help but laugh. "You are like a saint. Here you are sitting in a hospital bed a week after a life threatening accident. You've been through the emotional ringer since your mom died and you are taking up for him."

"His heart is in a good place. He just needs to understand that people do change."

"I think he is beginning to. He said he'd stop by on his way home from work."

"Good. It will be good to see him now that I'm finally thinking clearly."

The girls talked a while longer about what ever they could think of. Jude told her they should get together and do girly things when she got home from rehab. She had come to grips with what she was going to have to do. It made things easier when she realized how many people she had supporting her. For so long she felt like everyone was fighting against her, but they were actually trying to help her. She'd have to make sure to do something for all of them when she got home.

"So, I will see you later. It's been fun hanging out again." Zepp said standing up.

"Yeah, it was and when I get home we'll do more. Kat should be living here by then, too, and all of us and Sadie will have to go to dinner and shopping together."

"That sounds like a plan."

Sadie hung up her phone with a heavy sigh. She'd really hoped all of this would be behind them today and they could start preparing for Jude to leave, but now they had to wait until Monday. She wasn't sure how much more she herself could take. It was seriously time for a vacation, but being in the middle of Instant Star she was pretty much stuck.

"I say we drive to the country and spend a quiet Sunday in the middle of no where." Kwest said for the door.

"If only we could. There is no weekend in this business." She said pointing at all the paperwork on her desk. "You have studio time tomorrow, and I have to take the contestants to a movie premier tomorrow night for a PR appearance."

"I know, but can't I wish. So, have you talked to your dad?" He leaned against the corner of her desk.

"Yeah, the DA suggested the 30 days in lock up."

"What? I thought Darius…"

"Well, apparently the DA didn't agree with what Darius and the Mayor discussed. The judge wanted to look over the case and they meet again Monday morning."

"At least he is looking over the case and not jumping to agree with the DA. We just have to think positive. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Do you have time for dinner? I really want to get out of this place for a little bit."

"Yeah, let's go."

Tommy was finally leaving G Major. He'd worked with the band all morning then worked with Mason all afternoon. It was five o'clock and he missed Jude like crazy. He didn't know how he was going to handle when she was gone for a month. It was going to be hard, but knowing Jude would be getting the help she really needed put his mind at ease. He stopped by one of her favorite restaurants and picked up dinner. She'd been complaining more and more about the hospital food.

He found her picking at her plate with a frown on her face. "I figured you would like something a little more appetizing." He said with a smile holding up the paper bag.

"Thanks." She said with a sad smile.

"So I guess you talked with your dad." He said sitting on the bed beside her.

"Yeah. Tommy what if I have to spend a month in jail? I don't know if I can handle that."

"It won't happen, Jude. We will fight it if we have to."

Jude just nodded as Tommy was taking their dinner out of the bag. "Are we expecting an army to stop by?" Jude laughed.

"I wasn't sure what you would want." He defended.

For the rest of the night, Tommy did what ever he could to keep Jude distracted from her legal issues. He didn't want her to worry about anything but getting better. She still had periodic panic attacks and he knew that was enough for her to worry about. They curled up on the bed and watched a movie until the night nurse came in.

"How are you feeling, Jude?"

"Good."

"Do you think you can sleep without meds?" Dr. Anderson wanted wean her off any pain medication.

"I think I should be okay." Jude nodded.

"Okay, well, I will be at the desk if you need anything."

"Thank you." Jude said before turning to Tommy. "Why don't you go home and get some sleep in your own bed." She could tell how tired his eyes were.

"I'm fine here." He argued.

"Tommy, I'll be okay. I have nurses to take care of anything I need. You need to get some real rest. I'll still be here in the morning when you come back."

"Are you sure?"

Jude nodded. We'll hang out all day tomorrow since I don't have another PT session until Monday."

"Okay, but you get some sleep, too. And if at anytime you feel like you need to talk to me; just call me. I will have the phone by the bed."

"Bring me a muffin and real coffee in the morning."

"I will, baby. I love you." He said cupping her face.

"I love you, too." She said before his lips were on hers in a soft kiss.

"Good night." He said with a slight smile.

"Good night." She said pulling the covers up to go to sleep.

**Teasers **

"**I mean maybe I should do this on my own. I've depended on you so much lately and I don't even know myself anymore. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize who I see. I need to know I can be me without you." She said with tears streaming down her face.**

**Okay there you go. Keep your reviews coming!! I'm going to finish chapter 31 hoe to have it up tomorrow.  
**


	32. Chapter 31

**Here you go as promised. Enjoy!! I own Nothing.**

Chapter 31

Tommy was surprised that he slept the whole night. He literally fell asleep as soon as he crawled into his bed. Even though he would have been fine staying at the hospital with Jude, he felt good after a solid night of sleep. He was even feeling confident that everything would work out in their favor. They just had to get through one more day. He was glad it was Sunday. He knew Mason and Mike could handle the contestants and he gave the band the day off. His whole day was to be spent with Jude. He stopped by the coffee shop on his way to the hospital.

Jude was sitting up in a chair when he got there. "Wow, did you get there by yourself?" He asked smiling.

"I had help. I was tired of being in the bed, so the nurse helped me get in the chair. Dr. Anderson came by. He said my catheter should be taken out tomorrow after my PT session and I get my very own set of crutches."

"That's good news." He said handing her a cup of coffee and a bag.

"Thank you. How did you sleep?" She asked taking a sip of the hot coffee.

"Like a log. How about you?"

"Good. I missed you though." She said in a pout.

"You are the one who sent me home." He pointed out.

"I know." She said with a shy smile.

"I have an idea." Tommy said after they finished their muffins and coffee.

"What?"

"Wait right here." He said going towards the door.

"Where am I going to go?" She asked completely confused. A few minutes later he came back in with a wheel chair. "What is that for?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"We are getting you some fresh air." He said scooping her up out of the chair she was sitting in.

Jude couldn't help but to giggle as he kissed her lips lightly before placing her in the wheel chair. "You are so good to me."

"It's because I love you."

"I love you, too." She smiled as he kissed the top of her head before wheeling her out of the room.

They found a place on the grounds beside a big tree. Tommy sat on the ground holding her hand. "When this is all over you and I are going to go away somewhere." He said looking up at the clear sky.

"That sounds really nice. You know I would actually like to go back to Rome for a few days. Mom is buried in a little cemetery not too far from where we lived."

"We can do that. I want to take you to Paris. Show you all the sites."

"I'd rather stay in a hotel room." She said with a smirk.

Tommy couldn't help but groan inwardly. "We'll do that, too." He said kissing the back of her hand. "Tomorrow we can start putting this behind us. I've been reading more on this rehab facility. It's supposed to be the best in Toronto."

"Yeah." She said looking off.

"Hey, everything is going to work out; I promise." He said pulling her chin back to look at him.

"I know."

They stayed outside enjoying the nice weather most of the day. It was very relaxing for them both. Jude had a few visitors through out the day, but mostly it was just the two of them. They both needed this time together.

Sadie usually loved these events. She always loved the glitz and glamour. The focus was supposed to be on the Instant Star contestants, but one reporter asked a question that she wasn't expecting. "Miss Harrison, is it true that your sister is sitting in the county hospital waiting to be transported to lock up for DUI charges?" Other reporters started in with the same type of questions.

Kwest was instantly pulling her away from all the flashing cameras. "Don't listen to them." He said in her ear.

"How did they find out?"

"I don't know." He said shaking his head.

Darius stepped forward after Sadie was gone. "Mr. Mills…" The questions were flying of a G Major cover up.

"What does this have to do with Instant Star? Only questions about this season and the nine contestants on this carpet will be answered." His voice boomed over the whole media. There was only one way the media could have caught the story and Darius was making it his mission that DA Browning would not get reelected.

Judge Roberts looked over Jude's case for hours before deciding what he thought was best. "Why do you feel this girl deserves thirty days in lock up?" He asked DA Browning in his chambers before they went to the meeting room.

"Her blood alcohol level was through the roof. If it had been anyone else, you would agree with me."

"I talked with the Mayor this morning. He said he advised you that rehab was a better suited punishment. Why did you not mention it in the meeting?"

"Because I still believe that is not a punishment." He argued.

"Well, after looking over her psychological evaluation I believe this young lady doesn't belong in county lock up. She is suffering from PTSD and she needs the counseling that a rehab facility would give her."

"You're honor…"

"No, Josh. Look if you want reelected and you want to keep your good standing in this city you will not make an example of this girl. I'd hate to see what you would do to my granddaughter if she lost her way."

"That's low, dad."

"When you married my daughter all those years ago, I told you I would do everything in my power to help your political career. I won't let you drag this poor girl through the mud because you think it's the right thing. My decision is final."

Stuart was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief when he walked out of the meeting. The judge had agreed that Jude should go through the rehab program. She would go through one more evaluation and the facility would be expecting her on Thursday. Judge Roberts explained the way the program ran. Jude would spend the first fifteen days without visitors. Then she was allowed visitors to come and go for the last fifteen days. Stuart was glad his daughter was going to be getting the help she needed. He hoped at the end of this deal he'd have his old Jude back.

"Are you going to tell her?" Don asked as they walked toward the car.

"Yeah, then I have some things to do at work. I will need to set up some things to take care of her finances while she's away."

"I'll stop by on my way to the airport. I have a few loose ends to tie up in Rome."

"Thank you for coming. I know it means a lot to Jude. I don't think I ever told you, but I'm really sorry about Vic. I know she and I had our differences at the end of our marriage. I also realize I caused a lot of our problems, but I did love her at one time."

"Thanks, Stuart. That really means a lot." Don said shaking his hand. "I will see you when I get back."

Stuart nodded. "Have a safe trip."

Jude felt so good being able to walk around the room; even on crutches. She was now cleared to get around all by herself. Her wrist was still a bit sore, but the brace was taken off. She was a little restless waiting on her dad to get there. She knew he should be out of the meeting with the judge already. Her journal was sitting open on the bed but no new lyrics were written yet. Just as the panic started building, her dad walked in with a smile on his face.

"It's good to see you up and about." He said to her.

"It feels really good. Dr Anderson says everything looks good. My physical therapist said my good leg is strong and I should be just fine getting around on it. I will need to build up the other leg again when the cast gets taken off. Just five more weeks." She said brightly. "And by the smile on your face; the meeting must have gone our way."

Stuart nodded. "Judge Roberts agrees that the rehab program is the best way to go. He will be coming by tomorrow with a court appointed councilor for another evaluation and the rehab facility will be expecting you on Thursday."

"Wow, Thursday. That's so soon."

"Dr. Anderson agreed that you would be ready to be discharged by then."

"Well, I knew I wouldn't be able to go home first. I guess you are going to take care of my bills for a while longer?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Think of everything you will need and Sadie will pack your bags for you." They sat down and Stuart went over all the details with her.

"Thanks, Dad, for everything." She said hugging him.

"You're welcome. I better go get some things in order. I will stop by again on my way home. You get some rest. You've already had a big day and it's still early." He said kissing her forehead.

The whole day at G Major was insane. Everyone was perfecting last minute details for the show that night. Tommy was distracted the whole day until Sadie came and told him everything went their way. He was happy that Jude wouldn't be going to jail. Now he would have to prepare himself for their time apart.

He picked up dinner again on his way to the hospital. Darius told him they could handle everything at the show without him. He was relieved because he wanted to spend every minute with her he could. He hoped she wouldn't make him go home again.

She was staring out the window when he got there. Her hair was wet and she had on fresh pajamas. She seemed to be in a far off place. The closer he got to her, he noticed she was crying. "Jude, are you okay?" He said rushing to her.

"I just really miss her." She said between sobs.

"I know, babe." He wrapped his arms around her. "I wish I could do something to take it all away."

"You are here and that's something." She said resting her head on his shoulder.

"Are you hungry?" He asked after a few minutes of them just standing there.

She just nodded. He scooped her up to take her back to the bed. "I could have walked. I have crutches now." She giggled.

Tommy shrugged. "I'd rather have you close." He murmured against her hair.

Jude could only sigh in contentment. They settled on the hospital bed together and Tommy turned the TV to Instant Star. Through the show they just enjoyed each other's company; only making comments here and there about the contestants. Jude happily munched on her french fries. She didn't want to think about leaving Tommy again. It made her chest clench every time the thought crossed her mind. He was her rock and she knew that he'd always be there for her no matter what. Her fear of him leaving her was gone, but the idea of being without him for two weeks was very painful.

Tommy noticed her breathing change once the show was over. She was no longer calm. It actually sounded like she was having trouble taking breaths. "What's going on in that head of yours?" He asked softly.

"Just thinking about having to leave you." She said trying to keep from crying again. "When you went to Vancouver was torture."

"Hey you will just be right outside of town. I will come see you as much as I can." He said tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I won't be allowed visitors for the first fifteen days. That's two whole weeks. I can barely stand to go eight hours."

"We'll manage. We always do. Jude, the most important thing is you deal with everything. And when you can have visitors I will be there. It's going to be hard on me, too."

"Will you stay here tonight?" She asked disparately.

"There is nowhere else I'd rather be." He said smiling.

"I could think of one place." Jude said in a flirty tone running her fingers through his hair.

"Jude." He groaned.

"What?" She asked innocently.

"I love you." He said with a sigh smiling.

"I love you, too." She gave him a small kiss and placed her head on his chest. She wanted to be close to him as long as she could.

**Teaser**

"**Promise me, Jude. I can't go through that again."**

**Keep your reviews coming. I haven't started on the next chapter yet but I have a lot of it in my head so maybe the next chapter will be up this weekend!!!  
**


	33. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Jude woke up sometime in the night in a cold sweat. Her dreams were back. She couldn't remember them exactly, but she could still feel them. Tommy was sound asleep behind her with his arm draped over her. She tired to cuddle back down into his hold, but she had to go to the bathroom. She reached for her crutches and tired to ease out of the bed very carefully. She sighed heavily when she was finally able to stand up. When she looked back, Tommy was still asleep.

She just shook her head with a smile. He could literally sleep through anything. Getting to the bathroom was not the easiest task. Crutches and being half asleep were not a good combination. Looking in the mirror while washing her hands, she realized she hadn't even looked at herself lately. The bruises were fading but they were still there.

It was odd but she barely recognized herself. She had horrible bed head from not drying her hair after the nurse washed it for her. She thought about dying it red again; just for a change. That's when the tears started. They flowed down her face before she even realized she was crying. Her hands began to shake and she sank to the floor. It felt like someone was stepping on her chest not letting her lungs fill causing her to gasp for air.

Tommy woke up to the sound of something hitting the floor in the bathroom. He rushed in finding Jude rocking back and forth. She wasn't making a sound, but he could tell by the way she was shaking, she was crying. He instantly scooped her up and carried back into the room. After placing her back in the bed he started to go get the nurse, but she had a death grip on his arm. So, he pushed the call button.

"What can I get you?" The nurse asked walking in. "Is she okay?"

"I think she's having another panic attack. I was woke up and found her on the bathroom floor shaking and crying." Tommy was completely beside himself.

"Okay. I'm going to need to set her up a new IV. Can you try to keep her calm?" Tommy nodded. "Good. I will be right back."

Tommy crawled into the bed again and wrapped his arms around her. "It's going to be okay. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Jude couldn't say anything. She just continued to gasp for air. The tears were burning her eyes, but she couldn't seem to quit crying.

"Okay, Jude this may hurt a bit." The nurse said as she was putting the IV in her hand. Her skin was still tender from where her original IV was. "There you go, dear." She said putting her hand.

Tommy just closed his eyes praying she'd be okay. Dr. Anderson said her earlier panic attacks were caused by the detox, but this was completely different. He just wanted his Jude to be okay.

"I gave her a slight sedative. It will just help her sleep. If you need anything else just let me know."

"Thank you." He knew he wouldn't sleep anymore that night. He spent the rest of the time watching her sleep and praying she wouldn't wake up again in panic.

It scared him to think about her being somewhere for two weeks not being able to see people she knew. How could a stranger calm her down when she had her panic attacks? He really felt helpless. She panicked a few times in her sleep, but didn't wake up any more in the night.

Tommy had dozed off when there was light knock on the door. He opened his eyes to see Dr. Evans. "Good morning. I hear Jude had quite a night." She said in a low tone not to wake Jude.

Tommy nodded. "She's been asleep since the light sedative, but ever so often she starts shaking and crying in her sleep. This is what she was like when Dr. Anderson said she was in detox. What can be causing it now?"

"Possibly withdrawal or her anxiety over everything could be catching up with her. I just wanted to check in. Judge Roberts is coming by today at noon to talk to her with me. You might want to prepare her for the visit."

"I'll let her know." Tommy said before she left.

About twenty minutes later Jude's eyes started fluttering open. Tommy just smiled and kissed her forehead. He wanted her to talk when she was ready. She looked so tired and sad.

"Why am I so sleepy?" She asked a bit confused.

"The nurse had to give you a light sedative last night. I couldn't get you to stop shaking and crying. Do you remember what you were thinking about?"

"No." She lied. Just the thought made her chest clench and she wanted to push it all away.

Tommy could tell she wasn't telling him something, but he was scared to push her on it. He knew she was too fragile. He just hoped she would talk to someone like Dr. Evans since she wouldn't talk to him. "Do you want me to go get you some coffee and a muffin?" He asked moving her hair off her forehead.

Jude shook her and held him close to her. "Just stay here." She said with her voice cracking.

"Of course." He said kissing her forehead again.

The morning nurse came in to make sure Jude was doing better. She took her IV out and told Tommy to call her if anything changed. Jude didn't really make an effort to speak with the nurse. She was in her own little world.

Tommy called Sadie and let her know he wasn't going to make it to the studio. She and Kwest stopped by to bring them breakfast on their way to work. Jude was really quiet all morning long. She just stared at the wall in her own world. The only time she spoke was when she needed to get up to go to the bathroom.

"Do you need help?" Tommy asked her.

"I can do it." She said in a weak voice. The crutches were still a struggle for her but she refused to have Tommy help her to go pee.

Tommy knew he needed to tell her that Dr. Evans and Judge Roberts were coming in at noon, but he just didn't know how she would take it. She seemed shut off again like she was before she finally opened up. He didn't want to say the wrong thing. He stared out the window until she came back out. "Dr. Evans came by this morning while you were still asleep." He said keeping his back to her.

"Do I have a session with her?" She asked getting back in bed.

"She's coming by with Judge Roberts at noon." He answered turning around.

"Oh, I remember now; the court appointed thing."

"Are you up for it?"

"I'll be fine. I don't really have a choice. Last night was last night." She said shrugging.

Tommy wasn't really sure what to think about her nonchalant attitude, but he let it go. He knew she was still trying, and that was all that mattered. He sat in the chair by the bed. "Are you hungry? You barely touched the food Sadie and Kwest brought by."

"I'm good, but you could crawl in here with me." She said with a pout.

"Yes ma'am." He said with a smirk. They cuddled in bed until Dr. Evans and Judge Roberts came in.

Tommy went to get up and Jude panicked slightly. She knew the judge would want to talk to her without Tommy, but she didn't want him to leave the room. "Baby, it will be okay. I'm just going to be in the cafeteria."

"Its okay, Mr. Quincy, you can stay." Judge Roberts said after noticing her reaction.

Tommy nodded and moved from the bed to the chair never letting go of her hand. He wanted to show her his support. She squeezed his hand and he gave her a smile.

"Jude, this is Judge Roberts." Dr. Evans introduced the judge.

"It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too, young lady. I'm sorry you've been going through some rough times. I've gone over your case with Dr. Evans and your lawyer, so I just wanted to meet with you so you will know what the court expects."

"Yes, sir." She said politely.

"Has anyone told you about the program?"

Jude nodded. "It will be thirty days. I won't be allowed visitors for the first fifteen days. I will be going through solo and group therapy."

"That's right and at the end of your stay, your councilor will meet with me and it will be decided if this will stay on your record or be expunged. At that time I will decide about your license."

"Thursday I will be personally taking you to the facility and get you checked in." Dr. Evans added.

"I spoke with the director this morning and your check in time is ten a.m. I wish you luck, Miss Harrison." Judge Roberts said with a nod.

"Thank you, your honor" Jude said before he left the room.

"I would like to sit down and have a session tomorrow just to prepare you a bit." Dr Evans said writing in her planner.

"Okay." Jude said. She was feeling the pressure of the situation. She had to take deep breaths to keep herself in control. She couldn't believe everything was happening so fast.

Tommy moved back to the bed when they were alone again. He held her close and rubbed her back. "It's all going to be okay; just breathe."

"I can't believe everything is going so fast." She said with tears welling up in her eyes.

"We will make it through I promise."

"I don't know what I would do with out you, Tommy." She said pulling back to look him in the eyes.

"You'll never have to know. I'm never going anywhere."

"Thank you." She said before softly kissing him.

"You don't have to thank me." He said when the kiss broke.

The nurse came in to help Jude shower and get changed, so Tommy went to get lunch. He thought it would be nice to eat outside. He spread a blanket out under the tree and set up a semi romantic picnic. Being at the hospital they really had no privacy and it would be a month before he could take her home and really be with her. But for the day he wanted to do everything he could to make her feel special.

Jude was flipping through channels when he got back to her room. "I thought you were getting lunch." She said smiling.

"I did, but I thought you might like to enjoy the afternoon outside. I cleared it with everyone."

"Okay." She said laughing at how he was smiling. She was going to miss that smile. It took everything in her power to push that thought away so she could enjoy the afternoon. She grabbed her crutches. "Lead the way."

Everything looked so beautiful out in the sunshine. There was a red and white checkered blanket with a picnic basket. In the center was a bouquet of her favorite flowers. Off to the side was his guitar. "What do you think?" He asked resting his chin on her shoulder.

"I think it is perfect. What's for lunch?"

"I went to the deli around the corner from our houses. So, you have your choice of meat and cheese. I stopped by the coffee shop and picked up a cream cake for dessert." He said helping her down onto the blanket. "Since it is Tuesday, I made a run by the farmers market for fresh veggies. We have your favorite French bread from the bakery by G Major. And to top it of sparkling white grape juice." He ended by pouring her a glass of juice.

"You really are the perfect boyfriend." She said slightly blushing.

"Don't let the word get out. It might ruin my reputation." He said with a wink before giving her a quick kiss.

"I love you." She said caressing the side of his face.

"And I love you."

They spent the afternoon enjoying the fresh air and each others company. They didn't talk about what was going on. For the afternoon it was just the two of them without a care in the world. Jude felt relaxed as she laid her head in Tommy's lap. He was absentmindedly running his fingers through his hair. "Do you remember my seventeenth birthday?" She asked staring at the sky.

"How could I forget being locked up with you for hours?" He said with a chuckle.

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened if Spied and Jamie hadn't found us when they did?" She shifted her eyes to see his face.

"You would have pulled back before anything happened. It's not in you to cheat." He said with a soft smile.

"That was the night when I knew that we would be together. When I knew you really did have feelings for me, it was like things became clearer in my mind. I think the only reason I didn't break up with Spied that night was because I felt guilty. He tried so hard to be a good boyfriend."

"I was ready to be with you before Darius sent me to Montana. It made me so mad that he always pulled my strings back then. When he told me I had to go, I was so afraid I'd never see you again."

"Can you believe that is the same Darius?" Jude asked with a laugh. "He's changed so much."

"I know and I am so thankful for him." He said shifting so he could lie beside her.

"Me too." She said before his lips pressed softly to hers.

Stuart was stopping by the hospital to check on Jude. He'd been informed that she'd had a rough night. Before he could make it to the entrance, he saw them having lunch under a tree. His baby girl looked so happy laughing with Tommy. It made him smile. In the back of his mind he knew he'd have a son in law soon, but wondered how long it would take Tommy to ask. He didn't want to interrupt their private time since they wouldn't have much of it left. He decided he'd come back later.

Teaser:

**She needed to remember who she was. She wanted to recognize herself in the mirror again.**

**There you go guys. She's leaving for rehab very soon. I'm so happy that my plan for this story is finally falling into place. I love writing this because it really helps me sort out my own feelings about my mom's death. I've picked some great songs that will be featured in upcoming chapters. A couple of them I have had in mind since the beginning of the story. It excites me to think I have stayed on track so those songs still fit the storyline. I can't wait to share the rest of this story with you guys. So keep your reviews coming and I will get the next chapter written as fast as I can. **


	34. Chapter 33

**Here you go. Enjoy. I own nothing.**

Chapter 33

After an amazing afternoon in the sunshine, Jude was a bit tired. They moved back to her room, and she fell asleep with her head on Tommy's chest. Tommy dozed off and on himself. He really didn't want to sleep because he didn't want to miss a second with her, but after sitting up half the night he had trouble staying awake.

That night Jude's dad came by and they all watched the Instant Star result show together. After the show was over, Tommy excused himself to go home and shower. He wanted to give Jude and her dad some alone time. He felt almost like he'd hogged all her time since she'd been in the hospital.

"So, how are you feeling about rehab?" Stuart asked her.

Jude sort of shrugged. "Not really sure. I know I need to talk to someone about all my emotions, but I don't feel like I will actually fit in there. The people there are going to have real drug problems. I don't feel like I have a bad problem. I don't need to drink and take pills."

"Well, sweetheart, you did let it get out of hand."

"I know, Daddy, and that is why I'm not complaining. I hope someone can figure out what is wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you. You've just been through a lot." He said patting her hand.

"Dad, I miss her everyday." She said batting back tears. "I keep thinking if I had called more specialists in; they could have done something."

"Jude, you used every resource you could. Her cancer was very aggressive."

"There are people that go into remission everyday. Why did it have to be my mom that couldn't come back from it?" Her voice cracked and she starting sobbing. "Daddy, I don't know how to get past this."

Stuart's heart was completely broken as he wrapped his arms around his daughter. He didn't know what he could do for her. All he knew was she was a shattered version of her old self. He crawled in the bed with her and held her as the sobs continued. "It's okay, sweetheart. Just cry all you want."

Tommy was on his way back to the hospital when Kwest called. "What's up, man?"

"Sadie's dad just called her to the hospital. Jude had a bit of a breakdown."

"Why didn't he call me?"

"I don't know man, but I wasn't sure when you were going back."

"I'm on my way back there now. Thanks for letting me know." Tommy sighed as he placed his phone in his pocket. He wished he hadn't left, but at least her dad was with her.

Jude was asleep lying on Sadie's chest when he got there. "Shh, she just got to sleep." Stuart said leading him out into the hall way.

"Is she okay?"

"Just emotional. She actually cried herself to sleep this time instead of needing to be sedated. I really think now that she has started opening up all her emotions are catching up with her."

"What do we do?" Tommy asked running her fingers through his hair.

"What we've been doing the whole time. We just have to be there for her."

"And when she's in rehab without visitors for the first two weeks?"

"I'm hoping she can work out these emotions in therapy and maybe a doctor there can get her on something that will help with the anxiety and depression."

Tommy turned back to look in the room. "I sure hope so."

"I'm sorry I didn't call you, but Jude really wanted Sadie." Stuart said placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I can understand that. Even though they handle everything differently, they both lost their mother." Tommy sighed and leaned against the door frame.

"She's sound asleep and stopped crying." Sadie said walking over to them.

"Are you okay?" Tommy asked hugging her.

"I'm just worried about her. I need to get back to G Major."

"It's late and I know Kwest was on his way home. Don't hide in work. Go to his place and get some sleep. We don't need you breaking down on us too." Tommy said sincerely. He knew Sadie might show her emotions different from Jude, but that she still buried everything down exactly the same.

"Tom, I'm…"

"Don't say fine. Go home to Kwest. There is nothing to do at G Major this late."

Sadie sighed in defeat. "Tell Jude I will be back tomorrow with her bags and stuff."

"Okay." Tommy said and hugged her again.

"Thank you." Stuart said once Sadie was gone. "I don't think I could have been stern with her. I would be afraid I'd break her, too."

"She's strong. I'm starting to think the same thing Dr. Evans told us a few days ago about Jude reaching a breaking point after everything that's gone on since she was fifteen. But I have to have faith that everything will work out in the end."

"Well, my daughters are lucky to have you in their lives. I'm going to go home. You should try to get some sleep. Don't sit up all night watching her." Stuart said with a slight laugh.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, son."

Kwest was waiting on her when she walked through the apartment door. She went straight to him and finally let the tears flow. She cried for the loss of her mother and for Jude's situation. Kwest just held and rocked her telling her it was all going to be alright.

Jude had a slight headache when she woke up the next morning. She remembered crying herself to sleep. Looking around the room she was by herself. Sitting up she sighed and rubbed her eyes. This was her last day before going to rehab.

"You're awake." Tommy came through the door with coffee.

"Yeah. Thank you." She smiled when he handed her a cup. "Can you hand me my crutches? I need to go to the bathroom."

"Here you go." He handed her the crutches.

"Thank you."

Jude needed to get her head clear. She had her final PT. Plus she had a lot of things she wanted to talk to Dr. Evans about. Somehow she convinced Tommy to go to work. She knew it was her last day with him, but she really needed to focus.

The physical therapist came in around ten. It wasn't too long of a session, but she was still tired afterwards. The nurse came in and helped her get cleaned up. She knew it was going to be interesting showering for the next few weeks with her cast. She had to cover her whole leg in plastic to keep it from getting wet. That was exhausting in its self.

When Dr. Evans came in, Jude was just getting back in bed. "How are you today?" She asked.

"A bit numb and tired." Jude said with a shrug.

"Want to talk about it?"

Jude opened up about how she felt like she didn't even know herself anymore. "I look in the mirror and it doesn't look like me anymore. Even my emotions don't feel like me. I've never been short fused, but lately I have no control over anything."

"It's part of it. You have been through so much. Have you tried to write about how you feel?"

"Everyday, but nothing. I know if I could get this out then I could control my emotions better. I want to be myself again."

"You will be. It just takes time. How are you and Tommy doing?"

"He's so good to me. I really don't know what I would do with out him."

"It's always good to have someone like that in your life."

They talked a lot more. Dr. Evans explained to her how everything worked at the facility. She would have a very structured schedule with therapy and different activities. She would be obligated to interact with everyone. She explained that everyone there would have all different levels of addictions there and that she'd probably fit in more than she thought she would.

When Dr. Evans was gone was when the real thinking started. Jude thought about how dependent she'd been on Tommy since they got back together. That was when she knew she needed to do this without him. She'd felt similar before she left for London, but this was different. This time she wanted him to wait. It was only thirty days. She wasn't allowed visitors for the first 15 days anyway. She needed to remember who she was. She wanted to recognize herself in the mirror again. The hardest part was going to be telling him. She feared he'd feel like what happened before was going to happen all over again. She needed to think out how to word it so he'd know she had every intention on coming home to him.

Tommy had been at G Major all day. Jude had told him to go earn his paycheck because she had her final PT and a session with Dr. Evans. He was ready to see her since she was leaving for rehab the next day. It had been so stressful not knowing how the judge was going to rule. Then time had flown by since Monday when they knew she'd have to leave on Thursday. He felt like he didn't get enough time with her. It would be two weeks before he could go visit her, but he knew it was for the best. She could spend that time getting better.

He couldn't wait until the whole thirty days were done. By that time she'd be getting her cast off and Instant Star would be winding down. He thought more about planning a trip where they could go be alone together. He thought that since she wanted to go back to Rome where her mother was buried that Italy would be a perfect vacation. He could see them spending a whole month going to every city to see what they had to offer.

Jude was sitting in bed staring out the window when he got there. "How's my girl today?" He asked kissing the top of her head.

"Nervous." She said with a shrug.

"You'll be just fine." He assured her.

"I've been thinking." Jude said in an unsure voice. She figured she might as well get it over with.

"About what?" Tommy asked confused.

"Maybe we should take the whole time apart." She said not looking at him.

"What do you mean?" Tommy felt his heart stop for a second.

"I mean maybe I should do this on my own. I've depended on you so much lately and I don't even know myself anymore. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize who I see. I need to know I can be me without you." She said with tears streaming down her face.

"No Jude. I'm not going to let you do this again. When I got you back, I promised myself I was not going to lose you again."

"You're not loosing me, Tommy. It's not like before. I don't feel the need to venture out into the world without you. I just need to do this without you. And when I come home after thirty days, I'll be coming home to you. Tommy, my life is with you."

"Promise me, Jude. I can't go through that again."

"I promise, Tommy. I love you so much and I will come home to you."

"I love you, too, Jude." He said cupping her face before meeting her lips in a desperate kiss. There were so many tears that he couldn't tell who was crying more her or him.

Tommy crawled in the bed and they just held each other in silence for a long time. Neither really knew what to say. He had been counting on going to see her everyday she was allowed visitors, but he had to let her do this. He wouldn't hold her back from getting better.

"Is it okay if Sadie stays with me tonight?" She asked a while later. She wanted as much time as possible with him, but knew it would make it harder to leave him if he stayed the night.

"If that is what you want. I'll come by first thing in the morning before you leave." His heart was clenching.

"Thank you. I promise when I get home we will have some time together. Maybe then I won't be crying at a drop of a hat."

They stayed right there on the bed until Sadie got there after work. Tommy hated leaving, but knew it was for the best. She did need some time with her sister before she left.

**Okay so I think I have myself almost in tears here. I don't have teasers this time. I just feel numb. This was a really hard chapter to write. So PLEASE let me know what you think. Your feedback tells me if I am doing a good job or not. I hope to start the next chapter in a couple of days. I need to step away from the emotional rollercoaster.**


	35. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Jude and Sadie sat up most of the night talking. It had been forever since they had true sister time. In a way they both really needed this. "So are you and Tommy really going to spend the whole time apart?" Sadie asked her.

"It's what I have to do. He has been so good to me. His support means everything, but I need to know I can stand on my own two feet. It's not like before when I left for London. I want my life to be with him."

"For what it's worth; you're making the right decision. It will make you two stronger in the end." Sadie said hugging her.

"I hope so. Anyways, how are things with Kwest?"

"Wonderful. He's been so great since we've been back together. I can't believe I spent so much time away from him. I didn't realize how much I really missed him until we were back together."

"I always knew how much I missed Tommy. I started missing him as soon as I got on the plane. But the hurt I saw in his eyes when he was outside the house that day told me I had to give it time. I still wonder where we'd be right now if we'd gotten married back then." Jude said shaking her head.

"Well, we can't go back into the past. We just have to be happy that we are back with them."

"I can't wait until I can really feel happy again." Jude could feel the pressure building in her chest again.

"I know." Sadie hugged her tightly. "Why don't we get some sleep?" She said after a few minutes of them crying together.

"I think that is a good idea." Jude said yawning. When she closed her eyes, she had to push all her fears away. It scared her completely to leave Tommy, and thirty days seemed like a lifetime. She knew if she depended on him through this, she'd never be able to really stand on her own two feet.

When Tommy got home, he felt completely drained. His heart felt numb. He couldn't believe Jude wanted to spend the whole 30 days apart. Sure he understood she needed to remember who she was without him, but it really hurt. He was partly worried that she wouldn't need him anymore. His life was completely revolved around her, and he wasn't sure if he would make it the whole time.

He ended up in his basement studio in a complete daze. This was where he used to go to feel close to her before she moved home. He pushed play on the stereo and her beautiful voice feeling the room.

_If we walk away now, _

_There's no turning around._

_Gotta say what I mean,_

_While you're here with me._

He could remember the day clearly when she gave him this song before he left for New Brunswick. He had insisted he needed to go alone and she fought him on it until the last minute. She told him to listen to the song every day he was gone and he did. Even after they broke up and she went back to Toronto, he still listened to it. He could hear her soul in her voice.

He wanted a way to show her what she meant to him. He didn't want her to change her mind while she was gone. Pulling out his journal he started writing. He hadn't written a whole song in years, but thinking about the last few years the lyrics just flowed from his pen. He spent the rest of the night working on the song. It had to be perfect for her.

Jude had just showered and dressed for the day when Tommy came in the next morning. "Good morning." He said before lightly kissing her.

"Good morning." She responded with a sad smile.

"I brought coffee. How did you sleep?" He sat down beside her on the bed.

"Off and on. I kept thinking about how much I was going to miss you." She said wiping a stray tear away hoping he didn't see it.

"Hey, I understand why you need to do this. I'm not going anywhere. When you get back I'll be waiting. I love you and you can't get rid of me that easily." He said cupping her face to make her look at him.

"I love you, too." She said and his lips met hers again. This time the kiss was intense. Jude opened up to him allowing herself to drawn into the kiss. She was going to miss the feel of his soft lips and his rough hands; which felt rougher than usual on her cheek.

_*Cough* Cough*_ Sadie hated to interrupt them but she knew Dr. Evans was going to be there in just a few minutes.

"Oh." Jude said pulling away from the kiss with a shy smile.

"Sorry to interrupt. Dr. Evans will be up in a minute with your discharge papers. Your bags are in her car. Dad should be here any minute." Sadie said.

"It's okay." Tommy said with a smile and kissed Jude's forehead.

"I can't believe I'm going to be gone for thirty days." Jude said with a deep sigh.

"You'll be home before we know it." Stuart said walking in. "Plus you'll see us in fifteen days."

Tommy just looked away with a pang in his heart. He didn't know how he was going to go thirty days without her. She always claims she depends too much on him, but he depends on her just as much. She was his reason for getting up in the morning.

"Hey, where'd you go?" Jude asked touching his face.

"Sorry, I zoned out for a minute." He said with a sad smile.

"I know this is going to be hard…"

"Don't. I understand; we all have things we need to do on our own. It's what we have to do so you can get better." He said lacing their fingers together. "When you get home we will make up for the lost time; I promise."

"Okay." She said with a nod.

Ten minutes later, they were in front of the hospital saying their good byes.

"So I will save all my gossip magazines and bring them to you when I visit." Sadie said hugging her.

"Okay. Tell Kwest I said he better take care of you. Don't work too much. I know Instant Star is keeping you busy right now, but don't forget to get some rest."

"I will, little sis."

"Sweetheart, you worry about yourself and we'll be okay." Stuart said hugging and kissing her on the top of the head.

"I will, daddy." She said before turning to Tommy. "I guess this is it."

"I have something for you." He said pulling out his I Pod.

"Your I Pod? I have my own, Babe." She gave him an odd look.

"I know but this only has one song on it. I want you to listen to it everyday." He put it in her hand.

"Where have heard those words before?" She couldn't help but remember when he left for New Brunswick all those years ago.

"Never forget how much I love you." He cupped her face and looked her straight in the eye.

"I love you, too; with everything I am." Tears were streaming down her face.

"I'll see you in thirty days." He said and kissed her lightly.

"Thirty days." She nodded before he helped her into the car.

Wiping his tears he watched as the car drove off. He felt like his heart was gone. It was almost as painful as watching her ride off in that limo when she left for London. But he knew this time was different. This time she was going to be coming back to him and they would finally be able to have a life together.

The ride wasn't too long to the facility. Dr. Evans explained to her what the check in process was. She would go through an immediate evaluation before getting settled into her room. For the first few days she would have two solo therapy sessions and one group. Then she'd continue with group everyday, but only have solo sessions every few days.

"I'll come see you if fifteen days just to check in on you." Dr. Evans told her once her bags were taken in.

"Thank you for everything."

"It was my pleasure."

"Miss Harrison, if you will follow me; I'll show you around." Her girl at the front desk said.

"Please, call me Jude."

"Okay Jude, I'm Sandy."

After her tour, she met with the head psychologist. "So how are you feeling, Jude?"

"I guess a little anxious." She said looking down at her hands.

"That's understandable. I'm Dr. Rogers."

"It's nice to meet you." Jude said politely.

"This won't take long. I just need to ask you a few questions and evaluate where you will need to be placed. How long have you been a regular drinker?"

"I used to drink off and on when I moved to London a few years ago. After I moved back home was when it became a regular thing."

"I see. Now this was after your mom passed away; correct?"

"Yes. I lived with her and my step father for most of her illness helping take care of her." Jude could feel all the pressure building in her chest and prayed she'd make it through without completely loosing it.

"And the drugs?"

"One night I was pretty drunk and I went home with this guy. I don't really remember everything, so I couldn't really tell you what I took that night. But a few days later was when the xanax started. That was really all I took for awhile, but I took them every time I felt overwhelmed and anxious. That was a lot. Then they weren't making me feel better and that was when the hydros and pot started. I just felt like I needed something to knock the edge off."

"And it was a combination of this the night of your accident?"

"Pretty much."

"Do you feel like you need to have a drink or take pills everyday?"

"I could say no, but honestly I'm not sure if that is true. I've been in the hospital since the accident and they've had to give me something every few days. I just constantly feel anxious and sad."

"Well, I think I know where to place you. I'm going to call Sandy to take you down to the cafeteria while your bags are being taken to your room. You will have group therapy at one and your first solo session will be around six after dinner. I will check in with you every five days to see how you are doing."

"Okay."

About an hour later after eating lunch, Jude was finally in her room unpacking. She was feeling really overwhelmed being away from everyone and really wished she had Tommy there to hold her.

"The first day is always the toughest." A girl said walking into the room. "I'm Amie; your roommate."

"I'm Jude." She said with a smile.

"Well, Jude, I promise it gets better."

"Thank you." Jude was finally finished unpacking and remembered the I Pod Tommy gave her. She sat on bed and put the ear buds in.

(**Come Back To Me by David Cook)**

You say you gotta go and find yourself  
You say that you're becoming someone else  
Don't recognize the face in the mirror  
Looking back at you

You say you're leavin  
As you look away  
I know there's really nothin left to say  
Just know I'm here  
Whenever you need me  
I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me

Take your time I won't go anywhere  
Picture you with the wind in your hair  
I'll keep your things right where you left them  
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need  
I'll be right here waiting to see  
You find you come back to me

I can't get close if your not there  
I can't get inside if there's no soul to bear  
I can't fix you I can't save you  
Its something you have to do

So I'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me  
Come back to me  
So I'll let you go  
I'll set you free  
And when you see what you need to see  
When you find you come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need  
I'll be right here waiting to see  
You find you come back to me

When you find you come back to me  
When you find you come back to me  
When you find you come back to me

When the song ended, she was crying curled up on the bed. It had been so long since she'd heard Tommy's beautiful singing voice. They song broke her heart and she almost wished she hadn't made the decision for him to not come visit her. She listened to the song again and realized what he was saying. He wanted her to remember every day that he understood why she was doing this a lone. She finally felt like she was going to be able to stand on her own feet and beat this.

Tommy walked into G Major wanting to work to keep his mind off of the whole situation. He already missed Jude like crazy and needed a major distraction. Luckily the band was ready for a major recording session. He sat at the sound board completely lost in the music. Every time his mind drifted to Jude, he would try to change the sound up.

"You're scary." Mike said coming in when the guys were leaving.

"Why do you say that?" He asked in a chuckle.

"I've never seen you so focused before."

"Keeping myself distracted. Jude left for rehab today." He said turning everything off.

"Yeah, Mason told me. Is it a thirty day program?" Tommy nodded. "That's not too long."

"I know, but Jude decided she needed to face it without me completely. She doesn't want me coming up when she is allowed visitors. I know it is what is best, but it's just going to be hard."

"I understand. But hey things around here should keep you busy. We'll do what we can to keep you distracted."

"Thanks, man." Tommy said with a small laugh. Though it was going to be a hard month, he had faith that at the end of it he and Jude would be stronger than ever.

**So Jude is in rehab. Will her therapy help her find herself and her music again? Stay tuned. **

**Keep your reviews coming. I love reading what everyone thinks. **


	36. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Suzie Collins sat in the G major lobby thinking about how she could better herself in the competition. The buzz was that she was one of the top contenders, but she wanted to be THE top; not just one of. Kwest was a great producer and really helped her pick great songs, but she wanted the best. Rumors were flying that Tom Quincy was going to be getting more involved again and she really wanted to work with him. If she was honest, she wouldn't mind more than that. Being on of the older contestants; she didn't really have much in common with everyone else. She wanted to stand out and she knew she would if she could just catch his attention. She needed to figure out a way to get switched.

"Suzie, are you ready?" Kwest asked coming out of studio B.

"I'm not sure about this song choice." She said handing him the lyric sheet she was supposed to be going over.

"Why? It's perfect for your voice."

"I want something different; something that makes me stand out more."

Kwest rolled his eyes because he was not in the mood for a diva. "We can go through the list again, but that is going to take awhile. Darius wants to hear everyone's songs today."

"Maybe someone else might have an opinion. Isn't Tommy Quincy working today?" She said sitting up straight and running her fingers through her long blonde hair.

"He's in a recording session. He's not working on Instant Star anyway. I think this song is perfect; he'd agree with me anyway." Kwest recognized the look in her eyes and he was going to do what ever he could to keep her away from Tom.

"I don't like this song. Maybe I should go talk to Darius."

"What ever. I have to work with Robbie anyway." He really wasn't in the mood and didn't care if Suzie was eliminated the next week.

Suzie rolled her eyes and marched to Darius' office. She was stopped out side the door by Sadie. "Mr. Mills is busy. Is there something I can help you with?"

"I want to change my song."

"Talk to Kwest; he's your producer." Sadie said blocking the door. Darius was too busy to worry about song choices.

"He says it will take to long to change. I was thinking I could work with Tommy. Kwest has other artists to work with and…"

"Tom is busy with his everyday artists."

Just then Tommy walked out of Studio A. "Sadie, is Darius busy?"

"You can go on in. He should be off the phone by now." She said stepping aside but still blocking Suzie's way.

"Hi, Tom." Suzie said in her best flirty tone.

"Hi." Tommy said looking at her like she had two heads. "You're Kwest's contestant right? Sammy is it?"

"Actually it's Suzie." She said in a huff.

"Sorry, I'm really busy here. Good luck next week." He said before going on into the office.

Suzie huffed again and stomped back towards Studio B. Sadie just laughed shaking her head. She knew a snake when she saw one. The last thing Tommy needed was some girl wanting to use him to get attention.

"What can I do for you, T?" Darius asked hanging up the phone.

"I wanted to give you this." He put a hard drive on his desk. "We just finished the last song for the guy's album. With your approval, I can start final mixing and touch ups."

"Great. I really need you back on Instant Star. Anna Leigh's doctor is putting her on bed rest, and I was going to have Kwest take her contestants, but it would be easier if you would step back in. Mason can handle your original contestants."

"Anything to keep myself busy." Tommy said with a nod.

"Great. I will have you a list first thing in the morning."

"No problem, D. I promised Mason I would help them tonight." He said walking towards the door.

Jude sat picking at her dinner. Her first group therapy session was horrible. She didn't talk any because she felt like she'd loose it. She didn't feel like her story was anything like everyone else's. Everyone talked about how they got addicted to different drugs, and she didn't really feel like she was addicted. Her emotions were all over the place. All she really wanted to do was sit in her room and listen to the song Tommy recorded for her.

"The food is usually better." Amie said sitting beside her.

"Not really hungry." Jude shrugged.

"I noticed you didn't speak up in group."

"I wasn't sure what to say. I've never done hard drugs like everyone else."

"I understand. When I got here I was the same way. I come from a family of alcoholics. I drink, but I'm here because it was starting to get in the way of my marriage. My husband told me he was ready to leave, and I realized I needed to get help. When everyone started talking about the hard drugs they were addicted to, I felt like I was completely out of place. But after a few days, I realized we are all dependent on our drugs and it doesn't really matter that they are different substances."

Jude thought about what she was saying and it made sense. "I can see that."

"Well, if you ever want to talk to someone other than your therapist, I will always listen. We have to help each other in here."

"Thanks, Amie."

When Jude was walking back from the cafeteria for her first therapy session, she felt like everyone was looking at her. She could just hear everyone calling her a washed up has been. Keeping her head down, she struggled with her crutches. She felt like she was going to crumble before she got to her room.

Getting settled on the bed she turned the I Pod Tommy gave her on. She hoped his voice would calm her down a bit before her session. Maybe she was addicted to the pills because at that moment she'd do anything for a Xanax.

"Jude?" A lady in her early thirties asked from the door.

"Yes." Jude replied removing the ear buds from her ears.

"I'm Lessa Cross. I'll be your counselor for your stay. How's your day been going?" She asked sitting by Jude's bed.

Jude shrugged. "It's been a long day." Deep down she didn't know how many times she could say the same thing over and over again.

"I've read over your file, so I know you have had to tell everyone the same thing over and over again. I'm going to do something a bit different. I want you to tell me about your childhood."

"There's not really much to tell. My parents were always happy. I shared my dad's love of music. When I was fifteen, I tried out for Instant Star because my friends talked me into it. I never in a million years thought I would win. Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off if I didn't win." She sighed heavily looking at her hands.

"Why do you say that?"

Jude shrugged. "It seemed that was when my parents started having problems. I would be recording everyday after school and my parents were fighting because they didn't agree on my career choice. My mom just wanted me to be a kid as long as I could. Then my dad started cheating on her. There were so many things that went wrong, but there were also so many things that I would never want to give up. If I hadn't won that competition, I would have never met the love of my life." No matter what went wrong through the years; she knew Tommy was the best thing in her life.

"Tell me about him."

"Tommy is everything to me. He was my producer when I won Instant Star. I didn't want to fall for him, but I did; fast. Problem was I was fifteen and he was twenty-two. We spent years fighting our attraction and dating other people until I was eighteen."

"What happened then?"

"We had a lot of issues. Our relationship was off and on. When he asked me to marry him I was on top of the world."

"So what happened?"

"I don't really know; I guess I started thinking about everything we'd been through. How things could be going so great and a fight would derail us completely. So, when I left for London, I left without him."

"How do you feel about that decision now?"

"I feel that my life was turned up side down because I chose wrong."

Lessa made a few notes before looking up. "Tell me about the relationship you had with your mom."

Jude felt her chest clenching and it took her a few minutes before she could answer the question. "When I was little she was the mom that cooked dinner every night. She never really understood what music meant to me. She felt my dad was pushing me into it. After she and my dad divorced, things were messed up. I was busy with recording and she started dating her divorce lawyer. I hardly ever saw her. Then all of a sudden she was running off to Rome." She wiped a few tears falling down her face.

"How did you feel when she left?"

"I was only seventeen. I was still at that stage in life when I needed her, and I felt abandoned." She hated saying these things now.

"That's a normal feeling to have. I think that will be all for tonight. I will be by in the morning around ten." She said standing up.

Jude nodded wiping her face. "Okay." She put her ear buds back in and fell asleep listening to Tommy's voice.

Everything at G Major seemed to be very tense. Rumors had been flying all morning that Darius was making some major changes to the competition. Contestants were scared he was going to send one of them home. Tommy sat at his desk in deep thought. He knew the meeting D had called together was to reassign contestants to producers. It wasn't really something he wanted to focus on, but he knew he needed to so he wouldn't be thinking about missing Jude every second of the day.

"I know everyone is busy for next week's show, but I have a few changes to make." Darius said to start the meeting. "As everyone knows Anna Leigh's doctor has put her on bed rest, so Tommy has decided to step back in to help."

Sadie was completely taken back at the end of the meeting when Suzie was placed with Tommy. She saw the smile and knew she'd have to keep her eyes on her until she was off the show. That could be a long time since she was one of the best singers. One thing Sadie knew for sure was she needed to protect her sister's interests while she was gone.

Tommy looked at his list of contestants. "Okay, I have made a schedule for your studio time. This week Karma will be your mentor. So, when you aren't with me you will be with her. I am very busy finishing an album with a signed band so the schedule is not negotiable." He said handing them contestants their schedule.

"What if we need extra time?" Suzie asked batting her eyes.

"That is what Karma is for." Tommy said ignoring her obvious attempt of flirting. "I will see you guys later." He said walking right out with out looking back. He really just wanted to be alone for a while, plus he had a lot of mixing to do. He didn't sleep any the night before. He just stared at the ceiling all night thinking about Jude.

Jude was exhausted after her morning routine. It took her a hour to shower with her cast. Plus she hadn't slept well the night before at all. She was already missing Tommy like crazy. Talking about her issues only made it worse. She didn't have his comforting arms to calm her.

"Morning, Jude." Leesa said coming in.

"Morning." Jude said in a yawn.

"Everyone always tells me the first night here is the worst night sleep." She said in a smile before sitting down by the bed.

"Taking a shower with this huge cast isn't easy either." Jude said pointing at her leg.

"I can see that. So, are you ready to pick up where we left off?"

"Sure."

"So you were in London when you mom go sick?"

"Yeah, my sister called me and I met her in Rome. My mom wanted to see us and tell us in person. After she told us, I knew I needed to help take care of her. She was my mom. It didn't matter anymore that she abandoned me." Jude buried her face in her hands hoping to stop the crushing feeling in her chest. She wanted to make it through one day without crying.

"Okay, let's change gears just a bit. You're a song writer and musician. Have you wrote any songs about how you feel?"

"I haven't written a song in years." Jude said shaking her head.

"Why do you think that is?"

"At first it was because Tommy was my music. Without him it didn't seem worth it. Then after my mom died it was too painful."

"It sounds like you aren't ready to fully face your feelings."

"Over the last week, I have tried, but it seems like I have a mental block."

"Maybe you just need time. Why don't we stop here? Get some rest and try to talk a bit in group. I will be back after dinner."

Jude just nodded. She spent the rest of the morning staring at her journal. Words still weren't coming. She felt like she was never going to get past this block.

"As your roommate, I'm not allowed to let you stay in bed all day." Amie said from the door.

"I didn't sleep very well last night." Jude said in her defense.

"No one sleeps well their fist night here. It'll get better. Come on; let's got get lunch before we have to be in group."

Jude couldn't help but smile. At least she had someone there trying to help her. "Okay." She said dramatically.

Tommy's first contestant was Suzie. Sadie had already come in and warned him that she was after him. All he could do was laugh. He had no intention in letting her get far enough to make a play. He was all about business and would make it clear to anyone.

"Oh, I was so excited to get placed with you." Suzie said coming in and standing by his chair.

"Well, we don't have a lot of time, so let's get started. I hope you know all your lyrics." Tommy said setting up the board.

"Actually, I want to change my song. I want something that will make me stand out more."

"You do realize it is Friday and the show is Monday right? I think this song is perfect for your voice. Darius won't approve of song changes after Thursday anyway."

Suzie was fuming. If only she could have talked to Darius when she'd tried the day before. "Do you think we can change our time today? I need to work on the lyrics more." She said smiling and turning on the charm.

"Sorry can't do it. I was serious this morning when I said schedule can not be changed. Take the lyrics in there with you. And I suggest if you make it past next week that you learn your lyrics before the end of the week; no matter if you believe the song is right for you or not." He was not going to put up with a diva. He didn't the time or the patience.

**There you go. I don't know if I will have another update this week. Thanksgiving is a pretty busy time for me. I'll try to have something else by the weekend at least. Keep your reveiws coming so I know what everyone is thinking. **


	37. Chapter 36

**Hey every body!!! Sorry it's taken me awhile to get the chapter done. Thanksgiving week was pretty crazy. But it was a wonderful week with family and friends. So here you; hope you enjoy. I own nothing. **

Chapter 36

Jude sat listening to everyone share their stories in group. She still didn't know what she could say that would seem even remotely similar to everyone else. Every time she thought she might speak up, her stomach would feel sick.

"Jude, do you have anything to share?" Stacey the facilitator asked.

"I'm not really sure what to say." She answered with a shrug.

"Tell us what brought you here." Another person in the group said.

"Drinking and pills mainly."

"When did you start using?" Stacey asked.

"After my mom died. Sometimes it was to feel something and sometimes it was to feel nothing. I didn't even realize it was getting to be a problem. One night I got into a bad accident and ended up unconscious for four days. My friends and family were finally able to make me see that I needed help."

"And how do you feel now?" Someone asked.

"I'm not really sure. I still have a lot of issues to work out that I have kept buried over the years." She said wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

"We've all been there. You just have to open up." Stacey said giving her a smile. "Every substance abuse whether it be drugs or alcohol steams from something. Amie, why don't you tell us about the night you checked in?"

Jude felt a bit better opening up. Listening to everyone share a story showed her that they all had some common ground in there. The only problem was that she still had the crushing pressure in her chest. By the end of the session, she felt like she was going into full panic mode. She stayed in her seat watching everyone leave the room. She didn't want them to see her loose it.

"Thanks for sharing with us." Stacey said sitting down beside her. Jude couldn't find her voice, so she just nodded. "Are you okay?"

She nodded again taking a couple of deep breaths. "It's hard to breathe sometimes."

"You know I was in your shoes once. I lost my father very suddenly when I was younger. I was always daddy's little girl. Without him around I didn't know what to do with myself. I started out just drinking to forget about my pain, but the next day the pain was still there. Then I experimented with several different drugs. Every time one would stop doing the job, I would move on to the next. My mom sent me to several different programs before I finally realized what I was doing."

"Do you still miss him?"

"Everyday, but I know he would want me to live my life to the fullest and not wasted at a bar every night. The pain is still there, but I choose to use that pain to help others."

"I just want to get back to my life." Jude said with a heavy sigh.

"You will. Do you feel like you can breathe again?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you go get a nap? Rest sometimes can help more than anything else." Stacey stood up and helped Jude up. "If you feel like you need to talk more let me know."

"Thank you." Jude slowly made her way back to her room. She knew Stacey was right about getting some rest. She just hoped her brain would shut up long enough for her to fall asleep.

By the end of the day, Tommy decided to try to sleep on the couch in his office. Everything was running together and his head was pounding. After two hours with Suzie he wondered how she was one of the front runners. Sure she had a good voice, but her attitude was such a turn off. He knew she'd had the song picked out since Tuesday night, but she barely knew it. Every time he would have her redo a part, she would forget another part. It was almost more than he could handle.

He got lucky with the other two. They both were well prepared. But that didn't mean they were that talented. One girl screamed her lyrics constantly. He knew it was because it was a bad song choice, but it was too late to change it.

His plan was to sleep a couple of hours then work the rest of the night on mixing for the band. Going home would just mean another night of staring at the ceiling. Half way to his office he was stopped by Suzie. She'd completely come out of no where.

"Do you think we could work some more on my song? Karma had to go home." She said in a sickly sweet voice.

"Tomorrow's session will be longer." He said in a yawn covering his face. He knew his eyes had to be blood shot. Couldn't she see this?

"But I think I'm finally getting it."

"Then keep practicing on your own. Aren't all of you supposed to be out to dinner now anyway?" He tried to keep from rolling his eyes at her.

Suzie batted her eyes and smiled. "How am I supposed to win if I…"

"Tom, there you are." Sadie said interrupting Suzie in the middle of her sentence.

"Hey, Sadie, I was just about to grab a small nap." He said ignoring the fact that Suzie was completely fuming.

"Well, make it short. Dad is cooking for you, me and Kwest tonight. He said dinner should be ready by eight."

Tommy looked at his watch and it was already six thirty. "I'll be there." He said with a nod. "Suzie, keep practicing and I expect you to know all the lyrics tomorrow." He said and continued on to his office. If he slept an hour he could still get to Stuart's in time.

The weekend seemed to drag on for Jude. It was the same thing everyday; get ready, session, lunch, group, nap, dinner, session, and bed. She felt like she was repeating herself over and over again. Lessa had her bringing up stories from her childhood she'd forgotten all about. It made her heart sad and happy at the same time talking about her mom. Her sessions weren't really like therapy; they were more like talking with a friend. Lessa tried to make everything really casual for her.

"How are you feeling tonight?" Lessa asked coming in on Sunday night.

"I just feel overwhelmed. The whole weekend is finally getting to me; I guess." She said with a shrug.

"It will get better. I want to talk about something different tonight." She said sitting by her bed.

"Okay." Jude wasn't sure what could be different.

"I want to talk about Tommy. You mentioned the other day he was everything to you, but you also mentioned when you left for London you left without him."

"We got back together after I moved home. I had thought he'd moved on while I was gone, but it turned out that we both still had feeling for each other."

"Well, tell me about your relationship with him over the years."

"Like I said he was my producer after I won Instant Star. He took his job really serious, but I only saw him for his boy band past. But when I got to know him, he was nothing like I thought. I fell for him after one day at the pier. He was helping me get ready for my first big performance. He only saw me as a kid. I was only fifteen, but we became fast friends."

"What was that like? Just being friends with someone you wanted more from?"

Jude shrugged. "It was okay because I fought hard against it. I tried to push it aside as a childish crush."

"And did that work out for you?"

"I wish." Jude said with a laugh. "I started dating someone else. Looking back on it, I did it just to prove I was over Tommy. Shay ended up being a huge mistake. He broke up with me and embarrassed me in front of everyone at my sweet sixteen. That was the first night Tommy acted on his feelings for me."

"What happened?"

"He kissed me. It was sudden, but it meant so much to me." Jude couldn't help but cry thinking about that night when her heart soared and broke in a matter of minutes. "But he took it back. He said if we wanted to continue working together, we had to act like the kiss never happened."

"You must have been heart broken."

"I was completely heart broken. Life really seemed to spiral out of control after that, too. I found out my dad was cheating on my mom. I was really lost for a while, but I still had my music. I still had Tommy; just not the way I wanted him. Our friendship seemed to really grow afterwards. He was my constant."

"I bet that was nice; considering."

"Yeah, it was until I found out he was dating my sister." Jude said in a snort.

"Your sister?" Lessa couldn't help but laugh.

"Yep, Sadie had been completely in love with him since she was younger. His posters were all over her wall." She laughed thinking back on it now.

"Sounds like she was in love with an image."

"That's actually true and she realizes that now, but my sister was all about image back then. It's really strange to think back on. By the time they were done and over I was seventeen and we went right back to skipping around our feelings." Jude said with a sad smile.

"Why don't we pick this back up tomorrow? You should get some rest."

Jude nodded pulling the covers up over her. She wasn't really that sleepy, but felt the pressure building in her chest. She really missed Tommy. Closing her eyes, she let the tears flow. She wished he was there to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay.

Tommy felt like he was going to pull his hair out by the end of the weekend. He'd taken aspirin, but his headache never went away. Sunday was always the busiest day getting ready for the show on Monday. The worst part of the day was dodging Suzie every time he walked through the lobby. She was relentless. It was always something she could ask him during their scheduled studio time. Then when he was working with her, she still didn't know her song that well.

"Okay, time to wrap up." Tommy said shutting his laptop. It was eleven o'clock and after four hours, he couldn't handle it anymore.

"But…"

"It's eleven at night. If we need to work on anything else we will have time before the show tomorrow. You need to go get some sleep. Sadie has a full schedule for all of you in the morning."

"I can go on little sleep." She said batting her eyes.

"Well, I can't." He said walking out without turning back.

Getting in his car, he had no clue where to go. He really didn't want to go home. All he did was mope around thinking about Jude. The last two nights he hadn't even gone home. Friday night he'd stayed at Stuart's and Saturday night he stayed at Kwest's. Now he was driving around aimlessly. He decided to give everyone time to clear out of G Major then he'd just go back and sleep on the couch in his office.

Walking into his office he didn't even turn the light on. He just plopped down on the couch. When his head didn't hit the usual pillow, he completely froze.

"I knew you'd come back." A sultry voice said.

Jude tossed and turned in her bed. She was in a deep and restless sleep. Every few minutes one dream would shift into another. Some dreams were about her mom and others were about Tommy. The ones about Tommy always ended the same way; he'd move on while she was away. She woke up in a cold sweat after hearing his voice clearly saying 'we're over.'

**Over the next few weeks I am sure how many updates there will be. Christmas time is usually pretty busy for me. I'll still be writing, but I might not post very regular. Hope everyone has a wonderful Holiday season. You can follow me on Titter karalynn79. I'm always posting my progress and spoilers on there and also on my profile I posted a link to my website. I will be blogging spoilers and information about the chapters and my future ideas there. Please remember to review. I love reading what everyone thinks. **


	38. Chapter 37

**Sorry for the wait. I own nothing.**

Chapter 37

Tommy ran to the light switch faster than he could blink. "What the fuck are you doing here?" He yelled throwing his arms in the air.

"Waiting on you. Why do you keep fighting the attraction between us?"

"Suzie, there is nothing between us. I have a girlfriend that I love very much." Tommy couldn't believe it had come to this.

"I see the way you watch me when I'm in the recording booth. And where is this girlfriend? I never see her around. You stay here all hours of the night." She said standing up and walking over to him.

"That is really none of your business. Jude…"

"You mean Jude Harrison? I heard that washed up has been is in rehab." She placed her hand on his arm. "I'm right here." She smiled batting her eyes.

"Never talk about Jude that way again. If it wasn't for her you wouldn't have this little competition to compete in. And if you want to stay in this competition I suggest you get the hell out of here now." He was beyond furious when he slammed the door behind her.

Jude couldn't go back to sleep. All she could do was worry about what was going on back home. Was the love that she shared with Tommy strong enough? It had been less than a week; how was she going to make it a whole month? She knew she needed to stand on her own, but she feared what it would do to their relationship.

"Hey, are you okay?" Amie said sitting up in her bed.

"Bad dream." Jude shrugged.

"I get those some nights. You want to talk about it?" She offered.

Jude just shook her head. "How long have you and your husband been together?"

"Married for two years; dated for two before that. So all in all we've been together for four years. We met and I knew he was it for me. What about you and your boyfriend?"

"This time just a few months. Really every time we've been together it's always been short lived, but then we find a back to each other."

"And you're worried that you two won't make it." Amie said.

Jude shrugged. "We've never been very stable. I guess in the back of my mind I'm scared that we still haven't reached that stable place. Do you miss your husband?"

"Completely, but I call him everyday; plus my visitation restriction is almost over."

"I told Tommy I wanted to take the whole month apart, and I'm wondering if that was the wrong choice."

"Well, if you change your mind that is okay. You have time to decide."

"You're right. I think maybe I can go back to sleep now." Jude said pulling the covers back over her.

Show day was always crazy, and Sadie wished she didn't have deal with all the contestants. She'd gotten a call after midnight that Suzie hadn't come in. Darius had strict rules about curfew, so it was Sadie's job to find out why Suzie had violated the rules.

"Tom, have you seen Suzie?" She asked peeking into his office. She couldn't help but smile when she found him sprawled out on his couch sound asleep. She knew he hated going home with out Jude around. She also noticed a women's jacket on the back of his chair. She didn't put much thought into it since there were female employees in and out of Tommy's office everyday.

She looked all over G Major and found Suzie no where. When she was on her way back to her office, she ran into Suzie going toward Tommy's office. "I don't think so." She said blocking her way.

"Excuse me." Suzie said in a snide tone. "I need to get to Tom's office."

"He's not there." Sadie lied. "You have bigger problems anyway. I received a call that you didn't show up before curfew last night."

"I was still working on my performance for tonight; just ask Tom." She said with a smug smile.

Sadie chose to ignore that last part. "You should go find Karma; she'll be working with you most of the day."

Suzie huffed but did what she was told. She felt confident she'd get more time to work on Tommy. There was no way Darius would send her home just for missing curfew. She was bringing in too many votes.

Sadie shook her head watching Suzie storm away. She needed to go talk to Tommy before this got any farther.

Tommy felt eyes on him when he woke up. He hoped it wasn't Suzie again. He'd tried to make it very clear to her that there would be nothing between them. All he really wanted was Jude to be there, but that wasn't possible.

"I know you're awake." Sadie said twirling a pencil in her hand.

"What do you want, Sadie?" He said finally opening his eyes.

"Suzie missed curfew last night, and she said she was here working on her performance with you. Care to tell me what that is all about?"

"I started home last night, but I couldn't stand the idea of going home without Jude. I decided to come back here and sleep. When I got here, she was in my office. I kicked her out and went to sleep."

"Darius is not going to like this. I better go get this over with." Sadie said standing up.

"What do you think he will do?"

Sadie shrugged. "Who knows, if she doesn't know her song it won't matter anyway." She winked and left to find Darius.

Tommy looked at his watch and realized he had enough time to run home and shower before he had to meet with anyone. He wanted to put the events from the previous night behind him. Part of him hoped Suzie would get sent home and he wouldn't have to worry with her relentless flirting anymore.

Jude wasn't an early riser by any means, but when she didn't wake up until it was time for her session, she was a bit disoriented. She liked to have a shower and breakfast before having to think about all the sad stuff. It was throwing her completely off her schedule, so when Lessa started asking questions she completely clamed up.

"Jude, I know it's hard to talk about these things over and over, but I'm trying to get a good idea of who you are." Lessa said putting her clip board aside.

"I didn't have a good night. I had crazy dreams and sat up half the night not wanting to be a sleep. I didn't mean to sleep straight through breakfast."

"Okay, so let's change gears again. Tell me about your dreams. If you didn't want to go back to sleep, you must remember them."

Jude never thought talking about her dreams would really do much help, but talking with Lessa made her understand her dreams more. It made her look at everything in a different way.

"So, why don't we stop there, so you can get your shower and some breakfast? We will pick last night's session back up this evening."

"Okay."

Jude's day seemed to go better after getting over her dreams. She even opened up more in group. She knew she was going to have to talk more to understand why she started all the drinking and drugs in the first place. She didn't want to relapse as soon as she was back at home. She wanted to get her old life back.

Tommy was surprised at how smooth the rest of his day went. He didn't have to deal with Suzie once. Darius didn't send her home for the curfew violation, but he was keeping a sharp eye on her. He told Tommy if Suzie made it through the elimination, she would go back to Kwest. But even Darius was hoping she wouldn't make it at this point.

The most interesting part of the day was when Suzie missed most of her lyrics during her performance in the live show. Tommy couldn't feel sorry for her. She should have learned song better. He made sure she wasn't able to find him after the show. It was the last thing he really wanted to deal with.

Suzie was livid at the end of the show. This competition was going to be her way of making a name for herself. Her fate was in the voters hands and she needed a plan incase things didn't go her way. She wasn't going to give up without a fight. One way or another she was going to be famous. And she didn't care who got hurt in her path to fame.

Sadie turned her phone off after getting so many calls about Suzie. Executives of the show were concerned with why she bombed her song so badly. She didn't have an answer for them, and she didn't want to deal with it anymore. She placed her phone on the counter, and went to curl up with Kwest on the couch.

"More executives?" He asked wrapping an arm around her.

"Yeah. How am I supposed to know why she bombed her song? Darius should have cut her this morning after her missing curfew. She may have a good voice but she's more trouble than she's worth." She sighed placing her head on his shoulder.

"Well, we don't have to worry about it anymore tonight. Is there something else bothering you?" He knew her too well.

"She snuck in Tom's office last night. He says nothing happened and he kicked her out, but…"

"Sadie, T loves Jude with everything he has. He's not going to ruin what they have together while she is getting better. He's not the old Tom Quincy anymore."

"I know I just worry, and I miss my sister like crazy right now."

"I know, baby. Why don't we try to get some sleep? I have a feeling the next few days are going to be very interesting." He had a gut feeling that everything wasn't going to go as smooth as they hoped.

The next day at G Major was insane. There were rumors flying around about who was going to be sent home. Darius tried to tell everybody that no one knew the results except the voting company. He was stressed because the executives were pulling for Suzie because she was the most marketable of the whole group. They wanted to know if someone at G Major caused her to have a bad night. Most of the time he would put it off on Sadie, but he knew she was still having a hard time with everything in her family life. He was really glad this was their last Instant Star. He was tired of the politics that went in to it.

"Darius, have you seen Tommy?" Sadie asked coming into his office.

"Not since last night. Is something wrong?"

"I can't get him to answer his cell, and his office is locked. I just wanted to make sure he was okay."

"T's a big boy; he can take care of himself. We need to deal with last night's show."

"I know I turned my phone off last night. It was her fault. She was spending too much time hitting on Tommy and not learning her song."

"Well, if she makes it past tonight; we might have to deal with her breaking curfew."

Sadie nodded. She knew what that meant. "I will have all the paper work drawn up just incase." She stood up. "If you hear from him, will you tell him to call me?"

"I will."

Jude was starting to feel more comfortable talking with everyone. She even let Amie convince her to go to some of the activities around the facility. Crafts weren't her thing, but at least she wasn't sitting in her room by herself.

"You're Jude Harrison right?" A girl about eighteen asked. Jude nodded. "My name is Becca. I'm a huge fan."

"Thanks." It was the first time in the few days she'd been there someone acknowledged that they knew who she was. It had been nice because she was worried about what people would say.

"I still listen to your last CD all the time. Some days it is what gets me through. Do you think you'll ever record again?"

"I don't know. I haven't written a song in years." She said not making eye contact with the girl.

"Oh, well, sorry to bother you."She said and started to walk away.

"Becca, I'm sorry." Jude felt really bad. "Would you like to join me? I took too many beads." She said offering her a smile.

"Sure." She smiled back.

They sat quietly for a few minutes before Jude looked up. "You say my last CD; I hope you mean the remix." Jude said with a laugh.

Becca nodded. "I have both, though. It reminds me that even the people we look up to make mistakes; that we are all only human." She said with a shrug. "You know there is a music room on the third floor. If you ever get inspired." Becca looked at her watch. "Shoot, I have to go. It was really nice meeting you."

"You, too." Jude smiled. It made her feel really good to know she at least had one fan out there that didn't think she was washed up.

Suzie had no idea why she was called to the main office at the auditorium. She'd been so happy when she wasn't even in the bottom three. This competition was hers and she could feel it. Now all she had to do was get Tommy to forget about his washed up addict girlfriend. Her fame would be set. Winning the final Instant Star and getting the gorgeous Little Tommy Q would put her front and center.

"You wanted to see me?" She asked walking into the room where Darius, Sadie, and some man she didn't know.

"Please, have a seat." Darius said.

She sat with a confused look on her face. "Is something wrong?" She asked in an innocent voice.

"Suzie, this is Byron Billings; he's the head of our legal department at G Major. We have a little problem, and he needs to go over some things with you." Sadie said handing Byron a file.

"Ms. Collins, do you remember signing this contract before the show started stating the rules to compete?" He asked placing the contract in front of her.

"Yes, sir." She said batting her eye lashes. She still wasn't sure what this was about, but she knew putting on the charm couldn't hurt.

"It states here that every contestant is bound to these rules and regulations to stay in the competition. Were you aware of this before you signed?"

"Yes, sir."

Sadie took the file back. "All contestants are to participate together in group activities. This includes all public appearances; even group dinners. All contestants are to be back at the house by eleven o'clock every night. No exceptions will be made." Sadie read from the rules section of the contract.

"It has come to my attention that you have been missing group dinners and missed curfew the night before the live show." Darius says taking over. "You were lucky tonight that the voters didn't send you home, but we've discussed this and it would not be fair to the other contestants to let you continue in this competition. Everyone signed the same contract. Sadie will drive you back to the house so you can pack your bags."

"You can't do this." She argued.

"I'm afraid, Ms. Collins, they can. You signed the contract and are legally bound to it." Mr. Billings said.

Sadie was relieved when she was able to get away from Suzie. The girl bitched and cried the whole way to the house. She tried to tone her out, but she wouldn't shut up. Sadie really had bigger things to worry about. Tommy was still MIA. "Has he called? I went by their houses and he wasn't at either. " She said walking into the living room.

Kwest turned off the TV. "Nope, and he's still not answering. How did it go with Suzie?"

"She's gone. She was pissed, but we made sure everything was legal. She can't sue us." She said kicking her shoes off. "I just want to sink into a hot bath and then curl up in bed. I can't think of anywhere else to go to look for Tommy. You don't think he is off getting drunk; do you?"

"After what Jude is going through? No. He's probably just laying low. He misses her and he might just need some time to himself."

"I know." She said kissing him before heading to the bathroom.

Suzie sat in the hotel room that G Major put her in for the night. She was beyond pissed off. Being kicked off the show was not going to work for her. How could they? Unfortunately they went the legal route so she couldn't sue them. But she was going to make sure someone paid for this. She grabbed her cell phone and called information. "The Toronto Herald, please." She said into the phone with a smile. Oh someone was definitely going to pay.

**Since it has taken me so long to get this chapter done, I am going to give you the beginning of the next chapter now.**

Chapter 38

Tommy sat in the complete dark. He had no idea how long he'd been there, but he didn't care. He'd turned his phone off so no one could reach him. He needed time by himself to wallow, and went somewhere no one could find him. Jude was all he could think about. He liked to imagine she was sitting there in the dark with him. He could almost smell her shampoo. The month was not going fast enough for him and he thought about staying right where he was until she was released.

Sadie woke up to an empty bed. Kwest always had to be in early the day after the elimination show. She hoped this week wouldn't be too stressful. Darius had decided to make it a fun week. None of the remaining contestants were in jeopardy of going home the next week. They were going to have two weeks before elimination. The contestants wouldn't know that until the following Tuesday. But the theme was fun songs and Sadie just knew the atmosphere would be better with out Suzie.

She poured a cup of coffee and sat down to read the paper. Looking at the front page, her mouth fell open. She couldn't believe what she was reading. It was completely insane.  
_"I was kicked off of Instant Star because of my secret relationship with Tom Quincy" _Sadie threw the magazine on the counter. Now she really needed to find Tommy. It was going to take a lot of work to clean this up. She just hoped the news wouldn't get to Jude.

**There you go. Suzie is off the show, but still causing problems. Tommy has disappeared into the darkness. And Jude is starting to feel better about herself. Will she get her happily ever after or will something derail her all together? Stick around and find out. I will try hard to update before Christmas. It really just depends on how inspired I get. This time of year is rather hard on me. It was always my favorite growing up because my mom made it so fun. But I will try. Please keep the reviews coming. **


	39. Chapter 38

**Hope you enjoy!!**

Chapter 38

Tommy sat in the complete dark. He had no idea how long he'd been there, but he didn't care. He'd turned his phone off so no one could reach him. He needed time by himself to wallow, and went somewhere no one could find him. Jude was all he could think about. He liked to imagine she was sitting there in the dark with him. He could almost smell her shampoo. The month was not going fast enough for him and he thought about staying right where he was until she was released.

Sadie woke up to an empty bed. Kwest always had to be in early the day after the elimination show. She hoped this week wouldn't be too stressful. Darius had decided to make it a fun week. None of the remaining contestants were in jeopardy of going home the next week. They were going to have two weeks before elimination. The contestants wouldn't know that until the following Tuesday. But the theme was fun songs and Sadie just knew the atmosphere would be better with out Suzie.

She poured a cup of coffee and sat down to read the paper. Looking at the front page, her mouth fell open. She couldn't believe what she was reading. It was completely insane.  
_"I was kicked off of Instant Star because of my secret relationship with Tom Quincy" _

Sadie threw the magazine on the counter. Now she really needed to find Tommy. It was going to take a lot of work to clean this up. She just hoped the news wouldn't get to Jude. The last thing Jude needed was to hear rumors that Tommy was cheating on her.

"Sadie, my office, NOW!!!" Darius yelled as soon as she walked into G Major. "What's this all about?" He asked. There were several different tabloids spread out across his desk.

"The girl is obviously crazy." Sadie answered with a shrug.

"Are you sure there is no truth in it?"

"D, you know Tom wouldn't do this to Jude. I just have to find him and clear this mess up."

"I want it cleared up by the end of the day. This is the last thing your sister needs."

"I couldn't agree more."

The sun was shining through the window, and Tommy closed the blinds to keep the light out. He didn't want to think about the world outside. He just wanted to sit alone in the dark. This way he wouldn't have crazy girls hitting on him. He couldn't figure out how he led Suzie on. Most of the time he ignored her. He hoped she was gone when he went back.

Since Jude's talk with Becca all she could think about was writing again. She'd been trying a bit here and there, but now she wanted to really focus on it. She asked Amie about the music room and she showed her where it was. Jude sat at the piano and started tinkering with a melody that had been in her head. It reminded her of lyrics she'd written right after she'd moved to Rome. With in twenty minutes she'd finished the song with no problems.

"So, Jude, how are you feeling?" Lessa asked coming in for her nightly session.

"Really good. I finished a song today."

"That's great. What's it about?"

"Well, the lyrics I started years ago right after my mom go sick, but I'd never finished it. I went to the music room after lunch today and sat at the piano. It took me about twenty minutes to finish it."

"How do you feel about that?"

"Great! Now I hope I can start something new."

"Well, just keep working at it."

The story seemed to grow not having Tommy around to deny the allegations. Sadie really didn't know what to do. She still couldn't get an answer on his cell phone and it had been days. Darius had reassigned the contestants again because of Tommy's absence. Kwest was starting to get a bit worried. Tommy didn't even disappear without telling anyone where he was going when Jude left for London.

Kwest threw another tabloid down in front of Sadie during their lunch break. "This is getting out of control" He said with a sigh.

The headline read, "Tommy Q runs off with secret lover." The article basically speculated that since Tommy wasn't around to confirm or deny the story, and Suzie had also disappeared that they had run off together. When the truth was G Major sent Suzie home to Winnipeg.

"That girl is crazy. I can't believe she started all of this. Kwest, what are we going to do? What if this gets to Jude?" Sadie said frustrated.

"We need to find Tom so he can put an end to this stupid insanity. And I don't think it will get to Jude. I think the facility is pretty good about keeping the outside world from the patients. I have to get back to work. I'll make some calls tonight and maybe we can get a lead on where we can find him." He said standing up.

"Okay." She nodded before he kissed her lightly.

Jude was spending hours in the music room. Music seemed to just flow from her fingers when she was on the piano. She wished she had her guitar, but it was something she didn't think she'd need while there. The piano worked its purpose just fine. Lyrics were coming to her faster than she could write. It felt good to finally be writing again. She was able to really put her emotions and feelings into what she was writing.

Her sessions with Lessa didn't seem depressing anymore. They talked more about happier times with her mom and family. At night she still felt the pressure in her chest. Some nights she'd still wake up in a cold sweat from a nightmare. Every time she'd listen to the song Tommy gave her. She couldn't wait to be back in his warm comforting arms.

He walked around like a zombie. At night he stared at the ceiling never falling asleep. Restless sleep would take over his body around sunrise every morning. He'd lost count of the days he'd been there but he had no motivation to leave. Home was the last place he wanted to be. He knew Darius was probably pissed at him for disappearing, but he couldn't handle the stress of the studio right now. Jude was really the only thing he wanted to think about. He wondered how things would be when she got home.

Sadie was sitting at her desk going over things for the live show when her intercom buzzed.

"Miss Harrison, you have a call on line five."

"Thank you, Colleen." She said before picking up the phone. "This is Sadie Harrison."

"Yes, Miss Harrison, this is Stephen Coffman. I was the grounds keeper for your parent's out at the farm."

"Oh. Hey Steve, I remember you. Is something wrong?"

"Well, I know that no one from your family has been out to the farm in many years, but I have been noticing lights on, and I just thought you might want to check it out. I know that place has been in your family for years."

Sadie thought that was strange. "Okay, thanks. I will call my dad and make sure nothing is going on."

After hanging up the phone, Sadie grabbed her cell phone to call her dad. "Hey, Sweetie, what's up?" Stuart answered. She told him all about the call. "I sold the farm years ago. Maybe who I sold it to has sold it to someone."

"Why didn't I know you sold the farm?" Sadie asked confused.

"Well, I didn't really do it publicly. I had just gotten home from my trip after Jude left for London, and someone came to me with an offer I couldn't refuse." He told her.

Sadie felt like he was leaving something out especially since nothing from the house had even been moved out. "Dad, who bought the farm?"

Kwest was about to pull out his hair. The contestant he was working with was still having problems with his song. Since it was the day before the show, he'd dedicated the whole day to helping him. It didn't seem to be working.

"I know where Tom is." Sadie said storming in.

"Derreck, take a fifteen minute break and we'll pick back up then." Kwest said through the intercom.

"Okay."

"So where is Tommy?" He asked looking at his girlfriend.

"My family's old farm house. Apparently he bought it off my dad back after Jude left for London."

"Why would he do that?"

"I don't know. I got a call from the old grounds keeper and he said he'd noticed some lights on in the house. So, I called my dad and he said Tommy made him an offer he couldn't refuse. Dad never told anyone and neither did Tommy. Obviously he doesn't want to be found so he went somewhere that nobody would know about."

"So, what now?" Kwest asked.

"I'm going to drive out and talk to him. He probably has no idea of what is going on here."

"Do you want me to go with you?" Kwest really wanted a reason to quit working with Derrick.

"I think you better stay here. Someone needs your help more than me." She said with a knowing smile.

"Be careful and call me when you get there." He said wrapping his arms around her waist.

"I will." She said before giving him a small peck. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

He was making a cup of tea when he heard a car pull up. "Shit!" He said under his breath when he looked out the window and saw Sadie's car. He'd really hoped no one would figure out where he was. "Sadie, how did you find me?" He asked opening the door for her.

Sadie was shocked when she saw him. His beard was grown out again. He looked worse than he did when he came home from New Brunswick that one time. "Hello to you too. The old grounds keeper saw the lights on and thought someone might have broke in. I didn't know you had bought the place off my dad." She said walking in and looking around. Nothing was different. It was exactly the same as when she was growing up.

"I used to come out here right after Jude left for London. It was somewhere that I had memories of her but they weren't like the ones from back home. She and I came out here a week before her eighteenth birthday. We were actually at the church a mile from here when I decided to quit fighting my feeling for her. We really believed we were going to make it. So, when she left I wanted this place to remember that time. After Katie and I got together, I was going to sell it, but part of me couldn't let go." Tommy explained as they sat in the living room.

"And now why did you come out here?" Sadie asked.

"I needed away from the city. I know Jude has only been gone a week, but I just couldn't handle it all. I needed to get out before that damn girl had any more chances to throw herself at me. Not that I would have done anything, but if the wrong person saw what she was doing it would have been worse." He said running his hands through his hair.

Sadie sighed shaking her head. "I hate to say this, but it got worse anyway." She took the tabloids out of her pocket and handed him to him.

Tommy could only read them in shock. "Oh shit. Please, tell me this hasn't gotten to Jude."

"I don't think it has. Kwest believes the facility keeps the real world outside. But you really need to come back to the city and straighten this up. Even with our statements on why she was really released, the media haven't let up. She'd back home in Winnipeg, because you both have disappeared, they are speculating that you two have run off together."

"Can you set something up for in the morning? I know the live show is tomorrow, but I want to end this. Jude starts getting visitors at the end of the week. I don't want this getting to her until I can explain it to her." Tommy said pacing the living room.

"No problem. I will set up everything." She said nodding.

"Thank you. I just have a few things to do here and I'll be back home tonight. Just call me with the details." He said mentally gong over what he was going to say to the press.

"You need me to do anything else?"

"That's all. I'm so sorry I left now. You shouldn't have had to deal with this all week." He hated making Sadie work harder with everything that had happened.

"It's fine. Let's just get this cleared up." Sadie said giving him a hug.

After Sadie was gone, Tommy rushed around the house getting his things together. He knew he had to pull himself together because this was something that could really tear him and Jude apart, and he refused to let that happen.

**There you have it guys!!! Sorry for the long delay! Christmas was way too busy. But I wanted to get this out there before the end of the year. So glad 2009 is coming to an end. I hope everyone has a blessed 2010. I really can't wait for the New Year. **

**Remember you can follow my twitter karalynn79. I post there every day about what I am working on. I hope to start one of my new ideas soon. Also I started a website. ****.com****. All the link to my stories are there and I plan to start posting my original work there. My blog is a mixture of personal and about my writing. Just another way to reach out to my readers. **

**Please review and let me know what you think. You thoughts will keep me motivated as we moving into next year. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!**


	40. Chapter 39

**Enjoy. I own nothing.**

Chapter 39

Jude sat outside enjoying the fresh air. After meeting in her room for several days, Lessa thought they should take the session out side. It was Monday and Lessa promised to let her watch Instant Star during their evening session. After a week of writing, Jude was excited to watch the show she got her start with.

"You look well rested and happy this morning." Leesa said approaching her.

"I'm getting better at getting around with this cast. Plus the fresh air really does wonders." She said with a laugh.

"Being outside always clears the mind. Today, I want to talk about your music career. I think since you are writing again, it would be a good time to get into this."

"Okay." Jude said with a nod.

"So, you were fifteen when you won Instant Star."

"Yep. I was at the beginning of my sophomore year of high school. I was never popular at school, but it seemed like it only got worse. I didn't really care because I was making music. Going to G Major everyday after school was what kept me going. Music was really my life."

"What did your friends think?"

"They were very supportive at first. But I was so busy to really notice when they stopped being so supportive."

"How did you feel about that?"

"I had to let go. Music and my career was everything to me." She answered with a shrug.

"What was it like when you released your first album?"

"Like I was on top of the world." Jude couldn't help but smile.

The whole session was like this. They talked about different levels of her career. Being outside really helped Jude keep a clear mind. Any time she felt anxious about the questions, she'd take a deep breath and feel better.

Tommy paced his office for twenty minutes before the small press conference Sadie had called for him. He was a nervous wreck. He knew his reputation wasn't going to help in clearing this up. Everyone would just think he was being his old self again. Plus he didn't want to put any attention on Jude's situation.

"Ready?" Sadie asked peeking in.

"I guess I have to be." He said with a deep sigh.

"Look Tommy, there is no way Jude would ever believe this anyway."

"Why? What have I ever done to prove I've changed? Jude has no reason to believe that I didn't do what they are saying I did." He said running his hands through his hair.

"Tommy, she knows you love her and that you would never cheat on her. She has faith in you. Now you have to go out there and tell the press that nothing happened between you and Suzie." Sadie said as calming as she could.

Tommy took a deep breath and let it out. "Let's get this over with."

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us this morning. First I would like to say G Major is very proud of the final season contestants of Instant Star. This competition has boosted several successful artists into the spot light and we believe this year will not disappoint. For the last week the focus has been taken away from the remaining contestants. We are here this morning to put the focus back where it belongs. Tom Quincy is going to make a statement regarding the rumors about him and the former contestant Suzie Collins. There will be no question and answer session. We have a live show to get ready for." Darius stood in front of the reporters in the lobby.

Tommy took another breath before standing up at the podium. He'd been going over what he was going to say in his head, but standing in front of everyone he couldn't remember anything. He felt Sadie nudge him and he thought about Jude. "I was never in a relationship with Miss Collins. I worked with her a total of three days before she was sent home for violating her Instant Star contract."

"Mr. Quincy, where have you been for the last week?" A reporter asked.

Even though Darius said there would be no Q & A, Tommy decided to answer that one anyway. "I apologize for being out of town for the last week. After last weeks live show I decided to take some personal time off. I didn't know Suzie had made these allegations until I returned to town last night. Thank you all for coming this morning. Like Mr. Mills said earlier we have a live show to do today, so I will not answer any more questions. If you need anything else Ms. Harrison will take care of you." He nodded before heading back to his office. All he could do now was hope the press believed him.

Jude sat in Leesa's office with her hands in her lap. She was a bit nervous to watch the live show. It was her first glimpse into the real world since starting the program. Not sure how the session was going to go, Jude tried to think about the music and nothing else.

"This morning we talked about your career. Since you have been writing this past week, have you thought about recording again?" Lessa asked sitting at her desk.

"I haven't really thought about it. I have just been writing to get the thoughts and emotions out of my head." Jude answered with a shrug.

"Well, that is one reason why I wanted us to watch the show tonight. You have mentioned more than once that you just want life to go back to the way it used to be. I want you to watch the crowd reactions tonight. Think about how the crowd used to drive your performances."

"Just because I am writing, doesn't mean I'm ready to put myself out there like that again." Jude could feel the pressure building in her chest.

"Its okay, Jude, take a couple deep breaths." Leesa said placing a cup of water in front of her. "You don't have to do anything. We are just going to watch the show. Okay?"

Jude nodded taking the deep breaths before drinking the water. She could feel her heart rate decreasing. She knew the questioning was rational. Of course if she was writing again, she'd want to get her music back out to her fans. It just seemed like a lot to think about all at once.

Sadie made sure to go over everything with the host of the show to not say anything about the last week's drama. They wanted the show to focus on the music, but they also wanted to keep it out of the show incase Jude was allowed to watch. She piddled with her head set the whole opening monologue.

"It's going to be okay." Kwest said coming up behind her.

"What if she's watching and the local news has something about it? Babe, this could hurt her recovery; if she's recovering at all."

"Sadie, I have faith that she is recovering. And Darius took care of the news situation."

"He is always a step ahead of us lately." Sadie said shaking her head.

"He's definitely not the same Darius we used to work for." Kwest said with a laugh.

"That's for sure."

Tommy watched the show from his office. He'd met with Darius and told him he didn't think working on Instant Star was best for him. The contest made him miss Jude more. Surprisingly, Darius agreed. He wanted Tommy to focus on the artists that were already signed to G Major. Tommy just wanted to get through the three weeks before Jude came home.

Jude woke up with tears streaming down her face. It was hard to breathe. She'd woken from a dream about taking the stage again. The crowd all booed her and everyone turned their backs on her. She couldn't even get Tommy to support her. She pulled her knees up under her chin and rocked herself. She put her ear buds in and listened to Tommy voice. After a few minutes she was able to fall back to sleep.

She spent hours in the music room trying to forget her dreams. She was throwing everything she had into her writing. Any emotion or thought she had went into the song. But nothing made her forget the reactions people had in her dreams. What if people really had that reaction to her if she decided to put her music back out there? That sent her into a complete panic state.

"You seem really on edge." Lessa observed in their nightly session.

"I've been having dreams again. After watching the show Monday night, I started worrying how my fans would react to me coming back. It has been so long and so much has happened. What if they don't love my music anymore?" Jude could barely catch her breath.

"Try not to focus on that. You have your first family visit tomorrow. Your dad and sister have confirmed their visit for 2 pm. Have you thought about sharing it with them?"

Jude shook her head. "Not sure I'm ready for that either."

"That's fine. If you feel the need to keep this to yourself then it's okay."

Jude nodded feeling her breathing return to normal. "I am looking forward to seeing my dad and Sadie tomorrow though. I have missed them so much. I know my sister is having a hard time to getting over loosing our mom. But some how she seems to hold it together and I seem to completely fall apart." She said with a deep sigh.

"Maybe she hides it well. I'm sure she feels what you feel. We all handle our grief in different ways. Tomorrow is a big day; why don't you get some rest?"

"That sounds like a really good idea." She said in a yawn.

Tommy sat in his office with only the desk lamp on. He knew Sadie and Stuart were going to see Jude the next day. He wished he was going, too. He'd give anything to just see her for a minute. To hold her in his arms and tell her how much he loves her. But that wouldn't be happening. He could always go against her wishes, but he really didn't want to disrupt her recovery.

He pulled out a sheet of paper and started writing. She never said he couldn't write her while she was there. He sat there for hours writing about his faith in her and how he knew she was getting better. He told her all the plans he wanted for their future. He opened up about how he disappeared to the farm house just to think of her. He left out the drama because he knew that was something he needed to tell her in person.

Sadie was sorting through all the magazines to find something to take to Jude. Every single one of them mentioned something about Tommy. She huffed and threw them all away. It was noon and she was waiting on her dad to pick her up to go she Jude.

"Whoa there, babe." Kwest said with a chuckle walking into her office.

"I told Jude I'd bring her all my gossip magazines so she'd have something to read, but Tommy's name have been in them all." Sadie said giving a frustrated shrug.

He handed her a very thick envelope. "Then give her something else to read."

"What's this?" She asked confused.

"It's from Tommy. He said he wrote it last night."

"He didn't…"

"No, he said he'd tell her in person when she got home. Hopefully she won't hear about it before then. The story seems to have lost flight since he denied everything. You seem nervous."

"What if she's not getting better?"

"Sadie, of course she is getting better. She wanted to get better, and as long as I've known her if she ever wanted something she usually got it. She got T; didn't she?" He laughed.

"How long did she want him?"

"Let's just say a long time. I have to get to work. Tell her I said hello and I hope to see her soon."

"Thank you, Kwest. You always know how to calm me."

"It's what I am here for." He said with a smirk before kissing her forehead.

When Stuart picked Sadie up, she stopped by Tommy's office to let him know they were leaving. "Hey, dad is waiting on my in the lobby. Is there anything you want me to tell her?"

"Everything is in the letter." He said looking up from his laptop.

Sadie nodded. "I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah. Kwest insisted I be at dinner tonight." He laughed.

When Sadie was gone, Tommy felt the urge to run after them and go against Jude's wishes, but he stayed in his seat. He knew it was for the best. Jude would come back to him better and stronger. He needed to give her this time to stand on her own feet.

**How will Jude's first visit go? Can Tommy and Jude really last the whole month? Is the Suzie situation really over? Stay tuned.**

**So glad it didn't take me over two weeks to get this chapter written. I hate filler chapters, but they are important to keep the flow of the story. If you want to read the letter Tommy wrote Jude, let me know and I will post it as an out take. Please review. I love reading your thoughts. The more reviews the faster I will get the next chapter out to you. **


	41. Chapter 40

**Enjoy!! I own nothing.**

Chapter 40

Jamie sat at his desk swamped with work. Ever since the story broke about Tommy and the Instant Star contestant, he'd been holding his tongue. It didn't surprise him when Tommy denied everything, but he knew that Tommy hadn't changed. He couldn't believe how everyone else just took his work for it. What did that girl have to gain? She'd already been eliminated before the story. He hoped someone would tell Jude so she knew before coming home and getting her heart broken all over again.

"You got a minute?" Zepp asked peeking in the door.

"What's up?"

"Spied just called and said he and they guys were going up to see Jude tomorrow. He wanted to know if you wanted to go with them." She sat down across from him.

"Don't think so." He said going back to his paper work.

"Why? She needs her friends more than ever right now. Don't you want to see her?" Zepp asked giving him a pointed look.

"I refuse to go up there and pretend nothing is going on here. She doesn't deserve that." Jamie argued.

"Nothing is going on. Jamie, Tommy denied everything. I talked to Sadie and she explained where he was all that time. You will find every excuse to not believe him. Why?"

"Because I don't want to see Jude hurt."

"Well, don't you think you've hurt her quite a bit? You were supposed to be her best friend, but you've completely alienated her since she moved home from Rome. I'll tell Spied that you're not going, but I think I will go with them. Jude's my friend and I want to see how she is doing." She said getting up and going towards the door. "When she asks where you are; I'll tell her you had too much work. Wouldn't want her knowing the truth." And with that she left his office.

Jamie was angry with everyone for being so blind. It was like Tommy could do no wrong. He wanted the best for Jude but he couldn't wait for the day she realized he wasn't what was best for her. All he could do now was stay back, and when she needed him he would step up, and be there for her. He hoped her rehab program made her strong enough to handle it.

Jude's morning seemed to completely crawl. With out having her morning session she had a lot of free time. After breakfast, she and Amie went to waste time in arts and craft. "So, is Max coming today?" Jude asked Amie.

"Yeah, he gets off work late, so we will have dinner together in the cafeteria." Amie said nodding.

"It's too bad you two live so far out of the city. If Tommy was going to come he'd come everyday."

"I wish he could, but someone has to keep making money. He told me on the phone last night that my old boss said I can have my job back when I get home next week. That will make going home easier."

"I bet. I'm sure I will still have mine, but I'm not sure if that is what I want to do anymore." Jude said shrugging.

"Are you thinking about recording again? I know you have been spending a lot of time in the music room."

"I'm not sure. I don't know if I can handle that life again. We'll have to see how I feel in two weeks when I go home I guess. Do you think this place is helping you?" Jude asked changing the subject off herself.

"Well, I haven't wanted a drink, but I haven't had the stress of the real world in here either. Just like you, I'll to see what it is like when I go home."

"I can't believe you are leaving me next week." Jude whined jokingly. "You've helped me so much."

"You'll be okay. Maybe you can help your new roommate the way I helped you."

After lunch, Jude sat in the lounge off the east wing waiting for her family. She felt a bit of pressure in her chest. She wasn't sure if it was because she was nervous to see her dad and sister, or she was sad that Tommy wasn't coming with them. She reminded herself that it was her idea to take the whole month away from him. She took a deep breath and looked at the clock. She had about ten minutes before they would be there.

Closing her eyes, she let her mind get lost in the lyrics she was writing the day before. She imagined what the day would be like when she was able to be with Tommy again. Thinking about him always made time move along faster and before she knew she saw Sadie and Stuart walking down the hall towards her.

Spied was at G Major to bring Karma lunch and decided to stop in and check on Quincy. He knew he'd been taking Jude being away really hard. He hated that the tabloids had torn him to shreds that week he was out of town. With Kyle's bachelor party coming up, he was hoping to get Tommy out on the town and out of his funk.

"Dude, you look like you should be at home in bed." He laughed walking into Tommy's office.

"I slept here after sitting up most of the night writing Jude a letter. What are you doing here? I figured Jamie had you on a strict recording schedule."

"Brought Karma lunch. The album is almost done anyway. I haven't heard back from you about the bachelor party." He said sitting down.

"I haven't decided yet." Tommy said with a shrug.

"Dude, you can't stay in your office 24/7. You need to get out. It will make this time easier."

"I don't think anything can make this easier. I thought not working on Instant Star would help, but because the focus is on the competition, I don't have much work to do. I had two artists decide to take some time off this morning."

"Even more reasons to get out. Wally, Kyle, and I are doing a small gig tonight. You should come. Kwest and Sadie are coming. Karma's parents are keeping Ella."

"I'll think about it."

"Okay. Get the information from Kwest if you decide to come. I need to get back to NBR."

"Take it easy, Spied."

Jude couldn't help but cry when she was in her father's arms. It felt so good to be with her family. "I've missed you guys so much." Jude said wiping her eyes.

"We've missed you, too, sweetheart." Stuart said kissing her forehead and stepping back so Sadie could hug her.

"How are you doing little sister?"

"Some days are better than others, but right now I'm really good." She said leading them over to sit on the couch. "How's everything at home?"

"The same. Everyone is ready for you to be home." Sadie said squeezing her hand. She didn't want to mention Tommy's name in hopes to not make her sad.

"Me too, but the program is good. I've been able to work out some of my issues."

"That's good, Honey. Is everyone treating you okay?" Stuart asked.

"Everyone is treating me like I am a normal person in here. No one has treated me any different because of my status." Jude had decided not to open up about her writing. She wanted to be a little more confident with it before she shared it with anyone out side the program. "At first I thought everyone was looking at me like I was some pitiful washed up celebrity, but I soon learned that everyone was looking at me out of concern because of my cast." She said patting her leg.

"How's getting around on it?" Her dad asked.

"A lot easier now that I am used to it." Jude said with a shrug.

They sat and talked for awhile. Sadie talked about how she and Kwest were doing. She didn't want to mention G Major too much. She wasn't sure what Jude was ready to talk about. Sadie was also worried about accidently saying something about the drama with Suzie. She knew Tommy should be the one who explained the situation to her.

"So, I've been going by and checking on your house. Everything is good there."

"I thought Tommy would take care of that." Jude said confused.

Sadie sighed trying to pick the right words. "Let's just say he doesn't go home that much."

Jude gave a frustrated sigh. "Please don't tell me he is sleeping in his office."

"When he sleeps. He did spend a couple nights with us or at dad's house." Sadie said shrugging. She left out the days when she had no idea where he was.

"Tell him I said he needs to take better care of himself. I'm going to need him healthy when I get home."

"I'll tell him, but I don't know if it will change anything."

"Other than that how is he?"

Sadie pulled out the envelope from her purse. "Maybe this will answer that question. He wanted you to have this."

"Oh wow, thanks. I'll read this later. Where are the magazines you were going to bring me?" Jude said hugging the letter close to her chest.

"I forgot them, sorry." Sadie lied. "I'll bring a few up on Saturday."

"Okay. So dad, tell me about what's going on with you."

When they left after a couple of hours, Jude couldn't quit smiling. I had felt really good to be with them again. She went back to her room humming to herself. She wanted to read Tommy's letter while listening to the song he gave her. She knew his words would help her get by without seeing him. Just a bit over two weeks and she'd be back in his arms.

"How was your visit?" Amie asked when she walked in the room.

"Really good. It was so nice to sit and talk to them." She said sitting on her bed and opening the envelope.

"And what is that?"

"Tommy sent me a letter." Jude said with a shy smile.

"Well, I will leave to give you some privacy. I'll see you in group."

"Okay." Jude said nodding before putting the ear buds in her ears and getting comfortable to read.

Tommy walked into the club hoping his presence wouldn't cause any drama. He really didn't want to be there, but knew he needed to be out and support his friends. Plus Sadie had told him that Jude wanted him to take better care of himself. He knew moping in his office wasn't doing that. She didn't want him sleeping in his office every night, so he was going to try to go home more. He needed to be the man she fell in love with; not the pitiful one he'd become.

"You came." Everyone cheered when he reached their table.

"Jude wants me to live life, so I'll live it." He said before turning to the waitress and ordering a soda. He was out, but he didn't feel comfortable drinking with everything. That was something he and Jude would need to talk about when she got home.

"Okay, Ladies and Gentleman, I would like to welcome to the stage for the first time in years; Spiederman's Mind Explosion. " The owner of the club introduced the guys.

Tommy was surprised, but he actually had a good time out with everyone. There was no denying that the band was still really talented. They even did a couple of Jude's songs and dedicated them to her. Nothing seemed to get out of hand. It was just good friends hanging out and having a good time.

"So, are you guys getting back together, or is this just something to get out of your system before getting married?" Tommy asked Kyle as they were taking a break.

"It's up to Spied really. His contract is almost up at NBR. He said he needed to decide what he wants to do next. Alley says if I want to make music again after graduation, she'd support it completely."

"Well, that's great, Kyle. Always remember G Major. I have actually been looking for a new band to produce."

"Well, I guess it all depends on how much Jamie is getting on his nerves. Of course these days it's pretty bad over there."

"I bet. Andrews has some issues with change."

"Don't I know it?" Kyle said taking a drink of his beer.

He also had a chance to talk to Wally about the guitar shop. He thought about how in his letter told Jude he didn't know what was going on with everyone, now he knew what everyone was doing. When he got home that night he felt really good about everything. He made a run through of Jude's house. There were a few things she'd told Sadie she wanted, so Tommy was going to send them with Karma the next day. When he crawled in bed, he was asleep before he could even really think about where he was.

Jude read Tommy's letter over and over until she almost had it memorized. His words touched her heart and brought tears to her eyes every time. She missed him like crazy. Part of her couldn't remember why she was keeping him away, but when she pulled out a piece of paper to start writing him back, she was able to find the strength she needed to do this on her own.

**Hey everyone!! I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who continuously leave reviews. I appreciate the time you take to read my story and tell me what you are thinking. I know I don't normally reply to your reviews, but I still love reading what you guys think. I have an outline made out for the rest of Jude's rehab stay, so I hope I can keep the updates coming. Please leave a review to keep my motivation up. **

**I was pleasantly surprised at the feedback I received from Tommy's letter. I hope to have Jude's response up some time tomorrow or Tuesday. **

**Remember you can follow my twitter if you want to know what I am working on daily. karalynn79. I get excited when I get new followers. Plus you can check out my new website. The link is in my profile.**


	42. Chapter 41

**Here you go. I own nothing.**

Chapter 41

Even visiting with her family and getting a letter from Tommy didn't keep her nightmares away. She was always running from something or to something. She didn't know, but every time, she woke up in a cold sweat crying. It was never easy to go back to sleep and she hated waking Amie up. So the last time she woke up, she turned on her lamp and pulled out her journal. She hoped writing would make what ever she was feeling go away. She ended up writing the rest of the night.

"Have you slept any?" Amie's groggy voice brought her out of her thoughts.

Jude shrugged. "Maybe a couple of hours."

"Another night mare?"

"Yeah; I couldn't figure out if I was running from someone or if I was looking for someone. When I'd wake up I'd feel panicked. Every time I would fall back to sleep, I would be right back in the dream. The last time I woke up, I decided to stay awake." She closed her journal and put it back in her nightstand.

"Maybe you should talk about it in group today."

"Yeah, that usually helps." Jude said with a sigh.

"So, your band is coming today, right? That's exciting."

"They are my best friends other than Tommy. It will be nice to hang with them for a couple of hours." Jude smiled. Getting visitors made her feel just a bit normal.

After getting a shower and breakfast, Jude spent the rest of the morning in the music room. She wanted to write the music to the lyrics she'd sat up writing. It felt good to her to let her emotions flow through her fingers.

Tommy was amazed at how rested he felt when he woke up the next morning. Even when he was at the farm house, he wasn't able to sleep much. Though it was hard to be at home without Jude, he had to sleep every night. For one thing, a good night of sleep did make the time go by faster. He took his time getting ready and drank a couple of cups of coffee before leaving for G Major.

G Major was crazy as usual when he got there. He was so glad all he had to do was work on final mixes with Joey. Darius was sending it to be mastered over the weekend. It felt good to finally be finished with this album. The guys had worked really hard on it even though they threatened to walk because of Instant Star. Joey wasn't there yet, so Tommy went to his office to read the paper.

"You're here; great." Darius said stopping him before he was able to get to his office.

"Yeah, Joey's not yet, so I was going to work on some stuff until he gets here." He said running his hand over the back of his neck.

"Well, you look well rested." Darius said with a laugh.

"Yeah, apparently Jude told Sadie to tell me to get out and go home to sleep more. So, I went to a SME show last night and then went home to sleep. At least it made time go bay faster." He said with a shrug and continued walking.

"They are doing shows again?" Darius asked with interest.

"Just a few. They haven't decided on a come back yet."

"Oh. Well, I have something that will make time go by for you." Darius continued following him toward his office.

"What might that be?" Tommy asked unlocking his door.

"I need you to go with Joey and Nick to New York for mastering. You'll be leaving tonight and coming home Monday afternoon." Darius said handing him a plane ticket.

"Okay." He said looking over the ticket. "Has reservations been made yet?"

"You'll be staying at the hotel by the studio. I think this will be a good experience for the guys. I know they felt like they were getting forgotten about, and I want to show them that we care about their career. Sadie is going to be working all weekend on booking their tour." Darius said turning toward the door.

"They'll be excited about this." Tommy said before Joey walked in.

It made Tommy feel good to know that for the next three days he would be busy. It helped in missing Jude when he had a good distraction. He spent the whole day working with Joey. Spied had come in right before he left to give him a letter from Jude. He decided to put it in his pocket and read it during the flight. He only had an hour to go home and pack before he met the guys at the airport to fly out to New York. This was what he really loved about his job. He knew the guys were excited to be involved in mastering the final copy if their album.

Jude was completely exhausted by the time her head hit the pillow that night. Her visit with the guys was a lot of fun. It was a pleasant surprise to have the girls come too. It was a little disappointing that Jamie didn't come along with Zepp, but she refused to let it bother her. She'd work on mending that fence when she got home. Spied and Karma promised to try to bring Ella on their next visit. Kyle and Alley told her all about their wedding plans. She was so happy for them. Wally brought her cards from all her guitar students.

They talked about SME getting back together, but Jude decided to hold off on telling them about the songs she'd been writing. Every time she thought about talking about it, her dream would pop into her mind and she would chicken out. It was still something she needed to feel more comfortable with before sharing it with her friends.

Tommy's heart felt lighter after reading Jude's letter. He was glad that she was feeling better. All he ever wanted was for her to be happy. Part of him was hoping she'd say she'd changed her mind and wanted him to come see her, but he understood that she was sticking with her decision. As long as he had a way to tell her how he felt he would be fine. He pulled a journal out of his bag and wrote her another letter. He knew he wouldn't have time for the rest of the weekend.

Jude's weekend went by oddly fast for her. She'd been disappointed when Sadie didn't have another letter from Tommy on Saturday, but understood why when she found out he'd gone to New York for work. She and Sadie had a nice long visit. And her dad came and had lunch with her on Sunday. When she wasn't with a visitor, she was trying to catch up on the sleep she'd lost on Thursday night. She was still having dreams, but they weren't as vivid anymore. She figured that was because she was talking about them in group. It was odd not having sessions with Lessa everyday, but she kept a journal of the things that she wanted to bring up in her next session.

Her most surprising visitor came on Monday after noon. She was expecting Sadie when Mike walked into the lounge. "Mike, where's Sadie?" She wasn't sure what else to say.

"She got stuck with the contestants all day. She asked Mason to come, but he was busy. He'll be here tomorrow though." He said sitting down across the room from her. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me, and I wouldn't blame you at all. I can leave."

"No, that's fine." Jude said twiddling her fingers. "There have been a lot of things I wanted to talk to you about. Some things that I am really confused about."

"Okay."

"When we first met at the bar you knew who I was; right?" Mike nodded. "That night what happened? All I remember is waking up the next morning. My clothes were scattered on the floor." Jude knew she needed all the answers to be able to let it go.

"First of all, I should have never taken advantage of the situation. I'm really sorry about that, but that night nothing happened between us. After you did the line you said the room was spinning and started throwing your clothes everywhere. I was too stoned to stop you, but you passed out not too long after." Mike felt better finally being able to tell her about that night.

"I don't know why you acted like you didn't know me or Tommy. When you started calling me, you always referred to Tommy as the boyfriend, and if you knew I was with him…" She was so confused by the whole thing.

"That day I saw you in the park, I didn't see Tom's face. I only saw the back of his head. I hadn't spoken to him in years and didn't know you two were back together. It was a while before I knew it was him. But even if it hadn't been him, I shouldn't have been that way. I never wanted to be the creepy stoner guy at the bar. Bad habits die hard I guess." He finished with a shrug.

"Are you clean now?" She asked looking up at him.

He nodded. "I've been clean since going back to work for G Major. Working with Tom again reminded me why I changed my life all those years ago. I realized I needed to clean my act up. My aunt Georgia is all I have, and I don't want her to be disappointed in me. I understand if the two of us can't be friends; I just want you to know I'm sorry."

"We all do things that we regret. I know I have. Plus it wasn't all your fault; I was the one calling you for pills. I'm sorry I put you in that position. When I found out you knew Tommy I freaked out."

"I know. I should have told you after I realized you two were together. I think I was just too messed up myself to think rationally."

They sat for a while longer talking about G Major stuff. Jude actually enjoyed getting his opinion on all the Instant Star process. She noticed that he was trying hard not to say something when she mentioned drama. "What; was some psycho contestant hitting on Tommy?" She asked with a laugh.

Mike looked down at his phone that had made no noise. "Damn, Mason just sent a text that I need to get back." He said avoiding her gaze.

"Oh my god!!! " She said sucking in a deep breath.

"Jude, it was nothing." He said trying to assure her.

"Mike, please tell me. Obviously, no one will be honest with me while I'm in here." She was starting to feel really anxious.

"Calm down, please. Tom loves you and only you. You know how girls are that only think of fame. Tommy is not even working on the show anymore."

"And the girl?" She asked with tears stinging her eyes.

"All I will say is that everyone that is still in the competition is there to win a record contract and nothing else." Mike felt horrible. He knew there was nothing to the bull shit in the tabloids, but he also knew Tommy wanted to tell her himself in person.

"I guess I have to take your word for it." She said wiping her face.

"Look, Jude, he is waiting for you to come home to him. He is fully dedicated to you; I promise." Just then his phone vibrated. "And now I really do have to get back; it's Aunt Georgia." He said looking at his phone.

"Okay. Thank you for clearing up that night for me. It was something I couldn't get past in my therapy."

"No problem."

"Tell Mason I will see him tomorrow."

"I will."

Jude just stared into space for the longest time after he was gone. How dare some bitch think she could take Tommy away from her? Instead of letting it fester, she went to the music room and spent the rest or the day working on songs. She actually felt like her old self again. Music was always what she turned to when she was younger. It was her outlet, and it felt really good to have it back.

Tommy went straight to G Major after getting back from New York. The weekend was very productive and he was also able to have a bit of fun with the guys. They weren't your usually party hard rock stars, having families of their own, but they did like to get out and have a good time. He could tell they knew that G Major cared about their music and wanted them to succeed with the album.

When he got to his office, he found a very guilty looking Mike sitting on his couch. "What are you doing here, man?"

"Sadie let me in." He said not looking up.

"Okay, so what's up?" Tommy asked still confused.

"I went to see Jude today. I wanted to apologize to her."

"Did she accept?" He sat down at his desk. Something told him that was not why Mike was waiting on him.

"Yeah, she said that she did things she was sorry for, too. We started talking about work and the show…"

"Please tell me you didn't tell her about Suzie." Tommy said greeting his teeth.

"No, she asked me about some kind of drama, and I tried to play it off like there was always drama. That was when she asked if some psycho contestant was hitting on you. From then on she saw right through me, but I didn't tell her anything. I know you want to tell her in person."

Tommy closed his eyes and sighed. "It's not your fault. That could have happened with anyone visiting her. Do you know who is going tomorrow?"

"Mason is going around lunch time. Why?"

"I have something I want him to take to her. Will you tell him to come see me when he gets a chance?" He knew she would need reassurance now, and since he couldn't go see her, he'd have to write it."

"Sure thing." Mike said before leaving.

Pulling out the letters he'd already written all weekend long, he started another one. He wasn't really sure what he was going to say, so he just let his hand do the writing. He wished he could just go see her and tell her everything, but was afraid that it would mess with her recovery.

**Hey guys sorry it took me longer to post than I wanted. I was just having motivation problems with sitting down and typing. With this chapter, I wanted to revisit everything with Mike so that door could be closed. After rereading some early chapters, I saw that a few things needed to be cleared up. Don't blame him for Jude guessing about Suzie. She doesn't know the whole story, and Tommy was right it could've happened with anyone. **

**So some people said they enjoyed the letters so I will continue with that also. Please keep your reviews coming. The only way for me to stay motivated to continue is to know what all you guys think. GO REVIEW!!! **


	43. Chapter 42

So only one review for the last chapter.... Come on guys if you are reading, please reply. I own nothing. ENJOY!!!

Chapter 42

"I can't believe your husband will be picking you up in two hours." Jude said sitting on Amie's bed while she was packing. Jude was feeling a bit anxious about Amie leaving. She didn't know what her new roommate would be like.

"I know. I can't wait to be home and be able to sleep in my own bed." Amie said while grabbing another bag. "It has been way too long."

"That sounds so wonderful." Jude said with a sigh.

"You'll be going home soon enough, and you and Tommy can start your life together. Just remember to invite me to the wedding."

"I don't know if we are ready for that step, but I do know he is it for me. We rushed into our last engagement, and I want to do it right this time." She said with a smile. "I'm going to miss you though. What if they put some kind of psycho in here with me? I do have a history attracting them." She said dramatically.

"They won't; don't worry. We better get to group. I don't want to be late on my last day." Amie said zipping her suitcase.

"Let's go."

It was Wednesday and the week had been surprisingly good since Monday. When Mason came on Tuesday, he brought a letter from Tommy. It was actually four in one. He'd spoken to Mike and knew she was concerned about what was going on. He reassured her that the matter had been taken care of. He promised he'd explain everything when she got home. Just reading the words of how much he loved her made her feel better.

If she was completely honest with herself, she'd almost caved several times. It would be so easy to call Tommy and ask him to come see her. She knew if she could just stare into his baby blue eyes for a few minutes all would be right with the world. Some how she'd found the strength to refrain from making that phone call.

After her conversation with Mike, she was finally able to get past that one night in her session with Lessa. It made her feel good to know nothing happened that night with him. In the back of her mind, it had always seemed to cheapen what she had with Tommy if she could get stoned and sleep with a stranger. She held her physical relationship with Tommy in a special place in her heart. Even when she was in Europe she was never able to look at another guy in that way. When she thought Tommy was never going to be in her life again, she still couldn't let go.

Tommy had been swamped all week since getting home from New York. Since Sadie was so busy with the show, he took it upon himself to do all the final work on the guy's album. That meant calling distributers, setting up an album cover photo shoot, and booking the release party. There were things as a producer he never even realized needed to be done. He was determined to make this a successful release.

"So you are stealing my artists now?" Jamie demanded rushing in Tommy's office.

Tommy had no idea what he was talking about. "Andrews, what are you yelling about? I'm busy here." He said in a aggravated tone.

"Spied informed me this morning that when his contract is up, he will be signing with G Major."

That was when Tommy remembered Spied meeting with Darius. "You know what, Andrews, when you and Jude were close I was nice to you because of her. Since you don't seem to give a shit about her any more, I'm going to tell you like it is. Maybe if you hadn't become such an asshole over the last few months since Jude moved home, you could have saved some of your friendships. Yeah Spied is signing with G Major. So are Kyle and Wally. They've decide to record a SME album. You might have known that if you'd take your head out of your ass."

"This coming from someone who only cares about himself. You can't even wait for Jude a month before you get a little girlfriend."

"I've already cleared that up. There was never anything going on. Why can't you see that I love Jude and I'm not going to hurt her again?" Tommy was tired of Jamie always acting like he was so much better than him. "Since she's moved home, you are the one who keeps hurting her."

"Just give it time. Every time you two have been together, you end up breaking her heart."

"I think you need to get your facts straight. I was the one ready to marry and follow her to England. She left me that time."

"Yeah and instead of fighting for her you just let her go. Weren't you engaged to someone new with in a year? You love Jude so much." Jamie rolled his eyes.

"When Jude left, I thought that since she walked away from me then it was really over." Tommy argued.

"When she had to pick between us, you said you were going to stay and fight. But when she had to pick between you and England, you just let her go."

"You're still in love with her, and you're pissed that I didn't just hand her over to you. Jamie, Jude is not some kind of prize. Does Zepp know?"

"I'm not in love with Jude. I just don't want to see her hurt anymore." Jamie said hitting Tommy's desk.

"You say that like you are trying to convince yourself. Look, Jamie, Jude and I are together, and we plan to be together for a very long time. You need to start getting over this obsession you have with her so you don't loose her forever." Tommy sighed and gave Jamie a sincere look. "And before you lose Zepp."

"I don't need advice from you. Jude wouldn't be where she is right now if you'd paid more attention to her." Jamie said with a scoff.

"Okay, I've had enough of you coming into MY office and putting me down. Jude is where she is because she was having a hard time dealing with her mom's death. She felt alone even with people around her. No matter how much support she had, she couldn't get a grip on what was happening. If you had been her friend, you would know this. If you don't have anything else you can just leave." Tommy said walking to the door to show him out.

Jamie wanted to be pissed, but he realized what Tommy was saying. He'd really wasted months of time, when he could have been the friend that Jude needed. He was too stubborn to admit this to Tommy, so he just left. The whole way back to NBR, all he could think about was the high standards he'd set Jude with. Did she really feel that alone that drugs and alcohol were the only thing to console her? He had thought that she needed a push to get back into music, but maybe what happened needed to happen so she could deal with loosing her mom. Maybe Tommy knew her better that he did.

Jude sat staring at the empty side of the room. She was very anxious to meet her new roommate. After three weeks she was feeling comfortable with herself, and this change was giving her a full blown panic attack. When she first got there, Amie was able to make her comfortable. With how she was feeling, there was no way she could make some one else comfortable. She needed a cigarette or something to just calm her nerves. Nothing could calm her down. She tried reading all the letters from Tommy and listening to his song. Running her fingers through her hair, she paced the room. It was getting harder to breathe.

"Jude, are you okay?" Lessa asked walking in.

"No." She answered in a cracked voice. "I can't do this. Everything is too much. I keep thinking if I could just go out and smoke; maybe my nerves would calm down." She finally let the tears flow.

"We can do that. Come with me to my office and let me get my purse."

"Okay." Jude nodded.

Sitting on the bench in the smoking section, Lessa handed her a cigarette, and lit one for herself. "You know it is hard to quit cold turkey. When did you start?" She asked.

"Some time when my mom was sick. I would take care of her most of the day everyday. My step dad worked all the time. But there were a few nights when he would tell me to get out of the house. He wanted me to try to have fun. I didn't have any friends there and didn't want to make friends, but there was this little pub that I could walk to. I guess there was when I really started drinking. I guess the smoking started there too." Jude shrugged before taking a couple of puffs.

"I've smoked for years. It started as something I was curious about, but then I guess it became a habit. I don't know how I would have made it through graduate school out them. I know we aren't supposed to have a session today, but let's talk about how you are feeling."

"Okay. My roommate went home today. I know they are going to put someone in there this evening, and I'm really nervous about it." She said staring out over the grounds.

"Why?"

"Because when I first got here, Amie welcomed me and made me feel comfortable. She seemed to have a handle on why she was here and was able to actually help me. I don't have a good enough handle on my emotions to help anyone and I've been here three weeks. I feel like in the two hours she's been gone, I have regressed completely." She threw her cigarette down and stepped on it.

"You haven't regressed. You are just worried about how things are going to go. That is very understandable." Lessa said standing up. "Take these; I can get another pack when I go home." She handed Jude the cigarette pack.

"No I shouldn't…"

"Jude, as your therapist, I am telling you to take these. When you feel like your nerves are getting to you, come out here."

"But aren't we supposed to be working on my addictions?" Jude argued.

"I think a few cigarettes won't derail you. I know you are a singer and they are not good on your vocal chords, but for the next day or so, I think you will be just fine."

Jude nodded and took the pack. "Okay."

"Come on, let's get back to your room, your roommate should be settling in by now."

Jude took a deep breath. "I think I am going to go to the music room for a little while."

"Okay. I will see you tomorrow for our session."

Lessa sat in her office typing up her evaluation on Jude. Her heart broke completely for her. She knew what it was like to feel like the world was crumbling around her. Her college years weren't the best. She could tell Jude was just a little lost and needed to be guided in a certain direction. But still after all their sessions together, she didn't feel like Jude had a drug and alcohol problem. Not being a doctor, she wasn't at liberty to try what she really wanted. So with her evaluation written she went down to Dr. Rogers' office to discuss treatment.

Tommy collapsed on the couch when he finally got home from the studio. His day was long and he was thankful he'd been busy. The encounter with Jamie was still playing over in his mind. He knew Jamie's friendship had meant so much to Jude all those years ago. He hoped something that he said today would help Jamie realize that Jude needed his friendship.

Grabbing his cell phone, he called and ordered a pizza. Cooking was the last thing he wanted to do. He thought about the last night he cooked. It was the night of Jude's accident. He couldn't wait to cook for her again. When the pizza was delivered, he grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator and headed down to his studio. He needed something to keep his mind occupied until he couldn't keep his eyes open.

Jude spent a few hours in the music room. She didn't really have anything to write, so she just sat playing the piano. She wasn't ready to meet someone new. Even talking to Lessa didn't really help her nerves. She made one more trip outside before going back to her room. Taking a deep breath, she braced herself before opening her room. Luckily the new roommate was already a sleep. Jude sighed in relief and got ready for bed herself.

'''

**Okay everyone there you go. I have been snowed in all weekend and had a hard time getting motivated to write. (I live in the South and we don't usually get snowed in.) There should be one more chapter before Jude goes home. I know everyone has missed their Jommy time. Believe me so have I. I will be out of pocket next weekend so I am going to try my best to get the next chapter up by Friday. Friday is my birthday, so I can't promise anything. I also hope to have some letters up this week too.**

If you want to know what's up with future chapters, you can always follow me on Twitter. I'm on there everyday. Karalynn79. I LOVE getting new followers. Also, my website is on my profile.

So I have a dilemma. I'm not sure when this should end. With Jude coming home, and the Instant Star finale just around the corner, I don't want to beat a dead horse. So I am not sure how many more chapters there will be. This story is already longer than I thought it would be when I started.

So keep your reviews coming. It is up to you guys how motivated I am to get the chapter done this week. If I only get a handful of reviews, then it is liable to be two weeks before you see a chapter. So click and tell me what you think.


	44. Chapter 43

**Okay here you go. I own nothing.**

Chapter 43

Tommy woke up the next morning to a horrible ringing noise. It took him a few seconds to realize he was on the basement couch and his cell phone was ringing. "Hello?" He answered in a yawn rubbing a hand down his face.

"Did I wake you?" Kwest laughed.

"Yeah, I fell asleep in the basement last night. What's up?" He asked sitting up.

"Well, Darius wanted me to call and tell you to stay home today. He thinks you have worked hard this week and he doesn't want you to burn out."

"Darius? Are you sure you are talking about Darius Mills?" Tommy couldn't help but laugh.

"Yeah, I know. I think he's been replaced by a pod person." Kwest said in a chuckle.

"Dude, what am I supposed to do all day?" Under normal circumstances he would love to have the day off, but now he wondered what he was going to do with his time.

For the first few minutes after Kwest's phone call, Tommy stared at the ceiling. He was day dreaming of what he and Jude would do together with a day off. Sighing in frustration, he got up because all he could think about was spending the day in bed with her. He needed to push those thoughts aside until she got home.

He went up stairs and started a pot of coffee before taking a shower. In his mind all he could see was Jude's smiling face. He tried thinking about what all he would need to do when he went back to G Major, but thoughts of Jude completely consumed him. His mind was on auto pilot, and before he knew what he was doing, he was in his car on his way to the rehab facility.

When he pulled into a parking spot, he killed the engine and realized where he was. He ran his hands through his damp hair. All he had to do was walk in and see her. After sitting there for a half an hour, he turned around and started back towards home. After all her letters he knew she was doing better, and he was not going to upset her. He would just have to find some other way to pass his time.

Jude didn't like having someone else in the room. Her new roommate didn't do anything except stare at the wall. She wouldn't even respond when Jude spoke to her. It really made her nervous. The whole day she felt like she was going crazy. She even thought she saw Tommy sitting out in the parking lot when she went out to smoke. She couldn't even think straight when she went to the music room to pass the time.

When it was time for her session, she was given a note that Lessa was postponing it to the next day. That was the last straw. She felt like she was going to pull her hair out. As soon as she got back to her room after dinner, she put her ear buds in and tried to forget the day. She just kept telling herself she only had a week left.

Lessa hated putting Jude's session off but she needed one more day. Dr. Rogers had agreed with her on what course of treatment Jude really needed. It was going to take an extra day to get the prescriptions filled. She really thought this was going to be the best option for Jude to get a grip on her emotions. She set their session up right after breakfast because she knew how anxious Jude had been feeling.

Walking out to where she was to meet Lessa, Jude felt completely run down. Her dreams were worse than ever the night before. She figured it was partly because she went to bed so early. With out having Amie in the room with her, she would force herself back to sleep every time she woke up. It was the first time since she'd been there that she felt like she could really use a drink.

"How do you fell today, Jude?" Lessa asked as they sat down at a picnic table.

"Just a little anxious. I had another night full of dreams last night. Yesterday was the longest day." Jude said wringing her hand together.

"How is the roommate situation?"

"She is pretty withdrawn and not talking. She just stares at the wall all day. I try to stay out of there as much as possible. I felt like I was going crazy yesterday. I even thought I saw Tommy."

"Here? Really?"

"Yeah, I was walking out to the smoking section and could have sworn his car was in the parking lot. I tried telling myself that I only had a week left. That I would be home with him in no time."

"Are you still thinking you made the right choice by keeping him away?" Lessa asked studying her.

Jude shrugged. "Some days; no, but all in all; yes. His letters have been so wonderful. Sometimes there are things that are easier written that spoken out loud. I guess that is why writing lyrics is the best way to get my emotions out."

Lessa nodded. "Well, I've been going over your case with Dr. Rogers, and after getting to know you; I have really been able to asses your situation. I don't think you really have a problem with drugs and alcohol. I think you needed an outlet and that happened to be the one that made you feel better. There's nothing wrong with having a few drinks in moderation. I want to get you on a low dosage antidepressant. I think it will help with the anxiety. Dr. Rogers agreed with me, so the nurse is going to start bringing your medication just before bed time every night. Also, we are putting you on a low dosage of Xanax. I know you were taking them before, but this dosage is suitable for you panic level." She handed her a stack of pamphlets. "I want you to read these so you can understand the medication I am putting you on."

Jude looked down at them. The one on top read PAXIL across the top. Suddenly she felt such a rush of emotions fly over her. Tears were instantly stinging her eyes. "So, I'm not just some stoned wash up?" She asked with a cracked voice.

"Jude, you have been through a lot since you were fifteen. You let everything build up and loosing your mom broke the dam. You just need something to regulate your emotions. Now I'm not saying go drinking as soon as you get home. I'd suggest you stay away from alcohol, but I wouldn't call you and alcoholic."

"So, this medication is going to help?"

"It should. Paxil works by restoring the balance of serotonin in your brain. It will keep your moods more level. Everything that you have been through has given you a slight anxiety disorder, but with the right dosage, you should be able to live a happy life."

"Will I have to take it forever?" The thought of being on medication for the rest of her life, didn't sit well for her.

"There have been cases where people have been able to stop taking them, but it really just depends on how your system reacts to it."

"Okay." Jude nodded.

"You will get your first dosage tonight. We won't start you on the Xanax right now, because you might not need it everyday."

"Sounds good to me. I just hope it helps." Jude said with a sigh.

"It won't be instant, but when it gets into your system, your emotions should even out."

Though she wasn't excited about having to take medication, Jude was looking forward to not feeling so down and depressed most of the time. She spent a lot of her day reading over the pamphlets Lessa gave her. She also had a visit from her dad, and was able to go over everything with him. She actually started seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

After having a day off, Tommy spent all day playing catch up. Sadie had left a huge stack of messages on his desk. Plus he was still planning the release party for the guys' album.

"So what did you do with your day off?" Kwest asked coming in during his break.

"Drove myself crazy. I even drove up to the rehab facility before I even realized where I was going."

"How did Jude take that?" Kwest asked in a shocked voice.

"I didn't go in. I thought about all the progress she has been making. I didn't want to upset her." He said running his hands through his hair.

"Well, the few times I have been up there, she has seemed torn about not wanting you to visit. She may have been glad to see you." His friend offered.

"Maybe, but I know it's for the best we decided this. She'll be home next week and all will be right in the world."

When Tommy finally walked back in his house at the end of the day, he felt like he could sleep a year without waking up. After work, he'd gone over to Stuart's for dinner. He wasn't sure how he felt about Jude being put on medication, but knew the therapist and doctors knew better than him. After taking a hot shower, he sat on the bed with his lap top. He wanted to learn everything about Paxil he could.

Jude knew Lessa said she wouldn't feel results from the Paxil immediately, but the next day she did feel like she had a clearer head. Most people wouldn't be happy about being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, but she was. It meant that there was a reason behind everything she had done. The staring roommate couldn't even bring her down from her natural high. She only had a week left, and she finally felt like she was really coming out of the cobwebs. That was when she made a spur of the moment decision that could change her life completely.

G Major was all a buzz. Only during Instant Star would this many people be in on a Saturday; himself included. Darius felt like the season was progressing quite well. After all the Suzie drama was over all the focus was on the talent. He had Sadie running all the PR. He knew she was working extra hard to keep her mind off Jude. He made sure to keep things flexible enough for her to have time to go visit her sister. He tried to stay focused on the contest, and knew the rest of the label was in good hands with Tommy.

"Mr. Mills, there's a call for you on line two." The receptionist's voice rang through the speaker on is desk bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Thanks." He said before picking up the phone. "Darius Mills." He said in his best professional voice.

"D, hey it's Jude."

He instantly had a smile on his face. "Jude, how are you doing?"

"I'm doing a lot better. I can't wait to go home though.

"I bet. It'll be good to have you home. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you could come see me. It will be better if we talk in person."

"I think I could get away for a little while."

"Good, and could you not tell Tommy where you're going?"

"Anything you want." He said with a chuckle. "I'll be there in an hour."

"Perfect. Thanks, D."

**Don't kill me. I know it has been longer than I said. And sorry about the little cliffy, but you guys know what to do if you want a quick update. What could Jude want to talk to Darius about? Leave me a review and I will get to work on the next chapter. I know it is a little shorter than usual, but the next chapter should make up for it. Jude has one week to go until she will be home with Tommy. Please keep telling me what you think. This far into the story, I need to stay motivated.  
**

**SPECIAL NOTE: I have a best friend on this same combination of medication and it really helps her to keep you emotions level. **


	45. Chapter 44

**Hey everybody!!! Here's the next chapter. Enjoy!!! I own nothing.**

Chapter 44

Tommy spent his Saturday morning booking club shows in the cities where the guys would be having days off in. They wanted to be exposed as much as possible on this tour. One club owner there in Toronto was very excited to have the band any night they wanted to play. He figured Darius would love the extra exposure, so he booked them for every Saturday night until they left for tour.

He knew they would be rehearsing all day, so he went to tell them the good news. Their side of town always brought back memories of Jude's teenage years. Joey only lived a block away from her old rehearsal space. Tommy decided to swing by there before going to tell the guys just remember all the good times they had there. Spied still paid the rent on the apartment, so he went up to see if anything had changed.

Walking through the door he remembered the day they got back together after Megan held her hostage. He'd promised himself that day, he'd never let her go again. His thoughts shifted to when Hunter held her hostage. It felt good to know they'd both matured enough to be able to put all the drama behind them. It gave him an idea for when she got home. All he would have to do was run it past Spied first. Locking the place up, he went to tell the guys about their gigs.

Darius was definitely intrigued when he hung up the phone with Jude. He had no idea what she could want to talk to him about. "Sadie, can you take all my calls for a while?" He asked walking into her office.

"Sure. Where are you going?"

He wasn't sure if he should tell her. "I'm going to see an old friend."

"Okay. I have you covered."

Jude sat looking out the window. She felt more and more confident with her decision. It was the first time in a long time that she knew with out a doubt she was doing the right thing for herself. She looked back down at her journal and smiled. It was such a relief to have her thoughts on paper again.

"Miss Harrison, you have a visitor." Her nurse came in and told her. "He's waiting in the lounge."

"Thank you. We are going to walk around the grounds."

"Okay. Just remember you have group in one hour."

"I will be there." She walked down the hall towards the lounge hoping Darius would love her idea. "Hey, D." She said brightly.

Darius looked up and could have sworn he saw the old Jude. "Jude, it's so good to see you." He said standing up to give her a hug.

"You, too. Thank you for coming. It really means a lot to me."

"No problem. What did you want to talk about?"

"Let's take a walk." She said leading him to the door. "I really want to thank you for your help in getting me here. If it wasn't for you then I would be in county lock up right now." She said once they were outside.

"Well, you don't belong there. That was the idiot DA on a power trip."

"I know, but still; thank you. I've had a lot of time to think and work some things out while I've been here. I'm really starting to feel like myself again. My therapist has started me on medication that will help level out my emotions. So that brings me to the reason I called you here. I want to perform at the finale."

He was shocked. That was the last thing he expected. "Are you sure?"

"Like I said, I've had a lot of time to think in here. I've even started writing again, and I know exactly what I want to perform." She handed him a folded piece of paper.

He read the lyrics. "Jude, this is awesome." He said smiling at her.

"I have been using the music room here, so I have the music already written. It's piano, but I would love to be able to figure it out on my guitar."

"I can bring one of them up here. That wouldn't be a problem."

"That would be really great. Could you also maybe bring something for me to record the track on? I really want to get this recorded so the guys can learn it."

"That shouldn't be a problem either. I'm guessing you don't want Tom to know yet." Darius said with a raised eyebrow.

"Not yet. I really want to surprise him. He's been so good to me, and he inspires me everyday. Plus, I don't want to worry him that I'll get too stressed out about performing." She explained.

"It's not going to be too stressful, is it?" Darius loved the idea of her being on the IS stage, but didn't want her doing anything that would put too much stress on her.

"I'll be fine. I think it will actually be more helpful than harmful to me. I need the old Jude back."

"Okay then, I will bring up the stuff you need tomorrow."

"Thanks, D." Jude said giving him a hug.

Tommy stood back stage watching the guys perform. He'd been so glad they were excited about playing every Saturday night. This was a great opportunity and the guys were so humble about it. It made him wish he was that humble when he was performing. He'd been so jaded by his life that he never took the time to really enjoy what he was doing when the group was still together. He'd always thought about recording again, but he didn't think it was something he really wanted to invest his time in.

"So you think that could be SME in a few months?" Spied asked coming up beside him.

"Don't see why not." Tommy said with a laugh.

"The guys are really excited to get back in the studio." Spied said with a nod. "But that wasn't what you call me here for."

"No actually I wanted to ask if I could use the rehearsal space next weekend."

"Sure, you know where we keep the key, but isn't Jude coming home next weekend?" Spied asked confused.

"Yeah, she is. I want to do something special for her." Tommy said nodding.

"Well you two are welcome to it anytime you want it. It was hers to begin with any way." He said clapping Tommy on the back.

"Thanks, man."

Jude was so excited on Sunday when Darius came and brought her guitar and laptop for recording. It had been so many years since she placed those headphones on, and she couldn't help the broad smile that crept over her face. "Darius, this is awesome."

"Anything for my golden girl. Now I don't know what I am doing here. You have to show me." He said opening the laptop.

"Not a problem." It was like riding a bike she remembered everything Tommy had ever taught her about recording. It was so liberating.

Darius was completely amazed by her. He could remember the first day he sat in on a session for her second album. She'd come a long way since she was sixteen. If he didn't already know that she'd been out of the business for awhile, he'd think she never left. She was a complete pro.

"That was fantastic." Darius said after she took her head phones off.

"I'm glad you like it. That's just the rough cut. I want to work with Spied on changing it up just a bit. In my head I hear a male and female voice. So I want him to sing on it too."

"That shouldn't be a problem since SME should be signed under G Major by the finale. Are you sure you are going to be up for this?" He had to keep asking so no one could blame him for pressuring her into anything.

"It's just performing, and I am ready to be back on the stage." Jude said with a confident nod.

"And what about afterwards?"

Jude knew he meant recording."Let me get out of here first. I need to be back to my real life before I make a decision on that."

"Not a problem. You just come to me if you ever feel ready."

"I will. Thank you so much for coming up and bringing all of this. They told me I could keep my guitar. That way now I can work on some other songs. It feels really good to be writing again."

"Well, Jude I am really glad. I promise I won't breathe a word to Tom, but I know he is going to be really proud of you."

Jude shrugged. "If I didn't have his support, I don't think I would have survived this long."

"I'm really glad you two were able to find your way back together."

"That means a lot coming from you, D." Jude said smiling.

Tommy was counting the minutes until Jude was home. He spent all day Sunday making plans for her homecoming. He knew everyone would be anxious to spend time with her, but he planned to steal her away for a little while just the two of them. He really couldn't wait to wrap her in his arms and never let go. He thought the last three weeks had been long, but he felt like the next week was going to feel a lot longer.

On Monday, he was walking from G Major to a photo shoot for the band when he found himself in front of a jewelry store. He knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Jude. Before she left for London, they shopped for a ring together. He wanted her to have a new ring; one without bad memories attached to it.

"Can I help you find something, sir?" The lady behind the counter asked.

"Well, I'm looking for something simple. But I also want it to make a statement."

"I think I have the perfect ring." She said going to the back room.

While she was gone, Tommy started over analyzing what he was doing. Were they really ready for that step? What if it something went wrong? What if she felt way to pressured this soon and relapsed? Maybe they should take things slow until she feels secure. Then again nothing said that just because he bought the ring he had to give it to her now.

Putting the box in his inside pocket, Tommy had a smile on his face while leaving the store. He had a week to decide if he was going to give to her or wait until things were more stable. Until then he would focus on work and preparing the perfect night for her.

Jude's final week was a mixture of a lot of things. The new roommate had to be moved to a different floor because she was still non responsive. That left Jude in the room by herself. That was fine with her since that meant her visitors could come see her in her room instead of the lobby. It gave her a bit more privacy.

After a couple of days on her medication, she could really tell a difference. She could really tell that her anxiety had really leveled out. Even her nightmares had gone away. She was able to go about her days feeling well rested. It even helped her to open up even more in group. She finally started feeling like her story could help others; like others had helped her.

Friday afternoon after lunch, Jude started packing her things up. She had one last session with Leesa, and then she was going to spend the rest of the day in the music room. She was excited about going home the next day. There was no anxiety at all. She knew that was partly because of the Paxil, but she didn't really care.

"So, your last day here." Lessa said coming in as Jude was zipping her duffle bag.

"I know." Jude said smiling brightly.

"You look pretty excited. How have you been feeling this week?" They hadn't had a session all week.

"Really good. It's weird, but I don't feel anxious about going back the real world. I feel like I can handle what is out there. I mean I have an amazing man waiting on me. I have all these letters to prove it. My family has been so supportive through everything. And I talked to Darius quite a bit this week. I am going to perform on the Instant Star finale." Jude said sitting on the bed.

"Really? That is really great that you feel ready to put your self back out there. Have you decided about recording again?" Lessa asked.

Jude shook her head. "Not yet. I told Darius that I want to get home before making a decision on that. I need to know how I am going to feel being out of here first. Sure I feel great now, but what if pressures of real life get too much? I need to take one step at a time."

"That is a very level headed thing to think. You really have come a long way. So what do you think of the medication?"

"I feel like it is really working. I know I have only been on it a week, but I feel like my emotions are in check. I don't feel numb or anything. I just feel like me." She said running her fingers through her hair.

"That's good. So I guess you are looking forward to seeing Tommy. What do you think he is going to think about you performing again?"

"I think he will be excited for me, but I am going to make it a surprise for him. It's going to be interesting doing everything behind his back, but we'll figure it out. My old back up band will be with me." Just thinking about being on stage with the guy was getting her excited.

"So is he picking you up in the morning?"

"Not that I know of. It will more than likely be Sadie and dad." She said shaking her head.

"Well, here are your prescriptions." She said handing her a couple of slips of paper. "And this is my card with all my information on it if you feel you need to talk any."

"Thank you, Leesa. I know you have just been doing your job, but you really have helped me." She said getting up and going over to her bag. "Here are the last few cigarettes from your pack. I ended up not needing them all, plus I need my voice now."

Leesa smiled. "I'm glad you are doing so well. Are you going to the music room?"

"That's my plan." Jude nodded.

"Why don't I walk there with you? I want to end this session by hearing your song."

"Sure; let's go." Jude said grabbing her crutches.

Tommy was up bright an early on Saturday morning. The plan was to pick Jude up at ten. She had no clue he was coming. Sadie and Stuart were going to go in and he was going to wait out by his car. He cleared it with Stuart to take her straight with him. He would take Jude over to spend Sunday with her family. This was the day he'd been dreaming about for a month. He did last minute preparations while waiting to meet Sadie at G Major.

Jude woke up with a smile on her face. She was finally going home to her Tommy. The month had been long and hard, but she knew she was coming out a better person. She showered and dressed as quickly as she could. She couldn't wait to go to the doctor and get the cast off her leg. She knew that was still going to be a couple of weeks.

Taking her time to talk to people, she made her way to the cafeteria to grab a bit of breakfast. Downing her orange juice, she knew it would be thick black coffee the next morning. That only made her smile grow. She was really going home. She went by the music room and double checking she wasn't leaving anything behind. One of the girls from her group was nice enough to help her get her guitar case back to her room the night before.

Right at ten o'clock, Sadie and her dad walked through the door. "Are you ready to go, sweetheart?" Stuart asked hugging her.

"Definitely, dad." Part of her was sad that Tommy wasn't there, even though she wasn't expecting him.

"Great. Let me go ask the nurse what we have to do, and we'll get you home little sister." Sadie said after giving her a big hug.

Check out took about twenty minutes, and they were heading out the door. What Jude found outside the front door brought tears to her eyes. Not sad tears, but happy tears. Tommy was leaning against his Viper parked at the curb. "Hey, Girl." He said with his usually gorgeous smirk.

Jude took off for him as fast as she could on her crutches. He met her half way. "Oh god, Tommy, I have missed you so much." She said burying her face in his neck.

"I've missed you too, baby." He said kissing her hair.

She pulled back to look at his face. "You're really here." She said smiling through her tears.

Tommy wiped her tears with his thumbs. "I'm really here." He said before meeting her lips in a kiss that they both had needed for a long time.

When the kiss broke, Jude remembered where they were. "Sorry, guys." She said to her dad and sister.

"Don't worry about it. Why don't you go with Tommy, and we will drop your stuff off at your house." Stuart said stepping up to them.

"Thank you, Daddy." She said with a smile.

After Stuart and Sadie were gone, Tommy helped Jude in to the car. "I still can't believe you are here." She said when he got in the car.

"Where else would I be?" He asked cupping her face.

Jude just shrugged. "So…" She really wasn't sure what to say.

"So, are you ready to see me everyday? Because I never want to be without you again." He said tucking a loose curl behind her ear.

"Even when you get sick of me." She said before pecking his lips.

"Good." He said intertwining there fingers together before pulling out of the parking lot.

**Okay there you go. Do you think Tommy will propose, or do you think he will wait? Can Jude really keep her performing from him? We will have to wait and see. Thanks so much for the reviews. It means a lot to me to read what you guys think. I am soo glad the rehab is over. Next chapter will be plenty of JOMMY!!! Yay, it's about time. Please keep your reviews coming. I love reading them.  
**


	46. Chapter 45

**Hey everyone!! I hope I still have readers here! Sorry for the long wait. I wanted to get this up yesterday because it had been one year since I posted chapter 1, but I just wasn't able to finish. Hope you are ready for a chapter full of JOMMY!!! Thank You to everyone who has supported this story over the last year. I never believed it would go this far. Enjoy!!**

Chapter 45

Jude sat in the passenger seat looking out the window. Nothing could make her stop smiling. It was so comforting to have Tommy's hand wrapped around her own. She felt calm and relaxed. Most of all; she felt happy. She hadn't really felt happy in a long time.

"So how are you feeling?" Tommy asked before bringing her hand up to kiss the back of it.

"I'm really happy to be back with you." She smiled before leaning up to kiss his check. "I really missed you." She hugged his arm and leaned against his shoulder.

"I missed you, too, Baby." He said and kissed her forehead.

"So, where are we going?" She asked.

"First we better go get your prescriptions. Then I have a couple of surprises." He said pulling in at the pharmacy.

"I think I just want to get the Paxil filled. I haven't really felt like I need a Xanax, so will you just put that in your wallet, and if I feel like I need them we will get them then."

Tommy couldn't help but smile. That alone was proof that Jude was on the right track. "Sure. Sit tight and I will be right back." He said before pecking her lips and going into the pharmacy.

Normally Jude would have felt anxious and on edge thinking about what Tommy could have planned, but today she felt relaxed as she waited on him. She couldn't wait to see what his surprises were even though she would be okay if they just went home. All she wanted was to be with him. She closed her eyes and relished in the thought of sleeping with his arms wrapped around her.

She was so relaxed she must have dozed off because next thing she knew was Tommy driving down the road. "Hey, sleepy head." He said with a smile.

"Was I asleep long?" She said rubbing her eyes.

"No, but when I got back in the car, I couldn't bring myself to wake you. Are you sure you are up for this? If you'd rather go get some sleep…"

"No, I'm fine. I guess I just felt really relaxed was all." She said reaching for his hand.

"Okay." He said bringing her hand up to kiss her knuckles.

"So, what are these surprises?" She asked with a smirk.

"You'll see." He said never taking his eyes off the road.

"Will I like them?" She laughed though she was trying to be serious.

"You'll just have to wait and see. I'm not telling you." He said with a chuckle.

"Okay." She said dramatically.

Tommy glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw that she was smiling. It was really the most beautiful thing he'd seen in a long time. His plan was to go to the rehearsal space first. There they would have dinner and just hang out. He didn't want to take her out because he didn't want to share her. Then he had something back at his house he wanted t o show her. He left the ring at the house. He felt like she needed to be settled back in before he asked.

Jude noticed they were going into the bad part of town where her old rehearsal apartment was. They had a lot of good and bad memories there. "Are we visiting the past tonight?" She asked when he pulled up at the curb.

"I thought it was a good way to kind of leave the rest of the world behind for a little while." He said turning to face her. "I know how important your family is to you, but after a month of being a part, I didn't want to share you."

"I don't want you to share me." She said barely above a whisper leaning towards him.

His lips were soft and warm against hers. She couldn't help but sigh as he deepened the kiss. This was what she'd been missing. Just his kiss alone made her feel loved. But it also made her want so much more. The only thing that was keeping her from throwing herself completely into the kiss was her cast.

Tommy was the first to pull away. He knew they needed to take things slow for a while. "Why don't we go on up." He said cupping her face.

Jude nodded biting her bottom lip. She didn't think she could find her voice. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she waited on Tommy to walk around the car to help her out. "Thank you." She said when he shut the door behind her.

"You've really gotten good at walking with those." Tommy joked as they walked down the side walk.

"Shut up. I can't wait to have this cast off and I can throw these crutches away." She huffed in annoyance.

"Well, I could just carry you." He said scooping her up and letting the crutches to fall to the ground.

"Tommy." She laughed.

"What? Isn't this much better?" He said kissing her lightly.

"But I need my crutches. You can't carry me 24/7."

"Okay." He sat her down and picked up her crutches for her. "If you change your mind just let me know."

"I will." She said laughing. She loved being with him and joking around. It felt like they didn't do that enough since they got back together after she moved home from Rome.

Their first stop was the empty apartment they spent her seventeenth birthday. "Don't worry; I made sure the door was fixed." He said with a smirk.

"I didn't say anything." She laughed. She wasn't surprised to see the place look exactly the same. "Did you buy this too?" She asked with a smile.

"No, it's still just vacant. I have done a lot of research on it though. It's amazing how many people have played here."

"And we wrote a pretty good song here." She added sitting down at the piano.

"It felt really good writing with you again. You'd been so mad at me for so long." He sat down beside her.

"I think I was just upset at the whole situation. I knew Sadie was in love with the idea of you, but not the real you." She tinkered with the keys.

Tommy started playing Liar Liar. He didn't know if she'd start singing or not. Chills ran down his spine when he heard her voice. The tone in her voice was perfect. It was just like he remembered it.

When the song was over they just sat in silence. Jude wasn't ready to tell him that she was writing again, but it felt really good to sing with him playing again. She reached for his hand and that was when her stomach growled.

"I better feed you before your stomach get any angrier." He chuckled.

"Yeah I didn't eat a big breakfast." She agreed.

They made their way upstairs. Jude was completely amazed at the site in front of her. There were candles lit everywhere. A blanket was spread out in the middle of the floor with a picnic. It looked a lot like it did the night before her eighteenth birthday. Her smile grew when she saw the strawberries.

"I told you it was a bit of a revisit." He told her while helping her sit in the floor.

"I love it and I love you." She said before lightly kissing him.

"Well, let's eat. You have to be craving real food." He said opening the containers of Chinese take out. He was so thankful that Sadie and Kwest set everything up for him.

"Yes. You can only have so much hospital food."

They enjoyed their dinner talking about different things. Mostly Tommy was just telling her about what was going on with everyone. He knew he needed to tell her the whole story about Suzie, but decided he'd tell her later. He just wanted to enjoy being with her for the time being.

Jude loved hearing stories about what everyone was doing. She especially got a kick out of Kyle's bachelor party. She was really glad Tommy had tried to enjoy himself while she was away.

"We ended up calling Karma to come get him." He finished his story about Spied having a bit too much at the party. He realized maybe it wasn't the best story to tell.

"Tommy, I can hear stories like this. It's not uncomfortable. My therapist made me see a lot of things better. She said she didn't think I really had a problem with alcohol. She felt it was more my anxiety that made me drink. Of course I'm not going to start drinking again, but it's comforting that maybe I'm not an alcoholic."

He moved closer to her. "I'm glad you were able to get some help. I wish I could have helped you through it." He said tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You did help me. Tommy, if I hadn't found your love again, I would have never made it." She said sincerely.

"I'm glad I found your love again, too." He said before meeting her lips again in a deep kiss. He could taste the strawberries on her tongue and it made him want more. He tried to pace things, but he needed her badly.

Jude moaned into his mouth as he maneuvered them to where he was hovering over her. He moved done her throat and she threaded her fingers through his hair. She'd dreamt about his lips for so long. "Tommy." His name left her lips in a whisper.

"I have missed you so much." He said into her ear.

"I've missed you, too." She said trying to pull him back to her lips. She needed his kiss like she needed oxygen.

After a while, Tommy pulled back and rested his forehead against her forehead. "Maybe we should slow down." He said with a heavy sigh.

"You are probably right." She said biting her bottom lip.

"Besides, I still have another surprise for you back at the house." He said sitting up and pulling her up with him.

"Really? Can I have a hint?" She said all pouty.

"Nope, but I think you'll like it." He said and kissed her forehead before getting up to blow all the candles out.

The drive back to his house was in peaceful silence. Jude kept her head on his shoulder enjoying the closeness. In the back of her mind, she cursed her cast because if she didn't have it she would have never agreed to slowing down. But she decided to just enjoy being near him.

Once they were inside his house, Tommy sat her crutches in the kitchen and scooped her up again. Jude didn't complain she just giggled and he carried her down to his in home studio. After he sat her down on the couch, she watched him pull a box out of the closet. "That's the box you started after Thailand." She commented.

"Yeah. While you were gone I added something else to it." He said sitting down beside her. He handed her two bound notebooks.

She couldn't help gasp when she opened the first one. It was all the letters she wrote him over the past month. "Oh, Tommy."

"Look at the other one." He said smiling.

The other book was all the letters he wrote to her. He made copies of them all before sending them to her. "I love it." She said as she read some of his word. "These are what kept me going." She looked up and cupped his face.

"Me too. Jude, I was wasting away before I got your first letter. But reading your words made me realize I had to pull myself together for you."

"I love you more than I can say right now." She said before his lips were on hers. This kiss was different from the one in the rehearsal space. This kiss wasn't about want; it was just about sharing their love.

"I'm glad you liked it. I thought we could keep them in this box to complete it. We are together no, and we can put all this behind us."

"I like that idea." She said and kissed him lightly again.

"How about a movie?" He asked getting up to put the box back up.

"Can I have popcorn with extra butter?" She giggled.

"Anything for you, Babe." He scooped her up again before heading back upstairs.

**Sorry for any errors, I wanted to get it posted. I will edit later.**

**Yay, Jommy back together and happy!!! Sorry for the long gap in updates. Writers block has been horrible. I hope to get back in the groove of things. I hope you all liked this JOMMY filled chapter. Please keep the reviews coming!!! I love reading all your thoughts. I really never imagined I would still be writing this after a year. Still not sure when it will end, but I will keep you posted. **

**You can always follow my twitter. I try to post my progress on there when I am writing. Karalynn79. **


	47. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

When the movie was over, Tommy looked over and found Jude sound asleep with the popcorn bowl still in her lap. He couldn't help but chuckle. She looked so peaceful with a smile on her face. He hated to wake her, so he took the popcorn to the kitchen and grabbed a blanket to cover her with.

"Tommy?" He heard when he was halfway up the stairs.

"You're awake." He said walking back to the living room.

"Why did you let me fall asleep?" She asked rubbing her eyes.

"You were exhausted, baby. There was no keeping you awake." He laughed as he kneeled down in front of the couch.

"Were you going to bed without me?" She asked in a pout.

"I didn't want to wake you up, but since you're awake now." He scooped her up. "I have no problem taking you to bed."

Jude just smiled and placed her head on his shoulder. She would never have to miss being in his arms again. That made her feel a happiness that she thought she'd never feel again in her life.

The next day started very early. Tommy woke Jude up with breakfast in bed. "I can really get used to this." She said sipping her orange juice.

"Well, your wish is always my command." He said and kissed her forehead.

After breakfast, they got ready to go spend the day at her dad's. Everyone was going to be there for a day long welcome home party. She was really excited to hang out with everyone. It had been a long time since everyone was in the same place at once. Her dad had the grill fired up and everyone lounged around in the back yard all day. Most of the day, Tommy sat beside her holding her hand. She loved listening to the stories Kyle and Alley were telling about last minute wedding plans. She hoped one soon that would be her and Tommy.

When the party was dying down, Jude was sitting with Ella in her lap asleep while everyone was cleaning up. For once she was glad for the cast because she didn't have to help. She sat thinking about the whole day. It had been fun, but it felt like something was missing. She couldn't put her finger on it until she heard someone clear their throat. She looked up with a smile. "Jamie." She said nodding towards the chair Tommy had sit in all day.

"Sorry I wasn't here all day. Zepp and I just got back from Arizona visiting her mom." He said staring into the house where Tommy and Stuart were.

"It's okay. How have you been?" She asked mindlessly stroking Ella's hair.

"Good. I have had a lot of time to think, and a few people have made me see some things that I didn't want to see." He said finally looking at her.

"And what do you see now?" She asked.

"I see my best friend sitting in front of me all grown up. You've been through a lot since you won Instant Star. I guess I wanted to keep you in this little bubble and not let you grow up." He said sincerely.

"We all have grown up and changed, Jamie." She said looking over at him.

"I know." He nodded. "He really loves you." He said motioning towards the house.

"Yeah, and I love him more that I ever thought I could. It's only grown through the years." She said with a dreamy smile.

Just then Zepp walked out of the house. "How are you feeling, Jude?" She asked with a smile.

"I'm really good. Thanks. How are you? Jamie says you guys just got back from Arizona."

"Yeah, it was nice to get out of town for a little bit." She said smiling.

"We better get going. I need to stop by the office before we head home. Are we good?" Jamie said standing up.

"We are good." Jude said with a smile.

When they were walking away, Jude say something sparkle from Zepp's finger. She was really happy for them, and really glad that Jamie finally realized what he had. She felt a slight sadness that she wasn't in the same position as all her friend. She was happy for them but she wished she and Tommy were at that place in their relationship. She thought about how they had separate homes. Sure they were close together, but she couldn't imagine ever spending another night away from him.

"You ready to go?" Tommy asked walking back out with Spied right behind him.

"Yeah." She said with a smile.

"Dude, I am so glad you are home. We'll have to get together more." Spied said when he picked up Ella out of Jude's lap.

"Definitely." Jude said reaching for Tommy's hand to stand up.

They said bye to Jude's family, and Tommy helped her into his car. He noticed that Jude had seemed in a quiet daze ever since he saw Jamie and Zepp leave. It worried him that Jamie might had said something to up set her. "You've been quite since we left your dad's. What's on your mind, babe?"

"Nothing in particular." She said with a slight sigh.

"So, what did Jamie have to say?" He asked bringing her hand up to kiss her knuckles.

"That he was sorry for how he'd acted. He said he realized I'm still me; just grown up. I think he and Zepp may even be engaged."

"Really? That's good. Is that why you are quiet?" He was really worried about where her mind might be. He'd decided to wait a while before asking her to marry him. He wanted to make sure she was stable on her feet first.

Jude just shrugged. "Maybe." She said barely above a whisper as he turned onto their street.

"Your house or mine?"

"It doesn't matter." She shook her head trying o shake the thoughts she was having.

"Why don't we go to yours, so you can sleep in your own bed?" He thought maybe she was just tired.

"Whatever." She felt horrible for felling lie she felt. She realized she'd just been home for a day. It wasn't like they were going to start making future plans instantly.

"Tommy helped her to the living room and to the couch before asking her anything else. "Are you okay? You really seem upset about something." He asked cupping her face so she would have to look at him.

"I'm fine." She tried to look away because she could feel the tears prickling her eyes.

"Baby, why are you crying?"

"I don't know." She said biting her bottom lip.

"Jude, you are going to have to talk to me. You seemed so happy all day." He was really lost on what could have caused her mood change.

"Today was great. Yesterday was great, but I just keep feeling like the other shoe is going to drop. I look at all my friends. Spied has Karma and Ella. Wally's married, and Kyle will be soon. Now even Jamie is engaged."

"I'm not going anywhere. Is that what you are worried about? Jude, everything I wrote in those letters was true. We have our whole future a head of us, Babe."

"But what if…"

"What if nothing. Jude, I love you, and I've loved you since you were fifteen years old. I'm not going any where." He was half tempted to go get the ring and ask her right there, but he really wanted to do it right this time.

"I'm just being silly."

"No, you are just getting used to your medication, and you're tired. You've had a big couple of days." He said and kissed her forehead.

"Can we just go to bed?" She asked with a sigh.

"Of course."

She knew she was being crazy because when she felt Tommy's arms snuggly around her, she'd never felt safer. "Tommy, what do you think about me putting the house on the market?"

"If that is something you want to do." He said into her hair.

"It's just I don't ever want to spend another night without you. What's the point of having two homes?" She turned to look at him.

"Well, I could move in here." He said tucking her hair behind her ear.

"You have your home studio and everything already over there."

"Whatever you want to do, babe. Just know I'm going to be right with you every night anyway."

"I know. I love you so much, and it just hurts to think of being without you."

"That will never happen." He whispered before meeting her lips in a gentle kiss.

As the kiss deepened, Jude pulled herself as close to him as she could get. In that moment she felt like she needed him more than she'd ever needed anything. "Tommy." She moaned as his lips moved to her neck.

The last thing on Tommy's mind was to stop. He needed her, and by the way her hands were gripping him, he knew she needed him. He let his hand roam under her shirt. Her skin was so soft and warm. He felt like it had been years since he'd touched it. It was like an addictive drug, and he needed more. Slowly her pulled her shirt over her head and threw it behind him. His hand instantly cupped her breast. Her nipple stiffened at his touch. He could feel her heart beating through her ribcage.

Jude was completely lost in the feel of his hands. It was causing a fire to build under the surface that was bursting to burn free. She ran her fingers through his thick hair as he kissed down her chest. She let out a soft moan when he sucked her already stiff peak into his mouth. One hand moved down her stomach and warmth spread through out her body. She arched her back trying to find some friction, and could feel his growing arousal against her leg. Her hand went instantly to the draw string on his pajama pants. She tried hiking her leg up, but her cast got in the way. It brought her back to reality instantly.

"Ugh!" She grunted hitting the mattress with her fist.

"It's okay. Just relax." Tommy whispered in her ear.

"But…" She started to protest, but he stopped her with a deep kiss before pulling her boy shorts off. All she could do was lay there internally cursing the stupid above the knee cast.

Tommy knew Jude was frustrated, and he wanted to make everything better for her. This wasn't about his needs; this was about her. He wanted to show her just how much he loved her, and that he would always be there for her. He glanced up and a smirk formed across his face when he noticed how she was biting her bottom lip. Slowly he moved up her body; kissing her knee on her good leg and then her thigh.

Jude's mind cleared completely when she felt his fingers on her. He always knew the exact pressure to use that drove her insane. She loved the feel of his kisses moving slowly up her stomach and chest. She could feel him smirking just before he hit a certain spot. In that moment she yanked him up by the hair. It was like she needed his kiss to breathe. With their mouths fused together, Jude could tell she was close and moved with him as much as she could.

Tommy loved watching her let go. The way she bit her bottom lip was so sexy. Her blond hair was faned out on the pillow. He smirked at her when she finally opened her eyes. They were still clouded over with lust. He started to stop her when she reached for him, but she smiled shaking her head and knocked his hand out of the way. He couldn't think straight when her hand wrapped around him. He rested his forehead against her shoulder. Her hand felt so good pumping him; he couldn't get enough of it. The fingers from her free hand ran through his hair bringing him back to her mouth. He kissed her deeply as he flew over the edge.

Jude just smiled when he jumped out of bed to discard his pajama pants and crawled back in pulling her as close as he could. "When you get that cast off, you and I are not leaving this bed for days." He said before kissing her neck.

"I like the sound of that." She laughed.

**Okay, Sorry it has been so long between updates. I had a bad case of writers block, then my computer had a bad virus, and my real life has just left me uninspired. I am trying and I hope the next chapter flows better. I wanted this chapter to be longer, but I feel like that was a good place to end since I really wanted to get it posted for you guys. Hope I still have readers out there. I will try to have the next chapter up faster.**

**PLEASE REWIEW!!!!**


	48. Chapter 47

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Chapter 47

Jude woke up the next morning with the biggest smile on her face. She wished so badly that she didn't have that stupid cast so she could enjoy and appreciate what she felt poking her in the leg. She had to suppress a moan just thinking about it.

"Morning." Tommy mumbled into her neck.

"I think it's a really good morning." She said with a giggle.

"I better shower. I have to get to work."

"Can't you stay with me one more day?" She asked in a pout rolling over to look at him.

"I wish I could." He said before giving her a small peck on the lips. "Do you want me to drive you anywhere?"

She shook her head. "Sadie is coming over. She can take me where ever I need to go."

"Good. I will be home early tonight. So, we can have a nice dinner. I might pick up a couple of movies."

"That sounds good to me." Jude said watching Tommy get out of bed and go towards the bathroom. She knew she was a very lucky woman.

"Okay, I shouldn't be too late. G Major usually clears out pretty early on show night." Tommy said after they came downstairs.

"Tommy, I will be fine." She said with a laugh.

"I know, but I just hate leaving you."

After Tommy was gone, Jude pulled herself up on her crutches and made coffee. Sadie was actually coming over to go over details for the finale. Jude was excited to get back on stage. She really felt like that was the direction she needed to go in to get back to her old life.

When Sadie got there they caught up for a while before getting down to business. Jude wanted to know everything about how Kwest was. She was very happy that her sister and Kwest were doing so well. She knew they were meant to be together, but just like she and Tommy; they wasted years apart. Jude just really wanted everyone to be where they were supposed to be in life. She wanted to get over all the pain and heartache and just be happy.

"So you think you two will get married?" For some reason marriage was always at the front of Jude's mind.

"I'd like to think so." Sadie said with a sigh. "But we decided to only take one day at a time. It is best this way."

"Yeah, that is where Tommy and I are. He promises me he's never going anywhere."

"And I know he means it. Jude, he was a wreck without you."

"I was too. But in the long run, I think it was good for me. I can't lean on him for everything. I need to stand on my own to beat this."

"I'm so glad to have you back." Sadie said hugging her tightly.

"I'm really glad to be back, too. And also I'm really excited to get my career going again."

"Are you sure you're not moving too fast with this? You could ease back onto the stage."

"I'm ready. I have the perfect songs and I want the world to hear them. Plus, I'll have this stupid cast off by then and all will be great." She'd decided to stop thinking of things going wrong, and live for was going right.

"Then let's get to work on this." Sadie said handing her the line up for the finale. "Since we don't know who the final two will be yet, some of this can change."

"That makes sense. But we all are performing right?"

"Yep. And you are wanting to use Mason on one of your songs?"

"Yeah, I think if he opens the first song and then introduces me; it would be a big shock to the audience."

"And Tommy." Sadie added.

"Exactly." She couldn't wait to see the look on his face when she takes the stage again. "So why are only nine finalists performing? What happen to the tenth?" Jude asked noticing the lineup.

"You think Darius was going to let that psycho who claimed to have an affair with Tommy come back. Especially with you being part of the show? Sadie said not knowing Tommy hadn't explained the situation to Jude.

"Excuse me?" Jude said dropping the papers.

"Shit, he didn't tell you yet." Sadie said running her fingers through her hair.

"I knew a contestant hit on him, but she claimed…" Her voice broke and she couldn't finish the sentence. What if it was more than just a claim? What if everything was a lie?

"Jude, I know what you are thinking and stop."

"But Sadie, if there was nothing to it, why didn't he tell me?"

"You were in rehab. He didn't want to derail your recovery."

"He could have told me after I got home. We were supposed to stop keeping things from each other."

"I'm sure he was going to tell you."

"But he didn't." Jude tried to calm herself down. She didn't want to have to take something. "Tell me the whole story."

"Jude, maybe it needs to come from Tommy"

"Sadie, you are my sister. If you love me, you'll tell me the whole story."

"All I know is she was a trouble maker and never got along with any of the other contestants. She never went to the group dinners, and missed curfew. Darius dismissed her from the show. After that she went to the press and claimed she was having an affair with Tommy and that was why she was kicked off."

"So, she actually went to the press with this? It wasn't just a small accusation around G Major? Sadie, how big did it get?"

"Jude, you should really talk to him."

"No, he doesn't seem to think I need to know these things. Damn it, I thought things were going to be different this time around."

"Jude, they are different. He was only thinking of you and your recovery."

Jude chose to ignore that all together. "How big did it get?" She asked rubbing her temples. "Wait a minute. Is this why you didn't bring me magazines to read?"

Sadie couldn't look at her. "Every magazine had something in it about them."

"Oh god, I need to go somewhere. I can't just sit around and let him keep things from me."

"Where are you going to go, huh? Just let him explain everything to you. Then you will see that he was just protecting you."

"Sadie, I know I've had my issues, but I am not a child anymore. He and I cannot have a relationship like this again. He claimed he was protecting me from his mother. You remember how that ended right?"

Sadie decided there was no use in arguing with her anymore. "Where do you want me to take you?"

Tommy was distracted at work most of the morning. Jude had been home two days, so he was going to explain to her the Suzie situation that night over dinner. He just needed to figure out the best way to bring it up to her. It wasn't that he was worried she would believe he cheated; he was worried that she would be mad that it was kept from her. They'd had a lot of issues in the past about him keeping information from her. It probably would have been better to tell her the first night, but he just wanted to enjoy the fact she was home. This information would have just ruined it all.

"Earth to T." Kwest's voice brought him out of his daze.

"What?" He asked shaking his head.

"Where were you? You looked a million miles away."

"I was just thinking. I'm going to tell Jude about the Suzie drama tonight. Trying to figure out my best approach."

"Well, I think you should just be up front about it. You didn't do anything wrong. Jude will understand. Sure she'll be upset that it happened, but she knows you love her and wouldn't cheat."

"You're right. I'm just over thinking all of this. I just want everything to be perfect this time around."

"Don't worry, man. Everything is going to be fine."

Kwest really believed that until Sadie came in looking completely devastated and lost. "Kwest, can we talk in my office?" She asked with a deep sigh.

"Sure. T, I'll be back." Walking towards her office, his mind was going crazy wondering what was going on.

"Shut the door." Sadie said falling into her chair.

"Okay, Babe, you are scaring me. What's going on? I thought you were going to be at the arena all day." He said after closing the door and sitting across from her.

"I just got back from dropping Jude off and Spied's. I really screwed up here."

"What happened?"

"I let it slip about Suzie thinking Tommy had already told her. Now she's refusing to talk to him, and wanted me to take her to Spied and Karma's."

"Oh. He'd planned on telling her tonight at dinner."

"Kwest, this is so messed up. I tried to explain to her that Tommy was going to tell her, but she feels like he is keeping things from her again."

"Well, should we tell him so he can go after her?"

Sadie sighed. "He deserves to know she's not at j=home waiting on him. She's being irrational."

"Sadie, she's just been put on medication. Do you that could be affecting her judgment?"

"No." She answered shaking her head. "She's just not thinking the whole thing out. When she calms down, she'll realize that Tommy was just waiting for the right time to tell her."

Jude hobbled over to Spied's piano. She was still angry. Things were supposed to be different. There weren't supposed to be secrets between them anymore. Secrets always blew up in their faces. In the back of her mind, she knew she was being irrational, but she couldn't help it. Tommy needed to treat her like an adult and an equal. She started playing the piano, and lost herself in the song. She didn't hear when Spied walked in.

"You know, you should really go talk to Quincy." He said sitting down on the bench beside her when she stopped playing.

"He should have told me what happened while I was away." She said not looking at him. Everyone seemed to be defending Tommy.

'When? Saturday when you first got home? Or yesterday when we were all at your dad's? Dude, you've only been home two whole days. Who's to say he wasn't going to tell you tonight when he got home from work?"

Jude just rolled her eyes. "He probably wouldn't be home until late anyway since tonight is show night. There would always be an excuse."

"The old Tommy; yeah. But Jude, not this Tommy. He's not even working with Instant Star. You are his main priority."

"I know he is not working on the show, but I'm sure something would come up at the studio." She said still unable to let go of her anger.

Spied just shook his head and stood up. "I understand you are hurt, and you can stay her if you need to, but just think about what I said."

"Thanks, Vin." She said and went back to playing the piano.

Tommy was excited he finished his work early. He was ready to get home to Jude. He knew their conversation was going to be hard, but she needed to know what went on while she was gone. He knew she trusted him, so he wasn't worried she would think there was truth to it. It was all planned out in his head. Since she was at her house, he was going to cook dinner at his place before going over to get her.

"Where's the fire?" Kwest asked coming in and seeing Tommy throwing his things together.

"I gotta get home to my girl." Tommy said not even looking up.

"About that." Kwest really didn't want to tell him what happened.

"Look, Kwest, Darius knows I have nothing to do with the show. Now that Jude is home, I'm really not stepping back into it."

"Actually this isn't about D, it's about Jude."

"Oh god! Is she okay?" Tommy asked in a panicked voice.

"She's fine." Kwest said raising a hand to calm Tommy.

Tommy sighed. "Then what?"

"She asked Sadie to take her to Spied's."

"Okay." He shrugged. "I will just pick her up there. No big deal."

"Well, she might not go with you willingly." Kwest said slowly.

"Man, you are my best friend; will you please just tell me what s going on?"

"Jude found out about Suzie this morning, and she's pissed that you hadn't told her yet. She feels like this is just like all the other times you kept things from her."

"FUCK!" Tommy didn't know what to think. "How? Why?" He wasn't even sure what he was trying to ask.

"Sadie was with her this morning, and she let it slip thinking you'd already told her."

"Let it slip? How did the subject come up?"

Kwest wasn't sure how to answer that since Tommy wasn't to know Jude was doing the finale. "Sadie didn't say."

"I need to talk to Sadie." Tommy said running his hand through his hair.

"I don't think that is a good idea. Sadie is stressed enough. I don't want you upsetting her."

"Then what am I supposed to do? Just go home and twiddle my thumbs until she cools down?"

"No, I think you need to go over to Spied's and reason with her. Tell her everything. Even take the stack of magazines from Sadie's office to show her how bad it got. Make her see you were protecting her. Tell her you'd planned on telling her tonight. Just lay it all out for her."

"You know how she gets when she is mad at me. She never lets me talk to her. I might as well just go home and let her cool down. She needs to be pissed for a while."

"T, you've changed over the years, so I am just going to tell you what I never told you before. If you feel you two are the real thing, then fight for her. Don't just let her make the decision of how things are going to be." And with that Kwest left the room.

Tommy sat there a few more minutes before he realized Kwest was right. If he'd stood up and fought for her years ago, things would be a lot different. He grabbed his keys and went after his gl. If she didn't want to talk to him, he'd just have to make her. Nothing was going to get in his way of explaining the whole situation to her.

"Figured I'd see you sooner or later." Spied said with a chuckle, when Tommy pulled up.

"Is she in the house?"

"Yeah, I was just leaving to pick up Ella. But before I let you try to talk to her, I need to know something."

"Anything, Vin."

"Were you planning on telling her?"

Tommy nodded. "My plan was to tell her tonight. I wanted to give her a couple of days home first."

"Okay. Just ring the door bell or knock and let her let you in. Don't just bombard her."

"Of course. Thanks, Spied."

"Anytime, Quincy."

Jude was trying not to think about what Spied had said. She really just wanted to be mad, but wasn't sure why. She was mad that some attention whore thought she could use her Tommy to be a star. She was mad that the media believed it enough to print tons of stories about it. Mostly she was mad that Tommy didn't feel the need to explain the situation to her before she found out somewhere else.

She thought she heard a knock on the door, but figured Spied would get it. She just continued to play. When the door bell rang, she stopped and listened to see if anyone was getting the door. "Spied?" She called out, but nothing. She sighed before going to the door.

Tommy wondered if she was ever going to answer the door. He was about to walk away when he heard her yell that she was on her way. He took a deep breath to prepare. When the door opened, it slammed right back in his face.

**So do you think Jude will let Tommy explain? Or will the others have to intervene? Do you think Jude is right or over reacting?**

**I am so sorry that my updates are taking so long. This chapter was hard because I don't do angst very well. But everything is not always sunshine and rainbows. Hopefully soon I will get on a good schedule. **

**Please take the time to leave a review. I love reading what people think. **


	49. Chapter 48

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 48

Tommy sighed and banged on the door. "Come on, Jude! Open the damn door and talk to me."

"Go away, Tommy. Go find your hussy girlfriend and just leave me alone."

He instantly felt panic. How could she believe he would ever cheat on her? "Jude, she was lying. There was no affair. You can ask anybody. I thought you knew me better than that."

That got her to open the door. "We made an agreement that there would be no more secrets. Why didn't you tell me if there was nothing to the rumors?"

"You didn't give me time. I didn't want to ruin your first day home. Saturday night when we were in the basement, I thought about telling you, but you were so happy. Yesterday there was never the right time." He sat down on the front step because she obviously wasn't going to let him in. "But Jude, I was planning on telling you. And there was no truth in it. I love you, and would never cheat on you."

"When Sadie told me this morning, my heart was ripped out of my chest. This is exactly why I was so quite last night on the way home. The other shoe is always going to drop."

"What are you saying?" Tommy asked looking up at her.

"I'm tired, Tommy. I'm trying to pull my life back together. Too many things get in the way of us having a stable relationship."

"Don't say that. Please, Jude, what we have can make it through anything. It's always been the real thing, but this time we are stronger together than not."

"I just need time." She said in a cracked voice with a tear rolling down her cheek.

"No, I've given you time. I should have never agreed to you going to London without me. I should have gone to the rehab facility everyday you were allowed visitors. But I gave you time. Just come home with me, and we can work this all out."

"Not this time. I'm sorry." She said and shut the door. She got as far away as she could before she started crying. Her heart was breaking, but it was what she had to do. She needed to think clearly.

Tommy sat shocked for several minutes before standing up. He left the stack of magazines on the steps with a note.

Jude, you know how to reach me. I love you always, T.

00

He wasn't sure where he was going when he got in his car. Home was out of the question. He didn't want to go there without Jude. After driving around for a while, he ended up at the arena where Instant Star was taped.

"You look awful." Sadie commented when seeing him. "What happened?"

"I think your sister broke up with me. She said she needed time."

"And you just let her go?"

"She wouldn't even let me in. I don't know what else to do. I can't go home."

"Here." She said handing him a key. "Go to Kwest's apartment. There is plenty of beer. Just crash there tonight. I will take care of my sister."

"Thanks, Sades."

"No problem."

00

Jude sat on the couch staring at the floor. She'd finally stopped crying, but she felt like she'd start back up at any moment. Tommy was her world, and she wasn't real sure how she was going to live without him. Her whole recovery was based on them being together. All the songs she'd been writing was about her love for him. Now what was she supposed to do?

Just then little Ella came running in the room. "Joode!" She exclaimed crawling on the couch with her.

"Hey there, sweetie." Jude said with a smile.

"I figured you would go home with Squinty." Spied said with a laugh.

Jude shook her head. "I'm not sure I can keep doing this with him. Every time we turn a corner something comes up. I'm really tired."

"Well, you know he loves you, and he'd never do anything to hurt you intentionally." He placed the stack of magazines on the couch. "He left these for you. Come on, Ella, its bath time."

"But I want to stay with Joode."

"Go with daddy, and maybe I will read you a bedtime story." Jude said tucking a strand of hair behind the little girl's ear.

"Really?" She asked excitedly.

"Of course." She said before kissing her forehead.

"Okay. Come on, daddy!"

Jude couldn't help but chuckle when the left the room. That little girl was a ball of energy. Picking up the stack of magazines, she read the note. She knew he loved her. That was something she could never doubt. Why did their life have to be so complicated? The articles were so ridiculous. She couldn't believe people got paid to make things up like this. It made her heart hurt more because she knew it was ridiculous and she was shutting him out. Every few minutes her phone would buzz, but she ignored it. She didn't want to hear what Sadie had to say. She needed to figure everything out for herself.

00

Sadie was starting to get annoyed that Jude wasn't answering her phone. She needed to fix what she'd started, and make Jude see she could still trust Tommy. All she had to do was reason with her. "Kwest, can you handle things around here?"

"Sure. What's up?"

"Jude broke up with Tommy. I sent him to your apartment. Now I need to go over to Spied's to talk some sense into her."

"Go. We can handle everything around here."

"Thank you. I just don't want them to lose any more time together. I love you." She leaned up to kiss him quickly.

"I love you, too." He said with a smile.

The whole way to Spied's, Sadie went over in her head what she was going to say to Jude. She refused to let Jude and Tommy's relationship fail after all they had been through to get back together. She thought about encouraging Jude to go to London without Tommy. She knew that had been her first mistake. Jude and Tommy belonged together and she going to make sure Jude knew that.

00

Jude made her way to the kitchen and tossed the magazines in the trash. She clutched Tommy's note to her chest. She knew how much he loved her because she loved him the same. But she couldn't keep getting her heart ripped out where he was concerned. After everything she'd been through, she needed stability. If something like this had happened before rehab, she would have drank herself silly and try to forget the pain, but now she just had to suffer. She really wished she could go to her mom for advice.

She'd probably tell her to fight for what she wanted. Don't let it go just out of fear of getting hurt again. Jude shook her head trying to clear her thoughts. Was fighting worth it, if she only ended up broken hearted in the end? Was the love they shared really strong enough for them to really have a long happy life together. Because that would be the only way things could end for her not to be broken hearted.

The door bell rang bringing her out of her thoughts. "I'll get it." She yelled out so Spied wouldn't have to rush down from Ella's bath. She hobbled to the door and found Sadie on the other side. "What do you want, Sadie?" She asked with a huff.

"I want to stop you from making a huge mistake."

"I guess you have talked to Tommy."

"Yeah, he is completely lost, Jude. You are his world."

"Are you so sure? What if this happens again and he is actually tempted? Can Tommy Q really be a one woman man?"

"Jude, this is not you talking. You have let the media influence your thoughts too much. Tommy loves you more than anything, and he is ready to settle down. I'm pretty sure nothing like this will ever happen again."

"Sadie, I am so scared." Jude said as the moved into the living room.

"I know, Jude. But love is worth it." She said wrapping her arms around her pulling her into a sisterly hug letting Jude cry.

"He's not doing anything crazy; is he?" Jude finally asked wiping her face.

"No, he is crashing at Kwest's tonight. I thought it was the safest place for him."

"Thank you, Sadie."

"No problem, little sister. I just want you to be happy, and I am pretty sure that will only happen with Tommy."

"I wish I had mom to talk to." Jude said in a small voice.

"I know."

00

Tommy stared at the ceiling from his place on the couch. He'd downed a couple of beers pretty quickly before crashing on the couch. He needed to think of a way to convince Jude to give them one more shot. His whole life was revolved around her. Over the last several months since she'd come home from Rome, he'd come to realize there was no life without her. He was a shell of a man all those years. She had to feel the same way about him, and he would use that to his advantage.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the front door opening. "Sadie, did you see her?"

"Give her a couple of days. She really needs to sort out her thoughts." Sadie said sitting in the chair across from the couch.

"Is she still mad?"

"No, she's just confused. Her head is fighting with her heart right now. I could use a drink, do you want one?"

"Sure." He said sitting up. He decided a couple of days were all he could give her. If she didn't come around by then, he'd have to force the situation. This time he wasn't walking away silently.

00

After Sadie left, Jude was pretty tired. She told Sadie she needed time to think and build her confidence in her relationship. It was hard to believe that they wouldn't have more hurdles like this. She wasn't sure with her anxiety problems if she could handle it. It was bad enough she had to take an antidepressant every day, who's to say what would happen if she broke down again.

Spied helped her get settled in the guest room, so she could rest while he went out and picked up dinner. Karma was going to be at the Instant Star taping late. She enjoyed spending time with Spied. He was so much like a brother. It was odd to think they once dated.

"Do you remember when you hated Tommy because he took my attention away from you?" Jude giggled as they ate sitting on the bed.

"I saw the way he looked at you then. I knew you two had something special. I was young, but you and I are better off as friends."

"Yeah, you're like the brother I wish I'd had."

"You know I will always be her for you? And Karma says it too; you can stay here as long as you want."

"I know and thank you. It means a lot to me. But dad is picking me up in the morning and I am going to go spend the day with him. I'll probably stay with him until I am ready to go back home. I just need to sort a few things out in my head."

"You do what you have to do, dude." Spied said getting up and collecting their food containers.

"If Ella is ready for her bed time story, will you bring her in?"

00

Kwest couldn't believe his eyes when he walked in and found Sadie and Tommy quite drunk sitting in the floor playing cards. "What do we have here?" He asked with a smirk.

"Kwest, did you know your girl here was a card shark?" Tommy asked in a slightly slurred voice.

"T, I thought you already knew this." Kwest asked laughing.

"I guess I forgot." Tommy shrugged. "Grab me another beer while you're up."

"I think you both have had enough for tonight." He said raising an eyebrow at both of them.

"He's right. I'll get you some blankets." Sadie said but stumbled trying to get out of the floor.

"Babe, why don't you just go to bed? I will get T some blankets." Kwest said helping her up and settling her on her feet.

"Okay. Good night, guys." She said before heading towards the bedroom.

Kwest just shook his head. "I would have never thought the two of you would have gotten drunk together."

"We were just talking and it happened. I wish I could bring their mom back." Tommy said falling back on the couch.

"I do too, man. I do too."

00

Jude sat reading Ella her bedtime story. Something about that little girl brightened Jude's world. She could sit with her for hours. "And they all lived happily ever after." Jude finished and closed the book.

"I like that." The little girl said with a smile.

"I do too." Jude said messing up Ella's hair.

"Okay, Ella, time for bed." Karma said from the doorway.

"But I wanna sleep with Joode." Ella whined.

"Baby, maybe she doesn't want you to."

"It's okay, Karma. I don't mind." Jude spoke up.

"Okay, Night, Baby." Karma kissed her daughter in the head. "Jude, if you need anything, Spied and I are just down the hall."

"Thank you, Karma."

00

**Hi everyone. I feel so bad that my updates are so far apart. I still really love this story and I am trying to write more. Truthfully I have stepped fully into the Twilight Fandom, and it takes a lot of my time. But I still love Instant Star and all my readers. You guys are the ones I write for. **

**So tell me, how are you feeling about Jude right now. Do you think she should just go to Tommy and push aside the feeling, or do you think she is right to take a few days away from him to sort everything out? Do you think she really has a reason to feel like she does? Leave me a review and let me know what you are thinking! DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. **


	50. Chapter 49

**WOW it has been a while! I am so sorry for that. This chapter was really hard to write. Plus I had a hard time motivating myself to type it after it was written. I wanted to thank EVERYONE for all your reviews on the last chapter. They were all so great. I think that was the most reviews I have recieved for one chapter. I really appreciate you all sticking with me on this. I never imagined it would be this long of a story. Hope you enjoy and please keep the reviews coming. **

Chapter 49

Jude woke up the next morning and instantly wanted to go back to sleep. She was a bit disoriented being in a different bed. When she remembered where she was, she felt a little finger poking her in the face. "Joode, wake up." Ella was still curled up at her side.

"It's still early. Go back to sleep sweetie." She whispered not opening her eyes. She really just wanted to shut out the world.

"But I'm hungry." She whined.

About that time Karma came in the room. "Come on sweet girl; let's let Jude sleep a while longer." She said scooping up the little girl off the bed.

"Thank you, Karma."

"No problem. I put everything you'll need for a shower in the guest bath."

Jude nodded and blew Ella a kiss before they were gone. She threw the covers over her head and sighed deeply. It was the first morning waking up without Tommy since she'd gotten home, and she missed him already. She knew she'd only start missing him more as time went on if she kept this up. Letting out a huff, she crawled out of bed to get ready. She was spending the day with her dad, and didn't want to think about everything with Tommy.

When she made her way to the kitchen, Ella was sitting in her high chair eating cheerios. "Joode." She sang.

"Good morning." Jude properly greeted her.

"I'm eating cheerios. You want some?"

"I think I will just have coffee, but thank you." She said sitting beside her when Karma handed her a mug. "Is Spied already gone?"

"Yeah, he and the guys are meeting with Darius and Kwest this morning."

"It's so exciting that they are going to cut an album together." Jude said sipping her coffee.

"Yeah, he is really excited about it. What about you? Thinking of recording again after the finale? You know Darius will kill for that opportunity."

"I'm not sure yet. There is so much stress putting it all together. I'm not sure I can handle it yet." Jude found it interesting that she and Karma were having an actual conversation.

"I know what you mean. My most stressful album was while I was pregnant. Darius wanted to bring all these different producers in to make up for the fact I wasn't able to tour and do a lot of promotion for it. I wanted to lock myself the booth and never come out most days."

"Darius will always be Darius." Jude laughed.

"True. So is your dad picking you up or do you need me to drop you somewhere?"

"Dad is coming to get me. Karma, thank you for letting me crash here. I just need to clear my head some, and I couldn't do that at home."

"Jude, I know you and I haven't always gotten along, but you are my husband's best friend. You will always have a place with us."

"That means a lot to me, thank you."

XXxxXX

Tommy woke up with a splitting headache. He hadn't had a hang over this bad in a long time. He rolled over to find a mug of coffee and Sadie sitting in the chair. "Damn, how much did we drink last night?" He asked rubbing his face.

"Too much." Kwest said coming out of the kitchen with ibuprofen.

"Thanks." Sadie said in a low voice before throwing the bottle at Tommy.

"I'm never drinking again." He groaned as he tried to get up.

"I'm right there with you." Sadie said sipping her coffee. "I have way too much to do today."

"You need an assistant." Kwest said sitting on the arm of her chair.

"Not this again." She sighed looking up at him. "I have to keep busy. Besides no one would do things the way I want them done."

Kwest smiled and kissed her head. "Okay, babe, I'll stop. I have to go. I have a meeting with Darius and SME this morning. Are you riding with me?"

"Nope, I have to do media all day. So, I'll just take my car."

"Okay. T, you are welcome to shower here if you'd like."

"Thanks, man, but I better go by the house anyway. I have a few things I need to sort out."

"Alright, I'll see you two later."

After Kwest was gone, they sat in silence before Sadie spoke up. "She'll come around. She's just being Jude; always over dramatic."

"I need to figure out a way to prove to her I'm not going anywhere." He sighed pulling on his hair.

"She knows this, Tommy. I really think she needs to just think everything through. She sent me a text earlier saying she was spending the day with dad."

Tommy nodded at this information. "That will be good for her. If you see her…"

"I'll tell her she knows where to find you."

"Thank you for everything, Sadie."

"Whatever." Sadie said rolling her eyes.

xxXXxxXXxx

Jude sat on the couch in the living room of her childhood home just looking around. She thought about all the good times they'd had as a family before her parents' divorce. They had always had the best holidays. Her dad cooking dinner while she and Sadie helped their mom decorated the house around Christmas time. Christmas mornings were always the best. Family game nights when they would order in so neither her dad or mom would have to cook dinner and spend any time away from the rest of the family. She wondered when and where it all went bad.

"Dad, what happened? Why did you and mom fall apart?" She asked when he came out of the kitchen with sandwiches for lunch.

"Jude, you know what happened."

"No, I mean something had to make you cheat. You couldn't have been happy."

"Sweetheart, I believe your mother and I were just not meant for the long haul. We were meant to have you girls, but she and I had been fighting too much. I found comfort somewhere else. I know what I did was wrong. Our marriage should not have ended that way."

"She told me once she still loved you, but Don completed her."

Stuart nodded. "Just like Tom completes you."

"Dad." Jude started but Stuart interrupted her.

"No Jude, that man loves you more than anything. He was a mess before you woke up in the hospital. Not to mention his state of mind when you left for London."

"Why didn't you tell me he bought the farmhouse?"

"He asked me not to. He told me that he was letting you go, but wanted a piece of you to hold on to."

"I should have never left for London without him. Dad, nothing has gone right since then."

"Sweetheart, you have to make mistakes to learn from them. Now you two can have a stable life together. But you have to go home to him." He finished by giving her a pointed look.

"I know, daddy. But today I want to spend the day with you."

"That sounds good to me, Sweetie."

xxXXxx

Tommy's head was still pounding when he got home. He called and put off all his meetings until the next day. Nothing was really pressing until Instant Star was over anyway. He couldn't bring himself to go to the bedroom it had too many memories of Jude. So, he went down to the basement studio and crashed on the couch. He was asleep as soon as he shut his eyes.

Images filled his mind of Jude and what should have been. He saw their wedding day. Jude's mom was smiling because her daughter was smiling. He saw Jude in a hospital bed all sweaty holding a little baby. The last dream was Jude beside her mother's bed with a little girl in her lap. Jude had tears running down her cheeks. The little girl jumped down and ran to him. "Daddy, why momma sad? Gamma is right there." His heart broke because how do you tell a two year old her Grandma just died.

Just then he was startled awake by his phone going off in his pocket. It took him several seconds to figure out what it was before retrieving it and flipping it open. "Hello?"

"Just making sure you were okay." It was Sadie.

"What time is it?" He was still really groggy.

"It's seven. Don't you have appointments today?"

"No, I put them off until tomorrow." He said confused.

"Tommy, it's seven a.m.; it is tomorrow."

"Oh shit!" He said and jumped up quickly. "Fuck!" he cursed when he stubbed his toe. I didn't mean to sleep all day and all night."

"Calm down. We tried to wake you up last night when we stopped by, but you were completely out."

"Well, I'm up now. I have to go. I have to meet the band in an hour." Tommy flew up to his bathroom as fast as he could. His mind was so consumed with all he had to do that day to think about his dreams or even his problems with Jude.

xxxXXXxxx

Jude found it strange waking up in her childhood bed. She'd never realized how small it really was back when she lived there. She sat up and stretched before reaching for her phone. After spending the day with her dad, she decided she needed someone on the outside to help give her some prospective.

"Hello, this is Leesa."

"Hi, it's Jude Harrison."

"Jude, hi, how are you doing?"

"I wish I could say better, but some things have come up over the last few days since I got home. I was wondering if you had time to talk."

"Sure. Do you want to meet up for lunch?"

"That would be great." They agreed on a quiet café in town to meet at. Jude really hoped talking to Leesa would help her understand what was going on in her head.

"Okay, so Spied is picking you up and taking you home, right?" Stuart asked when dropping her off at the café.

"Yes, he said he had plenty of time while Ella was at a play group." She nodded after he helped her out of the car. "Also thank you for yesterday, dad. I really needed it."

"No problem, sweetie." He said and kissed her forehead before she turned to go into the café.

Leesa was already there waiting on her. "Jude, it's good to see you."

"You, too." Jude said sitting down and placing her crutches on the side of her chair.

"So, when do you get your cast off?"

"Hopefully tomorrow; I have an appointment with my doctor."

"That's good to hear." The waitress came and took their order. "So, what's up? You sounded pretty upset on the phone."

"I guess I thought everything was going to be perfect when I got home. I'd be back with Tommy and all would be right with the world. I never thought I'd come home and find out Tommy was in a scandal with Instant Star."

"I read about that, but after the way you talked about him, I figured it was all lies."

"Everyone assures me there was no truth in it. But I found out from my sister instead of Tommy." She said looking down at the table. Just saying the words alone was making the pressure build in her chest.

"Was he trying to keep it from you?" Leesa asked sipping her tea.

"He says he was trying to find the right time. I'd only been home for two days, and he didn't want to ruin my homecoming. But it really hurt not hearing it form him and I made a big deal out of it. I realized I was being irrational but I couldn't help it."

"Jude, it's understandable to be upset. Also you need time for your medication to take effect. Your emotions are still settling. Maybe you should have a good sit down talk with Tommy."

"I think I sort of broke up with him."

"Well, if he loves you like you said in all our sessions, then he's probably just waiting for you to come around."

They had a nice lunch, and continued to talk about how Jude was feeling. She told her all about her concerns that she and Tommy would end up like her parents. Jude felt better talking to her just like she always had in rehab. She didn't know if it was because she was a trained specialist or just because she wasn't personally involved in the situation.

After lunch was over, Spied picked her up to take her back home. She actually enjoyed the quiet of her house. She thought a lot about Tommy and how much she missed him. Two days away from him, after already spending a month apart, was torture. She just wanted to be back in his arms again. Sitting on the couch, a song idea popped into her mind and she grabbed her notebook. Lyrics just seemed to flow. In just a couple of hours she had the song finished. She knew it was the perfect one to show him. She had to work on getting them back where they belonged.

It was still day light enough for her to hobble over to his house. She'd sent Sadie a text making sure he was still at G Major. She folded the page in half and wrote 'please read' on the front before taping it to his front door. She hoped he would understand what she was trying to say.

After getting back home, she had to find something to occupy her mind while waiting on him. She decided to work on the music for the song. She figured if she kept it up, she'd have enough material for a new album. But like she'd told Karma the day before she wasn't quite sure she was ready for that step yet.

xxXXxx

Tommy felt exhausted when he got home. He figured after all the sleep he'd had the day before, he'd be wired for days. That was not the case. It made him even more tired. Plus he had all the dreams of Jude still running through his head. He just wanted to crash on the couch. Before he could even unlock the front door, he saw a folded piece of paper with Jude's handwriting on it. His heart skipped a beat as he unfolded to read.

(credit for song Colbie Caillat)

"I never told you"

I miss those blue eyes  
How you kiss me at night  
I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise  
Like the taste of your smile  
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you  
What I should have said  
No, I never told you  
I just held it in

And now,  
I miss everything about you  
Can't believe that I still want you  
And after all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you  
Without you

I see your blue eyes  
Everytime I close mine  
You make it hard to see  
Where I belong to  
When I'm not around you  
It's like I'm alone with me

But I never told you  
What I should have said  
No, I never told you  
I just held it in

And now,  
I miss everything about you  
Can't believe that I still want you  
And after all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you  
Without you

But I never told you  
What I should have said  
No, I never told you  
I just held it in

And now,  
I miss everything about you  
Can't believe that I still want you  
And after all the things we've been through  
I miss everything about you  
Without you

He wasn't sure if he should be happy or cry at the end. Her words were so beautiful. And he wasn't lost on the fact that she'd written a song. Faster than he knew possible, he was at her front door.

xxXXxx

Jude got comfortable in the chair closet to the door. She really hoped he'd come straight over after reading the song. It made her a bit nervous to let him know she was writing again because she still wanted to surprise him at the finale. She would just have to play it off as if that was the first song she'd written and that she wasn't ready to perform yet; though she was itching to get back on stage.

Time ticked slowly. In the past she would have drank a glass of wine, or smoked a couple of cigarettes, but now she just sat fiddling with her crutches. She even dozed off a couple of times. So many things went through her mind. What if he didn't come home or what if he was done with her drama?

When she heard the door bell, she knew it was him. She took a deep breath as she made her way to the door. When she opened the door, she noticed how tired he looked but couldn't help but smile. "Hi." She said rather shyly just above a whisper.

Tommy wanted to reach out and grab her and never let go, but he didn't want to scare her. "Hi." He echoed her greeting.

"Do you want to come in?" She said opening the door wider for him.

"I'm not sure. What does this mean?" He asked raising the piece of paper.

"It means I still want you. We have a lot to talk about, but honestly I'm too tired to talk tonight."

"You know where to find me when you are ready." Tommy said with a sigh before turning to leave.

"Where are you going?" She asked in a defeated tone.

"You said you were tired." He said turning back to her.

"Yeah, but I can tell you are too, and you know we both sleep better when we are together."

"Are you sure?"

Jude nodded with a smile and reached for his hand. "Definitely." She said before letting her crutches fall away and wrapping her arms around his neck.

-x-x-x-x-x-xx-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

**So there you have it. They still have a lot to work out, but at least they can work it out together now. I'm not good with angst, so fluff is on its way. What does Tommy think is the best way for the two of them to work on their relationship? A weekend get away? Plus, the finale is right around the corner. How is Jude going to keep her performance from Tommy? Stay tuned to find out. **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	51. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

As Tommy pulled her closer to him, he could feel her shaking with sobs. "Shh. Baby, I'm here. No reason to cry."

"I'm so sorry. I should have never over reacted." She gasped between sobs.

"Don't worry about it. All that matters is that you're in my arms now." He said running his fingers through her hair.

Jude buried her face in the crook of his neck. Her emotions were all over the place and she just wanted to hold on to him for dear life. She almost felt like if she let go, he'd disappear. No matter how afraid she was that they would end up like her parents in the long run, she needed him. "I love you. You know that right?" She mumbled into his neck.

"Of course, Girl. I love you, too. More than I ever thought possible. I promise I was planning on telling you everything. I was going to cook you dinner Monday night and tell you all about it." Tommy pulled her back so he could look into her eyes. "You are the only one for me. You have been for a very long time."

Jude nodded weakly. "I don't know how to explain to you how I feel. My thoughts and emotions are so screwed up."

"You don't have to explain anything right now. We have all the time in the world. You can just tell me in your own time." He gave her a small smile. "Have you eaten anything lately?"

"Not since this afternoon." She said in a yawn.

"Okay, why don't you get comfortable and I will make us a quick dinner."

"Okay."

After dinner, Jude could barely keep her eyes open, and Tommy wasn't much better. "Come on, Girl. Let's get to bed. I have a feeling neither of us have really gotten any rest over the last couple of days."

"I hope I get this stupid cast off tomorrow." Jude groaned as Tommy helped her upstairs.

"I don't mind helping you." He said scooping her up in his arms. "I don't know how I will deal with not getting to do this all the time." He smirked before giving her a peck on the lips.

"I missed you." She said with a sigh placing her head on his shoulder.

"I missed you, too." He kissed her forehead.

Jude felt like the weight of the world was lifting off her shoulders when she crawled in bed and curled into Tommy. This was her safe place, and she couldn't remember why she ever pushed him away. They were made for each. She knew she wanted to go to sleep with him every night and wake up beside him every morning. He was past, present, and future. With his arms wrapped around her, she was asleep in no time. Her dreams were blissful images of them together in the future surrounding by friends and family.

xxx

When Tommy woke up the next morning, Jude was still asleep. He noticed that she had a happy smile on her face. It instantly made him smile. All he ever wanted to do was make her happy. All his life things have been chaotic, but he was past all that. He'd actually be happy if they moved out into the country and just lived life together. Some people might think it was unhealthy to want to spend every waking minute with a person, but he felt like they had wasted too much time being apart already.

Not wanting to wake her, he slid carefully out of bed. He went to the kitchen to cook her breakfast. He knew she was nervous about her doctor's appointment. He really hoped she would be able to get the cast off so she could get around better.

Jude woke up not sure where she was. Sleeping in a different bed every night was getting confusing to her. When she realized she was in her own bed, a smile formed on her lips. She remembered Tommy coming over. She knew they had some things to work on, but they'd do it together. She was disappointed when she rolled over to reach for him and he wasn't on his side of the bed.

For a second, she thought maybe it was a dream. Then she feared he had left without saying goodbye. She'd really wanted to see him before he went to work. She needed to see him to know everything was going to be okay. It was like it was all unreal unless he was physically there.

The smell of coffee coming from the kitchen made her sit up. Maybe he was still there after all. Jude felt the nerves in her stomach. It had always been like this seeing him since she was fifteen. She hoped they would have a long life together, and that she'd never loose the butterflies. She wanted to love him that much always.

Jude was sitting up in bed rubbing her eyes when he returned to the room. She had the slightest pout on her lips. Tommy thought it was cute. "What's wrong, girl?"

"I woke up and you were gone. I thought maybe last night was a dream."

"No dream." He said kissing her forehead. "I wanted to make you breakfast. You need your strength today since you are going to the doctor."

Jude smiled. "Thank you."

"Do you need me to take you today?"

She shook her head. "No, Sadie is taking me. I might need to see the physical therapist. Then she is taking me to the store to meet Wally."

"Are you going back to work?"

"No. I just want to hang out. Maybe see some of my students." Jude couldn't tell him they were actually practicing the new songs for the finale.

"Okay, but if you need me for anything; just call me."

"Can I call you even if I don't need anything?"

"Anytime." He said and kissed her lightly. "You eat. I have to shower and get to G Major. I should be done today around four."

"Okay. I should be back here by then. Do you think we can go by the shop where my car is?"

"Of course. I'll have D call the guy today."

"Thank you, for everything."

"No, thanks needs, baby. I do these things because I love you."

"I love you, too" She said before he left the bedroom.

She sat eating her breakfast feeling pretty happy. She and Tommy were going to get back on track. The finale was right around the corner, and she was really excited to perform again. It seemed like life was really falling into place. She thought maybe happiness wasn't that hard to find after all. Deep down she knew it was what her mom would want for her.

xxx

"Wow, I haven't seen that smile in a while." Kwest said walking up to make a cup of coffee.

"Jude and I are good. She even wrote a song and taped it to my door."

"Really? She's writing again?" Kwest knew he had to sound shocked at that.

"Yeah. I know we have a lot of the things to talk out. I'm thinking of taking her to the farm house this weekend. Just so we can get out of dodge and really work on some things."

"That's great man. A weekend getaway will be perfect for you two. I'm going to try my best to get Sadie to take a small vacation once the competition is over."

"Good luck with that."

"Yeah, I know I have my work cut out for me there."

"The only time she's taken anytime off in the last year was to go to Rome when Victoria was in the hospital."

"I just want her to be okay. I don't want her to breakdown."

"I can understand that. It's not the best thing to go through. I just hope Jude can be okay. I just want her happy."

"Well, T, you are doing all you can do for her. All we can hope now is her time in rehab made her see what she was doing to herself and the people who love her."

"I know. I've wanted her to settle in before I bring the subject up. This week has been a complete roller coaster."

"Then you really should get her out of town for the weekend. "

That was all Tommy could think about all day. He knew they needed to hash out everything. He needed her to open to him. He wanted to know where her head was with the whole situation. If they stayed home, there would always be something and someone to interrupt them.

He tried to focus on his work, but he kept checking his phone every few minutes to see if he had any texts from Jude. It was important to her to get her cast off so she could start regaining her independence. He knew she hated depending on everyone to get her places. He needed to get one of his cars out of the shed behind his house for her. He didn't see any reason for her to need rides all the time when he had the extra vehicles.

xxx

Jude sat biting her thumb nail waiting on the doctor. She was so nervous about getting the cast off. She wanted to do things for herself again, but didn't know what to expect. This was the first time she'd ever had a broken bone. If it hadn't healed properly, she'd be stuck in another cast.

"So, Jude, how are you feeling today?" The doctor asked coming in the exam room.

"I'm okay. Just ready to get rid of this thing."

"I bet. Let's take a look and see what we can do."

Jude couldn't quit smiling as she walked out into the waiting room with an air boot on her foot. The doctor had found the upper breaks had healed completely. But her ankle still needed some support. He told her to wear the boot for another six weeks then come back to see him. The good thing about the boot was she only had to wear it when she was walking around. That would make sleeping a lot more comfortable; among other things.

"Wow, no cast or crutches." Sadie said standing up.

"Nope. I have to wear this boot for the next six weeks."

"So are you ready to go?"

Jude looked at her watch. "Yeah, the guys should be there by now. They need to learn the songs."

"So, how exactly are we going to do rehearsals?" Spied asked. They were all sitting around the back room of the guitar shop.

"He works during the day, so we'll just have to meet here." Jude shrugged.

"How are we going to stage it?" Wally asked.

"Don't worry; I have my ways of keeping him occupied." Sadie said with a smirk.

"Sadie, don't torture my boyfriend." Jude said giving her a stern look.

"Oh I won't torture him, but I have some ideas to occupy his time so you can rehearse."

"I can't wait to see his face when I take the stage. I want him to know none of this would have been possible without him."

"He'll never take the credit." Sadie argued.

"I know but I still want him to know how I feel."

"Come on, Dude. Let's learn these songs." Spied said noticing Jude was beginning to get emotional.

"Okay, I'll start and you guys just join in when you get it."

Jude loved playing with her band again. It was great how their chemistry never faded. All three guys were able to join in after just a few riffs. It was like they'd never stopped playing music together. She didn't even know why she was so against this when she first moved home. If she knew then what she'd feel now, she would have jumped right in because she finally felt at home.

xxx

When four o'clock came around, Tommy was ready to run from G Major. He was surprised he hadn't heard from her all day. He wanted to know if everything went okay at the doctor. It had him a bit worried.

"Hey, T, I'm glad I caught you." Darius said coming from his office.

"D, I was just leaving."

"I talked to the guy at the shop, and he said you can go by about six and he will be there."

"Oh great, Jude will be so happy."

"Plus I made reservations at the little Italian restaurant around the corner. Take Jude out and have a nice time."

"Thanks, D."

"We take care of family around here."

Tommy nodded and went towards the door. Maybe he and Jude would have a good night. Dinner at a nice restaurant will give him a chance to mention going away for the weekend. All he had to do the next day was go to a radio interview with band. Then he was all Jude's.

The house was completely quiet when he got there. He wasn't even sure if Jude was home. He heard soft music coming from upstairs. "Jude?"

"Up here." Her voice drifted down.

Tommy ran up the stairs and followed the music. It was coming from the bathroom. That was where he found Jude soaking in the tub. "Hi." He said with a smirk.

"Hi." She said with a shy smile. "Do you know how long it's been since I've been able to take a bubble bath?"

"So the cast is gone?"

"Gone. I just have to wear that for the next six weeks." She said pointing at the boot.

"Then we have something to celebrate. The guy will be at the shop to meet us at six, and then we are going to dinner; G Major's treat."

"Sounds great."

"Good. I'm going to run home and change." He said and kissed her lightly.

Jude couldn't stop smiling when they walked into the restaurant. The guy at the shop said he thought the car would be ready in about a month. He had to order some parts. Luckily the frame wasn't messed up as badly as they first thought. She couldn't wait to get her car back.

"What can I get you to drink?" The hostess asked. "Or would you like to see the wine list?"

Tommy immediately got worried about Jude. "No, water will be fine." He said quickly.

"You can have wine if you want, babe." Jude said reassuringly. "I'd like tea please."

"Okay, I'll be right back with your drinks." The hostess said before walking off.

Jude reached across the table and grabbed Tommy's hand. "Hey, just because I can't drink; doesn't mean you can't."

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"It won't. Sadie told me about the other night. I'm glad you were at Kwest's. You know Leesa told me she didn't really think I had an alcohol problem. Not that I should drink; just that I didn't have a problem. So, if you want a glass of wine; I'll be fine with it."

"My water will be fine."

"Okay." She said biting her bottom lip. "It was really nice of Darius to get us dinner reservations."

"Yeah, he is getting soft in his old age." Tommy laughed.

"So I figured I should go get a rental car until my mustang is ready. Now that I have my cast off, I can start driving again." Jude said while looking over the menu.

"Or you could drive one of mine. They are just sitting in the shed behind the house."

Jude eyed Tommy. He'd always been particular about letting her drive his cars. "Really? Are you sure?"

Tommy shrugged and gave her hand a squeeze. "What's mine is yours." He said with a smile.

"Okay." She nodded not trusting her voice at the time.

"Also, I was thinking about us getting out of town for the weekend."

"Where were you thinking about going?"

"The farm house, just you and me, no distractions."

Jude felt her face blush when she thought of them alone without anyone to interrupt them. "When were you thinking about leaving?"

"I have a radio interview to go to with the band in the morning. After that I am all yours until Monday."

Jude thought for a minute. She and the guys hadn't planned on rehearsing any over the weekend. "Sounds great to me." She said with a smile.

Dinner was great. Jude told him about her doctor's appointment and he filled her in on what he was working on. He was really excited for the album release for the band. They ate, laughed, and just enjoyed being out like a normal couple.

xxx

When they got home, Tommy grabbed the keys to the Porsche for Jude to take for a test drive. It was a beautiful crisp night. They ended up sitting at a park looking at the stairs with the top down. Tommy looked over at her and was amazed by her simple beauty.

"What?" Jude asked smiling. She was truly happy being there with him.

"Do you know how beautiful you are?" He asked tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I'm nothing special." She said trying to turn her head.

"Yes you are. Sometimes I can't find the words to express how much you mean to me. I love you just doesn't seem to be enough sometimes."

Jude stared into his eyes and could see his sincerity. "I know what you mean." She said as they drifted together and met in a gentle kiss.

Tommy pulled her closer to him. It felt like it'd been forever since he felt this close to her. He felt her smile into the kiss, and know she felt the same way. His tongue grazed her bottom lip and she allowed him entrance, deepening the kiss.

Jude ran her fingers through his hair wishing she could just melt into him. The kiss made her tingle from head to toe. She could feel the warmth in her stomach all the way to her core. She placed a hand on is stomach underneath his shirt needing to feel his skin. It only made her need it more. It took all she had, but she finally pulled away from the kiss. "We need to get home now." She said breathlessly.

"I couldn't agree more."

They switched seats so Tommy could drive them home. Jude couldn't keep her hands off him. One hand stroked his upper thigh; while the other one played with the hair at the nape of his neck. She would peck his neck every few seconds. "Drive faster." She almost moaned in his ear.

"Baby." He whined. Luckily the car was an automatic because if she was going to torture him, he'd give as good as he took. He reached over to stroke her thigh.

She shifted in her seat to give him better access. "I should have worn a skirt." She said in a giggle when he rubbed her jeans against her center.

Tommy thought he was going to have to pull over, but they were only a block from home. "You have to stop." His voice was husky with lust.

Jude bit her bottom lip and slid towards her door. "Fine, I will just be over here." She said with a smirk.

Shifting in his seat, he sighed in relief when he pulled onto their street.

xxx

**There you go. I didn't do a real good job with the edit. I will edit tomorrow. Sorry it has taken so long. I seriously kept hitting a brick wall when writing this. Every chapter we are getting closer to the end. Not sure yet how far we are, but I will let you know when I know. Please keep leaving your reviews. They motivate me to write and hopefully it won't be another month before the the next chapter. I know I keep saying that but I am trying. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW **


	52. Chapter 51

**Hey everyone. Chapter is finally done. It took me a while to get into Jude's head. Hope you like it. Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

Chapter 51

Jude stared at the ceiling with a dreamy smile on her face. She was supposed to be packing for the weekend while Tommy was working, but all she could do was think about the night before.

As soon as they were in the driveway, Tommy was out of the car and opening her door. He had her leaned against the car; his fingers digging into her hips; his mouth urgent against hers. She couldn't help but moan at the feel of his erection poking her stomach. His lips moved to her neck making her smile when his tongue grazed her ear. "Let's go inside." She let out a giggle.

She sighed and wrapped her hands the back of his neck when he picked her up, pulling him back to her. The warmth of his mouth, the silky slickness of his tongue against hers made her groan. Her whole body was a live with anticipation. The kiss never broke as he expertly unlocked and opened the front door. He lightly placed her on her feet. "I want you so badly," he said into her ear before concentrating on a place on her neck.

"Too many clothes." She started unbuttoning his shirt. The warmth of his skin was electrifying. She ran her hands down his stomach, loving the way his muscles reacted to her touch.

"Jude." Her name was between a whisper and a moan when she ever so slightly unbuttoned his jeans.

Before she knew it, they were both undressed and in his bed. He was hovered over her staring into her eyes. She could see his lust for her, but also the love. "I love you," she whispered.

He responded by meeting her lips in a kiss. As it deepened, his hands were working their way down her body. She moaned into his mouth at the feeling of him squeezing her breast. Arching into his touch, her hands ran down his back pulling him closer to her. She needed to feel his weight on her. His lips moved to her neck while one hand found its way to her core. His fingers expertly went to work on her clit.

She needed more. It felt like it had been forever since they'd been together like this. Moving her hand between them, she firmly gripped his erection and felt it swell at her touch. "Jude" His face was buried in her neck, his fingers still pumping in and out of her.

"Oh god, Tommy. I need…"

"What do you need, baby?" His eyes flickered with the a hint of laughter to match the smirk on his lips.

"You. Please."

Her nails dug into his back when he entered her. She loved the feeling of him being buried deep inside her. It made everything right in the world. She hooked one leg around his hip, changing the angle they were joined. His pace was slow and steady, and they moved together like a ballroom dance. Every nerve in her body was alive when she went crashing over the cliff. He was right behind her.

Walking through the house, Jude felt like she was walking on air. She loved not having crutches anymore. Tommy had left the coffee maker on for her. She poured a cup and sat at the counter to read the paper. There was nothing but bad news, but she refused to let anything ruin her good mood. Placing her cup in the sink, she went to get dressed and ready for the weekend.

Tommy rushed home as soon as he could after the radio interview. He already missed Jude like crazy and it had only been a couple of hours. Being able to hold her and make love to her again really refocused him on his plans for the future. He knew their weekend away would be too soon to purpose. They still had a lot of issues to work through, but he knew they were stronger now and could work through anything together.

When he walked into the house, bags were packed and sitting by the door. He found Jude in the kitchen washing dishes. He walked up and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I missed you." He kissed her neck lightly.

"Hmm." She turned in his arms. "I missed you too." She smiled before his lips were covering hers.

The kiss was sweet and short. "I see you have your bags packed." His head nodded towards the living room.

"I packed your stuff, too," she said in a whisper before he was placing open mouthed kisses on her neck.

"All I keep thinking about is last night." He rested his forehead on hers before boosting her up onto the counter.

"I know me too." She could barely catch her breath because of his proximity.

"There will be a lot more of that this weekend. I promise you that."

"I think you should fulfill that promise right now." She was already running her hands up the back of his shirt.

The drive to the farm house was in quiet bliss. They were both basking in the aftermath of their lovemaking. Jude watched the trees fly by while holding Tommy's hand. She thought about nothing but the feel of his skin on hers. She was so ready for a weekend alone with him.

When they arrived at the house, it amused her that the place was completely cleaned. She raised her eyebrows at him.

"I had the place cleaned this week." He pulled her to him and kissed her lips. "I didn't want us to have to do any house work."

"Sounds good to me." She ran her fingers through his hair. About that time her stomach growled.

"Why don't you take a walk around, and I will make us some sandwiches for lunch."

"Okay," she said and he kissed her nose.

Tommy watched her through the window while he prepared lunch. She looked so peaceful and happy. He didn't want to upset her, but he knew they needed to talk before they could really enjoy their weekend. There were several ways he could start, but he wasn't sure what the easiest route would be. His mother was an alcoholic, he knew the signs. He just never thought Jude really ever showed those signs. He knew she said something about her counselor saying she didn't really have a problem. He wanted to understand that a little better.

Jude walked around the back yard thinking about the two times she and Tommy had been there together. The first time had been a disaster after Sadie showed up. Back then she was only fifteen, but still completely in love with him. The next time, they'd spent the whole time kissing and cuddling. She knew they had a lot to talk about. He'd never asked much about rehab and everything. She wanted to enjoy their weekend, but knew she'd have to completely let him in first.

Lunch wasn't the blissful silence like the drive up. There was tension in the air coming from both sides. "I guess we should talk." Jude decided she might as well start.

"I don't know where to start."

"You've been so supportive during everything, but Tommy, I know you have to have a lot of questions."

Tommy stood up and cleaned the table. He leaned against the counter and rubbed the back of his neck. "That night… What were you thinking? After everything you'd been through, why did you drive in that condition?"

"I was messed up. Nothing in my head was clear. It was like I had tunnel vision and all I could think about was forgetting my pain."

"Why didn't you come to me? Jude, I would do anything for you."

"I know but I couldn't see what I was doing. I would have these panic attacks where I'd feel like an elephant was standing on my chest. It would be hard to catch my breath. When I'd be drunk and on pills; I wouldn't feel that pain." Jude could feel the tears prickling her eyes.

"I saw the way you were drinking, but I had no idea about the pills. I guess I didn't want to see what was happening. I thought for sure what you went through with Patsy; you'd never drive that way. When Sadie called and told me you'd been in an accident, I thought my world was over."

"Honestly, I still can only remember parts of that night. I can't tell you what I was thinking other than I needed something to make me forget." Jude sat on the couch with her feet pulled up under her. She felt like her chest was being ripped open.

Tommy sat in the chair across from her. "I went home early that night from G Major. I was cooking you dinner. I wanted to be what you needed to forget. Ever since you moved home from Rome, I've wanted to help you. I can't bring your mom back, and at times I feel like I am not enough for you."

"But you are enough, babe. I love you more and more every day. You've been my rock since I was fifteen years old. Even when I was in Europe. Look around. You bought this to hold onto a piece of me. You never really moved on just like me. Tommy, our souls will always be connected."

"I just wish I could have done something to help you. I need to understand incase it happens again."

Jude was shocked. "You think I'm going to lose control again?"

"I don't know, Jude. All I know is I want a life with you. Since you've been home from rehab, we've been on a huge roller coaster, and I am trying to understand where you are coming from."

"I don't know what you want from me." Tears were streaming down Jude's face. She didn't want to think about all those feelings she had during those months. For the first time since she'd gotten home, she wanted a drink and a cigarette.

"I just want you to talk to me."

"I can't… I can't talk about all of this again." She got up and ran out the door. She was all the way to the barn before she stopped. She thought she could do it. She thought she could open up to him about all those months, but it still hurt so badly.

She could barely catch her breath. Her heart was beating so fast in her chest. Everything felt like it was crashing around her. Nothing seemed stable. She sat down and pulled her legs up to her chest. Tears were still streaming down her face. She just needed to calm down.

Tommy didn't know what to think about her running out. He never wanted to make her cry. Before they could really build a life together, he needed to understand what she was going through. There was only so much he could do for her with the information he had. Not sure if he should follow her, he decided to unpack. He wanted to give her time. He had faith that she would come around.

When Jude was finally able to catch her breath and the tears stopped, she was able to think a bit clearer. She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed a number quickly.

"Jude?"

"Sadie, I feel like I'm falling apart again."

"What's wrong? I thought you and Tommy were going to the farm house together."

"We're here. We started talking about everything, and I freaked out. I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was like I was reliving everything."

"Jude, you need to talk to him. He loves you and will understand. He just needs to know what is going on in your head. Did you take your medication?"

"Yeah, I've taken it every day."

"Then take a few deep breaths and go talk to him. Try acting like he is your counselor or something."

"I can try. Thanks, Sades."

"No thanks needed. I love you little sis."

"Love you too."

He was getting restless and decided to go after her. When he saw she was on the phone, he stayed back until she stood and turned around. His heart broke at how sad she looked. "Hey."

"Hey. Sorry about before. Sometimes it just gets too much for me."

"I get that, but I wish you were running to me and not away from me."

At that she ran straight into his arms. "I meant what I said about how much I love you. I'm sorry I keep running." She buried her face in his neck.

"I will always be here when you run back."

"I know."

They started back towards the house, and Jude was limping a bit. Tommy scooped her like he always did while she had the cast on. "See, I told you I'd still carry you."

Jude wrapped her arms around his neck ad rested her head on his shoulder. She couldn't figure out why she kept running when she felt so safe in his arms. All she had to do was talk to him. Let him know how she was spiraling out of control. She couldn't find the right words she wanted to say.

Tommy carried Jude into the house and up the steps to the upstairs bedroom. He knew she probably hurt her leg by running out like she did. He sat her gently on the edge of the bed and kneeled to take her boot off. He wanted her to be completely relaxed when they talked again.

"Tommy, I'm…"

He shushed her with the tip of his finger, followed by a soft kiss. He wanted to pour all his love in the gentlest way possible.

Jude was overwhelmed by the love she felt from him. She wasn't sure she deserved it, but knew she couldn't live without him.

Tommy slipped into the bathroom and moments later, she heard water turn on. When he returned, he pulled her up and raised her hands over her head and pulled her shirt off. Silently he undressed her and kissed her forehead before scooping her into his arms again and carrying her in the bathroom. The lights were off and the counter and tub was peppered with lit candles. He lowered her into the pool of warm, circling water.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

Jude nodded; the water was soothing her sore leg muscles. "Yes, thank you. We need…"

He pressed his finger to her lips again. "Shh." He lowered his head and kissed her softly. "Rest now. We have time to talk later." He stood up and dried off his hands and left her alone.

She closed her eyes, dipped back her head to drench her hair. The water was so calming and it amazed her that Tommy always knew exactly what she needed. It had been that way for years. Leaning back, she let all her worries float away for a little while.

Tommy went back downstairs and lit a fire in the fireplace. He wanted Jude to feel comfortable. The last several months and even years had been so stressful on her, and he wished he could take it all away for her. He realized that he'd gone about the whole conversation all wrong earlier with her. The next time they talked, it would be the right way.

Jude had nearly fallen asleep when Tommy returned sometime later with a big, white fluffy towel, offered his hand to help her up. He dried her off and wrapped the towel around her middle, tucking the end above her breast.

He tucked a wet locket of hair behind her ear, cupped his hand on one side of her face and gazed deep into her eyes. "Better?"

She nodded and parted her lips for his kiss. His tongue stroked hers in the softest way possible before he pulled back and kissed her forehead. "Why don't you get dressed and I'll be downstairs."

"Okay."

Jude couldn't help but smile after he left the room. He'd definitely put a lot of thought into this weekend. She could tell her sister had been here stocking the house. It made her all warm and fuzzy inside that he loved her that much.

Walking down the stairs, she could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen. It made her stomach growl since all they ate at lunch was sandwiches. She gave Tommy a big smile when he walked out into the living room.

"You look like you feel better," he said holding out a hand for her.

"Thank you." She took his hand and he pulled her to him. "You worked hard putting this weekend together. Did Sadie come up here and stock the house?"

"No." She raised an eyebrow at him. "She packed it all in my car and I unpacked before following you down to the barn."

"I'm really sorry about that."

"No apologies needed. I don't want you to feel like I am waiting for it all to happen again. I just want to know where your head is."

"Do we have time before dinner?"

"It will be cooking for a while."

"Good." They sat on the couch. Jude sat sideways facing him. "The whole time, I think I knew what I was doing was doing. I can say that I was lost, but when I was hiding my pills from you, I knew what I was doing was wrong. It was just the only way I didn't feel like I was suffocating. I didn't really understand what I was doing, but I didn't care either. The night of the accident, Mike really tried to stop me. I don't even think if I had thought about Patsy and what I went through with her it would have stopped me. When I went to rehab, I thought I had a problem with alcohol and drugs, but Leesa made me see that maybe I didn't. Maybe I was just substituting all of that for the comfort I was looking for. Honestly, it mainly made me numb. I didn't understand what she meant until today. When I am able to live my life, and not think about the pain, I don't want a drink or take something to make me forget. I can't really tell you where my head was all those months, but I can say I know I love you. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't standing beside me."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

"I think I am getting that. It's hard to understand, but like right now I am calm and relaxed. A glass of wine sounds good, but I don't feel like I need it. Earlier when I was so upset, I felt like completely different, like it was the only thing that would calm me down. I think if I was seriously addicted, I would feel like I needed it all the time."

"So, that is why you said I could have a glass of wine with dinner last night? You don't feel tempted?"

"Not really. As long as you don't overdo it, I don't want to stop you from enjoying the normal things in life. Maybe one day I can have a glass of wine or a beer with dinner again, but right now, I'm okay not."

"You know that all I want from you is to be okay."

"I know, and I am getting there. My medication is already regulating my moods. I am resisting ever filling the script for the xanax. I just need life on steady ground.

"Well, I am here to be your anchor as long as you need me."

"Forever?" She scooted closer to him.

"Sounds good to me."

XXX

**There you go. I tried to explain it the best way I could. Addictions are not always cut and dry. I have known a lot of people in my life who are not alcoholics but abuse alcohol. Jude really only substituted those things for comfort because her feelings were all over the place. Hopefully now that she is on medication, she won't feel so out of sorts all the time. Okay so during the holiday season, I have taken on a second job. I really need theextra money with all the changes that are going on. I am still going to try my best to work on my writing. If you read Twilight fiction I have two stories I have started over there. But this is still my priority until it is complete. **


	53. Chapter 52

**Hey everyone. I know it has been a really long time. Sorry for the long delay. I took a second job at the end of October and had problems concentrating on the story. I have had the chapter written for a while, but I finally sat down and typed it up. Hope you enjoy. **

Chapter 52

The whole weekend was exactly what they needed. Without being constantly interrupted by the outside world, they were able to reach a new level in their relationship. Jude finally opened up more about her feelings. She told him things that at one time she never wanted him to know.

Tommy felt better just knowing what Jude was thinking. He now had more of an understanding of where she was coming from. There were times in his life where he used alcohol to forget his problems. It broke his heart to hear about all her anxiety and sadness. He wanted to make her happy, and he hoped she would finally let him.

On Sunday night they were wrapped up in each other never wanting to leave the solitude of the farm house. They had everything they needed right there- nice fire, plenty of food, and each other. They both knew that wasn't possible though. The week was going to be a very busy week.

"What do you have to be at G Major tomorrow?" Jude asked before kissing his chest. They were curled up in the living room floor.

"Tomorrow is show day, so I don't have to be there until after noon. This week is the final three. Do you think you'd like to go to the show?" He was still a little nervous asking her to be around anything to do with Instant Star.

"No, watching it at home curled up on the couch with you sounds better to me." She still wasn't sure how she was going to pull off the next week.

"I think that can be arranged. Darius did ask me to help with the finale, but I don't have to be at this week's show."

"I wish we didn't have to go back tomorrow." She propped her chin up so she could look at him.

"I know, but we are still here now." He threaded his fingers into her hair pulling her mouth to his.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Monday morning came way too quick for both. Jude kept him in bed as long as she could. When they finally got up they had to rush to get on the road. Tommy only had twenty minutes to get to G Major. "So I will be home by seven. Do you want me to bring pizza home?" He asked when dropping her off at the house.

"Sounds good to me."

After Tommy was gone, Jude called the guys over to figure out a plan for that week. They needed to figure out how they were going to rehearse and stage their performance without Tommy finding out. With him helping with the show, it was going to make it even trickier.

"Well, you could pick a fight with him," Spied said before Kyle slapped his head.

"No, Tommy and I are done fighting for a while."

"You could say you are working at the store again. That gives you a perfect excuse to be out of the house," Wally offered.

"That's actually a great plan. I just hope he doesn't come to the store looking for me."

"He won't." Sadie walked through the door. "I told you, I would handle it. Starting Wednesday, he will be in a studio with the final two across town. One of his old producing friends agreed to help only if her got to work with Tommy. D convinced him pretty easily to help out."

"So he won't be at G Major or the arena at all?"

"Nope. I scheduled all your rehearsal time with Mason. That way it looks like he is rehearsing with SME and you are not involved. Also since he is going to be singing with you anyway."

"Sadie, you are amazing." Jude hugged her sister fiercely.

"I'm just doing my job. Now, Darius wanted to know if you wanted to do any of your old songs."

"I was thinking about 24 hours. I thought it would wrap everything up before the last ever Instant Star winner was announced."

"D is going to love that. Okay, I have to get back. I just wanted to go over all of this with you. Mason will be here in about an hour. He and Kwest are going over stuff with Tommy right now."

Jude was excited to go down to Tommy's studio and record the songs on a back up track. It had been too long since she'd recorded anything. Luckily, it was like riding a bicycle. She remembered everything. She worked the soundboard while the guys played. She enjoyed playing with the levels and really bringing the song to life.

"You look at home there." A voice behind her made her jump.

"Mase, you scared the shit out of me." She jumped up to give him a hug.

"Sorry. How are you?"

"I'm great. I really can't wait for this."

"It's good to see you excited about something. You know Darius is going to want you back."

"We'll see when it's time. Right now I want to focus on these songs and performances"

"Let's do it."

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

After the guys left, Jude only had fifteen minutes to spare before Tommy got home. She just pretended that she'd been lounging around all day. It wasn't an easy task because she was still hyper from the recording session.

"You're chipper tonight?" Tommy commented while they ate and watched Instant Star.

"I talked to Wally today. I think I am going back to work tomorrow."

"Are you sure you are ready?"

"I need something to do. I can't stay home all day every day."

"As long as you don't over do it."

"I'll be home every night before you will."

"I should be home by seven every night. I will be with the final two across town."

Jude nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. It was going to be a long week. She still wasn't sure if she'd be able to pull off hiding everything from Tommy. She hoped everything worked out.

She hadn't really paid much attention to the contestants this year and was really amazed by the top 3. "So, who do you think will win?"

"I don't know. All three are pretty good. D, Kwest, and Mason all have different favorite."

"I like the girl. She has a really good voice. The fact that she plays too, gives her a really good chance."

"Yeah she is actually D's pick. He says she reminds him of you."

"Really?"

"I told him, if she wins, she'll have some big shoes to fill."

"I hope she wins." She thought it would be exciting to work with her.

"If she doesn't, I have a feeling D will sign her anyway."

"Why don't we go to the result show tomorrow night?"

"You really want to?"

"Yeah, I think it will be fun."

"Okay." Tommy shrugged. If Jude wanted to be around the Instant Star insanity, he wasn't going to stop her. He still hoped she'd want to record again one day. Maybe this was a step she needed to take to get her closer to getting back to her music.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Result day was absolutely crazy. Jude and the guys had to rehearse in the back of the guitar shop because Tommy was at the arena all day. The back room wasn't the best rehearsal space, but it worked for just playing the music. They would have the rest of the week to stage it.

"So, do you think you'll record again?" Spied asked while they were taking a break.

"Not sure yet. I have warmed up to it a lot more since I found my voice again. I'll talk to Darius after the finale and see what ideas he has. Plus I need to see how I handle being on stage again."

"I'm sure he will have plenty of ideas. And you will be just fine." He gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Now let's get back to work."

"When did you become the slave driver?" Jude laughed.

"Since he became a dad." Wally offered.

Jude shrugged. "It makes sense."

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Tommy was anxious all day to get back to Jude. He worried she was going back to work too soon. He trusted that she wasn't going to fall apart again, but he didn't want to be under unnecessary stress. After their weekend away, he felt like he knew her even more. She was always amazing him.

When he got home, Jude wasn't there so he walked over to her house. He found a lady in a black skirt putting a sign in the front yard. He was about to ask her what she was doing before Jude walked out into the yard.

"Kathleen, thank you for getting right on this. I know I haven't lived in the house long."

"Not a problem, Miss Harrison. It was in your contract that you'd possibly only be here a short term."

"That's my sister always thinking ahead." Jude looked over and saw Tommy. "Oh Tommy, meet Kathleen. She is my real-estate agent. Kathleen, this is my boyfriend, Tommy. He only lives two houses down from here."

"Nice to meet you." She reached her hand out to shake his. "Miss Harrison, I will be in touch."

Tommy wasn't sure what to say once Kathleen was gone. He remembered her making the comment about selling her house, but never thought she'd do it this soon. "I didn't know you were calling a realtor."

"I decided today. Your house has a better layout, plus the basement studio. If we are going to spend every night together, there is no reason to have two houses."

"I kind of love you." He pulled her to him.

"You better because if this house sells as fast as she thinks it will, you'll be stuck with me," she said before his lips met hers in a quick kiss.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

The result show was absolutely crazy that night. Everyone was buzzing about who they thought was going home. Jude and Tommy just kind of hung off to the side of back stage. Just being there was making Jude more excited about the finale. She was able to envision how everything would play out on stage.

"How are you feeling?" Tommy asked when they got home.

"I'm a little tired. I probably should have sat down a little more." She sat down on the couch and took her walking boot off.

"Don't overdo it this week. Maybe you shouldn't work this week."

"Tommy, don't make a fuss over me. I will sit on a stool if that will make you happy."

"Very. Would you like a bath?"

"Only if you join me."

"It would be my pleasure," he said scooping her up and kissing her firmly.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Jude was so excited to get to rehearsals on Wednesday. She had a lot of ideas on how they could do each song. She wanted everyone to be surprised when she took the stage. "So, no one even knows there will be a special guest?"

"Nope. Darius felt like that would still be too obvious," Sadie answered.

"Awesome. So here is what I was thinking." Jude told everyone how she wanted to go about everything.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Tommy was amazed by the two finalists. Jessie was the girl that Jude had been really impressed with. She was twenty years old and been writing her own music since she was fifteen. Other than the guitar, she played the piano too. She was very open to other's suggestions. He couldn't help but chuckle because Jessie was a lot like Jude, but there were a lot of differences, too. He remembered how hard it was to convince Jude to change her song that first week. Jessie had no problems changing things. She was very humble and seemed happy to be there.

Then there was Ty. He was the underdog in the whole competition. He was a native of Vancouver and sang mostly country music. His style was a lot like Mason's, but he put a more classic twist to it like Johnny Cash. It was truly a challenge for Tommy because it was a genre of music he didn't really know a lot about.

Though he enjoyed his work, he missed Jude during the days. He hoped she wasn't working too hard at the store. Having her home when he got home when he got there every night was is favorite part of the day. She'd told him offers were already coming in on her house. That just made him want to make everything official between them. The engagement ring was about to burn a hole in his drawer. He wanted to make his proposal perfect. He needed something really special for her.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Jude felt a little guilty keeping her finale performance from Tommy. Every night she'd want to tell him something about rehearsal that day, but would stop herself. She wanted him to be surprised, but also wanted to prove to herself that she could do things for herself and be with him too. Something she'd never thought about years before when she left for London.

Rehearsals were crazy and she was tired every night. She loved curling up on the couch with him. Offers were coming in on the house, so she knew when the finale was over, they'd be packing up her stuff. She couldn't wait to officially live with Tommy.

**Okay all this was really just a filler. Next chapter is the finale. I'm thinking that after the finale there will be 1 or 2 chapters before the epilouge. I have it all completely planned out in my head. Hope to have the next chapter up in the next two weeks. Let me know what you think and I might get the next chapter written a bit faster. **

**Until next time... reveiw...review...review. **


	54. Chapter 53

**This is the chapter I have been planning for at least a year now. I own nothing. All character and songs belong to their rightful owners. ENJOY.**

Chapter 53

The weekend before the finale was insane. The two finalists had to be at the arena with all the contestants, so Jude and the guys had to do their last minute rehearsal stuff in the back room. Everything was already staged, so it wasn't a big deal. They were just perfecting the music. The songs were really personal to her. One she'd actually started writing when she'd been in Rome. Back then she never thought she and Tommy would ever get another chance. Now they had their whole lives a head of them.

"So tomorrow, I will be at the arena all day. You're planning on being at the show right?" Tommy asked over dinner Sunday night.

"Wally and I are closing early and I will be riding over with him."

"Do you need me to drop you off at the store in the morning?"

"No, that's fine. Spied is coming by and taking me to work."

"You don't need me for anything then." Tommy pouted.

"Of course, I need you. Who else is going to help pack up the house when it sells?"

"Oh is that all you need me for?" He laughed with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, now that you mention it." Jude smirked before scooting her chair closer to his. "This has been a really busy week. What do you think about going upstairs early and helping me relax?"

"Sounds like the best way to spend the rest of the night." He reached over and threaded his fingers into her hair and pulled her lips to his.

Jude sighed into the kiss. The feel of his mouth on hers always made the rest of the world melt away. They were the only two people who existed on the planet. She couldn't help but moan when his other hand guided down her back and guided her into his lap. It was going to be a long relaxing night.

Tommy let his hands settle on the outer side of her thighs after she straddled his lap. Their tongues explored each other's mouths passionately. He loved the feeling of her fingers in his hair massaging his scalp.

"I love it when you purr," Jude said breaking the kiss to take a breath.

"I love when you do anything," He murmured moving to her neck. He nipped and sucked on a spot behind her ear.

"You can do that all night."

"You want to move this to the bedroom?"

"I kind of like where we are right now." She wiggled making his erection hit the perfect spot through their jeans.

"Mmm…" He ran his hands up the back of her shirt. "I think I do too." He tore her shirt over her head and attached his mouth to her collarbone.

Jude buried her fingers in his hair again. She loved the feeling of his thick hair. He'd gone without his usual gel that morning. Her body was relaxing more and more under the assault of his mouth and tongue. She wrapped her legs around his waist when he stood up. "Where are we going?"

"Nowhere," He chuckled before knocking the dishes in the floor clearing the table to sit her on the edge.

Jude smiled and pulled his mouth back to hers. Instantly, their tongues were gliding together. She could feel the heat building in her core. She needed to feel him as close as she could get him.

Tommy kissed down her chest and stomach when he reached to unbutton her jeans. It had been a busy, stressful week, and he wanted to enjoy her as long as he could.

Jude leaned back on the table and lifted her hips to help him pull her jeans off. She was pleasantly shocked when he pulled her panties down also. She bit her bottom lip to suppress a moan at the feeling of his warm breath washing over her body. She looked down at him with hooded eyes. "You know I think someone is way over dressed."

"Really? What are you going to do about that?"

"Let's see." Jude sat up and pulled Tommy by the collar. "First we get rid of this." She started unbuttoning his shirt. She kissed his chest after each button until it dropped to the floor. "Then these have to go." She met his lips in a desperate kiss when he licked his jeans off.

"How's this?" He smiled against her lips.

Jude giggled running her hand down his chest. "Almost."

Tommy moaned when her fingers wrapped around him. "Damn," he grunted and pushed his boxers to the floor and kicked them aside with his jeans. "You know this has always been a fantasy of mine." He kissed her neck and trailed down towards her breasts.

"What would that be?" She buried her fingers in his hair holding him to her.

"Making love on the kitchen table," he whispered working his way down.

"Hmm," Jude moaned.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Monday morning was a rush of showers, coffee, and fleeting kisses. Jude couldn't help but smile the whole time about the night before. She fell in love with Tommy over and over again. She and the guys worked on the songs a few times in the back room, but for most of the day she sat writing new material. It felt so good to her to be writing. She hoped she never lost it again.

She could feel the nerves building, but just pushed it away. It was really more excitement than anxiety. She was going to be on the same stage she said goodbye to Toronto on. It made a lot of old memories resurface. There was still a part of her that wished she'd done things differently back then. She channeled all her thoughts into her writing.

"So, are we ready for tomorrow night?" Kyle asked bringing her out of her thoughts.

"I think so." Jude looked up from her notebook.

"Dude, we are so going to rock the house." Spied laughed giving everyone high fives.

"I can't wait to see the crowd reaction when you take the stage, Jude. It's going to be priceless."

"The crowd isn't the only reaction I am looking forward to, Wally." Jude had a small smile on her face thinking about Tommy and what his reaction will be.

"Alright, guys, we need to get to the arena." Wally was closing the store early since SME was the house band for the final performance night.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Tommy was a bundle of nerves. He couldn't figure out exactly why. The night before with Jude had been so amazing. His mind had been clouded with it all day. He was more than sure he was ready to pop the question. He just needed to find the perfect way.

"What are you thinking about, Romeo?" Sadie asked walking up beside him. "Or do I even want to know?"

"I'm going to ask your sister to marry me," he said matter of factly.

"It's about time." Sadie hugged him fiercely.

"I take it you like this idea."

"Of course I do. My sister loves you very much, and I know you will always take care of her."

"So, what about you and Kwest?"

"We are good. I think we are finally in the right place in our lives to work out. I hate what I did to him all those years ago, but I know now he is it for me."

"I'm glad because you both deserve to be happy."

"Thanks, Tom. That means a lot to me."

After Sadie was gone, he noticed she dropped a piece of paper out of one of her folders. It was a written out schedule for the finale. There was a huge gap between Mason's performance and the winner being announced. He wandered if there was someone else was going to be performing.

"Hey, sexy!" A feminine hand covered his eyes.

Tommy dropped the paper and all was forgotten when he turned to see Jude standing there with a huge smile on her face. "Hey, babe, I missed you today." He pulled her into a huge hug.

"I missed you too."

"The show is about to start. Do you want to sit in VIP with me?"

"Let's go."

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

If Jude thought the week leading up to the finale was busy, the finale day was insane. Tommy was out of the house by six in the morning and she had to be at the salon by eight. Sadie met her there to go over final wardrobe. Everything had to be very secretive. Jude didn't want the press to get the hint she was going to be performing. That's all she needed was her big surprise to be ruined.

She took the time to write out what she was going to say on stage that night. She didn't want to take away from the contestants or the winner, but she just felt the need to say a few words on her behalf. She wanted to give her fans that.

"So, are you nervous?" Sadie asked.

"You know, not really. I am just really excited."

"That's good to know. So, a car will bring you around back after the show starts. Tommy should already be in his seat by then. I have an office set up that will be your dressing room. You will be able to change in there before taking the stage."

"Awesome."

After leaving the salon, Jude went to the store to meet the guys for a final run through. They got a few good hours in before Mason and the guys had to be at the arena for sound check. Jude then went home to get a shower and wait for the car to pick her up.

She was just getting out of the shower when she got a call from her realtor.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Tommy was freaking out. The show was about to start, and Jude wasn't there yet. Her phone was going straight to voicemail. He tired both houses and no answer. He'd tried to find Sadie backstage, but she was so busy with the contestants and kept missing her. He started to leave when his phone finally rang.

"Jude, where are you?" He was frantic with worry.

"I'm running late. I offered to pick up Ella since Karma and Spied are performing tonight. I was leaving the house when the realtor called. She got a perfect offer on the house today."

"Really?"

"Yep. They want to close in three weeks."

"Wow, babe that is great." He was truly excited because that meant she would be completely moving in.

"So, I will be there as soon as I can."

"Okay. I love you and will see you soon."

"Love you too."

Tommy felt better after talking to her. Their life was really falling into place. He left word with one of the stage hands where he would be sitting, so Jude would be able to find him when she got there. As the show progressed, he began to worry again when she still hadn't shown up.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Jude stood backstage waiting for her cue to take the stage. This was the moment she'd been waiting for. Her smile only grew as Mason took the stage with SME.

Mason nodded towards the band and the music started.

***song I Run to You belongs to Lady Antebellum***

**[Mason sings]**

"I run from hate  
I run from prejudice  
I run from pessimists  
But I run too late"

"Ladies and gentlemen, Jude Harrison." Mason held his hand out for her to join him. The crowd went insane.

**[Jude]**  
I run my life  
Or is it running me?  
Run from my past  
I run too fast  
Or too slow it seems

[Together]  
When lies become the truth  
That's when I run to you  
This world keeps spinning faster  
To a new disaster, so I run to you  
I run to you, Baby

When it all starts coming undone  
Baby, you're the only one I run to  
I run to you

We run on fumes  
Your life and mine  
Like the sands of time  
Slippin' right on through

Our love's the only truth  
That's why I run to you

This world keeps spinning faster  
To a new disaster, so I run to you  
I run to you, Baby

When it all starts coming undone  
Baby, you're the only one I run to  
I run to you

Oh oh, oh I run to you

This world keeps spinning faster  
To a new disaster, so I run to you  
I run to you, Baby

When it all starts coming undone  
Baby, you're the only one I run to  
I run to you, I run to you  
Yeah

Oh oh, oh I run to you  
I'll run to you girl  
Oh Oh

I always run to you  
Run to you  
Run to

**O_o**

When the music faded, Jude could hardly hear herself think. The crowd was still cheering for her. "How's everyone feeling?" She laughed as they screamed louder. "Well, it has been a while since I have been up here, and I just want to take a minute to say something to all my fans out there. When I said goodbye to Toronto years ago, I thought I was leaving for bigger and better things. Those things didn't work out like I wanted them to. I have had a few bumps in the road since then, but I'm back now. That last song I wrote for a very special person in my life. He is my rock and I wouldn't be standing her on stage right now if it were not for him." Jude looked to the side of the stage and Tommy was standing there with a smile and a shocked expression. "The years have not always been good to me and I have learned a lot from them. When you find something good in your life, don't let it go. I let mine go once, but luckily made I made my way back to it. This next song was one that I started writing all those years ago, but was just able to finish it recently. I hope you like it." She looked at Tommy and then nodded to Spied.

***song Need You Now belongs to Lady Antebellum***

**[Jude]**

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor  
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore  
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind  
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now  
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now  
And I don't know how I can do without  
I just need you now

**[Mason]**

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door  
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before  
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind  
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now  
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now  
And I don't know how I can do without  
I just need you now

Woah, woah  
Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now  
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now  
And I don't know how I can do without  
I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

**O_o**

Jude felt tears in her eyes as the music faded this time. Luckily it was time for a commercial break and she could leave the stage. She went straight to Tommy.

"Baby, that was amazing." He instantly wrapped her into a hug and swung her around. "How long have you been planning this?"

"A while." She smiled before his lips were on hers. This kiss was short, but all she needed to know how he felt about it. "So, what did you think about the songs?"

"They were great. Why didn't you tell me about all of this?"

"I wanted to surprise you. I have to go back on. We'll talk more after the show."

"Okay." Tommy watched proudly as Jude returned to the stage.

Jude took her spot and picked up her guitar. "I have one last song for you guys before the winner is announced. We all know that tonight will be the final Instant Star. So, what better way to lead up to that, but the song that made me the first Instant Star?"

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Tommy watched as his girl performed 24 Hours. He could still barely believe she was actually on stage again. The whole night was so surreal. He'd been in the middle of going outside to try calling her when he heard Mason announce her name and rushed to the side stage. Her new songs were perfect for all they had gone through.

"So, what do you think of your girl, T?" Darius asked walking up beside him.

"She's amazing." He couldn't take his eyes off her.

"So, were you surprised?"

"Very."

"She's still got it."

"You didn't…" Tommy started.

"This was all her idea. She called me when she was still in rehab."

"Wow. So what now?" He turned to look at D.

"It's all up to her." Darius shrugged. "But I'd love to get you two back into the studio. Those songs need to be on the radio."

"I'll do whatever she wants me to."

"I know you will, man." Darius turned to walk away. "Let her know her car will be ready next week."

"I will."

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Jude gave her final bow before leaving the stage for the winner to be announced. Her adrenalin was pumping and she truly felt alive again. Right then she knew three things; she was born for this, her mother would have been very proud, and she could do anything as long as Tommy was with her.

"Hi." She smiled shyly standing in front of Tommy.

"Hi." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "You were absolutely amazing out there tonight."

"It was all for you. You're my inspiration."

"And you are mine." He kissed her lightly. "Come on, let's get out of here." He intertwined their fingers and led her to the back door.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

**Wow it has been a long road. I have been reading earlier chapters to make sure I don't leave certain things open. I had no idea this would be over 50 chapters when I started. I thought back in Chapter 22 I was ready to wrap things up. But here we are. I started posting on March 17, 2009, so my deadline to be completed is March 17, 2011. Wow two whole years on this. It's been really emotional on me. Sorry that all the later chapters have been so spaced out. The closer to the end, the harder the chapters have been to write. One more chapter before the epilogue and the epilogue has already been written. **

**Please let me know what you think. Your thoughts will help me get the last chapter written. **


	55. Chapter 54

**Okay here is the final chapter. The epilogue will follow in a few days. Disclaimer I own nothing. Characters and lyrics belong to their rightful owners**.

**Chapter 54**

The weeks following the finale were extremely busy. Jude was ready to jump right back in and get to work. She and Darius came up with an agreement she'd do a greatest hits album. It would be her biggest hits plus her new songs. It was the least stressful way to get back into the recording groove. Darius also wanted her to work with the new Instant Star winner. Jude was more than happy to help out. She felt so good getting back to work.

Tommy decided to take a few weeks off from work to help get Jude moved. He spent his days packing boxes while she was at G Major. He was more than happy to do it. He couldn't wait for her to officially live with him. He also spent time preparing his proposal. He wanted it to be perfect. They'd both been through so much together and apart. He knew they had something that would last. They were both a lot more mature than they were back before she went to London.

With her house in a mess of boxes, they would eat dinner at his house. Jude was always happy to be home with him every night. She would go on and on about her day at G Major. She felt like life was finally normal.

"So, D demanded we have Jessie's first single ready by the end of the week. She is still having problems with the last verse."

"I'm sure you can figure it out for her." Tommy sipped his water and smiled.

"Considering I was taught by the best." She smirked.

"Is he putting too much pressure on you?"

"No, he is just being Darius. I told him we would have it Friday by five and to leave us alone. Jessie is so intimidated by him and he is on a power trip because of it."

"That's Darius."

"So, what did you do today?"

"I boxed the kitchen up. There are a few things we can use here, but everything else I sealed and labeled. You can decide what you want to do after closing."

Jude nodded. She was really excited about moving in with him. Sometimes in the back of her mind she wondered when he was going to pop the question. She knew she wanted to marry him, and she thought he wanted to marry her. She just didn't know when he was going to make that official. She was completely ready. She wanted to start a real life together.

"Hey, where did you go?"

"I'm right here. Just thinking about what all I need to do tomorrow. We are going to a small club downtown to listen to a band that Jessie thinks will be great for her back up band."

"That sounds fun. Do you need an extra ear?"

"No, I will be fine. Kwest is going with us. Besides you are on vacation."

"You just want me at home slaving for you."

"Yep." She gave a little wink.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Walking into the club, Jude was trying to calm Jessie down. The girl was completely hyperactive about finding her band. Kwest just followed behind keeping an eye on things. He really only offered to come because Sadie was afraid Jude would feel temped to drink. Not that Jude knew this.

"Kwest, tell her."

"What?"

"I swear you and Tommy are the same way. I talk and neither one of you listen."

"You two stop. They are about to play. I'm getting a drink. Jude, you want anything?" Jessie was just bouncing up and down.

"Just Ginger Ale."

"Okay."

When Jessie was gone, Jude looked back at Kwest. "So, Sadie was afraid I would be tempted to drink, huh?"

"What? No, I thought you would need…"

"Stop Kwest, I know my sister. She just didn't want me to freak up at a club and start drinking. I really have no urge. I believe one day I might be able to have a glass of wine with dinner, but right now I don't even want it."

"I believe you, Jude. And I know your sister has faith in you, she just worries a lot."

"I know."

The whole afternoon, Jude pondered over the last several months. I was true that before her accident, there would be no way she'd be at bar without drinking a beer or something. What she told Kwest was completely true. She had no urge to drink at all. She could exist in the music business and not drink and do drugs. She was Jude Harrison.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

The day the new owners of the house were closing was the longest day. It started at six when the movers came to get the rest of Jude's furniture to put in a storage unit behind G Major. There were a few pieces they were going to put in their house, but there wasn't enough room for it all. Tommy was also getting rid of the couch and chairs that Katie had picked out when he first bought the house. He felt like it was way past time.

After the movers were gone, Jude had to be a G Major for a press conference announcing her plans for the greatest hits album. She wanted her fans to know she was back. She knew going into there, the press would ask questions about her situation, so she had a speech planned out.

"Thank you all for coming." Darius greeted the press like he always did. "This morning, I asked you here to announce a new G Major artist. That was just a cover story. I am proud to say we have welcomed back one of our most talented and profitable artists. Ladies and gentleman, I give you Jude Harrison."

Jude leaned up to the microphone. "Thank you, Darius. It is nice to finally be back."

"Miss Harrison, is it true you were in rehab."

"Jude, did you overdose?"

"Why now?"

All at once the questions came at her. Most she didn't even understand.

"I know there are a lot of questions about where I have been and why I left the business. There is one simple answer. A few years ago, I left G Major for a record label in London. After my move, my mother became very ill. I moved to Rome to help my step father take care of her. After my mother passed away, I moved back to Toronto to be with my family. Dealing with her death I sort of lost my way. I am not proud of my actions, but I got help. Now I am ready to put my career back together, and there is no where I'd rather be than G Major. That is all I will say on the subject. My personal life is just that, personal. Thank you for coming today and I hope you all like the music." Jude looked back where Tommy was standing and smiled when he gave her a reassuring nod.

When the press conference was over, Jude had to be at her realtor's office to sign the house over. Luckily that only took a few minutes. The rest of the day was spent in the studio with Jessie. Producing was a whole new ball game for Jude. When she was co-producing with Tommy, he still did most of the work because she was just learning. This time it was just her. She loved it.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

That night they had all their friends over for an unpacking party. Tommy spent most of the day getting food ready for everyone. He was also working on the final touches to his proposal. He knew he had the perfect plan. He couldn't wait to call her his wife.

"This is funny?"

Tommy was chopping vegetables in the kitchen, when Jude's voice startled him out of his thoughts. "What's funny?"

"You are slaving away in the kitchen while I was out at work." Jude walked over and hopped up on the counter beside him.

"I don't mind. Everyone should be here in a bit. The burgers are ready to throw on the grill." He leaned up to peck her on the lips.

"I'm going to go change and get this boot off."

"Okay." Tommy helped her down from the counter.

Stuart was the first person to show up, and Tommy was relieved when he heard the shower turn on in their bathroom. He wanted a few minutes a lone with her father. "Stuart, come on in. Jude is just freshening up."

"How is she after the press conference?"

"She's fine. She handled herself really well. She didn't let the reporters rattle her at all."

"Good. I think she has finally got a grip on her grief."

"I do too. Speaking of moving on with life, I wanted to speak to you about something."

"Anything, Son."

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

Jude was going to just change, but decided to take a quick hot shower. She needed a way to relax before everyone got to the house. The whole day was really catching up with her. At the press conference, she'd stood her ground and tried to act like the questions didn't bother her. The truth was they bothered her more than she wanted to admit. She didn't know why people thought her personal life was anyone's business other than her own. She made mistakes and she had learned from them. Those mistakes had nothing to do with her music. It was part of being a public figure, but she really wanted to concentrate on her work.

The shower relived all the tension in her muscle and she felt refreshed when she went back to the kitchen. "Dad, when did you get here?"

"Just a few minutes ago. How are you feeling, sweetheart?"

"Much better after my shower. Today has been a long day."

"I bet, but now is time to sit back and let your friends and family do all the work. Why don't you prop your leg up and tell your old man all about your producing job."

Jude sat and told her dad about the past few weeks. Tommy just kept preparing the food. He knew everyone was going to need their energy to get everything done. He and Jude pretty much wanted the whole living room and dining room rearranged.

It was fun for both of them to have all their friends over, but at the end of the night, they were ready for everyone to leave. Jude fell into bed absolutely exhausted. "Thank goodness we have a lot of friends. I couldn't handle another night like this."

"Yeah, everything is set up, so we don't have to worry about it anymore."

"So, what did you and dad talk about while I was in the shower?"

"Not much. He asked what I have been doing with my time off."

"Oh. So, I have to be at G Major really early tomorrow. Darius wants to talk to me about when I want to start working on my album."

"Whenever you are ready just let me know. Are you just wanted to do the two new songs from the finale?"

"I think so. Everything I have been writing still needs work."

"Okay, we need to record those two songs. Shouldn't take too long to get ready for release."

"I need to tell Darius that I don't plan on touring. I'm doing really well right now, but I am not ready to go on the road."

"I'm sure he will understand." Tommy pulled her to him and wrapped his arms tight around her.

"He's really been amazing since I got home."

"Then I see no reason for him to change now that you are back with the label."

"I guess you are right."

"Let's get some sleep, baby."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too." Tommy kissed her forehead as she drifted off to sleep.

**O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O_o_O**

By the end of the next day, Jude was exhausted. She just wanted to fall into bed with Tommy and sleep for a week. She was getting in the car when she got a text from Tommy. "**Meet me at the café." **Jude sighed and threw her phone into the passenger seat. So much for going home. Maybe a dinner out with Tommy might be nice. It had been a while since they'd been on a date.

She noticed the café looked deserted. Of course, Tommy would rent the whole thing out just for dinner. She smiled when a waiter opened the door for her. The whole place looked amazing. There were flowers and candles everywhere. One table was set in the middle of the room with her favorite meal. She looked around for Tommy and found him sitting on a small stage with his guitar in his lap.

"You did all of this?" She walked over to him.

"I wanted tonight to be special."

"Every night with you is special. What's the occasion?"

Tommy reached his hand out for her to take it. "I love you more than anything."

"I know. I love you too."

"Do you remember all the memories we have here?"

Jude nodded. "We were supposed to have our first date here."

"Yep. This is also the place I first told you that I loved you."

"Right after you bought the rights to my music."

"Do you remember when our relationship went public after out little stint in the men's room?"

"How could I forget? D almost had a cow. Wow, we eat at the same place a lot."

"But it makes it feel like our place. Do you remember the last time we were here before you left for London?"

"Of course. That night replays in my mind a lot."

"Well, I wanted you to come here tonight, so I can do it right this time."

Jude was a bit completely confused. "What…"

Tommy interrupted her by strumming his guitar.

**Song Marry Me by Train**

_Forever can never be long enough for me __  
__Feel like I've had long enough with you __  
__Forget the world now we won't let them see __  
__But there's one thing left to do __  
__  
__Now that the weight has lifted __  
__Love has surely shifted my way __  
__Marry Me __  
__Today and every day __  
__Marry Me __  
__If I ever get the nerve to say __  
__Hello in this cafe __  
__Say you will Mm-hmm __  
__Say you will Mm-hmm __  
__  
__Together can never be close enough for me __  
__Feel like I am close enough to you __  
__You wear white and I'll wear out the words I love __  
__And you're beautiful __  
__Now that the wait is over __  
__And love and has finally shown her my way __  
__Marry me __  
__Today and every day __  
__Marry me __  
__If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe __  
__Say you will Mm-hmm __  
__Say you will Mm-hmm __  
__  
__Promise me __  
__You'll always be __  
__Happy by my side __  
__I promise to __  
__Sing to you __  
__When all the music dies __  
__  
__And marry me __  
__Today and everyday __  
__Marry me __  
__If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe __  
__Say you will m-hmm __  
__Say you will Marry me __  
__Mm-hmm _

Jude had tears in her eyes, when Tommy put down his guitar and kneeled in front of her. "Last time I did this, it wasn't thought out. I was scared of losing you and lost you anyway. Having you back in my life is the best thing in the world. I never want you to leave again. Jude, will you marry me?" He pulled out the ring box and held it out to her.

Jude nodded several times. "Yes, of course I will marry you. I love you so much, Tommy."

"I love you too. And I plan to show you every day for the rest of our lives." He placed the ring on her finger before wrapping his arms around her and swinging her around.

"Is this what you were talking to my dad about?"

"Yeah."

"God I love you," she said before her mouth was covered by his.

After everything she'd been through. All the heart ache and tears were completely worth it to be right there with him. She knew they would still have tough times, but as long as they loved each other they could make it through anything.

**There you go guys. Sorry this is a little later than I wanted but life seems to always get in the way. I had car trouble and had to buy a new one. I have been so stressed out lately. I have been called back to my second job, so after the Epilogue I will not be writing for a while. I won't have a lot of extra time on my hands.**

**This story has been very dear to my heart, please let me know what you think. Epilogue will be posted Friday.**


	56. Epilogue

**I am posting early because I might get too busy this weekend to post. Thanks to everyone who took this journey with me. I hope you enjoy the epilogue. **

Epilogue

Jude sat on a huge stone bench looking up at the sky. It was a beautiful day in Rome. This was the first time she'd been back since her mom's death. Life had changed a lot since then. Today she felt at peace. She placed her hand on her mom's grave stone. "Hi, mom, I know it's been a while." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Life has been hard without you, but I'm making it. So many things have changed. Of course I am back in Toronto now. Tommy and I are stronger than ever. He really pulled me through. I didn't know if I was going to make it there for a while. He wouldn't let me give up. I'm back at G Major, but I do more producing than I record. Music is my life and it makes me very happy. I'm very content with the life Tommy and I have together. We just celebrated our one year anniversary a couple of months ago. I love being married to him. I wish I had done it when I was eighteen or nineteen, but I understand now why things couldn't happen that way. We really are perfect for each other in every way. Sadie and Kwest are finally getting married. That is why we are in Rome for the week. It's going to be beautiful. They have been planning this for a long time. I wasn't like that. I was ready to marry Tommy as soon as he asked. We had a nice ceremony with our closest friends. You were missed greatly that day. I know you were there in my heart. Don is doing well. He actually should be flying in today. He and I have lunch together once a week. When he's not working, he stays busy volunteering for cancer research charities. I even donated half the earnings off my last album. One day there will be a cure and people won't have to go through the heart break I went through. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you mom." Jude looked up and saw Tommy walking her way with the happiest four month old in the world.

"Hey." He kissed her lightly before handing her the baby.

"This is something else that has happened. Mom, meet your granddaughter Tori." Tori cooed at her name. "She really is the happiest baby in the world." Jude continued after kissing Tori's head.

"Jude's pregnancy wasn't easy, but we made it." Tommy squeezed her hand and kissed the back.

"Tori is worth every minute of it." Jude smiled at Tommy.

"Every minute." He added before walking away to answer his cell phone.

Tori giggled and cooed in Jude's arms. "Mom, if I am half the mother you were, I will be just fine. You thought me to follow my dreams and to never give up. All of the encouragement you gave me while you were sick, will follow me for the rest of my life. I will tell Tori stories about you all the time. I want her to know what her grandmother was like."

"That was Kwest," Tommy said returning. "Sadie is going all bridzilla again."

"Take Tori and I'll be right there." She handed him the baby.

"Come on, happy baby, let's let momma say her goodbyes." Tommy bounced her a couple of times before going to the car.

"He's so good with her." Jude laughed and wiped tears from her cheeks. "I'm going to go now. We are in Rome all week, so I am sure Sadie and I will be by again." Jude kissed her hand and placed it on the rock. "I love you, momma."

**The End!**

**That is it you guys. It has been an amazing two years. I started this just to deal with my own stuff a little. When my mom passed away when I was 21, I lost a huge chunk of myself. The things Jude went through in this story I have seen happen to people in my life. Luckily I didn't turn to drugs and alcohol, but it would have been easy for me to do. **

**I figured it would be no more than 20 chapters and it just grew from there. Jude went through a lot of what I went through. The lost of a parent is something that sticks with you forever. Life gets easier, but the pain is always there. Jude was very lucky that she had a great group of friends that cared enough about her to pull her through. **

**Thank you to all my readers and reviewers. Reading your thoughts after every chapter made me proud to be writing this. I wanted to make every chapter good for you guys. **

**For now this is all she wrote for Instant Star. Life goes on and interests change. On the last chapter I said I was taking a break from writing, but I am stepping away from the Instant Star fandom. It's been fun and I still love Alexz's music, but my ideas have changed. If you like twilight fanfiction, you can still follow my writing. **


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